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RP Academy - Lady Humor and Lord Saladin

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RP Academy - Lady Humor and Lord Saladin

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lord Saladin on Mon Jun 04, 2007 8:07 pm

OOC: Okay, Lady Humor. Here is our thread. It seems you certainly have a grasp on the basics such as grammar and punctuation, from looking at your posts elsewhere, so I do not think that area will cause any concern. So, lets see what you can do in regards to character building.

You may already know this, seeing as you have a lot of experience, much more experience than myself in all honesty; however, when Role Playing, it is important to 'show' your character's personality. This can be done in numerous ways - the character's actions and reactions, the words he/she speaks, and the character's thoughts.

So, first of all, before I have had more of your work to see, I would like to set you the target of including all these things in each post:

*Actions and reactions to both PCs and NPCs

*Speech

*Elements of what is going on inside your character's mind

And with that put aside now, I look forward to RPing with you and helping you.
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Please tell me now what life is, Please tell me now what love is... Again, tell me what life is.

Tiko says: Saladin: Damn it, leave my hole alone.

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Re: RP Academy - Lady Humor and Lord Saladin

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lord Saladin on Tue Jun 05, 2007 6:06 pm

The world seemed to be ablaze. Orange and red flickered wildly as fire filled the vision of the man known as Aram. Wild shadows danced across the streets of the village. The cracking of wood and structures filled the air along with thick, almost black smoke. Heat overbearing made sweat pour down his face in a torrent that served to blur his vision even further than the smoke did.

Cries and moans could be heard from within the wooden buildings of the small village, but Aram was more than aware that there was nothing he could do to help those who had been trapped within their thatch roofed houses. All he could do was try to help the ones who had somehow managed to escape. There were others who had also managed to survive in such a way that they could help in the search. Most, however, were either dead, or dying; beyond hope of healing.

"Aram! Have you found anyone yet?"

The gruff voice bellowed behind Aram, deep and concerned. Aram turned to look towards the friend he knew was approaching. Aram and Grend had known each other for well over fifty years, and were closest friends. Aram slowly shook his head grimly, a single tear falling down his face. Worry racked his soul, he was not sure what had caused this instant storm of flames, but he was almost certain he had felt a single flicker of magic the instant before it seemed hell had been unleashed upon this peaceful village.

"No, Grend, I haven't. Is anyone alive, or not going to die in the next hour or two?"

Exasperation was clear in his voice. Exasperation and fear. Sadness. He wished he could do something more than futilely search for survivors.

The man, six feet eight inches tall, smooth shaven face, features also smooth, but showing strength; covered in the black of smoke, pressed out with his mind, not caring for the slight aura that he know would cover his slender form like a nimbus. Outwards he searched, hoping he would be able to sense a strong enough life force.

There! There was one! None other, sadly, but one life saved would be much better than none. Aram focused on that signal of life, that beacon of hope, and found the exact location.

"Quick! Grend, follow me!"

The musical, powerful voice seemed to have lost the despair portrayed only a few moments prior. Suiting his own words, Aram began to run with great pace, the long, once white, dirtied robe of one piece seemed to blow around his ankles as he ran. Grend followed as well, although he was in no way as fast as Aram.

Watching the man in front of him run, the long white hair seeming to dance to the backdrop of flames, Grend wiped sweat from his forehead. He made no comment on the nimbus that had appeared round his friend, nor how he had known where this person was; Grend had known for a long time about the truth of Aram, although many in the village did not know.

"Are you okay?

Aram looked down now at the person laid upon the floor, having reached them in only a few moments. It was so hot! And so near to the flames that encompassed what was once the house of the mayor. Aram could feel the heat begin to burn his skin, but knew he had to do more yet. As sweat continued to pour, much like a waterfall now from his chin, he looked back at Grend.

"Gather the others. I'm sorry, this is all we have now."

He then turned his emerald eyed attention back to the person laid upon the floor, awaiting a response, if indeed any would come.
Last edited by Lord Saladin on Sat Jun 09, 2007 7:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: RP Academy - Lady Humor and Lord Saladin

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lady Humor on Wed Jun 06, 2007 1:41 pm

Indeed it was hot. Aimee lay there for a moment, a frown forming on her brow while she tried desperately to figure out why. Turning her face from the bright light of morning, she then smelt it. Smoke. Coughing and gasping for air, her lungs filling with it as her memeries came flooding back to her.

"Good morning Miss, lovely day 'tis too."

Mrs. Grugsbey, had been the McLouph family house keeper for as long as Aimee could remember. She was a short and plump elderly lady with rosy cheeks and smiling grey eyes. Looking over her shoulder at her charge she tsked, exlaiming merrily as she went about the room performing her chores.

"Out 'n 'bout with ya. Master have me head if'n you be late 'fer breakfast 'gain."

