To Change a Heart

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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:22 pm

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Emily bit her lip as he once again declared he was fine. "Do you know what F.I.N.E stands for?" she asked softly as she grabbed his hands and made him look her in the eye. "Freak out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional." She stated as she felt as if she was losing him. "Justin, please, what is going on?" she asked him pleadingly as she tried to unlock his bottled emotions. She could tell she wasn't doing a very good job, but she wasn't about to stop.
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:53 pm

He grabbed onto her wrists and walked with her into the kitchen, there were still some people there but not as many."How about you tell me what's going on Emily? How you've already met and talked to my mom?" He pulled the folded papers out of his pocket and threw them at her. "What the fuck is this shit Emily? Do you really need money that bad? Here." He opened his wallet throwing the bills he had in there at her. "Now leave me the fuck alone."

He looked away, it had truely hit him, and he was hurt. He didn't want to think about her hurting him anymore but he couldnt make it stop. He had a gut wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach he didn't want her to go but he did. He bit his lip and pounded down a shot that was sitting on the counter. "I can't believe i fell for this shit. " He said as he started walking away.
"And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too." - Taylor Swift
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:08 pm

Emily stared at him completely dumbfounded as he pulled out the printed versions of the e-mails she had sent to his mom. She couldn't believe he had found out. At first it had just been something to occupy her time, but now, she really did love him. His words stung her greatly and she felt as if her heart was being ripped from her chest. "Money!?" she asked nearly enraged. "You really think I need money that badly!" she said as she didn't touch the money. "Please Justin, just let me explain!" she said as she quickly latched onto his wrist and wouldn't let him go. She felt hurt as he looked awful.

"Justin, I do love you, more than anyone else before! Yes at first that was how things were, but not anymore Justin! I love you, please, don't do this!" she said feeling anguished. "Your mom was worried about you, so she put an ad online for a girl to help turn you around, and I thought I'd approach you carefully, but I let my heart get in the way and I fell for you! Please, please understand me, I wasn't doing it for the money, I'm not even doing it for your mother anymore. Justin. I. Love. You." She spoke each word on its own, trying to get him to see it.
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Sirius Baren
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:19 pm

"Bull. Shit." He slightly mocked her. He was enraged as well, mostly at himself for falling for it, for thinking someone could actually love him, and for letting himself love someone else. He silently made a pact that the only thing he'd be loving from now on was going to come out of a bottle or be in the form of a pill. "Emily get away from me. I hate you. I hate what you did." He picked up the money and put it in his pocket and then the emails ripping them up so his friends didn't find out.

"Tell my mom she better try plan b and send me to a camp for troubled youth." He said as he ripped his arms away from her and headed to the other room meeting back up with the guys playing flip cup and opening another beer. He didn't even look at her. He couldn't or else he'd beg her to stay.
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maddenbaby
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:33 pm

Emily stood there in complete shock, her mouth slightly open as she stared at him blankly. She couldn't believe he had just told her that. It took a moment for it to fully register in her head what he had said. Nothing had ever felt so painful in her life. She watched as he stuffed the money in his pocket before he ripped up the e-mails. She couldn't believe it, he hated her, he hated her, he hated her, he hated her...he hated her. She shook her head as she felt dumbfounded.

Emily waited for a moment, and then another moment, and soon she had waited five moments. She stared after him, he was ignoring her, and he hated her. Never before had she felt so ruined, and so crushed. After the realization sunk in, she just ran out of the party as her emotions started to get a hold on her. She began to choke out as she ran, she just ran. She didn't bother with trying to find a ride, she just ran home despite the long distance.

For days Emily didn't feel like eating or leaving her room, she ignored her parents and started to grow a little thin. The days turned into weeks, and she missed him terribly. Her grades started to fall and soon she had gone from one of the top five in the school, to failing. She felt miserable without Justin. She only thought of him, and she was often reminded of him. It wasn't until she missed her period that she began to panic. She waited a few days, hoping she was just late, but she finally got the guts up to get a pregnancy test.

When it came back positive, she did it another four times just to be sure. Everytime, positive. Her whole world crashed around her. She felt she had only one way out; to run away.

