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Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

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Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Zhelir Darkfall on Sun Sep 16, 2007 2:57 am

So I've finally returned to work, 3rd shift at the Van Andel Arena, hosts concerts, carnivals, rodeos, sports events, blah blah blah. Usually, I do changeover/ops, which is tearing things town, throwing other shit up, cleaning up the outside (which is actually just an hour-long smoke break), yadda.

However, every once in a while, I get shafted onto custodial, which as the name implies, is cleaning the stands and whatnot. Since the Arena's been hosting a carnival, there's been no changeover/ops, just custodial. After having seen mountains of upturned popcorn buckets, trash crammed under the seats, cups up-ended in their holders to make wonderful little stickier-than-a-priest-in-sunday-school messes, and to top it off, a nice sheet of confetti everywhere.

Now, spills I can understand, they happen. I can live with that. But honest to God, they put trashcans no more than twenty feet from any given person, is it so hard to walk that far with the tremendous burden of a sack of half-eaten peanuts or a bucket of popcorn in tow? That's not even to mention you pricks that do it intentionally.

Some people believe this is appropriate revenge for an Arena's high priced goods, but I beg you thick-skulled individuals to wonder, "If I didn't make such a fucking mess, would they need to pay staff overtime to stay far later than they're supposed to to clean up my mess, and in turn would they need to jack up prices to pay for said staff?" And for those of you who still have a few neurons firing off up there, you will realize "No, they wouldn't." You're not getting revenge, you're just screwing yourself further.

So, to put a point to this rant, if you're too fat, lazy, slobbish, or under the impression that you're beneath cleaning up after yourself -- FUCK YOU. You are the type of people that get cleansed from the gene pool by 9mm of cold justice.

Thank you,
Justin.
STAVE: Commala-come-ki,
There's a time to live and one to die.
With your back against the final wall
Ya gotta let the bullets fly.

RESPONSE: Commala-come-ki!
Let the bullets fly!
Don't 'ee mourn for me, my lads
When it comes my day to die.

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Re: Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Sun Sep 16, 2007 3:00 am

Blunt, eloquent and accurate. The way I like it.

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Re: Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Alucroas on Wed Sep 26, 2007 5:03 am

FINALLY SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN!

I happen to work at a theater known as Crown Theaters in downtown minneapolis. I know how you feel Zhelir. I have to clean up popcorn, drinks, slushies, pretzels, nachos, hotdogs. I'll tell you man this shit is fucking obsurd. Whenever we clean a theater we arrive early with two garbage bags tied to the rails where people come down after the movie is over to exit and nine out of ten times nobody sees the bag or drops it in there at all inspite of the fact that the motherfucking thing is white so everyone can see it and know that's it's a garbage bag. Why is it that everyone never uses the fucking cupholders so I have to strain my damn back to to pick up every single fucking thing they spill on the damn floor!?

How come half the fucking people leave the bags of popcorn either completely or damn near halfway full or spilt all over the place!? just so they can either knock it down as they walk out or fucking hope that in they're in a scary movie so they'll scare the shit out of themselves and throw it all over the place. People talk at my movie theater way too much when seeing a movie and can't shut the fuck up for one damn moment. Whenever I'm doing theater checks, which is while a movie is still playing I'll get asked by a customer to throw their garbage away for them. Look here, you son of a bitch...I'm not your fucking nanny, or your foreign maid/slut who gets banged by the owner or his friend at some point in time, or wear my fucking blouse unbuttoned so you can see my nipple hairs sticking out.

Oh and also. I just developed this theory in my head about how the human race will become extinct due to dipshits bringing weed into the theater. And we all know people love to bring weed into the theater because they think it'll make the experience that much better.

Let's start off with a small version of chain reactions caused by dumbasses at the movie theater who think weed is good...

Weed is meant to calm you down so it'll make everything go by slower and look less exciting and thrilling to watch which includes comedy with the exception of the fact that you'll laugh for so fucking long at the stupidest shit that isn't even fucking funny and get kicked out by ME for being an obnoxious ass who doesn't know when to fucking SHUT THE FUCK UP. WHY IS IT THAT YOU RETARDS NEVER LAUGH AT THE JOKES PEOPLE PUT EFFORT INTO!? So then you start to feel lonely because you think you're too dumb to get the jokes that require a higher conscious, then you remember why you failed high school and start to go into depression which eventually you'll end up killing yourself over because you think you're worthless piece of shit and then my theater gets sued for not being smart competent enough to detect your damn weed, I lose the one job that I have which is already bullshit to to begin with considering the pay is below minimum wage, (I need to find another job.) So I get depressed too because I start to go broke within two days as does everyone else and the kids in college don't have money to pay for their school supplies so they lose a chance at their dream too and end up committing suicide as well.

Now that's just a minor death ratio. Here's a much larger one, you stoner pricks.

