Just a little something I typed up since I'm on another computer (my current computer is being de-zombified in case you were wondering) and this second computer has worse internet connection than my original. Anyway, all comments are welcome. Pretty much, I'm doing this in sections. This is part one and, once I get several posts, I'll get part two up. I want comments, criticism (preferably constructive-criticism), and what you think about it. Do you like it or not?


Do you really want to know?

A question I have asked many people when I do certain things. But I don't do just anything. I do strange, wild, different, creative, and sometimes slightly destructive things. And you may be wondering by know, “Why do you do these things?” Or even, “What things do you do?” And my answer is...

Do you really want to know?

Are you absolutely, positively, downright sure that you really, desperately, absolutely have to know? Are you positive? If you really must know, and if you're honestly that desperate to know, then read on. It's all below here. Once you continue, you will not be able to stop. Once you've started, you will have passed the point of no return. There will be no turning back. If you don't feel like taking the trip within my head then all you have to do is turn back. Stop reading. That's all there is to it.

But why stop? Why stop and turn back when you can just keep on going? Travel down to the pits of insanity where many doors and corridors hide secrets you wouldn't imagine. Oh, I'm sure you want to know by now. I bet I've got you hooked and now you can't get away. All that's left for me to do is to reel you in.

And now, are you ready? Are you ready to take that first step into an adventure? Are you ready to open that door to enter my mind and see what dwells within. What's that you say? 'No'? Well then, simply look away and click another link. Put the key back on the pedestal over there- No no. I said over there. Behind you. There we go. Just put that key back on the pedestal over there and then leave the way you came.

Now, are you ready? If you are ready, then just take five steps forward. There we go. See that door in front of you? Put the key in the keyhole and- OH GOSH NO! NOT that one! No! No no no no no no. Never that one. The red one is off limits to everyone but me. Me and only me. And perhaps the person I get married to. Actually, scratch that. Only me, myself, and I may enter that room. Pull the key away nice and easy. There we go.

Sorry about that. Now let's try this again, shall we? Just put the key into the keyhole and- what? You can't see the doors? Whoops! Of course you can't. You don't know what to see. I'm so, terribly sorry about that! Maybe I should just start from the very top.

First, picture an empty, blank plane. There is no light, there is no darkness. No colors or shades of gray. No black, no white. There is only emptiness. Now, insert yourself into that empty plane. Remember, there is nothing for you to stand on so you could be right side up or upside down. You could be horizontal or vertical, there's no telling. After all, not only is there no color or light and darkness, there's no up or down. No right, no left, no north or south. It's just... there. Oh, don't forget that there's no sound either. It doesn't matter how loud you shout, there's no one to hear you. You cannot hear or be heard, and yet... And yet... I can hear you and you can hear me.

And now, split this plane in half, the top half being white and the bottom half black. Or is it right and left? I don't know. Only you know. But OH PLEASE DON'T SAY WHICH WAY'S DOWN! Do that and you'll be falling forever! That would be bad. I don't want anyone trapped in this empty world with no way out. That would be very bad.

Now, this gets to be a little tricky. You have black and white separated so you need to design your world. Imagine a grassy field. It's got to be somewhere since that's the ground. Once you got that grassy field, point to it and say that that way is down. Or the bottom. Whichever you prefer. Now you may want to be careful and- Ouch. That looks like it hurt. Are you okay? No broken bones? No impalements? You're absolutely sure you're... All right, all right! I'll stop! I was just making sure you were fine. No need to get angry.

Well, now that you've defined 'up' and 'down', you've got just about everything taken care of. Just design a sky to your liking and viola! You've got your oh-so-wonderful world. Now I want you to imagine four doors. They form a box around you with about three feet of space between them. Are you done? I don't... There we go! They're all... brown. How boring can that be? Well, let's go to the last step now, shall we?

The door before you is red. Not just light red or any dull, boring red. It's blood red. Dark crimson and about three times taller than you are. As for width, it's about four times your length if you were laying down beside it. That's the first door. Let's move on to the next.

The door to your right is blue. It's about the same size as the red door but this door is shaped differently from your average door. It's shaped like a water droplet. You know what I'm talking about, right? The fancy teardrop that you can find if you look around on the web. There we go. Don't turn to face it, though. That'll only confuse my next directions.

The door behind you is... big, to say the least. When I say big, I mean massive. You remember that red door, right? Well, this door is the same shape but you'll need four red doors to make up this door. This door is about the width of two red doors side by side and the height of two red doors, one on top of the other. The door behind you, however, is not red but is yellow. A sickening, ugly, hideous, frightening yellow. This door is chained shut with many chains and you can hear the handle rattling as though something is trying to escape. That door leads to my worst nightmares and my strongest fears. You definitely don't want to open that one.

The final door, the door to your left, is the door you want to go through. It's a bright, shining gold that gives off a glow of warmth. It's about the size of that key in your hand and is shaped like a keyhole. What's that now? Well of course I expect you to go through it! It's the only way you're going to meet me and take a peek within my head. That is the reason you're here, right? Well now, you've already passed the point of no return. There's no turning back now that you're here.

Now all you have to do is turn to face the door to your left. I said left. Left, not right! Why do you, oh yeah. We forgot to define right and left. I'm sorry. Point to a direction, right or left, and say what direction that is. Yeah. Just like that. Now turn to face the door I told you about. That itty bitty one which you thought was too small to go through. Perfect. Now put the key in the keyhole and turn it so that the door unlocks. Perfect.

And now the adventure begins...