Almost an Allegory

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Re: Almost an Allegory ( )

Postby Circ on Sun Sep 28, 2008 3:52 pm

Compensation. What a funny word, I think, gazing down at my paycheck. As if any amount of pay for my menial tasks at the company really serves as retribution for the wasted hours of my life. Hours I no doubt would waste anyway, be they on a stupid game or masquerading as a whole human.

The brilliant story I have been saving is now foggy in my memory, and I am positive that the retelling will be lacking. So, when I head out to dinner with my roommate, I will probably never bring it up. If I head out to dinner. Will the consequences of not going be worse than the actual attendance? It doesn’t matter. Whatever he wants, he will get, because I lack the will to fight and care not to vanquish his will to do what I can not.

Outside the rotating doors, a solitary leaf spirals to the ground.

He watches it idly, mind reeling in tandem. Its colors grow richer, the lame beige deepening to copper with accents of bronze and burgundy striking through and shimmering metallically in the blades of light cutting through the canopy. It lands, settling on a palatial, white throat, and Sod flinches at the stark contrast. Hands dropping to his sides, he remembers why he was shaking her, and why he is shaking. Abruptly forcing his knees to straighten and his feet to support an unsteady frame, he wonders if any of these phantom females are real. Is his mind playing with him? They’re so strikingly familiar, so obeisant, so pure.

So dead.

A gasp erupts from his throat and he rushes away. Foolishly in the morning light. Loudly through the brambles of the meadow bordering the forest. Like a criminal. Like a murderer. Like what he is. A groan carves its way out of his mouth, thrashing forth on a crest of spittle, and he dashes headlong through a stream. Then an arrow rips into his flank, and he drops into the water, gasping for breath. In a moment of shock, he watches the slow current bear his blood away, his paling fingers flexing around a cruel shaft protruding from beneath his arm. Pushing himself up, he wills himself to flee, but by the time he pulls his cheek from the flood an indomitable force is pressing down from the other side.

May the glory of the Lord endure forever.
May the Lord rejoice in His works.
He who looks at the Earth and it trembles.
He who touches the mountains and they burn.

I will sing to the Lord all my life.
I will sing to my God as long as I live.
May my meditations please you, as I rejoice in you Lord.
Praise you Lord forevermore.


“So how is dinner? Knock knock? Anyone there?”

“What the hell are you playing? Turn it off. Now,” I shout, gazing angrily across the table toward the proprietor, forgetting not only myself but my friend.
conditio sine qua non
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Re: Almost an Allegory ( )

Postby Korrye on Tue Oct 07, 2008 3:40 pm

When I see the phone number on the display I have no need to answer it. Angrily my fingers twitch at my side but I know what this is about, what they're going to say. No one would phone at such an ungodly hour for nothing. As the display fades the echoes of the voices downstairs reach me. From the sobs and the pity going out to the other end I know that I was right. It had happened. There was no questioning it. Despair slams into me like a wrecking ball and to balance my feet I plunk down on my bed. There is nothing that I can do or say to make it better. In fact I would probably make things worse. Would I? As I stare into nothing She comes back. The little girl on the swing. She turns her head to stare at me, look me in the eyes with her own watery ones. Then her brow furrows as I don't understand her and she warps my thinking. Taking my thoughts and my beliefs and melding them together, to what she supposes it should be. Everyone else believes in this. Should I? My friends believe in it, although they don't practice it? Do I? No I don't. I know that when I think this way I am never myself. But as my friends put on the front that they are not dealing with the same confusion I feel lost. She takes my thoughts and once again starts to fold the edges, making things the way that I don't think they should be. I am not myself when I am around her. As I fight back she grows in fury making me feel as if all she knows is right. Do I believe her and what she thinks? Should I? Angrily I throw my arms into the air and with a cry of frustration weep. Only time will tell me who I am and what I should think. My character will come back to me, I remind myself. Or will it? Will I always think this way, trapped in a sense that I am wrong, an outsider or that I know nothing about myself at all? That takes too long, I remind myself. Don't let time do the job, get rid of the girl now.

Death is becoming, some say. Maybe the dear old poet got it wrong. That man who claimed such a thing probably was some loner anyways. Death. Death. Death. The word is a reverberation amongst the minds of the people. As they go along with their daily businesses there is nothing more to life than their fleeting thoughts. Days come and go when the word doesn't come to mind, with the exception of the obsessed. But otherwise there are times when it haunts you, lingering over your shoulder hollering. Wouldn't you like to know? Wouldn't you like to feel it, taste it? To the lonely girl who sits on her own in a tree the taunt causes her to shiver. The tremor ripples through her shoulders down to her toes forcing her skin to erupt into tiny volcanoes. Her hairs rise on end as she remembers her friend. Word reached her today that he had left. Gone forever, never again. Continuously she heard his laughter in her head or maybe his voice telling her that it was wrong to cry. He wouldn't want, she noted, but still it hurt so much. The pain seemed to gouge down into her chest tugging at her diaphragm, forcing the muscles in her throat to choke and swell. Her tongue was covered in phlegm and it did not matter how many times she swallowed. It always came back. As did the tears.

