Listen kid... You can leave right now. Right through that door, and look out at the hall. You'll see absolutely everything you expected to see. Nothingness, decrepit, lonely, dank, and leaking nothingness that only deserves to be wiped gone and clean. I don't care what you see when you look my way, but I know what I see when I look yours... You're an ugly little person....

Brian awoke from his dream. It was a bad one. They were getting worse, too. It started off as nothing but simple scares and bumps in the night. Then he started dreaming about the ghosts and the bunnymen and spooning his goddamn eyes out just so he can look at it. It all felt so real, it felt like life, like death even. It felt like nothing he had felt and it would soon fade and be gone. An image turned to pixles, turned to dots, turned to dots, turned to atoms, turned to nothing, and then remembered in an instant of wet, confused blurs and moans as his body tries in vain to move him, shake him, make him do something and prove to himself that the last one didn't happen. That was a dream. That even though it felt like reality, it wasn't, because dreams never feel like dreams, and that's why they're different from life. Because life feels like one big lucid nightmare, all slowed with it's details turned up to eleven and made so sharp you could cut your hair on it. But that was just the way he saw it. God, they couldn't be real. Surely, not.

He stood looking around the living room. Covered in litter and clothes and dirty sheets. The couch was where he had slept and now it's cushions lay strewn across the lovely used-to-be-white rug. The sun just managed to muster enough courage to break in through the dust-coated curtains and line a sliver of white morning on the floor which stood out as prominently as a sword in your leg. The door banged. Something -- someone -- was slamming their big meaty fists against the goddamn door and it was giving off the loudest bang. The kind that sent a pulse of sheer, blunt sound directly into your head and decided to beat the living crap out of your brain as it seized up and cried in the fetal position begging the noise to go away and come again another day. But of course, it didn't. It was going to stay right where it was until the door opened by Brian's hand or until the hinges gave way and let gravity decide how the floor would enjoy a closer view of numbers '67' which used to be 97 but since that single screw vanished from existence the number has changed.
Brian groggily sauntered over to the door and opened it. He moved it slightly and let the door swing the rest of the way open. He was met with two things; confusion, and relief. Relief that he didn't have to deal with those horrible things that are often known as 'people wanting money' and confusion that no one was there. Not a single little being. Not a mouse or a piece of fluff. He edged his little head outside and looked from left to right. The hall had nothing. Just doors, the floor and the walls. A broken window and nothing else. So Brian went back inside and closed his door. But his door decided that he wasn't to do that. No, it decided that it must make him open it once more. Three more bangs rhythmically before Brian decided to quickly spin and whip open the door, hoping to see someone standing there with their jaw dropped and Brian in his pants shouting:
'aha! Gotchya ya little ass! What the hell do you want!?'
But of course. This was exactly as it was the first time round. Empty. Nothing. Met with only a large spot of air and a feeling of annoyance. So he slammed the door shut this time. The walls shook when he did, causing dust to spit out from the ceiling above and land in his greasy, matted hair. He turned and jumped onto his couch which was previously his bed and he sighed deeply.

Three More Bangs.

But these bangs were different. Stranger. Louder. And Moving. Coming closer. With each bang another inch, another little movement towards him. Brian's heart was jumping in every direction that it could like a pissed off child in a cage screaming: 'let me out! let me out!!'

Three More Bangs

And they were furiously louder. As if an elephant stood towering behind Brian on his nice wooden floor that would now, no doubt, be broken by the gigantic feet of the invisible, shape-less elephant that was made existent by only three things.

Three More --
Brian flicked round in a kung-fu position that he copied off of a movie that he watched somewhere between 3 and 5 in the morning while his brain was off and on at the same time in a state of being brain dead. His arms slumped down, not in laziness, nor in recognition of the shape-less, stomping elephant, but in simple fright and confusion. A towering man stood before him like a giant. He wore a big blue boiler suit, but his hands were strange. Curled up into tight fists and covered in white hair. His feet were odd, like giant white paws. Looking further up Brian noticed two white sheet-like things hanging down his chest that were attached to the top of his head. Ears. The thing was a giant anthro-bunny. A bunnyman, alright. A monster if Brian ever saw one. He knew full well that it spoke english, so he said simply:
"Who the hell are you?"
It stood there silent for a moment, as if entranced or amazed that he was being seen by Brian like an imaginary friend of a five year old suddenly becoming real and being recognised in the street. And then it spoke. With a deep, hoarse, gutteral voice that made one think of only demons from films and fantasy novels
"Listen kid... You can leave right now. Right through that door, and look out at the hall. You'll see absolutely everything you expected to see. Nothingness, decrepit, lonely, dank, and leaking nothingness that only deserves to be wiped gone and clean. I don't care what you see when you look my way, but I know what I see when I look yours... You're an ugly little person....But I like you. I've been watching you. Hanging around in your dreams."
And then suddenly the thing burst into energy, it jumped and landed on the couch with a loud bang that sounded like a cannon was fired from under the couch
"What's for eats? You got any ham. I love ham." He said, "oh! Name's Reuben. You might as well know it, we'll be spending the rest of your life together."
"I'm Brian..." Brian then sat down next to him and slumped back before plucking up the T.V. remote and turning on the television to tune into boring morning breakfast shows as if what he was seeing beside him was absolutely normal. Well, for him it would become normal. He gained a friend. But only because this friend was a person. Not human. And already it was eating his cereal out of his favourite bowl with his most clean spoon, spilling the little white hoops and milk everywhere as it took large heaps of the stuff and piled it into its giant mouth. Yes, this would become normal. Reuben did have strange eating habits.













