Okay. this is a place for thoughts,oppression,opinions,ideas, and what not. If you want to jump in you need to stay in...at least that's what id like. Differences in opinions are aloud ((there will likely be many)) but fighting is not. yes you can tell the other person you disagree but do not flame them or you will be kicked out. thank you.



This is me though my eyes:

I avoid people because I would rather be alone, I dress in black so I can be invisible, I stay out late to avoid my life, I remain misunderstood because no one wants to understand me, I play my music loud so I don’t get lost in my thoughts, I rebel because no one will let things be, I make a scene so you will notice im alive, I cut my wrists so I know I'm not numb, I sleep in late because I'm afraid of the day, I don't try because everyone just assumes I'm never going to make it, I don't talk because I have nothing to say.
I sit here all alone. I want to shout out and scream, “im alive! Come love me!” But if someone gets to know the real me they will leave me and just go on by, im afraid to hurt again, im afraid to cry… If you're wondering why I'm feeling this, you'll just have to continue to wonder, because to me it seems so clear, but the words I need explain it keep running away in fear.
I am not a perfect person, and I don't try to be, I am just another imprisoned soul, hoping to be set free. I don't want to be this person anymore; I don't want to shed anymore tears. I'm sick of always hiding inside of myself; this has gone on for too many years. I don't want to show my emotions, or to tell you how I feel. Or bare my heart to god, I just want to know the truth, is that so freaking hard? I'm falling through the darkness, and I'm about to hit the ground.
Through my eyes everything is gray. The color of blandness and pain. I don’t try to be sad or angry I just am. People don’t get me, (what a cliche!). Very few colors register in my sight, I wouldn’t explain even if people cared to ask why.
Im tired of people dictating my life, ya im only (!&) but still I own what’s mine. I can take care of myself and I know what is right, I can deal with my problems with out having to whine. Sometimes I wish I was afraid to be rebellious, but with me it seems to run through my veins. I want to fight back! I don’t understand the motives behind the things people do, and I don’t get why they fight over petty things or pick on people who have no defense. I want to defend those who can’t defend themselves. I feel pity for the weak and hate for the strong. Maybe that’s why I hate myself, because I know im strong and im not helping the weak enough, im not doing all I can to save those in need.
God! Were is anarchy when i need it? i do not know what it's like to be free ive been conditioned to think with extremes, I’ve lived a life where no decision is easy.
I try so hard to be honest and lady like but I must admit im not meant to be weak. All of this kindness leads me to aggression; I won’t hide my scars or cover up my anger. I have been told to obey without hesitation, but my heart says “ya right, like that’ll happen”.
I suppose people see me as just another rebellious, emo-wannabe teen, but the funny thing is I don’t care what they think. I guess the feeling is mutual.

Hmm where do I begin Emotionless? I find you very interesting and different, but I have some advise for you that might be useful or at lease something to think about.Number one Don't dress in all black to be inadvisable when really you want to scream “im alive! Come love me!” I think you are scared of love because it's a double edge sword you want the feeling but you don't want the pain, in any case they come hand in hand but I promise you there will be more feelings then pain and it will be worth it. If you feel that pain you will know you are not made of glass emotionally.You say you don't care what people think of you but in reality I think you actually do and it's nothing to be ashamed of I care very much what people think of myself.And I understand what you mean you don't mean to be sad or angry you just are that's very much how I am with happiness and hope I don't try I just am. But I think you should find yourself not by asking questions but by acting on your intentions to help the weak, don't hate the strong because much of them are just like you helping the weak. This world is so huge and beautiful with soo much information you don't yet know you will only waste energy by hating, I don't want you to take for granted the simple things in life like every creature your surrounded by or the grass you walk on. Try taking your shoes off and stepping in wet grass lol it's something that makes me feel so much better and it's a little strange but it works for me. Look up at the sky and inhale deeply knowing you are here for a purpose, no matter what the purpose is you will find it and fill it.Life is just to short to be worried about rebelliousness or conforming just be you and be selfish at times,it's OK to be selfish if you don't want to do what the rebels want you to do then don't, do what you want to do and I guarantee you it will not lead you to conform or to be a rebel it will lead you on your own path a path that only you will take.