Her skirt was drenched partly from wiping her face, otherwise it was wet from crossing the stream. For you see, the very tree she had climbed was the one that he had brought her to. It seemed very becoming of such a young lad to take an even smaller child under his wing. For the while that her father was out to sea and her mother at the market he had watched her, guarding her from certain perils but exposing her to others. Adventure seemed to be what he exuded, a sense that he was doing what he was doing only for her. Kindness seemed to be in his every grasp. Bad things always seemed to happen to good people.

Now he was gone. After years of suffering with no peace he had departed. Lonely girl had not even been by his side through it all. Disease riddled and not himself; she'd only seen him like that once. Shocked and horror stricken at what it had done to him she had found it awkward to be around him. For during that one time there was no hope about him. After a year of changes and hardships he had given up on his fight. There was no peace within him. Only dreariness as he walked towards the light.

Guilt seemed to pool inside her because of it, because of her reaction and thoughts when she had seen him. When she was home her mother had told her not to remember him that way, to remember him the way he was. There was no optimism in her Mama's voice, only a mild despair that grew in strength as the months dragged on. Finally it had come, word in the middle of the night that he had gone. The passing was not tragic but the Lonely girl could not understand him anymore. Why had he given up on such a battle? Why? Why? Why! He had been so hopeful, but then again that was years ago. As time passes people change. But that much? Maybe it was the disease, riddling his mind and what he truly believed. Or the treatments, perhaps. They had been painful things. Even though she had never seen them she had heard all about them. The Lonely girl knew more than enough about it to understand that what he had undergone was a horrendous way to spend your final years.

Along with his death came that confusion. He had never lived his life, never found his significant other. At least not to the extent that some would wish. Was it better to go on that way? What was love? What did it feel or taste like? Is it a terrifying emotion best left locked away? What if it was misinterpreted? What if the Lonely girl didn't understand it? As this came to mind her heart thundered in her chest thrashing about in her ribcage and causing her body to mildly sweat. There was nothing pleasant about this for she feared it. She feared love, feared death. Was that any different than anyone else? They surely put on a front that they didn't think that way. The Lonely girl's mouth seemed to twitch. It seemed to hard, this life. So confusing. What if she admired people? What if she wanted to be just like someone else? Was that so wrong? Other people were sure to misinterpret that, say something disturbing and so wrong that it seemed right. How unfair was that, so unjust. Because, should someone say that sort of thing, surely her mind would warp the words and believe them too. But if she was really herself, all of the time, then maybe...just maybe her mind would cast the words out. But it was too risky! The Lonely girl leaned her head against the trunk of the tree swinging her legs as she sighed, her chest catching the breath and strangling it. As her lungs convulsed she finally let out the locked away sob. Soon her whole body began to heave with anger and confusion. There was so much that she didn't know and didn't understand. So much to fear with too many risks. What if her mind wants her to be something that she's not? Was she sick then? Was she sick like her lost friend? Or was it something else, something incorrigible that would lead the rest of her life through a plight of despair? The Lonely girl's hands trembled and her body seemed to shake as the rivers poured down her cheeks. With nimble fingers she grabbed up a fistful of her skirt and wiped her face. There was a need to find some sort of confidence. And soon or this just might kill her-these feelings that is.
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Re: Almost an Allegory ( )

Postby Circ on Sat Oct 25, 2008 8:44 pm

“Dude, what is the matter with you?” I hear while staring angrily at my drink, the frigid water fogging up the glass. Tracing a line down the side with my thumb, I focus on the pristine aperture. It reminds me of wintertime, when I would trace shapes on the truck window before the sun could melt away the evening frost. Absurd and familiar is the dichotomy of a fond memory’s weight in grief.

My hands fold along the edge of the table and I push away from it. Retreating from the booth, I risk glance at my friend. He is perturbed, and I really don’t know what to say. So I say something stupid and head out.

“This one’s on you, right?”

The idiotic words linger in my mind as I rush from the deli and into the cold rain to flag a cab. Had I actually forced a grin? My stomach churns at the notion of hollowness desecrating my actions. Before he finishes paying, a taxi pulls up and it takes me away from difficult explanations. Yet even in there I am not safe, as I soon discover when my cell phone vibrates condemningly in my pocket. Shutting it off, I direct the cab driver on where to go, and he does so without fanfare or needless conversation. Half an hour later I get out.