Emily packed her things. Her parents were gone on a trip, the maid was the only one in the house so Emily felt pretty confident about just leaving. She put her things in the back of her car before she decided she had to tell Justin. She couldn't face him, or she'd break down and beg for him to take her back. She wouldn't stoop that low. So she wrote him a letter before she dropped it off at his house. As she drove away, she spotted a park a couple blocks away and pulled into a parking space. She rubbed her stomach as she glanced at the equipment. She sighed and walked over to the swings before she sat down and closed her eyes.

The letter read:

Justin,

I love you, I'm sorry that you hate me, and that you think I played you. I really didn't, I really do love you. I'm leaving this letter to tell you that I'm leaving. Please do not try to look for me, you've all ready stated where you stand. I don't think you'll look for me, but if you do, please leave us alone. I'm sorry I ruined your life. I thought I could help you, but I realized that you only pulled me down with you. This is not really why I'm writing you. I do love you, but if it weren't for a certain fact, I wouldn't even be telling you that I'm running.

I'm sure my parents hate you, but they'd hate you even more if they knew. Justin, that day when everything fell apart, well, before it fell apart. We were together, I'm sure you remember. Anyway, I missed my period, and I did several tests, they all came back with the same result. I'm pregnant, with your child. The reason I am not telling you in person if because I don't want to ruin your life further. I am truly sorry, I won't ask for money or help, but I felt that you needed to know that you have a child.

I love you, I really do, more than anything. I'm so sorry for what I did, but I know you won't forgive me.

Your Emily
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:51 pm

That night Justin got trashed, and tried to drive, but thanks to Kelsey he was unallowed and she drove him home and crashed on his couch until morning. Justin barged into his mothers room at 4:30 in the morning screaming, throwing things, breaking a picture frame of him and his mother together when he was a child. "You fucking bitch! I hope you're happy. Justin's all fixed and perfect now!" They ended up getting in a huge fight Justin's mother slapping him across the face and him throwing a 2,500 vase she had in her room against the window.

Justin wasn't functioning either. He had quit his job, well lost it due to the fact that he never got out of bed early enough to get there on time, and the one time he did go he was late, he wasn't in school still, he'd been doing more drugs than ever and drinking more than ever. He would go to parties, get smashed, do drugs all night and then drive home. He hadn't hooked up with anyone though, he couldn't even look at any girls, not even Kelsey who begged him to call Emily.

Everyone around knew that Justin was at his best with her, even him. He'd think about her constantly, want to text her, or tell her that he missed seeing her in his clothes, that he missed making pancakes with her, that he wanted to hold and comfort her when she was scared, or upset, but he had been the one to upset her. He couldn't help but think he had overreacted, then he'd turn around and tell himself he didn't, he did, he didn't. His mind was in shambles and so was his heart.

The day she came over he heard her car door shut as she dropped the letter off he looked and saw it was her and then ran to get the letter out of the mailbox. Reading it he jumped in the car and drove as fast as he could in the direction he saw her go, only not to find her. He was even more crushed after he stopped to read the letter he rushed home and got his phone texting her quickly, Emily. Please just tell me where you are so we can talk.
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maddenbaby
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:00 pm

Emily sat on the swings, her eyes closed. One hand was placed over her stomach as she held the chain with the other. She wanted Justin so badly, she hadn't realized how much of an influence he had become for her. He had become more than just a guy, more than just her first love. He had evolved into a drug for her, and at any moment she wanted to run back to him, but he said he hated her, that he never wanted to see her again. She just wanted to tell him the truth, that he was a father. She wished that he had never found those e-mails, that she could confront him on her own and break it to him gently, perhaps they'd still be together.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, causing her to jump slightly and her heart race from the small fright. She flipped her phone open and her heart broke all over again as she felt the tears come to her eyes as she saw his text. She bit her lip, she wanted to talk to him, she wanted him to hold her, and she just wanted this to all be over so they could be together again. She just felt that she couldn't risk her heart again. Emily knew she had to be strong, she was going to be a mother, she had to be strong, for her baby...for their baby.

A sigh escaped her as she felt her resolve melting. I don't want to ruin your life any further. I don't think I could handle you screaming at me again, telling you hate me again. I don't want that Justin. She texted him. She waited a few seconds before her resolve shattered. I'm at the park on the swings. She texted him before she began to cry. She couldn't believe this, her life had such good prospects, but now...she was running away and she was pregnant with the child of a man who hated her.
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:27 pm

He text her back quickly as soon as he got his, his palms were sweaty and his knees weak from nervousness, I don't hate you. I'll be there in 5 minutes don't leave. He got in the car and sped as fast as he could to the park. He saw her on the swings when he got there and his heart broke all over again. He wasn't sure he could get out of the car but he had to, for himself, for her and for a baby that might be inside of her.

