by Tæfarós on Tue Sep 23, 2008 2:14 am
Staring down into the eyes of the dead, the soul of a casket, the face of a crook, Alistair thought inappropriate thoughts.
He called over his Uncle Jemaine, who had the cronies in a laugh frenzy, to join him. Jemaine walked toward him and frowned, a bear stirred from the middle of hibernation.
"What is it, lad? I was on a roll. You know better'n that."
Alistair shifted his eyes skyward. He didn't comprehend this "roll"--or couldn't, rather, seeing as his uncle's brand of face-reddening, eye-watering, sometimes heartbreaking humor had always come across as foreign. A country thing, probably. He glanced once more at the doorway and, upon seeing it still very much filled with chain-smoking strangers, sighed heavily.
Running a hand through the curly mess atop his head, he reminisced not about the dearly departed, but of life at the bar. Of the land of booze and lost bets. How he, as a growing young man still naive enough to be considered a boy, questioned his uncle. Who are these people? Why are they angry? Not to worry, Aly, the response would come, and Alistair questioned no more.
The worry, however, still lingered, and the same applied here at the wake. Strangers--like the guy in the casket, for instance. What the hell did he have to do with Murphy Greene? Nothing much, or at all. By the looks of it, not many had previous business with Murphy Greene, who was proving to be quite an average associate full of holes and little more than that.
But Murphy Greene did have to deal with D.C. goals somehow, despite his obvious failure.
He answered Jemaine: "My tie."
"Haven't we gone over that shite today?" His uncle's squinted eyes were piggish, his tone harsh. "As a man, you must be sure in your ability to tie a tie. Now stop askin' me how, 'ay?"
Assumptions: Jemaine's method of being right.
"No, Uncle, it's not that. It's..." Alistair grimaced. With a crowd of holegans among them, the words faltered.
"Oh come now. Something else must be on your mind then."
Alistair found his Aunt Eva winking at him from afar, and he waved back. Knowing her, this was either a sign of encouragement or merely a taunt, and he took it in stride. Her friends, their misaligned teeth adding color to their banter, fanned themselves rhythmically. He saw their makeup fall in a battle against the room's humidity, the eyeliner settling into signs of age, the scent of powder wafting alongside the scent of old, their eyes recollecting the world's most demented murderer clown. Here, of course, Alistair's mind exaggerated, but the sickness in his stomach was no lie. He felt his thin body sway as sweat gathered on his forehead. A sign of youth besides his would greatly benefit at a death house; desperation revealed itself upon his face as he considered the possibility that maybe--just maybe, she had other, better things to do than meeting him beside a casket. Shopping--there was always shopping. General avoidance also counted.
"It's this girl, OK?"
Jemaine had also found other, better things to do in the midst of his nephew's observations, but hearing any mention of a girl from Aly blew said things out of the pisshole.
He grinned: "Say what now? You?"
"Yes, me," Alistair said, throwing up his hands. "I--I just felt that this tie was a bad decision, is all. Oh, I never should've--"
"We've talked about this as well. Just because you haven't quite yet grown any balls don't mean that you've got the right to moan over a fuckin' tie. You're hysterical, son." He laughed a good laugh, a laugh to deafen all other laughs laughed that day.
And with this laugh brought madness, a madness that caused Eva to shuffle over to plant a kiss on her husband's lips; that raised bowed, elderly heads from the body and up to stare at the outburst. Alistair slumped in a chair with a hand covering his eyes.
"What's the lad up to now?" he heard Eva say, her Celtic origins coming through loud and clear.
"Our boy's got trouble with the opposite sex--ties, specifically. Would you rather have him wear the solid pink, or are the coronations more akin to his fancy?"
Madness. Through this madness, however, shone a light, and there she stood. She pushed the bangs away from her face to look at him with sharp blue eyes, and he admired how the light from outside outlined her soft cheekbones. Alistair smiled widely for the first time that day. He rose, ignoring the sight of his aunt and uncle, and greeted her with arms outstretched.
"Oh, Helena," he said, voice soft, as he embraced her, holding her close. He closed his eyes while stroking her head. "I'm so sorry about yesterday."