Now we all know how something can be less thrilling and exciting due to the fact that weed calms you down, but then it calms you down so much to the point of where the action seems slow and boring and just uncomprehendable and pointless. So you walk out of the motherfucking theater bitching about how it sucked because you were too fucking high to understand the shit. Then the critiques start to agree with the populace who is agreeing with you that the movie sucks because they listen to people who saw it over the critiques. Then you and stoner friends come in packs and see it again and the same thing happens again and again, until people just start to think movie companies suck ass so they stop seeing them as a result. After that less and less movies come out and so I don't get to watch some good high quality action shit, so I quit my job because I know I'm going to get fired eventually, then during my spare time I'll notice I stopped watching movies because I've seen my DVDs way too many fucking times so I become insanely bored. AS A RESULT TO MY FUCKING BOREDOM I COME ONTO THIS FUCKING WEBSITE TO START FUCKING ROLE PLAYING AND THEN FIND THIS DAMN FLAMEWARS SECTION SO I CAN BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT THAT IS FUCKING GOING ON. I GET FAT BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP COMPLAINING BECAUSE NOW IT IS MY ONLY SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT AND I DIE OF A HEART ATTACK.

LATER ON AFTER THAT IN THE FUTURE SOME RANDOM WANNA BE CRACK WHORE GENIUS MAKES A STORY ABOUT ME WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE A CONSPIRACY THEORIST. Now knowing the general public they love to believe conspiracies, so then there's the group who believes the theories are true and then there's the skeptics who like to present their more logical side to the story. OH AND THEN THE FUCKING PRESS GETS IN ON THIS SHIT AND IT BECOMES A NATIONWIDE ISSUE. ONE OF THOSE FUCKING CASES WHERE THE DUMBASSES(conspiracy theorists) GET TIRED OF BEING PUT DOWN BY SMART NON-RETARDED BALL LICKING PUBIC LICE BREEDING CRAZY ASSES WHO MAKE A PROFIT OF WATCHING MICROSCOPIC INSECTS FIGHT IT OUT TO THE DEATH (Skeptics.) Go have debates where the public comes to see and starts fucking arguing about over the damn internet, people on the streets start pullin' out their gats and the critiques who lost their jobs before start judging the accuracy of people fiering their guns so harshly that they get shot themselves. Then comes the prick who says "hey that guy was just doing what he did best, leave him alone." Gets shot in the face for talking down a gangsta who we all know have the intelligence of the parasite manifesting itself inside my urethra AS WE SPEAK goes into a blind rage because we all know how ghetto people love to prove their dominance to everyone and everything around them by either A) Making fun of it B) Laughing at it or C) Starting a fight over it because they don't agree with someone else. Another guy comes to defend the second guy who gets shot for defending the critique and then the ghetto people gangstas and the normal people start fighting each other which erupts in chaos and anarchy which results in half the fucking United States Population dead within a fucking week. That's 150 million people. Now we're on the verge of 7 billion people in the world. Imagine 150 million people dying every week around the world considering most foreigners around the world will start taking their religious views into the shit and starting even more gigantic chaotic wars. Then Iran launches the ICB-FUCKING'Ms all over the place and wipes out the middle east. Muslims in africa here about the shit and start praying to Allah and there happens to be some Jew standing nearby who talks down their god and sparks another massive conflict then starts talking down on the african american populace about how the Jews control most of cooperate business to make themselves look superior and then next thing you know some voodoo bitch from one of the african tribes casts a spell to obliterate all Jews. As a result of the leaders of global cooperations and finances go down the world loses all entertainment channels on Television mainly the majority as well as computer industries and people who make servers for the internet to run their websites on and shit. People go insane all over the world because they have no way of entertaining and or occupying themselves thus they go, no one plays sports because they know no one will come due to the inability to advertise it and so they don't become famous and get millions. No more representatives and workers for your natural disasters all over the world, huh stupid ass? Meanwhile the radiation is spreading rapidly throughout the middle east and making its way up to erupe, russia, china, and North Korea and eventually Japan. Oh and guess where what giant radioactive fire breathing lizard was borne, Godzilla? Japan.

This motherfucker throws a party and starts getting drunk with Anguirus and King Ghidorah, boning Japanese women and having hybrid monster babies. Who start fighting each other for show to impress the lady monsters. Next thing you know one of the survivors of the nuclear outbreak starts kidnapping them and develops his own monster fight league. He secretly gives extra radioactive atomic particles and nuclear radiation in their foot which makes them grow to immense size. Next thing you know since they're Japanese they're smarter than shit so they outsmart the master while simultaneously using their immense power to destroy the guy. What little military is left rebells and gathers up other survivors to combat the monsters. Of course we're going to lose you dipshits, and don't count on Alucroas to save your sorry ass this time you sorry sacks of shit. Now within a month or two the military and every survivor on earth is extinct. Then what little fucking survivors are left get launched into the air by cataclysm induced pillars rocketing them up into such high altitudes that they become frozen solid and finally fall to the ground and shatter. With all those ice shards everyone gets stabbed and shit and fucking dies, tidal waves erupting from monsters drunk off nuclear food sources do cannon balls in the water creating massive tidal waves which end up flooring everything in sight including themselves.

