This is Love

I'm used to this, the feeling of nothing
Used to the pain, the feel of blows
landing on my skin.
It only hurts for a moment,
That's the promise
Soon, you're gone
away in the darkness
It doesn't hurt anymore
Why, daddy?
You promised, once, to love me
To hold me, I should be safe.
No, why,no,why?
I'm out, cold on this floor
My vision's black.
I CANT BREATH.
Doubled over, choking for breath.
Someone help.
To afraid to ask,
So in love, this isn't supposed to happen.
Where did it all go wrong?
I'm hurt, I'm crying.
Whimpering, bleeding.
Laying on the floor.
Nothing can save me anymore.
Abuse, oh, so that's what it is.
He says it's love, love lovelovelovelove.
I'm laughing, delirious, the pain has gone to my head.
All I know off love is the beatings
All I know of love is laying on this floor
His fists are clenched, this is love.
One strike, two, Oh yes, I can tell.
This is love.

An interesting style, not to my personal taste but otherwise I can see you have put effort into it, and I hope you can keep up and improve if you feel you can.

Thank you. ^_^

=) Your welcome.

Alright Saken, I see that once again you try to show how the protagonist of this poem is suffering. Perhaps you can mention HOW love hurts her. I can tell that she is suffering from love, but how does love do that to her. It would be more interesting for the poem to go a bit more into detail about that. It could be like: "Tearing my mind, ripping my soul. Always ravaging, and unstoppable." Something of that sort. The man mentioned in the poem is the source of her pain, I think. Although he fed her sweet words, he enjoys torturing her. That concept is clear...at least that's how I see it. But you could specify whether he really enjoys torturing her or not.

I think she was fairly clear on how love hurts. It is called Stockholm syndrome; the pathology of the abused. They think it is love, but it is really abuse. I don't particularly like the poem in how it is framed (flow, word choice, layout), but the concept is admirable.

Well, I like the how the poem was laid out. One can never judge a person's style, especially when she's not following a specific type of poem writing. The way the poem was written was refreshing, not like other boring structured poems.

Thank you for all the comments. Sorry about the way I do my poems, and the fact that they are, more than slightly, "emo".

Don't Look Back.

Trying so hard,not to look back.
Trying so hard,to keep my head up.
The waters getting higher
It's Covering my head!

My voice is lost,over the tide
The roaring in my ears
It's to loud.
I can't even hear myself think.

I'm trying so hard
Not to look back.
Don't Look Back
My head has slipped under water
When did it get over my head?
No oxygen
What happened?

My vision's going gray,Still,
Don't Look Back
Tears seem to be slipping from my eyes
Lost in this sea of change
Why do I have to change,What did I do?
Remembering your voice this hurts so much
Closing my eyes, This hurts to much.

My vision has gone black
One last tear,slides down my face
my cry
Lost
in a sea of gray

The death of -me-
Has passed on this dark day.
Everyone told me. "Don't look back."
I want you to know.
I DID.

Whoa, don't be sorry for your style. Perhaps someday you'll have it named after you and be famous for it. The new one is slightly better than the last one. A poem cannot truly be judged, because no one has the right to. One can have opinions though!!! XD, Somehow...this poem is less dark than the last one, that's just my opinion though. It's at a shade of gray, I like how it slips in between dark and normal tone.

Indeed, as Dweebs said, which is also why i'm going to sound a dunce but, is anyone willing to take a glance over at my poetry post, since I'm suffering writers block currently and a good solution I've found to that is constructive criticism giving me a focus to work on to improve myself, which gives me a chance to move away from writing for creativity and writing for improvement.

Speak

Something, anything.
Trying to let those syllables out
lips part, something leaves them
A reluctant syllable
One word of pain

A scream, long and drawn out,
there's nothing else to say
I wish I could speak
give voice to this pain
cause even this one thing..

It's just no, a word, a thought
But it's not enough, a pain filled SOMETHING

I wish I could speak,
wish I could tell you how I feel, wish that you were still here.

Been so long since I spoke to you, what would you say?
Would you beg,
Would you cry,
Would you scream with me?

I don't know what to do, I want to speak, but only one sound comes out
Not even a word once more, why can't I speak?

