Hitomi held Makoto's hand uncomfortably, looking at the green blanket beneath her, trying not to make eye contact. It hurt. She moved the fingers of her left hand slowly, without giving it too much thought, above and below Makoto's palm, like a blind old man trying to remember which of his sons he is talking to by sense of touch. The skin was soft. The fingers were long and delicate, graceful. The fingers of an artist, or a craftsman. The pulse was quick, and the palm was sticky with sweat. It was only natural, of course. Makoto was worried and afraid. The silence was heavy again.
"Yeah... I'm fine.", Hitomi said slowly, as if weighing each word heavily on the tip of her tongue before letting it go, afraid that something might escape unchecked. She fidgeted nervously. "You are alive. That's also good. I was worried about you too, you know..." She sighed. A part of her really wanted these words to be true, and to sound like it. But they weren't really. They felt hollow and cold. They had a bitter taste. Was she worried about Makoto, back then? Of course she was. She was worried about all of her friends. But was it a real emotion? Real care for other people? When the possessed student held her there, strangling her, she though, first and foremost, about herself. She didn't want to die. She was afraid to die. Can you blame a human being for being afraid to die, for thinking only about himself when his life are in such danger? Apparently, you can. Everything is relative. Selfishness is relative. Egocentricism is relative. And this girl next to her made her feel like this fear, these thoughts, were something to be ashamed of. Everybody looks like a sinner when standing next to a saint.
Did she really care for everybody else, last night? Or was it, in the end, all about herself? She didn't want Makoto to die, but was it because she cared about her, or because she was her friend? Maybe her only friend? She needed her, and she couldn't let her go. She needed her. Is it real care to try and save something you need? Is that not selfishness? Before serving anyone else, you serve yourself.
Hollow, cold words from a hollow and cold person.
She was really glad when Sousuke entered the room, cutting the string of her thoughts. It meant she could stop thinking about the girl next to her, for a moment. She wanted to be somewhere else, maybe alone. But this was almost as good.
"Better than before", she answered quietly to his question, trying to put a good smile on her face. It wasn't very good, but she hoped it would suffice.
She needed to get away from all this for a moment. She let go of Makoto's hand slowly, with little eagerness. Something about her didn't want to. But most of her did. "Excuse me for a moment, I... need to get something done." Some distraction, some mundane thing to stop her from thinking. She wanted to brush her teeth, before. Maybe she'll take a shower, too. She sweat, and the green hospital-dress-thing was sticky against her skin. She'll have to go back to her room for some new cloths, to replace the ones ruined last night.
At least ten minuets alone. Ten minuets of thoughtless, automatic bliss. She looked at Makoto's legs, not wanting to look at her face. "You can sit on the bed while I am gone, if you don't feel like standing".
She jumped off and left, half walking, half running.