a topic in Growth, a part of the RPG forum.

Moderator: Scholars

New to the literary world? Just want to improve on your already strong literary background? Get tips on your language skills here.


Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Jax on Thu May 18, 2006 2:04 pm

Jax entered the room, oh crud he thought when he saw a army of demons standing infront of him. this is going to be fun, he thought and yanked out excaliber and he pushed off of his foot flipped over the demons impaled one and he the thought what am i doing i can summon the leviathin. i call on the people of atlantis and i summon the levisthin to destroy these demons.

Tip jar: the author of this post has received 0.00 INK in return for their work.

User avatar
Member for 14 years
Conversation Starter Conversationalist

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Remæus on Thu May 18, 2006 2:17 pm

OOC: Try separating your thoughts, such as:

(I've adjusted for syntax a bit, just my style..
Upon entering the room, Jax noticed the army of demons in front of him.

"Oh, crud..." he thought, "..this is going to be fun."

He yanked out Excalibur and pushed off his foot to flip over the demons. His sword stretched out to impale one of them before he thought to himself.

"What am I doing? I can summon the Leviathan..."

He called upon the people of Atlantis and summoned the Leviathan to destroy the demons.

I've also done a couple of tense changes... again, my style. See how it works?
Alvin Toffler wrote:The illiterates of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.

Take a moment and consider joining my Patreon group, where I share personal development updates and plans for the future...

Tip jar: the author of this post has received 0.00 INK in return for their work.

User avatar
Member for 15 years
Contributor Progenitor Author Promethean Conversation Starter Inspiration World Builder Conversationalist Friendly Beginnings Builder Greeter Beta Tester Arc Warden Party Starter Codeweaver Group Theory Person of Interest Streamwatcher Helmsman Recruiter Maiden Voyager Tipworthy Salesman Property Buyer Visual Appeal Concierge Cult Leader Lifegiver Storyteller Donated! Anomaly Hunter

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby digit_masperia on Thu May 18, 2006 6:09 pm

Much fun, here's my variation. Though, I'll involve a ton of inane detail, like Eric (Master) would've done.

Jax crept upon a dark room, an eerie essence thriving throughout the mist that surrounded it. Through a crack in the fog, he could see a pair of piercing red eyes, followed d by another, and then, another!

Before he could possibly comprehend his situation, he unsheathed his mighty Excalibur, the sword given to him by the Lady of the lake, long after the medieval days of King Arthur.

With a silent scream his leg muscles tensed, throwing himself far above the ground, the shining end of the sharp saber impaling one of the red eyes demon's in the eye, blood spurting. Then that demon brightened, turning into a white shining light before being obliterated into dust.

In the light it created, he noticed the horde of demons he was actually facing.

"Oh crud..."

He yelled and slashed at another, and another, fighting fiercely for his life.

"What am I doing? I can summon Leviathan...."

With a flick of his wrist he revealed a hidden amulet under his cloak. Calling upon the gods of Atlantis, the mighty creature Leviathan was forced through a tidal wave from nowhere, Landing in the center of the swarm of devils.

It roared with a mighty roar, and water shot out of it's mouth, the intensity and pressure of the waves splitting open the skulls of the demons. Then, Jax closed his eyes...the bright flash nearly blinded him, but then again, there were no more demons.....

Don't worry though, Jax, roleplay is about essence, not always length. So just do your best. :D
I am Digit. I am a Forum Junkie. Hear me roar.

Tip jar: the author of this post has received 0.00 INK in return for their work.

User avatar
Member for 14 years
Conversation Starter Author Conversationalist Friendly Beginnings Greeter

Post a reply

Make a Donation


Become a Patron!

RPG relies exclusively on user donations to support the platform.

Donors earn the "Contributor" achievement and are permanently recognized in the credits. Consider donating today!


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests