Amisha
Sometimes I wonder about my life. I think everyone does, so I don't think I'm special or anything. Actually, I feel the opposite. I'm worthless in my own eyes. So timid and ashamed, I wish I were someone else. Bolder. I know others, others like me... Who are bold... And unafraid... But me?
I'm just a coward, running from my past. And unsuccessfully, might I add...
A woman, smooth and limber in her motions, walked on through- weaving through small tables and people. The Black Light was a Indian restaurant in New York, one with a selection of unique customers and rules. Her hair was long and dark, her eyes alight and gray. Her aura was serene at first glance. But those steely gray eyes held a constant fear to them. Constant worry. Depression. Self-hatred.
It was a normal day, and her boss was loving, allowing Amisha the day shift for today. Her shift would be over in three hours. She didn't have much longer left. All she had to do during the day shift was wait tables. And Amisha had a very precise memory, so she did it all without paper or pen, usually earning her a tip from the generous customers.
But trouble was coming. Trouble was lurking in the back of her mind. She didn't want trouble, but trouble doesn't care who it victimizes anymore. Not in this city specifically.
Walking through, she was headed to section 5, in the back. Table number 4. The tables had numbers and sat in sections, but the customers didn't know. It was the waitresses and waiters who were trained to remember it to help recognize orders and the such.
"... Yeah, well you can't just go around scamming people! I've lost over a hundred bucks smartass!"
"Watch your mouth, I'm not some kid! And you lost money because
you don't know how to financially survive! It's a tough world out there rookie."
Two men arguing. It made a flutter in Amisha's stomach.
Please stop.
One man jumped up from his seat, staring down the other as he more cleanly moved out of his seat. Amisha didn't know it yet, but she was already moving faster- the black silk top over her violet bikini swaying in her quick steps. Belly-dancing gave her much more flexibility and precision in movement than other dancing might have. It was a skill she did on the streets as a child for money, learning from watching the wide-screens in central New Delhi.
The first man stepped around the table and spat on the man's shoe. That was it, she knew it. In Amisha's mind, everything reverted. It wasn't two strangers fighting. It was Tarik, a young teen, standing up to an older man who'd murdered his sister and Amisha's best friend.
When the second man lunged and drew back his fist, everyone heard her. The tray of drinks fell to the floor, and Amisha stood absolutely still, covering her head.
"Stop it!" Her voice rang, soft accent gentle on the ears, though her fearful and frightened tone making others look down in sorrows of their own. Did they relate? Hell no. It wasn't sorrow. It was pity. The Indian girl with no understanding, they thought.
But the men listened. The second man fixed his shirt and collar, and moved towards Amisha. She cringed, standing still and closing her eyes in a way that made it seem as though she were hiding from him. Like he were to hit her. To beat her to the point of lifelessness, like she had been once before.
But the man just sighed as he passed, slipping a dollar into her pocket. Amisha's eyes cracked open as the other man tossed his napkin onto the table and her boss came shuffling out from the kitchen.
"Amisha!!!" He yelled, pointing around. She merely stood, the doe in headlights.
"Ugh.... Leave for the day, and I'll see you tonight."
Her heart sank. Ugh, the night shift! She ruined her chances at a peaceful day-job. The night was ten times worse, and a man would even go as far as to hit her at night for her speaking so outright. So far, she hadn't been hit here in America. But it was a constant fear. She absolutely despised fighting.
And listening to him, Amisha took off her name tag and placed it on the front counter as she walked out.
~*~
The walk to the junkyard was long and endearing, and it was afternoon already. Lovely. Smooth. She was wearing now a white t-shirt (contrasting greatly with her skin), and a pair of jeans with a silvery belt and tan Puma running shoes.
Things she had gotten from her 'family' before she fled them. It wasn't about being loved. Because Amisha wasn't sure if she wanted to be loved. It was about being broken. Torn. Without repair.
But once she was there, she was fine. She had started crying in her walk, but recovered quickly. She merely felt her shame, as Amisha moved through towards her section, trying not to look at anyone as she did so. There was just a time when she felt like she didn't
deserve the friends she had.
Moving to her palette on the ground near a fence, she sat down, cradling her face. And from her bra she pulled out a small picture. Three kids, all Indian.
Her eyes settled on one.
Tarik.
Why, heavenly whatever, couldn't you at least just
save him? Why did she have to
live?