Last night was Hell on Earth, literally. If it wasn't for me the whole world would be over run with zombies and creatures from the great beyond. But I sorted it, I captured the big cahuna and kicked Brett Rover's ass - I got shot sort of hurts like a bitch but its not the first time and it sure won't be the last. Jesus Christ though... Janine she comes in this morning and she says Nadja was horribly killed by that bastard I brought in. If I could feel guilt I probably would - I mean I know I should feel guilty or .. something but to be honest I don't think I've felt real guilt since I was 20 years old - I think my insides are numb... maybe.

I don't do this often, this soul searching thing - its a bummer the whole thing. Most people think I have the emotional range of a teaspoon and I prefer it that way. If I'm honest I feel mostly nothing... but thats because I learned to block it out - I'm a trained killer, I have to block it out. You can't be a leader of men or a soldier or .. or an AART agent if you let your emotions overcome you - like that idiot Rover. I tried to be patient with him, I mean .. I saw he didn't look normal, I was trying to cheer him up, and the bastard shot me with my own gun, which I might add is a good way to die, shot with my own gun.. love it. I have names for these guns. Hinge.. and Bracket.. bang bang.. I love guns.. and there's an emotion I suppose. I love guns! Seeing as this is my own personal journal and she won't ever read it, I think I actually felt a sort of "love" today for another person. Morgaine! She's beautiful.. I mean.. not like Sheila beautiful, I mean Sheila is an exotic dancer... I am supposed to love Sheila... and that bothers me.. I'm supposed to feel things I don't feel. No Morgaine is... agh.. what? I don't know... just that I feel something when she's around.

That woo you do drives me insane...
You're gonna date me.. Morgaine

Agh that was rubbish...I'm no poet, I mean I'd like to say something to her that didn't sound moronic... maybe I am a moron.. maybe. I'd like to not be a moron.. I'll work on that poem .. I'll ask Janine, she knows stuff. I think me and Sheila got to go to a marriage guidance counsellor, we have had a loveless and practically sexless marriage since little Oliver was born. I don't think it can be revived... I don't think there was anything real to begin with. I'm actually struggling with this.. so I'm gonna sign off now and shoot something.. take my mind off this stuff. Yeah.. WORK!

Oh thought I'd put up something funny - this is hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1pqLRXmiGc