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Advice?

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Advice?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Gabriel Faile on Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:18 am

So, this is a very confused Gabriel (Rob) reaching out for some advice from the Gwing community. Here's my situation:

I have three main girls in my life. Heidi, Ali and Melinda.

Heidi: The best friend for as long as I can remember. The first love. The reason I'm still alive today. Age - 18

Ali: The person who knows the most about me. She makes it feel good to be me. I smile real for her. Age - 17

Melinda: The girlfriend of four months. An amazing girl and would not want to loose her for anything in the world. Age - 15

My current age 18. I feel 21 most of the time. I know and have been told by a great many people that my mind is much older than my body. I agree.

Melinda: My girlfriend who is an amazing girl, doesn't fully understand me. She doesn't get that I need my space from her. She understands the big things, just not the little. Like that kissing my neck while I'm playing Mortal Kombat is THE MOST annoying thing in the world. (I know). She likes to call me twice a day. Once after school (High school, victory lapper), once after work. I don't understand it and I can't get her to stop. She just doesn't seem to get the fact that nothing had changed. But she does make me incredibly happy when I'm with her. Incredibly. Everytime I see her she tries to think of one thing that'll make me smile. I'm not a smiler. She always succeeds and is constantly drawing me pictures. Keep in mind I have told her that I love her.

Ali: Probably the second most amazing person I've ever met in my life. She knows me inside out. I don't even have to tell her things and she knows. One of those people. I've always had feelings for her, ever since i met her 2 years ago. The time just wasn't right for us to get together. Now she's not with her boyfriend anymore. But she doesn't want to come between me and Mel. Ali, just makes it seem like it's okay to be me. I don't have to pretend to be anyone else for her. She's just... amazing.

Heidi: The most amazing person I've ever met. I've loved this girl forever. I love her so much that I actually let her go. I truely believe one day I will marry this girl, but for now the time is never. Heh. She makes me me. Without this girl I would be nothing.

My predicament is, I am with Melinda. Heidi doesn't like how I act with her because I am sometimes fake and Heidi can see right through that. It hurts her to see it. Ali, I just can't stop thinking about. Everytime I turn my brain off her picture is there. Last week, she told me that she loved me. For real. Not that friend love I thought we had, and the truth is I kind of love her back, but I love Melinda as well.

To complicate things even further I am going travelling in May, until July and then to University. Odds are I'll never get to be with any of them for a grand ammount of time.

Heh, I told you it was a predicament. Hell, I deserve my own sitcom.

But anyways, I have gone over every possible situation, and I really have no idea what to do.

Idea's are welcome.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby SSJHunterKiller on Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:52 am

Well first off, they all sound like great girls.

Now, I'm not the best one to take romantic advice from according to most people, because I can't get my own straightened up.

Now, the first question you half to ask yourself is, how far away in University? Some people say that long distance relationship can work. I can tell you from person experience (two different attempts) they don't work out. But if it’s not that far away then you can rule out this whole section.

Second, all the little things can eventually add up into something bad. This doesn't usually happen, but there is a chance. (And yes, having your neck kissed while play MK is annoying, especially when you're having trouble with a certain fight).

Finally, a piece of advice. If you don't take the long shots you'll never know what would have happened. I missed my chance with the girl of my dreams simply because I wasn't brave enough to take a long shot. You said yourself that you believe you'll end up marrying Heidi.

As much as I'd love to try and help you out my friend, this is a choice that you're going to have to make yourself. I'm sure if I lived by you and interacted with you and the girls I could actually give some serious advice, but sadly this is all I can offer. I know that it isn't much help. Wish I could do more for you.
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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Moonwolf on Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:29 am

Without boasting, I can say I'm more or less farmilair with girls. Since I flirt with a majority of the girls in my life...

Now, this situation is complicated. Originally, I would find it easier in a love triangle of two girls and one guy, the two girls, the guy can go date a random girl and see which of the two girls are more sincere. This method works very well.

Now that it's THREE girls, and ONE guy, I must say it's difficult. Still, I was in this kind of situation before, only I'm never serious. You are going to be away for a period of time, a long period of time. And university is in a far off location, am I correct?

So the distance problem is resolved through love letters, love
E-mails, and the like. And you may even pay her a visit at times, which I'm sure you will accomplish.

Now I'm sure all three are dream girls any guy would love to have, and so the situation is now easier resolved. Like SSJ said, courage must be present for love. And because in my youth, I didn't "catch" the girl of my dreams, I end up "punishing" girls around me.
Well, first there's Melinda whose a young, romantic-minded girl. Then there's Ali, whose a psychic when it comes to you, and you feel she's one of the most amazing people you know. Heidi is one of your BEST friends who understands your emotions and your likes.
Now figure this as well.

Ali confesses she Loves you, and knows you inside out. Thats a typical sisterly behaviour, and even though she voices her strong emotions for you, it shows she went from "sister" to "beloved."
However, it may be one fact that she IS trying to make your boyfriend jealous if it was recent, which it was not. She is an amazing intellectual, and you once had feelings for her, all the way to now. But listen to this, would you like to be with her for the rest of your life? And would you want to dedicate all you have to her?
Meanwhile, Melinda is a typical pretty youngster who can make you smile many different times, and even in bad times she's with you. But she can sometimes annoy you, and 15 is a bad age for romance.
Perhaps it's puppy love, and she's romance-minded, so she might change her mind about you swiftly.