Later on in a few years these monsters learn how to make profits off of nuclear radiation by making byproducts and new forms of it which end up becoming drugs. Now we start having drug dealing monsters. Next thing you know Ghidora's three heads are getting high as shit and then blasting lightning into the air which electrifies all the radiation in the air by tenfold and shocks everyone else in the process thanks to all the water on the ground from that one dipshit who created the fucking tidal wave just making sure all the humans are dead.

Now then. See what happens when YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS THAT SMOKE YOUR FUCKING WEED IN THE FUCKING THEATER DO TO SOCIETY AND THE WORLD FOR YEARS TO FUCKING COME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!? YEAH BITCH, I WILL HUNT YOUR SORRY FUCKING ASS DOWN AND KILL YOU ALL BY BREAKING MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR ASS THEN GOING INTO THE FUTURE TO USE GODZILLA's DNA TO REGENERATE MY LIMBS OVER AND OVER AGAIN SO I CAN DO IT CONSTANTLY AND NON-STOP YOU PIECES OF SHIT. YOU MOTHERFUCKING CROTCH STAINS, GODDAMN IT BITCH, WHORE FAGGOT, POT, WEED, Reefer, MaryJane, SMOKING, FUCKERS!

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
YOUR FUCKING FAULT!
I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL YOU SCUM BAGS!

YOU JUST WIPED OUT THE FUCKING HUMAN RACE YOU JACKASS! ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELVES!?

THESE ARE THE KINDS OF FUCKING THINGS THEY NEED TO BE PUTTING ON THOSE "My anti-drug commercials." I BET A MORE WELL EXPLAINED VERSION OF WHAT I JUST FUCKING WROTE TEACHES YOU LITTLE SHITS A LESSON!

AND IF I SMELL ONE FUCKING MOLECULE OF WEED NEXT TIME I AM CLEANING. SO HELP ME GOD I WILL BLOW SOUTH AMERICA TO SHIT AND ANY OTHER FUCKING COUNTRY THAT PRODUCES WEED OR HAS SECRET WEED FARMS. I HOPE ALL YOU STONERS OUT THERE ARE READING THIS SHIT! BECAUSE IF YOU ARE KNOW THIS. IF I CATCH YOU, I. WILL. HUNT. YOU. DOWN.

Now I'm going to email this to my favorite press company known as The Onion in hopes I will become a billionaire off this FACT of mine.
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Re: Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby hydrotaoist on Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:43 pm

Send me your email so I can give you my address. Lets see if you hold up to your threats or piss in your pants

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Re: Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Alucroas on Thu Oct 04, 2007 12:32 pm

You just single handled ruined a grade fucking A rant about mass death, you prick.

Thanks for being the one retard on the planet to take this seriously. Now, I'd give you my address however I'm not the kind of person to wait for fucking four years for you to come to my door only to realize you've been working out with a punching bag the entire time and then I fall on the ground bleeding.

So as a safety measure, I'm paying Michael Clark Duncan to beat you up for me.

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Re: Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Systemme on Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:44 pm

ROFLMAO!!!!
I've come to realize..
with every little glimpse you fade

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Re: Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Cass on Sat May 31, 2008 6:24 am

The trash thing? I make my nephews carry the garbage to the bin when they go with me, I do the same for myself when they're not with me.

Please don't forget about the people who fantasize about getting naked and busy in the movie... who really shouldn't be taking their clothes off unless everyone in the room is blind. The nipple hair comment totally goes in line with that. No one wants to pick up your trash or see your nipple hairs or listen to your date trying to slurp your hairy nipple in the middle of a quiet point. Or for someone to use the cup holder for their dentures during your movieside adventures.

But if you're going to rant about theaters and crap like that, also include cud chewers. You know who I mean! Those are the ones who can be ten rows back and you hear every disgusting chaw and chew they make noshing on that popcorn. Last week I got fed up and simply STOOD UP when the people behind me sounded like a herd of cows at feedtime. After a few minutes the lady leaned forward and said, "Excuse me, can you sit down... we can't see." I turned around and very pointedly said, "I will be glad to sit down, as soon as you figure out that slopping your jaws makes this movie more unbearable to me than me standing directly in front of you makes it for you. If you don't like it, close your mouth." They moved. I was happy. :)

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Re: Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Cass on Sat May 31, 2008 6:31 am

Maybe you should shine a flashlight in their eyes and smack them on the head if they don't use the bin.

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Re: Feel like littering at a theater/arena? FUCK YOU.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Cw Hart on Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:17 am

Great now I feel bad. XD. Nah I don't litter. Since I had to go through similar crap at my old job.
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