He got out and walked over slowly. He sat down on the swing next to her not saying a word, he was high, completely and totally high out of this world, but he had sobered up instantly when he saw her, when he read her letter, her text, though he still looked high. "Em.." He said softly his voice cracking.

He looked at her and his eyes filled with tears, he looked away, he couldn't give her that much yet, he wasn't ready.
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maddenbaby
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:33 pm

Emily read the text, she wanted to hope, she dearly wanted to hope that he didn't hate her, but she just felt as if he should hate her. She had never felt so low with herself in her entire life. She felt as if she was worth less than dirt. She wanted to waste away and never be seen again. Even if she wanted to just get up and leave, her body felt heavy as she sat on the swing and waited for him. Her heart was attempting to pull itself together as she saw him pull up. She didn't look at him as he walked over to her slowly and sat on the swing next to her.

At first she felt like yelling at him, but then she just wanted to wrap her arms around him. She did neither one as she sat there quietly. As he spoke her name, she finally looked at him. At first she was ready to just forgive and forget, but as she saw he was high, her heart broke all over again.

"Justin-" she stopped as her voice cracked and the tears started to come back. "I can't do this," she finally said. His high was her downfall. He seemed sober, but that didn't mean he wasn't high. She shakily got to her feet and began to walk away before she crashed on the grass and began to sob. Her life had fallen apart. How was she possibly going to bring in a baby to the world when she couldn't hold it together?
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Sirius Baren
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:54 pm

He ran over to her as she fell, he figured she would probably yell at him, scream at him and tell him she never wanted to see him again, to stay away from the baby, that he did enough good fucking up his own life, he didn't need to fuck someone else's up. He ran over and bent down hugging her, wrapping her in his arms tightly he didn't care anymore. He just wanted them to be okay, and then everything else would fall into place, or so it seemed.

He wrapped his arms around her his head next to hers, his mouth close to her ear. He whispered softly, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I. love. You. I could never hate you. You were so good for me, we were so good together." He took in a breath trying not to break down himself. "I know I'm a fuck up, and I know I never do anything right, I always mess it up Em, Always." He was starting to cry now softly, but audible. "I don't want us to be another thing I regret messing up in my life. I'm sorry."
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maddenbaby
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Mon Jun 22, 2009 8:21 am

Emily didn't yell at him, or scream at him, she didn't tell him to stay away or to fix his own life on his own, she just sobbed quietly as he wrapped his arms around her. She moved her's around him as she felt better to be in his arms. She had wanted this ever since he had told her he had hated her, but now, now he was telling her he loved her. Emily said nothing, she just held onto him as she was trying to get a grip on things. She started to hope a little as he said he didn't want them to be another thing he regretted messing up in his life.

Emily held him tight to her for a moment before she moved her head so she could look at him. "All I wanted was you," she said softly before she kissed him briefly. She moved back to their previous position and held on to him with every fiber of her being. "Justin, I'm so scared," her tone was a little shaky as it was obvious she was terrified of what was going on. "I don't think I can be a mom." She could feel the tears coming down her face again. She didn't want to cry more, but she couldn't help it.
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Sirius Baren
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Mon Jun 22, 2009 8:29 am

"But em, you can." He said holding her still, tightly, like his life depended on it. "Look how good you took care of me Emily." He said but he wasn't sure he could be a father either. It hit him and he pulled away slightly, scared to death of what was inside of Emily. "I..." He didn't know what to say, he just laid on the grass next to her and closed his eyes tightly, wishing god would strike him dead and save them all the trouble. He looked at her "Emily.. what the hell are we going to do?"
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maddenbaby
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Mon Jun 22, 2009 8:41 am