You really are thinking to hard on things for your age, try to free yourself from your thoughts and act on your wants and desires. I mean look at me for example I live by my desires and I when I wanted a car I worked at el polo loco as the chicken on the street >.< just to get the money. Kids in high school made fun of me for it when al their parents gave them cars, but when I got my car I held my head higher then ever and felt like I was on top of the world. Then a year later I went to the military because I wanted to help people and fight for my freedom, although I'm not religious and I know how many people take our soldiers for granted I still enlisted. I knew freedom came at the price of blood and I volunteered to give mine, I wanted to make sure justice was served for everyone.The military taught me self discipline,integrity and the ability to not panic when there is an emergency. They equip me with everything I needed to know, and now that I'm out I became a dog trainer finding a new world in the eyes of animals. My goal is to dip my fingers in as many things as I can before I die just to understand and know a little of everything. Mind you I'm only 21 and still young I have the confidence to take on the world and the training to fight back when pushed I strongly suggest you don't waste an inch on your life to prove a stupid point to yourself. Emotionless you connect with people in a way I can't I see it in your ooc, hell look at me I can't voice my opinion without hurting someone...You are loved whether you see it or not....ok im tired of typing...

Waaaaaaaah, I want to cut myself.

Boohoo, my life sucks.

Oh no, what will I do?!

Who will come save me?

Will Edward come save me?

No, he is just a figment of someones sick mind.

What will I do?

I must cut to feel and bleed.

Bleed... oh god, I'm bleeding so much.

....help me...

</fin>

April wrote:Waaaaaaaah, I want to cut myself.

Boohoo, my life sucks.

Oh no, what will I do?!

Who will come save me?

Will Edward come save me?

No, he is just a figment of someones sick mind.

What will I do?

I must cut to feel and bleed.

Bleed... oh god, I'm bleeding so much.

....help me...

</fin>

*sniffs* So beautiful. ;-;

Have you considered taking up poetry?

okay i said i wouldnt flame any one and im not, but i think that was kinda mean to say April. for one im not a Edward fan. for two i dont cut any more and when i did i had some serious emotional problems. For threee you really shouldnt act like you know me because you have no clue about what goes on in others lives. im sorry you dont like how i feel but i dont apreciate you downing on my opinion of myself. thank you for listening.

Umm, I was talking about myself. The world doesn't revolve around you!!!

I AM A CUTTER AND A BLEEDER! DO NOT OPPRESS ME!!!!!

That's rather presumptuous of you to say. What if she's not mocking anyone? What if that is how she feels about herself, and she's truly suicidal but chooses to word it in that terse and honest manner? This could be someone on the verge of suicide and you automatically make the assumption that she's just out to get you. That's rather hypocritical, if you ask me.

*giggles cause April's avatar is beating the stick figure over the head in time with my music...*

LOL APRIL *sigh* you poor thing but your sig says it all, at your worse you are unthinking and that's just sad.

What sig? I don't even have a sig anymore. I was being serious. The things I wrote were about me. In no way shape or FORM were they any inkling about you. So, I don't know how I am unthinking.

I have a sig?! Wow, wonder why it doesn't show up. Actually I don't see anyone's sig. This is rather distressing, but slightly off topic.

sorry april....ive just been mocked ALOT and i try my hardest not to assume....or get upset about it. Assuming makes and ass out of you and an ass out of me....lolz.
NEXT TOPIC!!!
its someone elses turn to ramble....try it its fun.....lolz

April wrote:What sig? I don't even have a sig anymore. I was being serious. The things I wrote were about me. In no way shape or FORM were they any inkling about you. So, I don't know how I am unthinking.

I have a sig?! Wow, wonder why it doesn't show up. Actually I don't see anyone's sig. This is rather distressing, but slightly off topic.

you do have a sig its on your first post and it says your color is green, I assume it was a test you took to see what color you where....

I took that test two years ago when I was on Gateway, before I left. But anyways, I'm done with the topic. It has moved on to Sko's habit. Someone better help her before she totally loses it.

