Hi, I am new to roleplaying and have been looking around and reading some of the roleplays and I am completely amazed! I would like some help with my writing because I tend to go on and on and not stop for puncuation. Also I don't want to join a Rp and sound babyish or make a "Mary-sue." So can you please help me? A tutor would be nice but if no-one is willing anyone can help. Thanks

I can help you out. When writing, be sure to make it clear-cut and easy to read. Now, a college level post would be great, but not expected. I have no problem with a post as long as I understand it. If you're descibing the environment, describe the lushness of the foliage of the trees, the heat of the sun, the softness of the grass, things of that nature. If you are describing your character, make it like I'm looking at a picture of this person, or describe what they are feeling and why. Punctuation is important because punctuation makes you look smart. If you're looking for an RP, I can give you a position in one of the ones I run.

Thanks for the advice Can you please give me links to your Rps?

I can't give you actual links, but I can tell you in which forum section they are.

The Cooler is in Realistic Roleplay.
Kingdom Hearts: A New Beginning IC 2 is in Fiction Based Roleplay
High School Roleplay is in School Based Roleplay

hey im here to help .

Thanks for the Rp's Truegrave I'm looking at them now


General Kane do you want a piece of writing?

a piece of what ??

never mind.

F16superman2, don't forget to use capital letters at the beginning of sentences. ; )

Thanks Driney, had a forgetful moment there


Creiko that was some good advice, I'll remember that.

Always make sure that you describe things well. The more detail that you put in your writing, the easier it is for people to completely understand what you are trying to say/do. example:

Sue walked up to the old, worn down house, peeking threw the dust covered window pane. She was making sure that there was no one inside the abandoned lot, before she crept around the back of the house. She found the back door easily, and miraculously the door was unlocked. Slowly, she turned the knob and pushed the door open. It groaned in welcome as she entered the dark, untouched house. Her foot steps thudded lightly against the wooden floor boards, her shoes leaving foot prints in the five year old dust.

Detail, detail, detail!!!!

Miss Wicca's right about detail, so here's another one for you to study ^^" (Yes, it's one of mine xD)

She sat in her darkened apartment, the only light being the moonlight filtering through the window and the snow coming down in the dark sky outside. She was dressed only in a small, knee-length black dress, sitting on her bed, with her knees drawn up to her chin. Her raven hair covered some of her face, the rest falling to just below her shoulders. Her pale skin looked pure white in the moonlight, and her silvery/ice blue eyes were covered by her eyelids. They snapped open, and she slid off the bed, closing the curtains, so she was in complete darkness. He'd gotten her letter, and as was her duty, she had to start her revenge - first, by taking out his friends and family. She didn't want to, but as the eldest daughter, it was her duty. The only thing that seperated her, and the rest of the assasins in her family was that she didn't share their bloodlust. Turning on the lamp on her bedside table, she changed clothes, into a dark jumper and jeans, and tied her hair up out of her face, into a bun. Pulling on a hoodie, she zipped it up, and pulled up the hood, hiding most of her face, with only her mouth visible. She slipped a knife into her pocket, and her second note, as well as lipstick, before turning off all the lights in her apartment, and leaving through the fire escape. Most people would think she was asleep. Coming onto the street, the snow crunched under her boots as she made her way to her first destination.



About an hour later, she laid the man's corpse on his bed. He had been living alone, which was a relief. She had cleaned away most of the blood from when she had cut his throat and threw a blanket over him, bringing it to his chin. No-one would discover him until the following morning. Taking some toilet paper, she cleaned the blood from her hands and the knife, before pulling the lipstick from his pocket. Going to the mirror in his bedroom, she wrote 'Por Siempre' on the mirror. All the killers of her family had used the phrase, on everyone except their mark. They didn't have to, because normally the marked's body was lying at the bottom of the docks. Most of them hadn't been recovered. Cleaning the blood from the floor, she made sure everything was tidy, before leaving. Finding a postbox, she slipped the note into it. He'd get it in the morning. It was just like the last. A picture of her, the exact same as he had recieved before, with lyrics to the next part of the song. That was how they all did it, though no-one had ever reported having the cards, nor had the cards ever been found - they were always recovered after the target was killed, to be used for the next one. Returning to her home, she placed the clothes she'd worn at the back of the wardrobe, and slipped into bed, quickly falling into a dreamless sleep. Now all she had to do was wait until morning.

Thanks for your help Miss Wiccan and Save you, I will try and put as much detail as possible in my characters and whereabouts they are.

I have a question, what is godmodding?

God-modding is when you control someone elses characters without their permission. The easiest way to explain is this;

"[character name] pulled out a gun, and shot [character name] in the head, resulting in his death"

That is not something most people would appreciate, so don't make a major move with someone elses character without their permission. That's one of the worst things you can do in an RP, besides make a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu

Oh, I understand now, thanks SaveYou

Yet, you don't want to get too lengthy, or (unless you're a better writer than anybody I've seen make this mistake) your audience will get bored. And just skip it.

Talking of punctuation, I figured I'd add my two cents. This phrase has had all the punctuation and capitalization removed:

Mary where Jane had had had had had had had had had had had the teachers approval Mary would have been right

Properly punctuated, that is:

Mary, where Jane had had "had," had had "had had." Had "had had" had the teacher's approval, Mary would have been right.

Substituting more descriptive verbs for "had" in some places, along with moving the instance of "Mary" to the middle of the sentence, makes it even easier to understand:

Where Jane had written "had," Mary had written "had had." Had "had had" warranted the teacher's approval, Mary would have been right.

Thanks for the advice DCLXVI, I'll keep that in mind.

Thanks Creiko, I am learning new stuff by reading and watchind Rps.