For a moment, all was well. She smelled so nice, so natural, so refreshing. He smiled down at her new haircut--a choppy bob that delicately complemented her face. But that smile quickly faded; standing there, he began to notice how she did not return the favor. She was stiff, arms rested firmly at her side, and her eyes did not meet his as he pulled back to admire her up close. He held his breath, his throat tightening. For all he could tell, she found him nonexistent. Alistair had the urge to plead with her, to get a reaction--something, anything--until she finally eyed him. Her expression was dull.
He shook his head. "You're still mad, aren't you? Please, talk to me. Please."
Yesterday's anger briefly took hold of him, but was quickly subdued by her listless stare. Pathetic, her eyes said. Pathetic and worthless and broken down. Alistair knew. She'd laid her feelings straight countless times before--so many times, in fact, that she barely had any other feelings to come across. Now the tie meant fuck all and he couldn't believe he'd even stop to worry about such a thing.
Aly persisted, though. Aly persisted because he was pathetic, and being pathetic was a card he best played. A stillness gathered about the room as he reclaimed the chair, sat her down on his lap and kissed her exposed back. He saw Jemaine and Eva in his peripheral vision, eyeing them gravely.
"So you came," he said with a forced laugh. "I thought you'd rather be studying."
She crossed her legs, looking back at him. "Already did, boredom ensued. Nothing else was going on either."
"Huh, good to know." He paused. "Is there anything else you want to tell me? Anything at all?" Instinctively, his arms wrapped around her waist, but he loosened some as he felt her straining. He scooted, fully aware of the rising irony in his trousers. How lovely was the coldness of a woman.
"Stop saying sorry."
"I apologize."
"Specifically, stop saying sorry about yesterday."
"But me, and--and I was completely--"
"You were bold, Aly," Helena said, a bit of tension relieved by her smirk. "Totally batshit insane, but bold nonetheless."
His cheeks burned and his eyes widened at her sudden openness. The images of last night danced in his mind, the sound of gunfire ringing in his ears. "I could have killed that man. He could have killed me!"
"Like I said, refreshing."
"One year later and I still don't quite understand you."
"Let me put it this way." She shifted her body to face him. "Remember back in Chicago when you took me to the rooftop?"
Alistair beamed: "Oh certainly, you were so excited...."
"And remember how I somehow got you to use the airsoft rifle?"
With his beaming gone, she laughed.
"Of course. My God, we targeted Mr. Mulallay's pitbull."
"No one liked that old bitch hound."
"But still, Helena. His only friend. Couldn't we have gotten something, I don't know, a little less familiar? Or nothing at all?"
"Dude, you hit the thing while it chased the neighbor's cat. While it ran around in circles. You were friggin' amazing."
"Well, I do like Toby," Alistair said, thinking fondly of the cat. He frowned. "But that's not the point!"
She lowered her eyes, her face inches away from his. She threw arms around his neck in return. Alistair stiffened.
"Relax, Aly. No worries, I'm sure no one actually gives a damn about the casket."
"People are watching. My relatives are watching. Drunk passersby are watching."
He pried his eyes away from hers to survey if he was right. Jemaine--he was predictable. Most of the rest didn't appear to notice. Were they in bad taste for disrespecting the deceased? Focusing on Helena again, he no longer cared.
"Never mind them. You were right about one thing though."
"What's that?" Alistair sounded hopeful and he wasn't quite sure why.
"Toby wasn't the point. The point is that you did something out of the norm. Really, you gunning that dog? Never woulda thought."
"I did it for you, I think. Chocolates probably would have sufficed though."
"And yesterday! How many times do you get to rescue me from a meathead? How many times do you get to look sexy doing it?" She held his hand, rubbing his bloodied knuckles.
"Er, never? I was too weak to properly win anyway," he said, wincing. "The pistol did all the talking, and I only had one of those out of paranoia."
Helena snorted. "Pssh, doesn't matter. What matters is that you excited me, and to tell you the truth, you're not the kinda guy who does that so easily."
"I'm not?"
"No. You're too agreeable, too soft. And that's why we're not gonna make it, Alistair."
He flinched--a hard blow, yes, but he quickly regained himself. This wasn't news. By her lack of reaction, this definitely wasn't news.
She grasped his sore hand: "Understand?"
"I think I do now." He didn't, but lying was such a convenience to the blur swimming in his head.
"Good," she said as she rose, "'cause I gotta go."
Confusion brought an urge. Alistair reached out for her arm just as she disappeared into the hallway.
Last edited by
Tæfarós on Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.