Hey everyone,

So I have this friend, I've known him for about four years and he is my best friend in the world. I hang out with him all the time, we like a lot of the same things, our families are very similar, and I am in love with his sister so I see him all the time. The problem is I think he is gay and I think he might like me.

I noticed he was kind of different when I first met him, but I just ignored it. He always hangs out with girls more then guys, he likes sewing, cooking, making bracelets, and he always seemed to make gay jokes or use female gestures. I always though he was just kidding around and just happened to like arts and crafts. He likes hunting, the outdoors, guns, knives, and lots of manly stuff to. However he is ninteen and has no girlfriend, he hasn't ever shown interest in any girls. He has been treating me more and more affectionately lately.

I didn't want to believe it at first, he is a really strong Christian but I am having second thoughts. Lately he has been calling me dear, my love, giving me long hugs and an occasional kiss on the cheek, grabs my butt and my thigh, whenever I visit he insists on sharing his bed instead of letting me sleep on the couch, and says I love you all the time. I thought maybe he is just a really really good friend and wants to show he loves me, but now I don't know. I need help, I have nothing against gay people I just don't know how to tell him I am uncomfortable with him touching me and saying these things to me. What should I do? I don't want to hurt him and lose his friendship, but I am not going to be gay for him.

You don't have to be gay for him, first off. Whether he is gay or straight isn't the real issue here. That's his business, so there's nothing for you to do. If, however, you feel like he is making advances on you and he is touching you in a way that is out of bounds for friends (which he is if he's squeezing your butt and thigh) then that is an issue you need to bring up with him. You don't need to say "Look, sorry man, but I'm not gay." You just need to tell him to cool it and that you don't like when people grab you like that, even if they're joking around. It sounds like you and your best friend are not being very open with each other. Maybe he's trying to tell you something, maybe he's not. Wait till he's ready to talk about his sexuality, but you have every right to bring up the way he treats, touches, and speaks to you.

Well, here is some nice advice for you! When my friends started noticing my little change, they confronted me about it, though I never really went as far as kissing them or squeezing their rear. Homosexuality can work two ways; you can be a closet case (Media is really making gays seem evil), and just normal priders. It seems like he is tettering on the edge of them, so just talk to him about it, say your thoughts to him, you don't have to be gay for him, nor do you need to keep that his acts are making you uncomfortable hidden. I hope my advice helps you rebuild that friendship!

uuummm. if hes your best friend i think he would tell you...i mean. i came out when i was in 7th grade to my best friend first before anyone. before my parents, i told my bestfriends grandma before my parents lol. but like you guys are best friend. so id think he would tell you, but its really hard coming out to anyone i hes in the closet still. i know alot of feminine guy who arent gay, and i know alot of gay guys who arent feminine, its not by what you do and who you hang out with. its more of a thing youve come to realize.

i say you shouldnt just come out and ask him if hes gay. it takes time. lots of him for some people. so i think you should just wait and see what happens, if he feels like youre someone that he can tell. then he will tell you when that times comes =]

hay look i agree with the others jest talk to him maby he is but he dont want to tell his parents or somthing. im open to my friends but if my parents found out i dont know what i would do. so jest talk to him in privet thats the best thing to do. dont talk to him in public or things might get out of hand.

Alright...

Tell him that you don't want him doing that. And tell him it's making you uncomfortable. You can be friends and all, but that is getting a little too... close for your sensibilities. DO NOT make a big deal about it; just tell him that it's making you uncomfortable; skirt the gay issue entirely.

I'm going to have to side with Kronos.

My best gay friend is a 45 year old Lesbian, my "Aunt Katya" in my reenacting unit, and never once in any of our conversations has homosexuality been brought up.

They are normal people, just stay away from the whole gay topic, and normal people like to be treated as human beings and be talked to.

Pfft Drako! *luffles*

Communication is the key. There is nothing wrong with him being gay yet you've gotta tell him how you feel. Skirting around things lead to miscommunication yet here's the thing.

