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Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

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Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby AngelXdv on Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:34 am

I basically have the same problem: roleplay/no-mans-land/

If someone could tell me where I did wrong would be so much better!I am editing it now,too!
You can't change the past but you can destroy a sure present by thinking on the future!

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Eyeris on Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:57 am

I shall give you some feedback.

First error noticed: Your basic writing mechanics are way off: It is really simple things like spaces between your sentences. Serious revisions are recommended.

Your overall game doesn't make much sense to me... It is really unclear how the game is going to be played (mechanically, since there seems to be stats involved... but also story-wise)

Mechanics:
On the CS, how come some things are a mathematical equation and some things are not? I have no idea where to get the numbers from, nor is it clear which slots are for numbers and which slots are for description. You don't explain what a 'Regent' is in your world (in ours it is a "substance or compound that is added to a system in order to bring about a chemical reaction, or added to see if a reaction occurs.") and how it applies to your spells... nor does your spell explanation adequate to my understanding of magic is going to work.

You need to outline your mechanical system somewhere. "Other factors I, the godly GM, decide" doesn't really do it for me...

My suggestion for your overall outline:

Story first... Starting with the plot is how to 'hook' interest of players.

MECHANICS: I'd outline them next, let players know early on that it is a rules-based-roleplay system (players looking for this kind of RP will keep reading), then explain explain the system you have created (players who like and understand your system will keep reading...)

Then rules

Then CS (I personally like this at the end, because only after reading everything else will a player decide to apply or not, also makes it easy to find on the page)

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby AngelXdv on Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:14 pm

Hey there,thanks!I will edit ot but now I talk from the phone.My pc has some problems.I will update this post when I finish my problems.

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby LawOfTheLand on Tue Apr 24, 2012 3:09 pm

Eyeris, I think you're looking for "reagent." If she typed all that from her phone, then that is really impressive for the phone.

Anyway, AngelXdv: All the mechanical errors have an unfortunate tendency to make casual readers around here assume that you're an unskilled writer, therefore your roleplay concept isn't too appealing either. I know in my mind that the two are separate, but I have a hard time convincing myself of that when tested.
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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Eyeris on Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:12 am

qbsuperstar03 wrote:Eyeris, I think you're looking for "reagent." If she typed all that from her phone, then that is really impressive for the phone.


derp derp ^^;; See how spelling errors make me look stupid? lolz

I figured it was something like that, I at first wondered if it was a Code error of some sort.

Do the spaces show up on the phone? Do you not have a computer to work on often?

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby AngelXdv on Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:36 am

AngelXdv wrote:Hey there,thanks!I will edit ot but now I talk from the phone.My pc has some problems.I will update this post when I finish my problems.



This I what I meant it was a phone writing.I repaired my pc.The problem with the roleplay is that it was 9 PM when I started it and 0 PM when I finished it.So I will edit it.Oh,yeah,the roleplay was wrote on pc.And 1 more thing:I am a male!

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby DarkManticoreX2 on Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:10 pm

I'll be blunt. I considered joining this RP but ultimately decided not to for one main reason.

Your sentence structure hurts to read. I'm okay with a few of the players having bad grammar, but when I need to read the GM's writing I want to be able to fully comprehend it. This means I'll re-read GM posts several times to observe critical details.

When the sentence structure is bad, I need to re-write the sentence in my head before I can search for the details. I need to do this every time I re-read a post. This is a huge turnoff to me as an RPer, especially since I'll need to do this every time the GM makes a post.

Having occasional spelling errors doesn't really bug me, it happens.


Small stuff:

1.The opening story text is a bit too large, giving it an unappealing first impression.
2.Good at/Bad at character traits: Your description of these is as follows:
@:only 2 weaknesses and bests.You may go from Weak Limbs to Big Head and anything!
So the implication here is my character can be as follows:
----------Good at 1: Best mage ever
-------------Good at 2: Best fighter ever
----------Weak at 1: Gets mad easily
------------Weak at 2: Can't sing well
People are going to abuse the heck out of this, and I don't even want to start dealing with it. Especially if my character might somehow end up fighting this person.
3. You seem to cram ideas together. Use paragraphs and punctuation to separate different thoughts. I'll give you an example:

AngelXdv wrote:This I what I meant it was a phone writing.I repaired my pc.The problem with the roleplay is that it was 9 PM when I started it and 0 PM when I finished it.So I will edit it.Oh,yeah,the roleplay was wrote on pc.And 1 more thing:I am a male!


I was writing the last post from my phone, so excuse the mistakes. My PC is working again so I'll be able to fix the mistakes I made when I created the RP. It was around midnight when I finished creating the RP, so I'm sure a few mistakes slipped in because I was tired.

I originally wrote the RP on a PC, so it's not as impressive as you're trying to make it ;P

QB you suck! I'm a guy!
Last edited by DarkManticoreX2 on Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby AngelXdv on Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:23 pm

I finished a part of it.Could you please read it?I will finish the rest in like 2 days.

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby AngelXdv on Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:40 pm

Hi! I finished editing my roleplay. Could you watch it and tell me what I missed or got wrong and correct me please?

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Eyeris on Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:23 am

Are you still using your phone? There are still some wonky errors.

Is this based on the DnD rules? or another system?

-Eyeris

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby AngelXdv on Sun Apr 29, 2012 4:21 am

I'm from Romania and there aren't DnD games... I wished I had and DnD game but I couldn't. I needed to get it from America or somewhere else. So I don't really know the DnD rules. And what errors?

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Eyeris on Mon Apr 30, 2012 8:43 pm

There is a bunch things, (Spacing, punctuation, paragraph structure), is your first language Romanian rather than English? maybe you should submit it to the proof-reading thread?

I was asking about DnD, trying to figure out what you are basing your numbers-system on, or is it your own invention?

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby AngelXdv on Tue May 01, 2012 2:36 am

Romanian is my natal language.



The numbers system is my own invention. As I said,I don't even know the rules of DnD!

PS:where is the Proof-reading thread?

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Eyeris on Tue May 01, 2012 11:47 am

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Aphira on Sun Jul 01, 2012 3:08 pm

I agree with most of what's been posted here. You want to make your roleplay as appealing as possible, which means it needs to be catchy and appealing to the eyes. This includes grammar and spelling. The little things go a long way. :)
"Voices tell me I should carry on, but I am swimming in an ocean all alone...."

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Re: Help! No One's Joining my Roleplay

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Haas33 on Mon Sep 03, 2012 10:55 am

I didn't really read what has been posted on here so this might have already been said but, It's to long! Your description of your role-play is sooooo long! Nobody wants to spend an hour reading your role-play. They would rather just skip it. I would skim it down a little bit, or at least separate some things, make things different sizes, etc.
Real knowledge
is to know the extent
of one's ignorance.

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