I've been developing a story in my head as of late, one that sounds like it would actually make for a decent read. It would focus on destiny (not the whole 'you're the chosen one' schtick, more like uncertainty over ones true path), the relationship between godsand men, conflicting philosophies, and a variety of other subjects. (And by that, I mean vaguely formed ideas that have yet to be catagorized.) Animism, tribal ties, and balance are also big themes in the book.

It will be a fantasy book, in a fantasy setting, but before you're completly turned off from this, read the perks about this book:
-It doesn't involve dwarves, dragons and, most importantly of all, elves.
-It involves vampires, but not the lovey-dovey angst-ridden ones of late, it involves cruel SOBs who will kill you without a second thought.
-It involves a character known as 'the pale king', and if you have any clue what pale indicates in mythology, you'll agree that that's awesome.
-I'm not even going to tell you about what I replaced dragons with, let's just say they're big and nasty.
-Did I mention that animism means nature spirits, all kinds of nature spirits.
-The main character was raised in a norse-like setting. Meaning he isn't going to go into a fit of angst over the death of someone he knows, or even killing someone himself. In fact, he relishes battle.
-It's not based in a medieval-europish setting like god-knows how many Tolkein rip offs.
-It's based in a scandanavia-based setting, something which has NEVER been done in fantasy.

I'll post bits of storyboarding tomorrow, I jsut felt like posting this to whet your collective whistles.

Pale as in a ghost? Ghost king? That does indeed sound like a doorway to some trippy cool things.

All sounds interesting, except for one thing:

-It's based in a scandanavia-based setting, something which has NEVER been done in fantasy.

I've got just one thing to say about that statement.

Village Alchemist wrote:Pale as in a ghost? Ghost king? That does indeed sound like a doorway to some trippy cool things.

All sounds interesting, except for one thing:

-It's based in a scandanavia-based setting, something which has NEVER been done in fantasy.

I've got just one thing to say about that statement.

I know it's been done in fantasy before, the point I was trying to make was that the setting was in something with a lot of potential, not the same over-used Tolkeinistic setting that's all the rage these days.

But yes, in a nut-shell, that's what the Pale King is.

I'm still working out rather siginifcant parts of the story board, but in addition to adding that the protagonist will NOT be related to a god, I felt like spilling some interesting bits of information.
-I told a little white lie, there is a dragon of sorts. He'll be a smaller, lizard-like creature as opposed to the gigantic flying beats you think of when you hear of dragons. He's still be considerably sizable though, and he won't be neutral/good, he's a plague-breathing dragon who ruins crops and feasts on infested men, his spit will be black, his breath rancid, and his skin will look rotting. Our hero faces this baby in the begining, meaning that other, greater things are to come. He's loosely based off of a collection of different dragon-myths blended together.

I haven't quite decided on what the vampires will be called, I'm thinking something along the lines of 'Frostlings' or 'Cold Ones'. However, I have decided on a few important things about them:
-They hate and envy men, once being men themselves. They're faster than men as well, and their skin is pure white, allowing them to sneak up on lone travelers or even large groups relativly unnoticed.
-In addition to European myth (vampires), they're also loosely rooted in Japanese mythology, I'm talking about Yuki-Ona. They survive off of both the blood and the heat of Men, and they don't leave their victims alive.

Both spirits and gods play an important part in this book. The animist spirits are shown as very mystical beings, they vary in personality, but they tend to be very unnatached to humanity as a whole. The gods on the other hands, are potrayed as more flawed than man. (for a variety of reasons actually.) For example, the mother godess of fertitility and nature has her followers morphed into animal/man hybrids. (Not furries though, oh god, not furries, I'm thinking Satyr/Centaur morphism.)

Well, some actual storyboarding, if you feel it' to generic (which I really hope it isn't) feel free to tell me.

For the record, this will be made to feel like an Epic.