Heidi is a best friend to you, and you have adored her for so very long. She is very disturbed with your faked emotions at times with Melinda, and still bears with it.
As they say, love is not being with the person you desire. It's watching that person being happy and contented with life.
Thats love.
Different from lust.
Different from flirting.
Or anything else in the world.
Love is, what you would call beyond description.
Wording it as "Amazing"
Is an understatement,
But still, you have to truly LOVE someone, but cannot describe it.

Here's my advice for you through years of solving these kind of problems, this is probably one of my more complicated cases.

-RESULTS FOR YOU-

Melinda: You are with her now, but will it be forever? And annoyance is what breaks up couples most... (43% Sucess Rate)

Ali: She reads your thoughts, and knows what you like. You "liked" her since two years ago, and she has confessed her feelings to you. Though it may be, it could be spite as well. A few hearts have to be broken to find true love at times. (61% Sucess Rate)

Heidi: You have considered being with her, for marriage, a serious thought. You have longed for her since, forever. And she knows when you force emotions, which makes it a perfect couple sort of system. I believe she may be a dream girl. (84% Sucess Rate)
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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Gabriel Faile on Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:07 pm

For starters, I don't know how many of you really know the lay our of Canada, but I live in the Toronto area, I'm thinking about going to school in Guelph 2 hour drive, or Windsor a 7 hour drive. Windsor is about as far away from Bowmanville as I can get.

So long distance relationships are out.

I've let Heidi live her life. Boys have come and gone and I've always told her they're not right for her. I'm always right. She tells me the same thing. She's always right. It's a little game we play. She loves me and I love her, but it's more than that it's a friendship sort of love. I really do think I'll marry her one day, that's why I'm not to concerned with being with her now.

Melinda, I don't know. Sometimes I just think that she just doesn't get me. I think you may be right Moonwolf. It might be puppy-love. She doesn't get me. Never really has. She just thinks she does. I feel kind of awkward because I'm typing this while i'm on the phone with her.

Now Ali, I just can't get her out of my head. She boggles my mind. I'm almost considering taking some time off from women altogether and just not seeing anyone for awhile. I always jump to relationships.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Remæus on Wed Oct 18, 2006 7:33 am

Amber wrote:Look, Rob. Can I call you Rob?

Your girlfriend, Melinda, acts her age. That's all you can ask of her. You've graduated, right? She is a freshman/sophomore, and is just beginning her high school experience. She is at the age when boyfriend/girlfriend means passing notes between lockers and scribbling Mrs Rob ______ all over their civics notebook. At this point in her life she is looking for a date for Homecoming and you (I'm generalizing I'm not pretending like I know you) are at a point in your life that you want someone who will support, understand your ups and downs, essentially a 'life partner'.

I don't want get you in a tiffle or offend you, but it sounds like there is a large maturity gap. (Then again I don't know you or Melinda)

Now in regards to the situation overall... if you have to sit, think and decide which girl is the best for you, none of them are.


Now, honestly - I think you should ditch the kid. Not related to her age, of course. From what you have described, she isn't mature. If she doesn't get that she CAN annoy you with something that is otherwise affectionate, she doesn't have the maturity level that you require.

It sounds like you have your mind on Ali. If you feel that the first girl deserves something of yours, (your attention) here's your final indicator that she doesn't. I emphasize what Amber did. If you have to sit down and make a decision, you've answered your own question.

Let Heidi stay a friend, she sounds like a life long partner. A wonderful person to have a friendship with, someone who will support you for years to come. Don't taint it with romantic intent.

Cheers.

Love,

Amber and Eric.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote:If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby miyumi on Wed Oct 18, 2006 9:05 am

Gabriel,

I'm one of those without much experience myself in having a relationship other than friends, but much experience with watching those who have those types of relationships.

I do tend to agree that if you're having this much trouble deciding, then there is a strong possibility that the girl for you is one you haven't met yet.

Melinda: while it is good that she can make you smile, you've said yourself that some of the smiles you give her are fake. Is it possible that more than you realize are the fake ones? Also, the annoyance factor is definitely a no, since it annoys you strongly enough that you would put it here.

Ali: friend. Definitely and truly a friend. It doesn't have to be any deeper for someone to just know. Other than the "she's just amazing" part, everything you described is something that I feel about my best friend, and we do not want anything more than friendship.

Heidi: if you will have something with her, it will be in the future, after both of you have grown some more.

This is hard advice, but here it is: give yourself some time. Time "away from girls", maybe, but definitely some time away from dating. You feel 21, that's awesome, most boys your age act 15. But here's the thing, most older people I've talked to say that you don't really know what you want until you're 25. Eventually, you will just know.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Grimbold Theoman on Wed Oct 18, 2006 2:12 pm

Rob, hello old friend. You have yourself a real pickle there, polyamoury is never easy and there it is laid out before you. I am lucky I have three women in my life, I love them all, actually there are four but the last is my daughter now almost five years old so in that respect does not count, back to the sentence now, all three of them live a long way from me. One only a couple of hours drive the others are a good fifteen hours flight.

I can't tell you that there is one right path to follow and you know that yourself, all I can say it to do what is right I don't mean what feels right but the right thing to do. It won't be easy but you must do what hurts the fewest people. Some of what Miyumi says is right, it's not alltogether about age, age itself does not help I am foucough splutter indestinguishable noise years old and I still can't say I want this or that when it comes to women, but at some point you will know what it is that will work out when you do go with it.

I suppose the most important thing is since all of the women are important to you work as hard as you can to remain friends with them all.

Dave

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