Ichigo! your here! yay!!!....im going to be random now.....
i have no clue what to tell you, Sko, about the whole "I... have this habit of being turned on too easily..." thing...i dont have that problem...any one else got advice???

Inb4lock.

Naw I kid. But srs, (Emo)tionless, you're in an emo stage.
Aside from that, you're all seriously off the terrible, useless topic.
(b^.^)b

umm yes but I don't think I should say it so maybe i can put it in code....discover yourself....thats it!! break the code!! lol

okay since we are STILL on this topic ill see what you all think of this one....i wrote it last year...some time in october...

I’m beginning to understand life less and less every day. When I was younger I used to believe I actually had life all figured out, but now as I grow, I understand that having life all figured out is impossible, because I now realize I will never understand even the simplest things of life, like why love hurts so bad and how such deep love can easily turn to a bitter seething hate.
People tell me I’m going places….and that my talent is great, or that I am going to be somebody, somebody that everyone wants me to be, someone that I want to be only to please everyone around me. Now somewhere on my quest to be perfect, I lost my true self. I’m so confused on everything. Life is getting too complicated for me; I’m at the point where I’m just living day by day, trying to survive, completely oblivious to life around me.
Though I have almost everything a girl could ask for—lots of friends and a terrific family—I feel more alone than I have ever before. I have this emptiness inside me I can’t seem to fill.
Nobody understands me, and I know that’s cliché, but they don’t know how I feel when I cut. Everybody thinks I do it for attention, or sympathy, but I could care less what people think or say, they don’t know what I live with every day, the almost physical hurt inside my chest. People tell me to forget the pas, to forget the dad that didn’t last, but every time I think of him it’s another scar on my already broken heart.
When I feel stress I reach for the piece of steel I have made my friend. When the blood runs I gain inner piece, but soon afterwards I find my mind being consumed by the darkness I just cut from my skin. The blade understands more than anything or anyone ever could. It never hurt me unless I made it. It never shunned me for my mistakes neither did it make me feel guilty or leave me out on my own. It always makes me feel better without asking for anything in return.
Every time I cry I feel like a part deep inside me dies. And I feel somewhat less real. I don’t know who I am anymore. I guess I’m just another crazy teen taking a long ride on the roller coaster of life. Where and when it will stop no one knows, what I do know is I’m ready to get off. Some days I wish I could disappear from the world and others I long for people to be around me, to see me.
Lately I have stopped living by what other people want for me and started living how I want to live. I no longer act like a person I’m not; I show my true colors even if many don’t like them. Maybe that’s why I’m so confused…..I don’t know who to satisfy, myself or the people who care about me.
From start to finish I wonder why, these cuts look so damn good in this messed up lie. The people I live with though I love cause me pain, no matter how tough. I thought it was a dream I thought it wasn’t real; but the pain really hurts this is really how I feel. I feel abandoned by all whom I know, I don’t know where to turn to, and I don’t know where to go. The anxiety is so strong at times, and life becomes too much….that’s when I long to feel the blades forgiving tender touch. Only I know the source of my pain only I know my secret to staying sane. It hurts so much to never be enough, every name you call, Bitch, Cunt, Whore, Puke is another part of me lost and reduced. My tears fall down Wasted as they hit the cold hard ground, one thousand words in each one, but still i'll never make a sound. The scarlet lines on my wrist mirror the ones I hide within. The scars on my heart won’t go away, you put more there with every word you say. I don’t ask that you understand, because I don’t myself, life is too hard, I can’t hold on, I’m sorry my soul is already gone.
The hole in my chest seems to get bigger every day, it’s like a black hole, a void in space that can never be filled and will eventually close in on itself. Sometimes it even physically hurts, I literally have to hold myself together because if I don’t ill fall apart and be pulled into that gaping hole. I’ve tried shaking the feeling off but, the feelings of depression and despair keep coming back.
I’m so tired of feeling at all, all I can do is go through the motions of the day, I don’t even think any more. I don’t know a lot, and a lot of what I know I don’t quite understand but what I do know and understand is if there is a way to fix a broken human, I better find it soon because I’m losing myself in this hell whole they call earth.