You taught me to love, you taught me how to cry.
You taught me it was all alright, where have you gone?

So what, it's just words, so what, it's just something.
It's nothing, it's just my thoughts, they don't matter.

But you're contradicting what you said,
You taught me to speak,
You taught me to be.

Why are you talking it all away?
Am I to go mute again?

Why can't i speak anymore?

That first one struck me in places it probably shouldn't have.

Though, in my opinion, the last one is by far your best. You can almost feel the writer's pain yourself for words lost. I like it.

Thank you, that makes me happy. ^-^ I'm on a poetry kick, so.

The Game

I don't get it, you could have told me
I swear I would have understood
Instead you danced around, played hot potato,
Kept me laughing the whole time,
Laughing and in love.

I mean, I would have understood.
I played the game too
Kept that smile, oh so fake, plastered to my face.

But I trusted you, I let the game hide, if only for the moment,
Let you see the real me, hidden behind the sparkling mask of faux perfection.
But, of course, the game most go on and we must slip back,
Back into the cut-throat world of pretend,
Of a life that's as fake as that smile
The smile that never reaches your eyes.

The Game used to be everything
My life, My love, My soul, My heart
When did you replace that need,
When did you become my addiction?

It's hard to go back into the game, to dive deep and hold my breath.
But it's what I have to do-
I hope we don't lose what we had.

I hope, although there is no hope in the game.

I'm not sure what to say. A mere 'touching' would sound utterly and completely Hallmark-y. 'Keep up the good work' sounds like a teacher.

Fakes aren't my game.

Are these poems autobiographical? They seem too true to be said by one who hasn't experienced every emotion in the book... felt it, lived it, been it.

Crushingly brilliant.

Forever
Just a word, a promise, a thought.
Such a simple thing, spoken without knowledge, without effect.
Without love.
I know what I should have said- should have promised, but the words stuck in my throat.

Forever is a long time.
Too many days.
Too many seconds,
Not enough time.

It's true- I did promise a Forever.
I did promise a lifetime, two, three.
But- Who chooses when forever ends?

I'm not happy- you're hurting.
We're killing each other- poison, from the inside.
Can't forever end now?
Now, before we hate each other
Now, before I start to cry.

Forever is a long time,
Too long to live in hate.
Too long for the constant fear.
Too long- when I'm starting to lose my love.

I'm sorry that I had to say good bye.
Sorry that I shattered the illusion.
Sorry that I've made you hurt.

But, Forever is too long.
Too long to lie to myself.
Too long for you to pretend that you love me.
Too long for them to care.
Too long, when forever is simply,
A word.

THIS IS NOT MY POEM, I dunno who's it is (Although I suspect) and one of my friends showed it to me. I thought it was wonderful so I'm putting it here.

The Truth
Let's go.

I look alive,
I'm dead inside,
my heart has holes,
and black lung flows,
we'll do some drugs,
and fall in love
get fucked up,
while the world just shrugs.

No thought logically,
we're wandering the streets so aimlessly,
and I hate to see,
These kids being put down so painlessly,
and people say you die your hair,
or wear tight jeans,
which doesn't mean you can't scream,
or like loud noise,
You gotta choice you have a voice,
and just because you show no love,
and hate on us,
doesn't mean that you do drugs,
now watch me thrust this knife called lust,
into my chest until it burns.

This love this hate,
is burning me away,
its hard to face the world that others hate,
this love this hate,
is burning me the way,
its hard to at times like these, that never change.


Love the fact,
that you're dad is an addict,
Your friend takes pills,
stakes cure sadness,
a mother to attack,
and make you're kids painic, and it's just tragic,
how you kids have it.

Everyone sends it,
it all begins,
it goes like a round,
nobody ever wins,
and you stab yourself in the back,
everybody just relax,
it all just hits so close to home, we all have friends,
but we stand alone,
you're on your own,
from a broken home,
you keep the truth inside,
and it stays alone,
nostalgia hits,
and its time to quit,
and everyone acts like you don't mean shit,
and your friend will stab you, just to fuck some girl,
throw your hands in the air and scream fuck the world.

