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Assassin's Pledge: Demon's Conquest

General Discussion

a part of “Assassin's Pledge: Demon's Conquest”, a fictional universe by KumoriRyuu.

In a world of untold violence and intrigue, the hands of fate guide the souls of a select few to fight alongside a Demon made flesh to save the world they know and love from oblivion and chaos.

Characters Settings Story
This conversation is an Out Of Character (OOC) part of the roleplay, “Assassin's Pledge: Demon's Conquest”.
Discussions pertaining to roleplay on RPG.

General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Sun Aug 24, 2014 3:21 pm

This is the thread where all of our conversations will take place!

Please keep chatter and questions in this thread and out of all others please. They are for informational purposes and NOT for discussion. Thank you!

So if you have questions, ask away! I don't care how many there are, I will answer all of them!

Welcome aboard, and good luck!
Kumori Ryuu

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KumoriRyuu
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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby The Based God on Sun Aug 24, 2014 6:04 pm

Alright, so I am interested. I like the whole supernatural uptake on things and the use of early gunpower weapons. This has the make of a really great RP and story, I only have one concern about making a character for this. It seems like you have a good storyline thought out but from the looks of it you intend to make your character(s) the protagonist of the story. While this isnt always a bad thing I have had experinces in the past that make me steer away from such RPs.

My main question is this: Do you intend to make your character the absolite hero of the RP or is everyone equal partners in the story? If you are making your character the hero does that mean that the rest of us will be just side characters for your story or will we be able to contribute as well?

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Sun Aug 24, 2014 6:08 pm

I just posted a new thread about the Crimson Twins, and while they are central to the story itself they are actually going to be NPC's which everyone will be able to portray and utilize throughout the RP if and when they need to or want to. The new thread has the details and rules regarding their use, so check that out if you'd like.

My real character who I will be portraying 100% is still in development, and I hope to have her submitted by the end of the day.

To clarify, there is no central protagonist as the Crimson Twins are anti-heroes around whom the story's plot revolves. However, the bulk of the success of their quest will lie on the other characters who support them in their journey (which will be our characters). So if you must think of who is the main protagonist, it's actually the entire cast.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Rarikou on Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:22 pm

I just finished reading everything and daresay, i like it. There hasn't been much of good, original thinking, so of course I'm interested. Defiantly put a lot of thought into this world... ill begin working on a character now... I have a feeling this will take a while...
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'The moment man devoured the fruit of knowledge, he sealed his fate. Entrusing his future to the cards, man clings to a dim hope. Yet, the Arcana are the means by which all is revealed. It matters not who you are, Death awaits you."

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby The Based God on Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:58 pm

Alright so I am making my character. Im focusing more on the mercenary angle, but I still have to read over all of your material before I go full in with the detail. Keep me posted on any new stuff.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Mon Aug 25, 2014 4:32 pm

I will be sure to do that.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Rarikou on Mon Aug 25, 2014 9:11 pm

I noticed that most of the cities are unnamed. Are we free to make up a city we come from?

and... you don't have issue with a thieving/crime ring, yes?

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Mon Aug 25, 2014 9:28 pm

There will be a string of names that I use for the Capitol Cities in each of the five nations such as Valkyom for the nation of Cre' Est, but other than that if you come from another city/village/town then you can name it yourself.

And as for a thieving or crime ring, I don't have a problem with it but I do wish to ask what your intentions are for it before I officially say "yes" to the idea.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Rarikou on Mon Aug 25, 2014 10:50 pm

Well the main idea i had for my character was that she was one of the people that supervised this ring. Its a crime ring fronted by a chain of stores... mostly for running illegal goods and the like while still providing a legitimate business. So it acts like a fence for thieves as well.... you know, the basics.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:05 pm

All right, I have no problem with that. Go for it.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Tue Aug 26, 2014 11:44 am

All right, Rariku.

I have taken the time to review the profile you sent and there are a couple of things to tweak, but other than what is to follow the profile is sound and I have no real issues with the content.

So first, a minor grammar lesson: When it comes to listing a date you don't need to have the "st" on 1st. March 1, 549 is grammatically correct, as we only as the "st" as in "first" when we speak the date out loud. But it is not something that is actually spelled out in written conversation or narrative so if you would like to remove the "st" then that will work fine.