Emily felt slightly comforted by his words, but it didn't seem like it was enough, not yet. She couldn't help but snort as he pointed out how well she had taken care of him. "Are you honestly saying that? I don't think I did a good job Justin, even now you're high." She said feeling a little bitter with herself, like she had failed him. She shook her head as she cuddled up next to him. She'd never be able to find the will to leave, not after now, not now that she knew he loved her. She sighed and closed her eyes as he asked her what they were going to do. "I don't know Justin, I really don't know." A few tears leaked out of her closed eyes as she rested her head on his chest. "I can probably hide the pregnancy for a couple months, but after that, this baby is coming one way or another. I don't know what to do." She felt so helpless, and she needed Justin to grow up and be there for her completely and support her.
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Sirius Baren
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:25 pm

"I don't know what you want me to do Emily." He said. He wasn't ready to grow up and be a father, or to support her. He wanted to be the same irresponsible, drinking kid that he always was. He wanted them to be okay so they could go to parties together, make people jealous and have everyone look at them. They would now, only for different reasons. "Em.. I... I don't know if I can even do this."
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maddenbaby
Member for 3 years


Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:22 pm

Emily looked up at him and sighed as she put her forehead against his. "I don't need you to grow up, not yet. Just be there for me, we'll get this right. Please, just...I need you." She spoke softly as she held onto him. Emily'd eyes were pleading as she stared at him. "I need you, please." She said in a quiet voice as she closed her eyes. She opened them and took one of his hands and placed it over her belly before she smiled slightly. "That's where our baby is." She hoped they could pull through this together.
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Sirius Baren
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Tue Jun 23, 2009 6:16 pm

He was still looking in her eyes. He felt her stomach as she placed his hand over it and thought he was going to be sick. The only think his mother ever begged him to do was not get a girl pregnant and look where her was, right now. They were both still laying in the grass together. He sighed and said, "I need you too Em, just.. Promise you won't leave." He said softly, almost inaudible. He prayed for a brief moment that they could get through this, that his mom wouldn't kick him out and that everything would be okay, but right now, neither of them had jobs, he was on bad terms with both her parents and his and they were barely back together.
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maddenbaby
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Tue Jun 23, 2009 7:49 pm

Emily had her eyes closed as she tried to breathe calmly. The only thing in her mind was that they had a really bad start. She opened her eyes and looked at him. She sighed, she wanted to run, but she couldn't ever leave him, not now. "I promise, no matter what, we'll stay together." She solemnly spoke before she closed her eyes again. She wanted all their worries to melt away and they wouldn't have to have any troubles, let alone, taking care of a baby. Her family was picture perfect, but it was too perfect, her parent's minds were so caught up in wanting to have a good image and be the perfect couple, that she knew they would kick her out the moment they knew. It made her immensely sad, and the fact that she had failed to do what she had set out to do, would sour his mother against her. "I'll find work, and...if I have to, I'll drop out of school." It pained her to think she'd have to drop out, she knew what little education and no money did.
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Sirius Baren
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:42 pm

"Noooo way." He said when she mentioned dropping out. He'd done that already, and couldn't let emily do that too. It was like his soul was instantly crushed when the next though came to mind but he knew what he had to do, "My uncle owns a company.. he's offered me full time work 100s of times, I'll go work for him and i'll see if he needs a secretary or something you could do after school." This would mean getting up early, no more parties, no more friends, he'd work 8 hours a day and spend the rest with Emily. "And I know he rents apartments, i'm sure he'd give us one for real cheap, or maybe free. I'm his favorite." A million thoughts were running through his mind about all of the responsibilities he'd be taking on.
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maddenbaby
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Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby Sirius Baren on Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:47 pm

Emily sat up and looked down at him, she was surprised. Never before had Justin shown such responsibility. He had never offered this much, and he was being a real grown-up at the moment. She couldn't help but feel touched as he was trying to work through this and find a way so she could stay in school and they could stay together. "This means so much to me Justin," she said softly as she stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand. "Don't worry, we don't have to be too fast, I don't even need to go in for my first doctor visit for nearly two weeks. We'll work this out." She said softly before she laid back down and cuddled up next to him. She wished they didn't have any cares at all, but they did.
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Sirius Baren
Member for 4 years


Re: To Change a Heart ( )

Postby maddenbaby on Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:19 pm

He nodded. He was crushed inside but on the outside he had to show Emily that he could be strong, not only for her sake but for his own too. He sighed softly and cuddled up to her more holding her tightly not wanting to let go at all. He looked into her eyes and said, "I love you Em. Just don't forget that."
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maddenbaby
Member for 3 years


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