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by **Circ** on Mon May 28, 2007 10:00 am

I gave this its own thread for reasons that become clear after reading the concerns posted in the main sign-up and information thread. If anyone has doubts, go read it yourself. The other tutors should post their review here. At any rate, I think a separate audit thread is a good idea. So, I will get right down to business.

Should Zee All Knowing Peacock Graduate? Yes. Why? They are a sufficient writer, have no qualms about manipulating a storyline or injecting new ideas, and seem aware of the limitations that exist around whatever particular character they play. That hardly means all is perfect, so here are some things I would like Zee to look out for:

Writing and saying nothing, also known as filler. This comes in the form of complex sentences that are confusing enough to look pretty, but possess no value and do not contribute to the story. It can also be demonstrated in babbling on about unimportant details that really have no relationship to the characters involved or the progression of the story. No doubt you, Zee, can go look at your writing and find these aberrations. Now, I realize word count is sometimes stressed on this forum, but if I had to choose between long-winded bullshit and a brief work of art, I will always choose the latter. Quality over quantity.

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by **Azmodai2** on Tue May 29, 2007 11:02 am

Ironically I'm put in an odd situation here as Principal AND as Zee's Tutor. Technically I cannot participate in this debate in the event of a tie, therefore I am simply letting everyone know I am paying attention.

by **Zee All Knowing Peacock** on Fri Jun 01, 2007 1:17 pm

*cough* ... ?

by **Edge** on Fri Jun 01, 2007 2:41 pm

Should Zee All Knowing Peacock Graduate?

Review: Yes. This student deserves to graduate with flying colors. Not only does he have the natural grace to continue on to RPGing, but it won’t be long till he’ll be at the top of the RPGing lists. I don’t say that to be nice, I’m saying it to be serious.

Peacock, there are Four lessons I teach to my students; The Five Senses, Communication, and Power. The first and final lesson being the Promise; and you’ve kept to it though you weren’t one of my students.

Praise: You’ve got a great handle on your character and what he’s feeling. You paint his struggles and his troubles with a deft hand, giving your character a sense of an innocent while letting him be intelligent. Also you’re not afraid to see the world around your character and give some internal clues as to what he’s feeling. Also you know how to break down your flashbacks- that's important too many people used blocks of info dumping to cover for their flashbacks.

In the beginning I saw more fluff, but you narrowed it down as you went.

Critical: Being a magic user as my favored character, I know this also means having limits on your magic. I didn’t see the draining of energy or a cost. Remember even if it’s minor magic, there has to be a cost in some way. At least hint at the cost of your magic loss by blood, energy, or some kind of headache. For other characters in books may not have this kind of restriction, but as an RPGer we have to keep in mind of the balances of power.

Also I would like to have seen more interaction with the NPCs. Even though this RPG wasn’t set up for much NPC interaction, as you are in the city for some part of it, I would have liked to see some beggars, or kids playing. Some kind of proof that this city was alive. Even if your character cannot interact directly, he can watch and maybe catch some hint of the cultural values. Maybe even some questionable actions going on in the shadows.

Grade: 96

Teacher Review

Also apart of this should be the teacher review. Looking over how Azmodai handled his student, I say he did a fair job of it. Yes it was a little bumpy for going on a trip in the middle of it. But over all I can’t find much to complain about other then this.

I believe the student should have been more exposed to more situations to interact with. However as this is the Academy’s first shot, it’s not expected to be perfect, nor should be. We learn from our mistakes.

Suggestions: I half wonder if there should be a formula to look at here. Each tutor no doubt has a different starting point, a different time. It would be interesting to enter to talk to one another as to setting up one world to play in. Though before the protests come flying in, I’ll take the time to post this idea separately.

I like that Azmodai keep the RPG fairly consistent with the cityscape, but it felt like it was all in one place too much, too much darkness, maybe not enough scene switching.

Teacher Grade: 94

by **Edge** on Sun Aug 26, 2007 7:40 pm

Despite all my time away from the Academy due to moving to Boston with my wife and a few other personal events in my life not worth telling about, I strongly feel that my student Yoshida is up for graduating from the Academy. Yoshida has proved to be a strong RPGer to teach. The length and quality of the posts are up to par and have the growth to go beyond that.

I know Yoshida did not complete the third lesson in- however success in my class does not depend on the amount of lessons completed, rather to pass my own class the student must understand the promise of working with other RPGers. Yoshida has proved that he can indeed take from one RPGer's posts and work with the material thrown to him.

If there is room for growth for my student, there is very little to criticize. These two areas would be where I would encourage more growth in.

Integrating more back story without info dumping or integrating a subplot

Working on writing better openings to posts- there's technically nothing wrong with the openings, but it takes a few lines to warm up to the character every other time transition. Experience will smooth that over.

