RolePlayGateway™

This is an open discussion on children, many people fear having children due to the pain of birth or the cost of upbringing but I want you all to express your views and opinions.

I will gladly help you along on this topic Yami. I am twenty years old and I have a thirteen month old son. He is about to turn fourteen months old. Women never remember what pain they went through during child birth. I mean yeah it does hurt, but that doesn't trump the feeling of bringing a life into the world.

Oh Lord. You've got me started, Yami!

My thoughts on kids are extensive, and they are thoughts that have not even shared with my fiance in full. I'll try to keep them short...

First of all, I'm not even 100% sure I want kids. I can see kids in my future, but think I'd prefer a life without them. I love kids, but they just seem like one more thing to worry about. Of course, I'm saying that at the age of 22.

Secondly, I have a feeling deep down that I will want kids later but my fiance is strongly against having them. I keep bringing it up with him lightly, hoping he might have changed his mind a little and not be so against having them, but nothing ever changes. This really scares me. what if my motherly instincts kick in after we get married and I decide that I want one for sure but he is still against them?

Thirdly, if somehow Kyle did decide he wanted a child, I would rather adopt and save a child that needs a good home instead of bringing another one into this world.

Lastly, I'm scared to have kids. I get terrified when I think of having to teach them the birds-and-the-bees, or about drugs and alcohol, or wanting them to go to college. I get terrified thinking about their first dates, or wonder what kind of driver they are, or whether or not they will make good grades. I get terrified thinking about the kind of people they hang around, what kind of job they might want, or how they will treat other people. There's so much more...

I have never told anyone this, but I think the main reason why I don't want to have kids is because I don't want to to screw them up, I guess. What if I don't raise them like I'm supposed to and they turn out to be rebellious and ruin their lives? I feel that one little mistake on my part would change theirs for the worst for the rest of their lives.

I almost feel like I shouldn't even bother with a child...that I shouldn't take the chance of messing them up somehow.

With overpopulation as bad as it is, I'd honestly feel irresponsable adding to the population.

Perhaps I could adopt a child. But only if I was securely married; I don't believe it's right for a person to have to grow up without a mother. I could go on a long rant about that, but I suppose that's for another discussion.

Thanks so much for reassuring me a bit, Mid. All those questions you asked are ones I have thought about. It's scary as crap, and apparently crap is pretty scary.

After talking to a dear friend, I decided to sit Kyle down and talk to him last night. I really didn't know a good way to talk to him about this without busting out into tears (I'm way too damn emotional sometimes), so I talked to his mom first and she helped me put it into beautiful words. She suggested I tell him that if he really loved me, he will never close that door completely. If he loved me, he would not deny me that God-given right to have a child. There are two of us in a relationship and it takes two of us to make the decision. I didn't tell him any of this last night, I just told him that it scares the crap out me that he says he never wants kids, when I feel like I will one day. He said he didn't really know what to say to me, that he still didn't want kids, but I told him to think about it. I want to give him time to consider what he truly wants with my feelings in the equation. I guess we'll see where it goes from there. I hope he'll open up to me about it with his true feelings. After how long we've been together, I'd hope he would.

The one thing I feel bad about though is that in the first few years of our relationship (We'll have been together 4.5 years this May), I told him I definitely didn't want kids. It's just over the past year that I've been thinking that I do want them eventually. I've matured tremendously over the past couple years and that's a part of it. That, and spending time with his nieces and nephew and watching his sister have the most beautiful children that are so much fun to be around. I've watched those kids grow up for over 4 years, and it's one of the most beautiful things.

Blah, this is another long post. Sorry!!

I completely agree with you, Mid, on the fact that kids now-a-days do not have the respect, discipline, or knowledge that we were so adamantly taught. I've sworn for years that if I had kids, they would be raised with discipline just as I was. I got my ass whooped and I am GREATFUL for it because of the way I turned out. Not like, in an abusive way. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I think the problem lies with the parents. I don't know what it is about the generation primarily with kids age 5-15 right now, but they just seem to be all about giving them whatever the hell they want.