-Starts out in a battle scene between two tribes, with our protagonist helping to lead the charge
-Victorious
-After the battle, it is found out that the heroe's father had fled, he was captured, and is publically put to death
-To clear his family name, he sets out to do something to trump this, namely slaying a dragon(-like creature) that has been raiding and desimating the nearby villages.
-He travels alone to it's layer, sword in hand, ready to kill it.
-He's ambushed, inhaling it's toxic breath before he can finally slayit.
-A nature spirit, near-wilted by the dragon's wanton destruction of its base plants, does it's best to heal him, but is only strong enough to retard the spread of the poison.
-By the spirits advice, he sets off to find the goddess of life, in order to ask for a blessing to spare him. (In his culture, dying a death without injury is looked down upon. (due to the very little visible damage his body has taken, he doesn't believe sucumbing to the poison would qualify.)
-He struggles across the tundras in a desperate attempt to reach her camp in time, only to be ambushed by vampires (called Cold Ones). After a brief fight, he loses to their head, he's happy as he falls, believing that he has finally reached the death he has been yearning for.)
-He faints, waking up in a dark dining room, illuminated only by the pale skin of the broken men who sit at the impossibly long table, looking down at their plates without uttering a word. At the head of the Table sits the Pale Lord.
(At this point, I know what comes after the meeting, but haven't completly figured out what happens during it, so I'll cut off for now.)

It all sounds really cool, if you can string those events together properly. I don't know what sort of writing talent you have, but it'll take some skill to make that plot not come off as a long string of dues ex machinas.

Village Alchemist wrote:It all sounds really cool, if you can string those events together properly. I don't know what sort of writing talent you have, but it'll take some skill to make that plot not come off as a long string of dues ex machinas.

I can see the potential for several of those, but does it really seem that bad? I mean worse than most books?

Also, who's to say someone isn't pulling at least a few of the strings?

Athias wrote:I can see the potential for several of those, but does it really seem that bad? I mean worse than most books?

It really depends. Whether or not something has a dues ex machina effect depends on how you write. The way you just listed the events, it sounded like there was a ton of them (the dragon, the nature spirit, the goddess, the vampries). But again, I haven't seen the story itself yet; you may just establish a situation where we aren't suprised and bemused to find a nature spirit comes to rescue the hero.

Village Alchemist wrote:

Athias wrote:I can see the potential for several of those, but does it really seem that bad? I mean worse than most books?

It really depends. Whether or not something has a dues ex machina effect depends on how you write. The way you just listed the events, it sounded like there was a ton of them (the dragon, the nature spirit, the goddess, the vampries). But again, I haven't seen the story itself yet; you may just establish a situation where we aren't suprised and bemused to find a nature spirit comes to rescue the hero.

That's a very good point, but these are only the most important events. There will be plenty of things between each event, but looking back, it might be advantageous to add a few more mundane events in there as well...

Spirits:
Finn's (The working name of the protagonist) world is inhabited by a variety of spirits, ranging from the mundane to the extrordinary. From simple spirits of the crop to remnants of craven men, they fill the land. They are often elusive creatures, but with a keen eye, one can spot them anywhere.

Pale Men:
The spirits of pathetic men, old and cowardly alike. Unable to ascend to the heavens and cursed to roam the frozen earth, taking refuge only in the realm of the Pale King. Forgetting not only their troubles, but themselves, in his never-ending feast. Their skin is ghostly white, and their eyes hollow.

Spirits of the Light:
The most beautiful and most noble of all the spirits in Finn's land, they can only be found when the northern lights are at their climax. They are massive beasts, at least a meter in height and several more in length. Their iridescant skin is smooth and cool, and their wings look more like giant arms with square fingers. They speak through a series of long, almost melancholic howls, and their prescence is said to mean a better harvest.

Dovommi: House spirits.
(Will Expand more later)

This is a bit of a necro, but it's my thread, and I don't see the point in just letting it rot.
Anyways, after a bit of thinking in between other writing projects, I thought of a few elements of the story that would definitly reduce the Deus ex Machina content:

The Dovomoi/Dovommi will play a rather important role in the first half of the story. After all, how could Finn manage to beat such a large beast that managed to get the jump on him, then manage to trudge through the cold, artic tundras while poisoned? It doesn't make sense, well at least it didn't.
Before Finn leaves, he sets his Dovomoi, who is a somewhat neurotic creature who would rather not be left alone, free. Concerned about the fate of his ex-master, the Dovomoi follows him to the dragon's cave. (but he's not exactly subtle, you see while he was freed from his master's will, he literally is the spirit of the house, meaning to go anywhere, he has to take it with him, or the remnants of it. This means that a large, shambled, vague man-shaped house is following him.) When the dragon jumps at him, the Dovomoi pull the thing off og him, but not before he gets bitten.

Later, the house caries him rather than him walking all the way by himself. He doesn't necesarily want to be saved, that doesn't top the house.