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The Encycolopedia Dragonica (Everything you need to know.)

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The Encycolopedia Dragonica (Everything you need to know.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Angelheart on Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:14 am

1. Guns don't kill people, Dragon's sexiness kills people.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Dragon allows to live.

3. The top 3 leading causes of death in the world are 1.Heart Disease, 2.Dragon's sexiness, 3.Cancer.

4. Dragon is my homeboy.

5. Dragon uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

6. Crop circles are Dragon's way of saying that sometimes corn just needs to lie down.

7. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes, Dragon has 72...and they're all poisonous.

8. Dragon drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

9. When Dragon sends in his taxes, he sends a blank form with a picture of himself, posed and baring all of his sexiness. Dragon has not had to pay taxes, EVER.

10. The quickest way to man's heart is with Dragon's sexiness.

11. Dragon can win a game of connect four in three moves.

12. Dragon once ate three 32oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 30 minutes having sex with the waitress.

13. If you spell Dragon in scrabble, you win. Forever.

14. Dragon originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" game, but was removed during beta testing because no matter what button they pressed, Dragon just stood there and looked good, and the victory was always his. When asked about this "glitch" Dragon replied, "That's no glitch."

15. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Dragon played in second grade.

16. Dragon once shot down a German fighter plane by yelling "BANG!" and pointing at it with his finger.

17. Dragon bet NASA that he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19, 1999, a naked Dragon re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of over 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

18. Someone tried to tell Dragon that sexiness was not the best way to kill someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone's ever made.

19. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Dragon turned that wine, into women.

20. Time waits for no man, unless that man is Dragon.

21. Dragon doesn't shower, the dirt simply slides off of him.

22. The Dragon unit was not used in the game "Civilizations 4" because a single Dragon could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

23. There are no steroids in baseball, just players Dragon has graced with his sexiness.

24. Dragon was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of sexiness, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were outraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Dragon's gift, and arranged for him to be written out of the Bible. Soon after, they all died of mysterious, sexy-related injuries.

25. Dragon once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

26-50 coming soon!
CLICK!!!! Image Image Image Image

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Re: The Encycolopedia Dragonica (Everything you need to know.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Derek Smith on Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:15 am

That was totally worth the minute and half it took to read. I am laughing like some crack addict watching infomercials at 3 in the morning.
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Re: The Encycolopedia Dragonica (Everything you need to know.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Angelheart on Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:24 am

Just wait for part 2 my friend, just wait for part 2...

(Insert 5-minute evil/manic laugh here.)

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Re: The Encycolopedia Dragonica (Everything you need to know.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Dragon on Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:55 am

Ah yes... Finally, one so intelligent to accurately portray my sexiness...
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"They Claim I Am Mad, When They Are All Mad Themselves"

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Re: The Encycolopedia Dragonica (Everything you need to know.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Angelheart on Sat Nov 21, 2009 4:09 am

Part two is here folks!

26. Dragon is the reason the sky is blue, don't ask stupid questions.

27. Dragon coined the phrase "I see dead people." after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

28. There are only four horsemen of the Apocalypse, this is because Dragon is going to walk.

29. Dragon was once involved in a head-on car crash, of which he was the only survivor. Dragon was walking at that time.

30. Complaining of back pain, Atlas once asked Dragon to hold up the world for him. Dragon agreed, on the condition that Atlas would hold his immense sexiness. After five minutes of excruciating pain, Atlas asked for the world back.

31. Brigadier General Donald Alston once glimpsed Dragon in a K-mart wearing an American flag shirt. He now refuses to salute anyone else.

32. Dragon always has room for jell-o.

33. Dragon's edition of the VH1 show ‘Where Are They Now’ was the shortest in the show’s history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words “Right Behind You” written on it.

34. Dragon's sexiness is commonly used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

35. Dragon once bit off more than he could chew, he ate it anyway.

36. Behind every great man, is a woman. Behind that woman, is Dragon.

37. Dragon puts the laughter in manslaughter.

38. When Dragon had alphabet soup, only the letters M and E come out.

39. Dragon is allowed to talk about fight club.

40. It is a well known fact that Dragon hates it when a plan comes together.

41. Dragon once killed a man with his own dead body.

42. The first human alphabet consisted of only the letters D, R, A, G, O, and N. Eventually the rest had to be added in so as to describe things that were not, in fact, awesome.

43. Dragon is the reason your son looks nothing like you.

44. Dragon shot the sheriff and the deputy.

45. Dragon once got an erection on board a train full of beautiful women....they will all be missed.

46. Dragon has such an understanding of the English language that he can use the word "sexy" as a preposition, adverb, and a conjunction all in the same sentence.

47. Dragon has the ability to kick all forms of ass known to man, 11 forms of ass unknown to man and 3 forms of unknown ass unknown to Yoda. He uses this ability on an hourly basis.

48. If you could calculate the amount of sexy generated by Dragon every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small.

49. When Dragon looks at a Magic-Eye illusion, the image changes into a picture of himself and it never changes back.

50. Dragon can tear glass, phonebooks are for losers.

Phew...wow, that was fun. Anyway, now that that's done, I suppose I can explain the whole reason why I bothered doing this in the first place, eh? Well, aside from the excruciating hours of boredom spent somewhere around my apartment, I spend my time here, talking to you lovely people. As it happens with any lengthy and engaging conversation, subjects come up that you just don't want to forget. One of those subjects (That seems to come up quite often, might I add.) is Dragon and his "sexiness". Personally, I thought that the whole subject was quite funny when I first heard it and as such, began to make jokes about it. Some of those jokes can be read in the above posts. So, for those of you that may think this is me brown nosing my buddy, you just might be right. But I haven't yet found a reason to attempt to gain the favor of another, especially over the internet, where said favor really doesn't benefit me in any way. So, for now these simply remain as little tidbits upon this site with but one purpose, entertainment. And as such, I hope that all reading thoroughly enjoy what's been posted, and I recommend that you post yourselves any comical or entertaining thing you may find or make-up here or anywhere on the forums. After all, each an every one of us are actors, entertaining those that we are writing with, and those that read the words we leave here.

Live, Laugh, and most of all...laugh some more!

Angelheart.

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Re: The Encycolopedia Dragonica (Everything you need to know.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Kronos on Sun Nov 22, 2009 3:43 pm

Ahh... rewrites of Chuck Norris Jokes.

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Re: The Encycolopedia Dragonica (Everything you need to know.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Angelheart on Sun Nov 22, 2009 4:32 pm

Nothing better, eh? That's what they're for, after all.

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