Next, her personality is nicely fleshed out, but as I said in the instructions of the character skeleton each paragraph has to have no fewer than five sentences. I count three sentences in your first personality paragraph, four sentences in your second paragraph, six in your third (which is fine), and four in your fourth paragraph. So this needs a bit of balancing and a few more sentences to be viable. I know it sounds nit picky, but there is a method to the madness, I promise.

Your special talents, training history, and biography are a similar story and some paragraphs don't have the five sentence minimum requirement. I'd like you to go through and count them and make sure to fill whatever paragraphs fall short.

If you can do that for me, then the character is as good as accepted. Just make sure to let me know when you're finished editing so I can take one final look at it.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Wed Aug 27, 2014 1:10 am

Okay, Riley Shikoku.

Nice to see a fresh face!

So, on to business then! Your profile is solid, but there are a few things I'd either like tweaked just a tiny bit or at least clarified, and I also have a couple of writing tips for you to take home.

So here goes:

One, there are a couple of instances where you don't fulfill the five sentence minimum requirement. First is in the second paragraph of your training history, and the third paragraph of your biography. As I told Rariku, there's a method to the madness and while it is nitpicky to call you on such details they are important to me so please abide my madness and add one more sentence to each paragraph.

The next two large paragraphs in the bio also give me a bit of pause, as they're a bit long winded and hard to read through. Maybe cut them each in half and you should be good. It's just easier on the eyes (especially eyes that have trouble seeing a computer screen without squinting) to keep things as separate as possible.

Also, there are a couple of redundancies in your bio. First is "It appeared he was doing a good job, so he was happy and decided to one day give Sariah a present for being so kind to him for all of her kindness." "For all her kindness" can be deleted entirely, as you basically just said that when you wrote "for being so kind to him."

Next redundancy was "He breathed deeply and nocked an arrow into his bow and breathed deeply as he pulled the bowstring to his cheek and released, seeing the man that was his target, fall down dead." If he "breathed deeply" in the first part of the sentence, you don't have to tell us again when he's drawing his bow. Shortening that sentence and breaking it into two parts to something like "He breathed deeply as he nocked an arrow and pulled the bowstring to his cheek. He released the arrow, seeing the man that was his target fall down dead" would be much better.

That's about it. A couple of minor fixes and a few pointers to consider and you should be good to go. When you've made the adjustments let me know and I'll take another look at the profile.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Rarikou on Wed Aug 27, 2014 5:22 am

alright, fairly certain i met the quota this time around. a few extra sentences isnt too much of a hassle.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Wed Aug 27, 2014 11:40 am

Glad to hear it. I took another look and everything is in order so you're good to go!

Submit when ready and I'll approve it when I see it.

Oh yeah!


I am on Pacific Standard Time, and I'm aware that it is likely everyone is fairly spread out time zone wise. So if everyone could be so kind as to post their time zone for me I'd greatly appreciate it. It'll help with adjusting to each other's schedules and the time differences between posts so we all know how long as should expect to wait to see changes in the RP once we get started.

Thank you!

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby The Based God on Wed Aug 27, 2014 12:15 pm

Officially putting in the time to work on my character today. I've been playing around with a couple of different characters up until now, one beng a ragged old merceanary type and the other being a younger noble gentleman, and I have finally decided to go with the latter.

The basic idea I have is a prominent young man from a well off family is deposed from his minor seat of power, and thereafter he becomes an assasain to find answers and inact his own personal revenge against the other nobles which he thinks are responsible.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Wed Aug 27, 2014 2:22 pm

Ah ha, so he has an Ezio complex eh? Nice.

All right then, I'll be waiting to see what you've got.

Also, what's your time zone The Based God?

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Riley Shikoku on Wed Aug 27, 2014 4:26 pm

Thank you for giving me those tips! Also, my time zone is MST, or Mountain Standard Time. I also made changes to my profile, if you would please look at them that would be awesome!
~Yay for Meatbun! :3~

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Rarikou on Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:30 pm

I'm pst too actually. Although, i'm a nocturnal beat about 75% of the time though, so unless i stay up im on at night.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby The Based God on Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:48 pm

Im central standard.

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Re: General Discussion

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby KumoriRyuu on Wed Aug 27, 2014 9:53 pm

Riley Shikoku, your profile looks good.

Submit when ready and I'll accept it when I see it.

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