I'd say the title explains it all.
We all know one, at least one.
Practice some sense with what you post. (You know the rules so keep it PG-13)
You don't have to follow a theme so quit over thinking it and post already!
In case you're still wondering how this works I'll start.

There's a lady that goes to see her preacher one sunday because her husband is always falling asleep during church.
He hands her a hat pin and says. "Anytime he starts to nod off just give me a signal.
In return, when the time is right, I'll five you a signal and you're to poke him with the pin.
With a knowing nod and a devilish smile she agrees to the plan.

The next sunday they're in church and sure as the world he's starting to fall asleep.
She nods to the preacher and the preacher after saying "...and what is the name of our Lord and Savior?"
Gives her a signal in return, she pokes her husband with the pin and he shouts "Jesus Christ!"
The preacher smiles and he says happily "You are correct brother!"

About 30 minutes later he's falling asleep again.
By this time his wife looks over and she's annoyed.
So yet again she nods to the preacher.
He continues with the service for a moment before saying "And what is our Savior's Father's name?"
He then signals to her and she again pokes her husband with the pin and he shouts "God almighty!"
The preacher once again happily says "That is correct! You are right on today brother!"

30 minutes pass again and he's out cold in the pew again.
She nods to the preacher but this time doesn't see a signal of any kind.
She waits and waits, finally she sees something that looks like a signal after the preacher says.
"And what did Mary say to Joseph after bearing his 99th child?!"
The poke woke her husband and this time with a growl in his voice he says between his teeth,
"I swear if you poke me with that thing one more time.
I'm going to rip it off, and shove it up your ass."

And the congregation said "Amen"

I always used to be better at chess than my daughter and beat her every day.

Now she's improved immensely, and we're more equal when we play.

I still beat her every day though.

It's just that the beatings are much worse if she dares wins at chess..

There's two guys on the top of the Sears Tower Building.
One guy looks at the bartender, snaps his fingers, and says " Give me a shot of tequila."
The bartender gives him the shot, he drinks it down, jumps out the window and comes back again three seconds later.
The other guy says "How'd you do that?"
The first guy says "Just watch."
So again he looks at the bartender, snaps his fingers, and says " Give me a shot of tequila."
The bartender gives him the shot, he drinks it down, jumps out the window and comes back again three seconds later.
The other guy says "How'd you do that?"
The first guy says "One more time, that's all I'm going to show you."
And so again again he looks at the bartender, snaps his fingers, and says " Give me a shot of tequila."
The bartender gives him the shot, he drinks it down, jumps out the window and comes back again three seconds later.
The other guy says "How'd you do that?"
Finally the first guy says "There's an updraft between the two buildings."
Now the second guy is cocky and he figures if this moron can do it, anyone can.
So he looks at the bartender, snaps his fingers, and says " Give me a shot of tequila."
The bartender gives him the shot, he drinks it down, jumps out the window and SPLAT all over the pavement.
Within moments the police are there, ambulances are pulling up and the bartender looks over and says rather non chalantly with a slight sigh.
"Superman you're such an asshole when you're drunk."

Santii I'm a little lame brained and had to read your post twice but once I did it was pretty good.

I only seem to pull really thick women.

Not one manages to give me her number correctly.

Two guys walk into a bar; one ducks, the other falls down.
-----
Two blondes walk into a building; you'd think the second one would've seen it coming.
-----
A blonde and a brunette are about to jump off a building, which one hits the ground first? The brunette; the blonde has to stop and ask for directions.
-----
Your mother.

Two morons cross paths walking through the desert.
One is carrying a car door.
The other says "Hey what are you doing with that door?"
The one holding the door replies "Oh that, that's so when it gets hot I can roll down the window."

How do you kill an idiot that throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Did you hear how the firing squad full of idiots died?
They stood in a circle.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
---
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
---
There's a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. They're all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician ,"I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says, "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says, "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says, "Well then I'll go at night."

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

A mother and her three daughters are having a picnic in the park.

The first daughter says to her mother"Mommy why did you name me daisy"
The mother says"Because when you were born a daisy landed on your head"

The second daughter says to her mother"Mommy why did you name me rose"
The mother says"Because when you were born a rose landed on your head"

The third daughter says to her mother"Duuuuuuuh Potatoes!"And drools all over
And the mother goes"Shut up cinderblock!"

There's a guy that walks into a house of ill repute one night.
A very well dressed, polished looking, man.
The madam of the house walks up to him and says
"Welcome! See anything you like?"
The man responds firmly.
"I want to see Valerie."
The madam says a bit stunned.
"Are you sure?
Valerie is our best girl and she's 10,000 dollars a night."
The man still responds in much the same manner as the first time.
So she sends for Valerie.
Moments later this gorgeous, young thing comes strutting down the stairs.
He takes her back upstairs without a word, does his thing, leaves 10 grand on the night stand and leaves.
The next night he returns.
The madam greets him again and he replies just as firmly as the first night.
"I want to see Valerie."
Again the madam questions him but when she meets with the same response she sends for Valerie again.
Again Valerie struts down the stairs to him and he runs her back upstairs without saying a word.
He does his thing, leaves 10 grand on the night stand and is gone again.
The next night he returns and yet again he wants to see Valerie.
The madam doesn't even question him this time and sends for Valerie.
Again Valerie struts down the stairs to him and he runs her back upstairs without saying a word.
He does his thing and leaves 10 grand on the night stand but this time instead of letting him just leave she catches him putting on his clothes and says smiling.
"I've been in this profession for a good while and no one has ever spent this much money on me or any woman.
I've got to ask where are you from?"
The man replies while straightening his tie.
"Billings Montana."
She then answers a bit stunned
"Really? I've got family in Billings Montana."
The man then puts his pants back on and after putting his shoes and belt back on says.
"I know, your sister died and she wanted me to give you $30,000."

Here's some meta-humor. Which basically means it is a joke that makes fun of jokes. :D

Why did the chicken cross the road? To have its motives questioned.

An man walks past a bar.

Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they're unaware of their surroundings so to derive humor from this would be expletive.

-End meta humor. Begin normal stuff.-

What do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you do when a blond throws a pin at you? Run. She's holding a live grenade.

You know you play too much Call of Duty when you throw a grenade into your kitchen before getting a snack.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?.....Peer pressure.

Hope you enjoyed these :D

This guy gets into a cab one night.
As he sits down he notices this nun sitting beside him.
As they go down the street she says to him rather out of the blue.
"If you could do anything in your life what would you do?"
He replies plainly "I've always wanted to have sex with a nun."
She in turn answers "Well there's two thing you need for that, you need to be single and Catholic."
He then very quickly responds "I'm both."
So they get the driver to pull over, in a dark alley they do their business, and are back in the cab.
A few miles down the road the guy starts tearing up a box of kleenex crying.
With his hands over his eyes and tears streaming down his face he confesses.
"I'm sorry! I....I lied to you. I'm.... I'm married and Jewish."
She says smiling sweetly "That's ok..."
her voice then turns deep to reveal she's not what she pretends to be.
"My name is Scott and I'm going to a costume ball."

Moral of the story:

What looks good to you aint always good for you.