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A Prologue to Life (Critique, please.)

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A Prologue to Life (Critique, please.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Hiatus on Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:18 am

Copyright Mark Dillman, 2009
Prologue

Does life always throw curve balls at those unsuspecting souls? Do people receive problems by chance or is someone, something, shoving the proverbial problems in peoples' faces? When life comes to be too much, some opt to remove themselves from it. Others choose to move around, above or through it. Still more lay down and let these problems walk over them. Stories are rarely told of those who ignore or duck below these problems, which is why this one must start as such.
It's true, perhaps, that people don't like reading about stories without their respective heroes, but there is no place for a hero in a world without flaws. Stories revolve around the figures who protect those who can't protect themselves. So maybe this isn't a story, but more of a recollection of sorts. A recollection of those characters mistaken for background filler. This isn't a story about those jocks who made it big, nor those beautiful girls who made it off their looks. Look at life from the background's point of view. From the perspective of those swept under the rug, ignored and forgotten over time.
They may not be glamorous or any particular point of interest; either to you or to history, but they'll never be forgotten.
I won't lie and say I'm not a part of the background, but I'd be a fool if I called this an attempt to get into the foreground. I hope that no one reads this and thinks that I'm the next best thing since sliced bread, nor do I hope that heroes reading this fall to the background. The only thing I hope this does is pull some of those people, the ones who think they're useless, realize that it's truly only their mindsets that are useless. You can't change who you are as a person, but you can change what other people think of you. No matter how you look, people can show you respect.
That's another thing: Never mistake fear for respect. They're two completely different things, but only you can understand what you're feeling. Fearing someone is knowing they can destroy you, emotionally, physically or socially, and doing their bidding. Respect is honoring someone who can or cannot instill fear in those around them, but despite their stance, they don't.
Life isn't hopeless; people are. Don't be a part of the background any longer, try to be a part of a foundation.
I know I'm still trying...

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Re: A Prologue to Life (Critique, please.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby ViceVersus on Fri Aug 27, 2010 9:25 am

Hello, Hiatus. Glad you posted this. It's short, aye, but power-packed with awesome.

'There is no place for a hero in a world without flaws,' has got to be one of my favorite lines in the whole thing. The whole thing itself just seems to be a metaphor wrapped in a metaphor, sly ironic commentary on that thing we call 'life.' If I suggested anything from the side of grammar and spelling, I think it'd sort of detract from the effect you've created here with this brief passage, and so in that case I'm left just wishing you'd post a second chapter so I could have more to work with.

That said, I do like the whimsical, Socrates style of the writing. I'm a sucker for it, so maybe it's good that I stumbled across your bit of work, here.

Looking forward to reading more!
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Re: A Prologue to Life (Critique, please.)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Discipline on Sat Sep 04, 2010 11:01 pm

This is a bit like a self-help guide wrapped up into a healthy paragraph. :D

This would make for an excellent speech, as far as I'm concerned. I don't know if this comes from the point of view of you or one of your characters (I'm looking at this from an abstract point of view, not a real-life, emotional point of view, so bear with me). It would definitely be an epic part of a roleplay if you decided to post this in one.
Stylistically, this is elegant. First draw the population's attention by a topic they can all relate to, then using it to embolden them. You know the last line, "I know I'm still trying..."? It's one of the best lines in the entire paragraph. Great, great, great writing, both as something moralistic, and something abstract, like an étude for writers. Speeches are great ways to prove one's aesthetic skill whilst being brief and to-the-point. No purple prose in here, no extra fluff. Great.

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