Well, thank you for reading. This was inspired by something I read while trumping around the forums here. Well, I couldn't think of a name for this. Also, Tell me if you guys like the idea, see, i would like to post writing like this (but much, much longer) every week or so, as a sort of episodic telling of the life and times of Brian the lazy bum and Reuben the giant bunnyman. OF course, I would aim to make all my readers laugh, as they probably have not when reading this. But they will... I hope. PLEASE leave comments and let me know what you think.

i enjoyed it , although you leave it hanging in wonder of what shall happen with the two new friends lol see you around

It's likable, but it has room of improvement. The way I see it, you have a decent form of description and overall writing, however your sentences sometimes wind on and on without any sign of a pause whatsoever.

Like here:

"An image turned to pixles, turned to dots, turned to dots, turned to atoms, turned to nothing, and then remembered in an instant of wet, confused blurs and moans as his body tries in vain to move him, shake him, make him do something and prove to himself that the last one didn't happen."

Sure it has commas for separation but it irks me not to see a period somewhere there - it makes the main idea you're carrying be forgotten under everything else that's unimportant in comparison.

Or here:

"The kind that sent a pulse of sheer, blunt sound directly into your head and decided to beat the living crap out of your brain as it seized up and cried in the fetal position begging the noise to go away and come again another day."


There should be a period after 'head', otherwise you just begin to ramble on and on with an exaggerated set of comparisons.

I believe there's another one or two lying around as well, I'm not sure. Also, at some points you put periods in where they don't really belong, making the sentences appear quite choppy and changing the rhythm for the person reading. While this is good for dramatic effect, it shouldn't be overused.

Check for spelling and punctuation errors, there's an ellipsis with four dots somewhere around there, as well as misplaced lower case letters after quotation marks.

Finally, on the last part, I realize Brian appears to be pretty unmoved by Reuben's arrival, however I found it too unreal even for fiction. Not because he just sits there, but rather because you narrate it'll become normal; in this case I think it may be better to leave that up to the reader's criteria as opposed to imply it, thereby making the relationship's status a little more dubious and tempting for the reader to keep up with.

alright ill explain:

The writing can seem to drone on because Brian is groggy, he is just awoken to this quick succession of events so his head is spinning a litle and his thoughts can't concentrate much.
Then you'll see it picks up, becomes choppy, changes everything, again, it's Brian, his minds turning on like a crack-cocaine bulb. Also, these two WILL know each other for a long time. Also, Brian has seen Reuben in his dreams and in his nightmares, interacted with him and is now so used to it that he just says "Bugger it!" and decides he'll live with it rather than try to run from it.

OH! Also, can i just say, the period wouldn't go after head because you don't put 'and' after a period. That's English for yah.

Also, Thank you so much for the criticism. It's extremely helpful to help craft and shape Brian's world. Also, this is just a sort of.... Pilot episode. When I decide to write the full blown B-N-R's they will be very different. But sort of along the same style... sort of...

Anyways, over-all, would you read the next installments [PArt1, and onwards]

Your writing shouldn't be influenced by a character, not in the tense you're using at least. First person would work much better for that and even then, it's more common for them to make fourth wall breaking references in order to keep the writing's flow the same.

As for the period, I thought I wouldn't have to mention you'd need to change that part. Regardless, contemporary English likely accepts beginning a sentence with 'and', just like it's acceptable to use 'who' in place of 'whom.'

Would I read something like this further on? Hmm. See, the genre isn't quite my cup of tea, but I likely would, if only to see how you improve further on. Watch those ellipses, Ghakha - you have another one with four dots somewhere in your reply .

four dots, three dots, big whoop !

Anyways, from an American's point of view, yes, putting 'and' at the start of a sentence is acceptable. But when it's drilled into the heads of every British child and you happen to BE British [though you often object to it, I'm Scottish.]

Also, uhmm... Bugger, I can't think of anything else other than; keep an eye out for good old Reuben. .. ................................... and Brian. [[Who made an appearance in a short, horror-type thing I wrote:Which you can find here

Factoidtime:
Reuben the bunnyman was originally a monster in a nightmare world known as Naremare. He was found locked in a prison cell with two humans having casual conversation with them. He also had burning embers on his cheeks and big red burning eyes of evil.
[Before you ask, Yes, he IS my invention... The band name 'Echo & The Bunnymen' did help though.. teehee]

Very enjoyable
I'd read more. I'm not too good with giving constructive critisism, but it's good.

awesome

Damn... Bunnyman is scary.
That's what I thought. Probably just because I don't like bunnies.

Anyway, I really liked reading this. I'll be looking forward to whatever you write about these guys next.

ha!.. dont be scared of Reuben! He's a nice guy-rabbit,...thing... really, he is! Jus' wait till ya getta know him... it...whatever.

I liked it, very interesting. Though, I'm not sure you meant to repeat words when you made little 'lists' here and there (i.e. "An image turned to pixles, turned to dots, turned to dots, turned to atoms..." or "Nothingness, decrepit, lonely, dank, and leaking nothingness...") Other than that it was a good read. I'd definitely like to read more about this scenario, if only to see the absurdity of it all.

Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to repeat those things, Saint. I do that sometimes when I type: Repeat words, type words I didn't wanna type. It doesn't happen often so it's nothing to worry about.

I'm gonna write Part1