Although it is raining hard and my breath comes forth in ghostly wisps, I walk deliberately beneath the rusty entry arch of Hope Cemetery. Beneath poplar trees, a familiar path leads me to the one place where I feel safe; where I can curl up on wet grass, lean my head against unyielding granite, and without shame forget anything else in the world exists. Alone, I close my eyes, and am glad to not see anything.

It has been a year. I haven’t forgotten.
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Re: Almost an Allegory ( )

Postby Circ on Sun Nov 09, 2008 10:23 am

Elysian expectations yield to lurking horrors of the inscrutable - what am I doing? Vain, worthless poetry, quoth I in tedious rote! Can it be said there is comfort in an empty rite? Not for me. Not for me. Such a sentiment is a wholly meaningless abstraction of experiences; a quaint bulwark I contrive solely to separate frailties: to barricade my fears in autonomous chambers and forestall their collusion. Nebulous syllogisms do nothing to ease a hemorrhaging soul. Nothing!

Libertas re vera. Oh, it is a pitiless monster. May it shred the lids from my eyes.

Sweeping across the knoll is a hasty breeze darting with algor across the monuments to the dead. As numbing as the wind and rain and granite are to flesh, there is no anesthetic for the beleaguered consciousness. I embrace blind sleep in closing my eyes, but my mind hastens to palpable dread. Embellishment on the matter does it injustice. Enough words of delay!

I hate myself. She is dead. Where her spirit went, if anywhere, I don’t know.

Such sharp pain does further cruelty by reminding me of my own mortality, for I know not where such a bankrupt spirit as mine will, if anywhere, go. My own selfishness eludes me and, through sheer exhaustion, my body slips into a deep, shivering slumber atop the grave of my...

“He is a sorrowful one, isn’t he?” squeaks a tiny voice very near. A peculiar sound, fracturing from the patter of an afternoon drizzle.

“Who said that?” chokes out Sod, lifting his portrait from muddy ground and opening a blood-shot eye to see a crude palisade jutting awkwardly skyward. Bark is peeling haphazardly off the poles, but the sharp edges are nonetheless intimidating. His tongue cleaves to his dry hard palate and his breathing is laborious. Even the faint, hazy light stings his one open eye: a brilliance eclipsed as the small form of a field mouse navigates its way into his field of view.

“Well, look at that, he’s awake!” it peeps, leaning close to Sod’s nose and twitching the long, stiff whiskers extending from its own.

“What sort of sick dream is this?” Sod moans, receiving a handful of mud in his clawing hands on trying to push himself upward, alas, to no avail.

A little chorus of high-pitch laughter emanates from the ground near his head, and he sees two more little mice come into view. The first, their spokesman, says, “He says he is dreaming. Hah! Look at that. I suppose were I him, I would wish I were dreaming too.”

“Stop vexing and let the lug rest,” declares a noticeably older voice.
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Re: Almost an Allegory ( )

Postby Astral Weave on Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:07 pm

Celestial tears dribbled along the ground, sundering along my body; the spray created a sparkling silhouette, casting rainbows of the sky’s cimmerian soul. My eyes shine in darkness, the paradox of the human mind. Water pervades the senses, yet I feel kin to its polar freedoms. Where the snake coils and the timid mouse retreats, I go. Ever more transparent, all passes through and naught but the questions stay, through wind and rain, sun and shade. The price of freedom is my contentment, its vast place resettled by the torrents of loneliness, flourishing waves to pound in the loss. Only by having no isle, can the erosion of that sea be avoided. Spectral existence is my fate, to be until unseen.

My feet, though I know no such word, take me along the muddied path. A placid pool comes forward to meet me and though I see clearly, my appearance holds no corporeal value. What I see is the face of terror, maligning the instinct of companionship. I cannot help myself, nor draw those who can.

Thunder drowns out the water and my screams, booming across the scalloping hills. The oppressive onus of my thoughts crushes my sanity, and I flail madly, slamming my fist at the ground. Fatigue and the piercing cold burn me, whips licking at my skin. I manage to crawl underneath a thick bush, each blade of grass an explosion of sorrow and pain. Darkness rushes to my aid, my only companion...

The brief solace of my slumber is broken, mercilessly dragging me into a body pained by endless paroxysms and enough self-culpability to smother. Some wayward leaf rustled... Why?

"What! Show yourself trash... only trash would wander here..." I shout, releasing a pent up fury, spewing madly as a volcano. It boiled my blood, the passionate hysteria of my frenzy threatened to burst forth from my heart; my black little heart. An airy howl berated some branch, cracking it... Enough!

And I fell down back to the spinning earth, ensorceled in some stupor. I felt empty. The vast oceans of hate, vanished; evaporated by sheer ferocity. It felt good, nay, euphoric.
A few words of wisdom to light your way down the murky corridors of life.

Demise is self-devised

Those who have the patience to achieve simple things perfectly, will be able to complete difficult things easily.

Life is Wonderful

Do what you want and be who you are, because those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care.
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