If youb ask him if he's gay and say you have no issue with it, he might get offended. Yeah, ya'll may be bff's yet gays in the closet have a hard time accepting that they are okay. They have fears of what other people will say or do and feel insecure about it. If you decide to ask him, make sure that you speak to him clearly. If he gets mad and walks off, make sure you tell him that regardless of who he is you are still his friend and will still be there as a friend.

Yet if you decide not to say anything, it will always be in the back of your mind. You'll always wonder if he is or isn't. Then things might go sour because it may just become uncomfortable or unbarable.

Do what you think is right and good luck.

Apart from all the above, communication, finding out, pointing out 'kindly' you don't swing that way, you also have whacky solution no.1!

Step 1: Find out if he is gay, if yes, go to step 2.
Step 2: Take him to a gay night club or bar, the kind where only fat, balding obese 50 year old and above men are.
Step 3: Shove him into the thick of it and let him stew for a while.
Step 4: Assuming he survive Step 3, then confront him and say the fact that if he is gay for the rest of his life, he'll have to deal with that all his life.
Step 5: Watch him go straighter than a straight line.
Step 6: ????
Step 7: Profit.

How is someone turning straight profitable? I find that rather offensive.

Alvaron, that was rather rude and insulting to the gay community as a whole. Unless you're going to apologize I'd rather you not post in here again.

Gay joke, but sadly not in the right thread mate, get it somewhere else. Besides, it WAS more offensive than funny. I can see the humour in it, I just don't like the humour in it.

Anyway, I think Kronos and co. have the best approach. Don't bother with the gay part, just ask him nicely/keep it friendly that you don't want to have your ass pinched the whole time, and that his closeness is getting a bit ... crowding ? I don't know, but yeah, don't make an issue of him being gay, as it isn't an issue. It's perfectly normal and acceptable in today's society, and if you go all out: "Woah, stop being gay on me, would'ya ?!" and it turns out he's not gay, things are gonna be a lot worse. Just let him tell you in his own time.

Either that, or accept it and have some sexey time !

Alvaron wrote:Apart from all the above, communication, finding out, pointing out 'kindly' you don't swing that way, you also have whacky solution no.1!

Step 1: Find out if he is gay, if yes, go to step 2.
Step 2: Take him to a gay night club or bar, the kind where only fat, balding obese 50 year old and above men are.
Step 3: Shove him into the thick of it and let him stew for a while.
Step 4: Assuming he survive Step 3, then confront him and say the fact that if he is gay for the rest of his life, he'll have to deal with that all his life.
Step 5: Watch him go straighter than a straight line.
Step 6: ????
Step 7: Profit.

XD was that from South Park?

Thanks for all the support and wise information guys. Makes me feel good to know there are people out there who sympathize with my problems and want to help me solve them. I'll take everything you all have given me and hopefully fix this. : )

Best of luck to you, man.

Though, I am a devote Christian, I believe that if someone wants to be gay that it should be opposed behind closed doors. Plus showing affection for you is totally normal my best friend hugs me whenever I see him.

I feel the same way. I feel that some people really can't help being gay it was how they were born. I don't think that being gay is a sin, its just gay relationships when to men get together that it becomes a sin. Anyways with my friend it isn't the hugging so much that bothers me, its the touching and kissing. I know he loves me and I love him its just these things make me feel uncomfortable. : )

First of all, apologies for my otherwisely insulting behaviour, I should of had forethought before posting it, since I'm somewhat used to a more, how to put it, hurm, well basically I'm used to a group where those jokes generally pass, considering a large number of us are homosexual, and the fact that the joke itself was from a homosexual friend from a few weeks ago.

But anyway, main point, I apologize.

Smack him upside the head with a bible, it's the Christian thing to do.*

*May not actually be the sensible thing to do.

Hey, if I thought my male friends would like it I'd kiss them and tell them I love 'em. But the bum touching may be a bit far.