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RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Circ on Wed Jul 04, 2007 2:26 pm

In your previous post, Fable’s leg hurts too much to stand on and he just wants to be dropped off at the nearest home—now, after a beating (due to his lack of tact), he is lunging and doing shots to the pelvis and acting macho. That comes across as rather inconsistent character behavior, and in one of those ‘choose your own adventure’ books, your character would be meeting an unfortunately dead end.

When in a situation where you’re surrounded by strangers, and you’ve just managed to annoy one of them, ask yourself: if someone is facing a thrashing, but is too weak to fight back, what would they do? When you figure that out, rewrite your post accordingly. I want to see quality writing, at least 400 words. And, instead of editing your last post, please attach it as a new one.
conditio sine qua non

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nightmare on Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:15 pm

Okay, not os much for the 400 words but I'll try to get at least 200 squeezed into each post

As he stood he coughed up drops of blod as he crawled across the ground trying to stand up. after a while he regained his strength but continues to cough and as the man let his guard down Fable made his left hand into a fist and turned, bringing his fist into the man's pelvis area. Snow flew through the air when he brought his left leg through it, leaving the right leg in the air, when he turned covering him mostly in snow when he returned to his prior fetal position from the pain in his leg. When the pain subsided some he got into a kneeling position.

"Luckily for you you didn't lose any bones, you just got a lot of pain and hopefully I can talk now without fear of being hit the jaw again." Fable said as he gripped his jaw in pain. "Are you sure she's a lady? Because the way she acted wasn't very lady-like. And by the way, any female can be related with the adjective 'Lady'"

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Rakoshnor on Sat Jul 07, 2007 2:10 am

Hail friends i am sorry to interupt such a great rp but i would like to know exactly what is happening. I am a good roleplayer but i have read through all of the rp and have not understood up to this point where people are. If you could tell me where it is currently taking place i would join. Thank you for your time.

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nightmare on Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:52 pm

Not to be mean or anything but this is a RP Aademy which usually inquires 1 on 1 RP to teach the said student to correctly describe such events as they see in their mind. In short, not for good RPrs

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Circ on Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:32 pm

The ‘400 words’ was meant for that specific post. You didn’t really rewrite it as much as make a few changes, which wasn’t what I wanted, but we’ll go with it anyway. As I said earlier, there will be consequences for your character following that path. There is no legal process; the group is more tribal or what you might consider feudal, something you might have picked up by observing the setting and the character mannerisms.

Also, I sent our welcome intruder a private message, explaining the purpose of Role Play Academy. :)




Even as Fable is mouthing off his protestations on terminology usage and the makings of a lady, the man recovers from the blow to his groin and retaliates! The other men, those on horseback and standing near, had begun to draw together in a circle around the two at the first sign of aggression—it was too short to do anything but witness a javelin’s sharp point ramming through Fable’s throat, cleaving it down the middle before ricocheting off his spine in a spray of blood out the side of the neck. Kneeling, with his weapon connecting him to corpse, the man gravely says, “No one who wishes death on a lady deserves the right to call himself a man.”

It is the last thing Fable hears before waking up, cold, shivering, and with no memory of who he is or why he is. Around him are shadows, and gazing up he can see only the jaggy mouth of a tremendous gorge, within which he lays, suffering and crying. Frostbite rocks on the ground stab through his flesh like shards of ice and the wind rakes across his exposed front. He is naked, alone, with no obvious shelter in sight.

It seems like déjà vu.

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nightmare on Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:52 pm

Fable looked around at his icey surroundings as he gave out a slight groan. What had just happened... What he thought just happened seemed so real. Each sight, each scent, He could not explain it it but he remembered it so clearly. He decided to go with his dream name and call himself Fable. The pain he felt in the dream lingered on his body with double the pain. He lay there for several minutes as he tried to remember what happened. If it was just a dream that he had forgotten his identity or if it was true. Unfortunatley, it was true... He could not remember anything, he couldn't remember his name, his history, or even how old he was.