Grumbling when Mrs. Grugsbey pulled back the curtains, Aimee tried to pull the sheets over her head, retreating back into the warmth, only to have it snatched from around her mere moments later.

"All right, all right. Must we really be up this early? The sun has hardly risen yet."

Standing, she gave a very unlady like stretch before straightening and walked over to the balcony as she donned a robe. At the railing she smiles a smile that charmed most beasts; men and animals alike, yet it did not reach her deep blue eyes. There was something about this place that gave her a calm and sense of relaxation. As a child she had roamed the hills and meadows along with all the other village children her age an younger, but that was fifthteen years ago. Before she had went off to Sacre Coerle, the boarding school her father had sent her to when she turned sixteen, had been dull and boring. Now that she was home and recently turned twenty, she knew why she was getting up so early. Today was the day she was to meet her future husband, the man she had been betrothed to for over half of her life.

She had went down to breakfast after hurridly washing, dressing in a pale blue and silver dress that made her skin look creamier than it already was. She'd let her black hair fall down her back, her personal maid Tessa teasing her hair until the curls that were natural bounced in syllubles when she walked.

She'd waited nearly an hour before she recieved the message that her father had been called into the village and wouldn't be back for a short while. Soon she finished off her lonely breakfast and continued on to the library to filter through the many books that filled the walls. Setting her mind on a novel written by Oliver Pentium, she paused before her hand reached the leather bound cover. Was that screaming? Silently she listened for it again, moving to the door that connected the the landing over looking the village. Before she could discern what was happening, the brightest light she had ever seen in her life burst through the air.

And now here she was, some how having fallen from the library to the garden. Reaching out she tried to push herself up and grabbed a hand full of cloth. Her blue eyes traveled up the length of a once white robe, now ruined by the smoke wafting. Her face tilted up to look at the man staring at her. She had a tip-tilt nose with freckles that dotted across the brige.

After a moment of pause while confused she jerked her hand away, giving him a quizzical look as she did so, the flames at her back now going unnoticed.

"What.. What happened?"
~* Angela *~

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Re: RP Academy - Lady Humor and Lord Saladin

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lord Saladin on Sat Jun 09, 2007 4:49 pm

OKay, Lady Humor. A good post, I am quite impressed.

However, I must advise you to take note of the previous person's post as well.The points I have to make are on the location of your character, and the factt your character ignored the flames of the raging inferno that was the village.

Firstly Aram was actually IN the village, and yet, from your post, you implied that your character was some distance from the village, which would make it impossible for him to know you were there. Especially seeing as he stayed inside the village.

And you character allowed the flames to go unnoticed? As it clearly states in my post, the ENTIRE village was on fire, the flames filled Aram's vision. And, there is no way the heat would go unnoticed, despite any confusion, as I stated, the heat was such that it was burning Aram's skin. Bearing in mind you were closer to the flames, you would certainly feel it.

One other point of criticism. I specifically asked that you gave an insight into your character. The way she was thinking etc. Which, I am afraid, you didn't do. Indeed, you gave a BRILLIANT history of what had happened in the lead up to the fire for your character in the flashback. But, apart from describing her actions, I felt that I had no idea about your character's personality.

But hey! Don't worry! I am not expecting perfect posts from the start of this course. It is my job to get you there. :P

Despite those things, your post was CERTAINLY good, and shows well that you have talent, all we need to do is help develop that. But I believe that it won't take very long.

If I seem harsh, I won't apologise, but give an explanation for it. I COULD sit here and write a feedback post saying that your own post was perfect in every way. But what good would that do you? None. I COULD write a post that says "You did good, try taking note of people's posts, and build your character more." But.. What good would that do for you? None. Why? Because I gave no guidance on what to do, and where you were errant.

This is how I do things. If you don't know EXACTLY where to improve, how can you? You can't.

And something for us both to consider. Something I usually do now, but for some reason didn't when I wrote my post. We need to re-read our posts before we submit them! I noticed a few spelling errors in your post, and some MAJOR typos in mine, when I just re-read it.

My recommendation would be to download and use the Firefox 2 web browser which actually has a built in spell checker, and will automatically underline any spelling mistakes in your forum posts whilst you write them. Just like a word processor! I must admit, I didn't know about it at first. And when I first downloaded it and was posting, and saw lots of red lines, I thought it was a new feature of the site, but it wasn't!

That way, the level of writing will be kept high, and spelling errors low to nil. Which is something we all want as writers and readers. I know the first thing I am going to do after posting this is editing my previous post!

I apologise for being late in replying. Unfortunately, I have been VERY busy with work, and other important obligations that, unfortunately, have to take precedence over the internet. Hopefully, soon, I will not be as heavy laden, and will be able to post more regularly. For now, expect a reply to your work by the following day, or the day after that. If I am any later, please send me a PM to remind my weak mind! :P

Again, well done on your first post. We will work on those things that need ironing out.