This student is ready for mainstream RPGs.

Please review the student's work on pg. 2.

by **Circ** on Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:28 pm

Having read over the lessons and responses, I find this player more than satisfactory. Yoshida excels at writing lengthily without boring the reader, painting the scenery with simple but elegant wordplay, and utilizing character dialogue.

There is one chink in his armor that I feel requires exposure, and that is the presentation of character behavior and emotions. Such things are better to describe via nuances rather than cliché, and through phraseology and clever dialogue rather than the typical and, I dare say, common actions of smiling, sword-gripping, and bittersweet reverie that I have come to expect.

Excellence can sometimes found more easily in a red wheel barrow than in the meandering sonnets of old.

Overall, I give this player a B+.

by **Azmodai2** on Wed Sep 19, 2007 6:43 pm

Placeholder for Tutor requests for students to Graduate NOTE: STUDENTS DO NOT POST IN THIS THREAD

by **Azmodai2** on Tue Oct 23, 2007 9:49 pm

I am placing Ralana up for graduation review. Her conventions are well above what's required to RP on this site and her posts are always dynamic and interesting to read. Her ideas are well thought out and she is a skilled story teller along with being a skilled writer. I believe her abilites would be better fleshed out if she were to become involved in mult-person RP's rather than one on one contact with me

All tutors please review our thread and vote yay or nay and why.

by **Grimbold Theoman** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:18 am

I vote Yay for Ralana graduating. Her writing is well above the average standard for the site and her imagination is second to none. Besides she is HAWT.

Sorry about that last bit but I was told voting was serious so I had to prove the point.

by **Azmodai2** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:22 am

Thank you.

by **ConvolutedMusings** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:03 am

Umm... No.

I won't read the thread. I don't need to.

Ralana should certainly graduate. I did, in fact, wonder why she was a student here in the first place. One of the 1337, I would class her as.

by **Azmodai2** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:00 pm

Maybe I wasn't clear. I want a REAL reason why yay or nay, Hawtness and 1337ness don't count.

by **ConvolutedMusings** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:20 pm

A real reason, eh?

Simple. Her writing is mature, her characters have depth, she has a great imagination, which shines through in her RPing. There is a great deal of internal work in her posts, which adds life to the character, yet she is able to not dwell entirely internally.

Outside influences also are played with equal importance.

Is that enough, kind sir?

by **Aoi** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:25 pm

I'd say she is fit for graduation.

As for reasons, I could quote Saladin or Grim, but I have a feeling you'll yell at me for that.

Ralana has always acted mature in character, her character itself is a matured one, she actually uses paragraphs, her writing is proper enough to be considered "Proper" English, and she actually knows how to add detail to her posts without going overboard.

by **Grimbold Theoman** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:42 pm

And if it comes to it she is a far better writer and role player than I am any nine times out of ten.

by **Azmodai2** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 4:15 pm

The vote stands at 3 yay for Ralana.

I would also liek to bring your attention to Datenshi_snow. This student has shown considerable ability in character development and descriptive writing skills. She also knows how to advance the story in a way that complement the RP as a whole, so as of her newest post I am putting her up for Graduation Review also.

by **Circ** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 4:55 pm

Ralana can write well enough; her ideas are creative, syntactically acceptable, and fully-defined without being overtly wearisome, but the execution hovers just above mediocre. There are a few reasons why I say that, and they follow:

She writes something, and rewrites it in a slightly different way, i.e. these cliche prose, "The woman suddenly felt lighter, as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of her." I also noticed a tendency in her writing to use a word far too often for it to be considered dramatization, i.e., "Slowly her body started to shiver trying to warm itself up as the woman slowly started to turn her head just to know she could move it. Her world of black was slowly fading as faint sounds of a real world crept into her mind…"

Overall, I give Ralana a B-.

. . .

Datenshi_snow is awesome. There is nothing else to say. Her writing is to the point, but still lovely with description, and creative. Her every post makes me smile. If only she used a word processor, and for that minor flaw she gets an A-.

by **Aoi** on Wed Oct 24, 2007 5:38 pm

I agree with Circ. Datenshi looks more than qualified to graduate; her writing is clear, the detail is more than enough, but not entirely too much, to paint a picture in my mind, and she stayed on topic while in character, never trying to add more to her posts by God-Modding irrelevant junk.

by **Circ** on Tue Oct 30, 2007 5:33 pm

Baby Seymour is up for graduation review.

Please see the thread.

by **Azmodai2** on Tue Oct 30, 2007 9:13 pm

I vote in favor of Baby Seymour's graduation. He has displayed considerable writing skill and is easily above the minimum standard required for RPing on any given RP associated with this website. I also believe he will be able to develop more as an RPer if he gets out of the comfort zone of the RPA.

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