He continue to lie there with the pain gradually increasing as the cold swept across his wounds. several seconds later he found he was lying in blood. He knew he had to get out of it for fear of infection. His pain sharpened once again as he tried to stand. He gave up on this and decided to just move an underneath his torso. He managed this and moved his other arm under his torso near the other hand and managed to turn himself over. The pain increased sharply but he managed to turn himself over. He looked at his legs and torso and noticed two things, one of which was that he was naked on an icey terrain. The other thing was that he was heavily wounded, it was a miracle that he was alive.

He tried to ignore this but the cold froze his skin and entered his wounds. He knew he needed to try something if he wished to get out of this alive and in one piece. He struggled and pushed himself over to a wall to lean himself up against. Pain tripled and he let out a blood curdling scream of pain as his broken legs Had to endure the pain of being dragged along the ground. He panted as the pain struck him with a tremendous force, he thought for a moment and came up with a painful idea. He could not scream without the pain so he would have to torture himself if somebody came near.

He waited for what seemed like an eternity to him as he got colder, it was getting hard to reamin in conciousness. Finally, he heard some voices at the top of the gorge. He could not hear what they were saying but he could tell that they were human. He put his plan into action and dragged himself along the ground. It was a crazy plan but it seemed to be working. The talking of the men stopped as Fabnle screamed for help at the top of his lungs. He did not know if they would help, but he knew he had their atterntion.

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Circ on Sun Jul 15, 2007 4:48 pm

Ever seen Groundhog day? It is that movie that keeps repeating itself until the guy learns his lesson. :)



The voices fade in the distance, until the only sounds remaining are a gentle sobbing and the scathing lash of the wind against the precipice’s jaggy face. It is briefly accentuated by the clatter of several small, sharp stones rattling their way down the cliff, some whirring dangerously near Fable’s head, one even slicing across his temple. What is the cause? A woman, silhouetted by the drapery of the night, stands as a pale ghost upon the edge, her wan nudity masked by lush tendrils of hair wreathing across her body. She gasps as she looks down, seeing a man there in a similar state to her own.

To Fable, the scene seems very familiar; suspiciously so. Yet, despite all his efforts, nothing rises in his mind—no images, no names, nothing solid to base a memory off of. His second-hand paranoia is the nearest he has to recollection.

“Do you need any help?” she says shakily.

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Circ on Thu Jul 19, 2007 4:28 pm

Nightmare, I understand your PM, and apologize. However, I can't say it won't happen again, so here is a compromise: you may RP in whatever threads you like, so long as you keep me informed and don't mind me providing you feedback on your posts in them. Meanwhile, we will continue this to help your growth as a role-player.

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nightmare on Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:19 pm

Fable let out a laugh of relief even though the pain was coursing through his body. "Yes!" He shouted before cringing in pain. He looked at the icey ground in disbelief before turning his head back up to the woman. The thought and feel of deja vu consumed him but he could not understand why. He tried to shrug it off but came to no prevail. He shook his head as he looked at the woman. "Do I know you from somewhere?" He shouted up in confusion

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Re: RP Academy - Nightmare and Circ

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Circ on Fri Sep 21, 2007 10:23 pm

I often have to question whether or not I should demand a substantial amount of effort from people engaging in this self-improvement exercise. After all, the purpose is to refine one’s storytelling ability, not their wordiness or grammatical aptitude. While I likely invest too much time harping on the latter, it irks me considerably that people fail to take the time to proof-read what they write. I am not asking for deep reassessments, but only that those who endeavor to improve their storytelling copy their work into a word processor and eliminate the colorful squiggles. Squiggles are bad!

The key is how good a storyteller you have become. Do you feel you have grown as a storyteller by these exercises? That may be too broad a question, at this point, but if you answer in generalities it is quite alright. Here are some ways to gauge that when you read back over this thread in an effort to answer the question:

* Is your character an interesting or shallow and boring study?
* How often were you responsible for a change in direction of the plot?
* Did your character frequently engage in dialogue?
* Did you introduce any NPCs?
* Did you interact with characters on your own or wait to be approached?
* If you removed your character from the story, would there be any major differences in the overall plot?

So, your assignment is two-fold: (1) summarize the plot and (2) answer the question.

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