So... Now we go to the objective for the next lesson.

Unfortunately, I will have to make it the same. Let us know what your character is thinking, how they feel physically, emotionally, mentally. It doesn't have be done through specific lines of thought, you know, the ones in speech marks. It can be done as part of the commentary. Just as mine was. Here is an example:

Lord Saladin wrote:Aram slowly shook his head grimly, a single tear falling down his face. Worry racked his soul, he was not sure what had caused this instant storm of flames, but he was almost certain he had felt a single flicker of magic the instant before it seemed hell had been unleashed upon this peaceful village.

"No, Grend, I haven't. Is anyone alive, or not going to die in the next hour or two?"

Exasperation was clear in his voice. Exasperation and fear. Sadness. He wished he could do something more than futilely search for survivors.

The man, six feet eight inches tall, smooth shaven face, features also smooth, but showing strength; covered in the black of smoke, pressed out with his mind, not caring for the slight aura that he know would cover his slender form like a nimbus. Outwards he searched, hoping he would be able to sense a strong enough life force.

There! There was one! None other, sadly, but one life saved would be much better than none. Aram focused on that signal of life, that beacon of hope, and found the exact location.


In describing the events that occurred, I also managed to show Aram's personality. For example, when describing his voice. I showed his current state of mind.

But, without carrying on with that, as this post is probably too long now, That is what I would like to see from you, please.

And I will post my next actual RP post most likely tomorrow. So, expect it for then.

Peace.

Lord Saladin

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Re: RP Academy - Lady Humor and Lord Saladin

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lord Saladin on Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:01 pm

As Grend turned to gather the others who had helped in searching, he wondered what would happen to the woman. However, he knew fully that Ara would take the best care he could of her, so was not overly worried.

Aram, however, was. It was several seconds before any reaction came from the woman laid upon the floor, dangerously close to the raging inferno of the mayor's house in the village. The heat waas now to such a point that Aram could feel blisters forming upon his skin. It had been almost a full hour he had spent in the village, surrounded by a wall of flame. And despite the reds and oranges and yellows of the fire, the heat signified that they should have been white; such was the heat emitted by them.

The others, not having the powers of magic that Aram did, were barely able to manage ten minutes or so in that insufferable heat. Even his sweat felt like boiling water running down his face, a sure sign to the tall man that he would need to leave soon. But, what to do about the girl? She made no sign of life, would it be best to leave her here?

Then, almost suddenly, her hand moved, and grasped on to the robe of Aram. A smile appeared on his smooth features, and despite the pain that caused on what was now bright red skin, he was happy that she was indeed alive. The robe was filthy, as was his face, stained by the smoke that filled the air. So far, Aram had been able, to some extent, to ignore the smoke that was entering his lungs quickly.

As the woman spoke, her voice showing obvious confusion, Aram knelt down to meet her eye level; as he did, the effetcs of the smoke seemed to finally show. From his throat escaped deep, pain filled coughs, causing his body to shudder with every cough. His eyes began to water, and small silver spots appeared across his vision, caused by the pressure of the coughs in his head.

He would have to get out soon, or neither himself, or the woman would emerge from this deadly fire. What, or who, had caused this? His mind tried to identify exactly what that flicker of magic was, but to no avail.

"We don't have time for that. Everything will be explained later. Can you stand?"

Another fit of coughing made his chest hurt. He ignored the pain, determined to at the least get this woman out safely.

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Re: RP Academy - Lady Humor and Lord Saladin

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lady Humor on Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:35 pm

OOC: Sorry, I thought the mayor's how would be in the village, or at least very close to it. Like I said before, i'm a little rust when it comes to role playing. I'm sure it will come back to me soon enough though. Also, I might not be able to sign on every day and reply to your post, so if it takes me a little while to respond, I hope you don't think it's because I didn't want to. Again you must forgive me, I don't really have the time for a very elaborate post today either.



It took a moment for the mans words to become understood clearly. With a silent nod, Aimee pushed to her feet, her mouth forming into a perfect O when pressure was placed on her rigth ankle, but still no sound was made. She clentched her teeth, stubborn lines creasing her forehead while she forced herself to put distance between herself and the flames that threatened to bring the rest of her house down upon them.

There was definitely a visible limp to her appearance, but that still did not hinder her gracefulness. Her favorite dress, now ruined, had smoldering ashes on the hem that would soon burn out.

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Re: RP Academy - Lady Humor and Lord Saladin

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lord Saladin on Thu Jun 14, 2007 8:14 pm

Okay Lady Humor, first things first. I want you to make a new post. For the simple reason that I won't accept your most recent post.

Although you had limited time, you showed no signs of listening to a single word I said to you in regards to what to write, or how to do so. If anything, you showed signs of regression, not progression.

So, if you could please repost as a new post, rather than an edit, that would be appreciated.

Thanks.

Lord Saladin

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