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Is it just me?

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Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Brat Prince on Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:45 pm

Around Freshmen or Sophomore of high school I really tried to getting out around the internet. I had created a couple pages on FB and wrote a couple fanfics. However in more recent years I started to become more busy or lost interest and stopped getting on the pages or my fanfic account leaving a couple of fics I was writing unfinished. I've become kind of isolated only getting on FB to talk to friends mostly. This site is really the only other one I get on that isn't for school. The past couple months I have been trying to get myself back out there again and I've noticed something on a few different places online, people have a tendency to feel everybody else is obliged to do what they want without any thought to everybody else. In just the past 4 days I have gotten 2 people giving me an attitude because I won't do something they want me to do because I'm busy balancing school and helping around the house. Am I the only one who was noticed this? If not how do you handle it if someone does this to you?
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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby dealing with it on Wed Nov 18, 2015 8:07 pm

Could you be more specific? What aren't you doing that they want you to do?

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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Brat Prince on Wed Nov 18, 2015 9:59 pm

Well I wan't trying to be specific I was thinking more general. But what's been going on with me is I've been given an attitude cuz I wouldn't talk to someone over the page I run on FB cuz I wouldn't talk to them when they messaged me because I was getting ready for bed and I told them I didn't think I'd be able to talk the next day because I was going to be busy, I'm a bit behind on homework and been trying to catch up. Then yesterday (This is what kinda prompted me to write this post) I was told I wrecked someones day because I wouldn't take a fic request from them for the same reason I was busy with homework and also I haven't been on the site in years and if I was to start writing fics again I would want to start with the ones I had started and try to get a few new chapters of them in first.

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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby dealing with it on Thu Nov 19, 2015 10:02 pm

You have no obligation to manage someone else's moods. It's hard enough to manage one's own. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Strix on Sun Nov 22, 2015 12:09 am

I doubt that it's just you. A lot of people are impatient and forget that others have real lives. I've met the same attitudes off of this site. I'm new to this website, so I've yet to experience it here and hope to keep it that way to be brutally honest. I do not like deadlines. Real life always comes first, but that's not to say I would ask someone to wait longer than a week or two.. and that's worst case scenario. Everyone has responsibilities, everyone gets sick. Don't feel guilty.
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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Brat Prince on Sun Nov 22, 2015 11:34 am

Best of luck to you on avoiding it. In my first week on this site in the first rp I was in I sort of experienced a sort of attitude from someone that wanted to join the rp (me and my friend had made it) that we had to do what they wished even though the roleplay was our idea even if we were using a source material. I also had to deal with something on the site recently.

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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Strix on Sun Nov 22, 2015 1:39 pm

....... I can understand suggestions, but being entitled and expecting to change everything is just... Bad...

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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby MayContainPlagiarism on Mon Nov 30, 2015 9:32 pm

I doubt it's just you. There's very few problems in the world faced by only certain, special snowflakes.
That being said, the way I deal with those people is I don't. I don't interface with them in the first place. I have a very quick and succinct killswitch for my interest in people, and if they're going to try to guilt trip me into abandoning legitimate responsibilities to satiate their needs for attention, they don't need to be in my life.
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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Sara Whitley on Tue Dec 15, 2015 2:56 pm

There is a cognitive bias called the actor-observer asymmetry. Essentially people are going to be mostly unaware of the complexity of your life and all of the factors that affect your decisions on a case-by-case basis. There are reasons you have stated (school, etc) that prevent you from committing to people's requests. These people are not going to readily see or understand these reasons--rather, they'll have a tendency to chuck it up to your personality: "Oh, he's just lazy." "Oh he doesn't care about anyone." "Oh he's just inconsiderate and only thinks about himself."

The important thing to remember is that this is a hard-coded thing in the human brain. That means it will keep happening to you. It means you will continue, for the rest of your life, to occasionally feel like nobody cares about the complex reasons behind you not having time for everything. Because of this, it might always feel like other people (especially people who do not know you) tend to demand more than you have.

You also do this too. You may be unaware of it, but there have been times when you've chucked up someone's decision to their personality rather than a complex myriad of case-by-case factors. Cognitive biases are primarily subconscious and unavoidable. None of us are immune. It is clear that the demands of people have bothered you enough to post in the debate forum--but understand that most, if not all, of them were not bothering you on purpose or even aware that it was bothering you.

Dealing with this becomes significantly easier when you're aware of it.
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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Brat Prince on Tue Dec 15, 2015 4:21 pm

Okay, that is believable if I was to just say no and not give them a reason but if they really think that way after I actually say "Hey I can't do this thing you want me to do because I am busy with this other important life thing." it's different. I am sure I have done it myself but I also try to factor things in. I don't just assume that they are lazy or anything else without understanding. What bothers me about this too is people who complain that they have it so hard in school then don't think anybody else has it as hard if not possibly harder.

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Re: Is it just me?

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Maestro on Tue Dec 15, 2015 10:54 pm

This bias mixed with the question about having it hard in school without realizing that the other person could be just as busy reminds me of one of my most recent relationships. Except I was the one with all the demands, busy at school himself, and too bull headed to understand that maybe the other person is simply too busy themselves. I think fundamentally people are selfish and they expect you to give them all of your attention. For me in particular I always thought of it as well as a personality conflict or the fact that I wasn't important as I should be so I just got ignored instead. As Sara said, this is a bias you will face everywhere, and there is never a shortage of selfish people wanting to be the center of your world. We make time for what's important to us and most people want to be what's important in everything.

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