This love this hate,
is burning me away,
its hard to face the world that others hate,
this love this hate,
is burning me the way,
its hard to at times like these, that never change.

Let go,
I'll bring you closer,
right now,
hold on tightly,
let go,
we're going nowhere, somewhere,
if things aren't over,
its hard at times like these, growing up on the streets,
hard at times like these,
I'll put you back on your feet.

This love this hate,
is burning me away,
its hard to face the world that others hate,
this love this hate,
is burning me the way,
its hard to at times like these, that never change.

And I fall to the ground with my tear drop,
and I get lost everytime a heart stops.

This love this hate,
is burning me away,
its hard to face the world that others hate,
this love this hate,
is burning me the way,
its hard to at times like these,
that never change.

And I fall to the ground with my tear drops,
and I get lost everytime a heart stops.

Another (Mine) Poem.

What I've Learned.

I once thought no one could hurt me.
I'm invincible
I'm all powerful.
I'm great, and I'm alive.

No one can hurt me.

I once knew I didn't care what other's said.
Brushed it all off with a smile,
Laughing as they tried to hurt me, their barbs didn't matter.

I've learned, now, that someone can hurt me.
Leanred that I'm nothing, that I can hurt.
That I am hurt, that I do care.

I care now, what they say
Those few who were once friends
Those people who had my back,
only to hurt me later.
I've learned.
That when I cry, my eyes are hazel.

Once again, I was not disappointed when I read these poems. The writing-style fits my taste. Saken's poems are the only ones that I actually spend time reading. The ones in the books are boring. This stuff here is the real deal.

I Don't Know.
I feel like the worst thing in the world,
can't you see what I've done to you, what you've done to me?
I'm hurting right now- and you don't care,
trying not to die, trying not to burn
I'm falling down

I don't know.

I seem to cry, but my tears mean nothing
another thing, another person, another girl
who's she? She's taken my place
She wears my smile, but she's not me

I don't know

Why can't I see past this,
what have you done to me, what did I do?
Do I deserve this, this oblivion, this hatred?

I don't know

I've lost myself
Forgot who i'm supposed to be,
This is why I don't put my trust in anyone
you had it, and now you've lost it
why don't you try anymore?

I don't know.

I'm sick of crying, and I'm sick of knowing
all about you, all about her
She's not me- but she has my smile.
She's not me- but she has you.
What's a promise, when no one keeps it

Where's that ring, that was around your finger?
Where's that smirk, upon your face?
Bottle in your hand, gun in mine
who's gonna die first?

I don't know anymore.

Untitled

I can't ask you anymore, you took the chance- and said Goodbye.
[b[ WHY? [/b]
I can shout, I am shouting
I can scream, but my voice is too numb
I need your help, but you're gone.

I didn't ask for this
Did you?
I didn't try for this, but it's what we've become.
Worthless, alone, scared
Words that swirl throughout my head, I need you.
I need you, I scream, I cry, I loose, I lie.

Where are you, where were you?
Don't scream, don't cry, don't lie, don't be.
Me.

Why must I change for you, when you don't want me?
Why must I cry, when you don't care?

I want you, but you don't want me.
I need you, but you laugh at me
I scream for you, where have you gone?
I look for you, do you even care?

Mirror
Starring in the mirror
Who am I now?
Searching for the person
Everyone seems to see.

Staring into the mirror
Looking for me,
Starring into the mirror,
Why can't I just be
The person you need me to be?

I want
I scream
I cry
I try.

Starring in the mirror,
Who am I now?
Ripping my hair out
Starring at a reflection
Smashed, shattered
A million pieces
A million me's.

Who am I now?
Why can't I be, what you need?

Fuck me.
Screw me.
Laugh at me.
Need me.

I'll do anything, just for you.

I'm staring in the mirror.
I know who I am.
I am yours.

Why don't I want to be anything other?

I love you.
You just laugh at me.

While I can definitely tell this is your older work, Saken, it has many of the attributes of your newer poems! They have the seeds of that individual style I noted in the other thread, while still being held by the fragmented constraints of "normal" poetry. This is an interesting mix of freeform and song, in my opinion. Still like your later works better, but these show promise! :)