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Martyrs & Sacrifice

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A place for original short stories, fanfiction, essays, and the like.

Martyrs & Sacrifice

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Ephemeral Rhapsody on Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:12 pm

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Authors Notes



I am back!

I have taken a hiatus from writing as I was busy with work and too exhausted to bother to do anything more than watch TV.
But I am back.

For those interested: Earth Blood WILL be continued sometime this month.
Having been not working on it so long, I can't revise the posts anymore but I'll put out a clean version at the very end with all the updates and tweaks. No big changes planned so read on. You won't be disappointed.

This story is about a quiet town where nothing interesting happens and one day a knight in the making happens to find it and stops for a short break.
However, this perfect and quaint little town seems to lack any flaw at all and our your knight can't seem to shake the feeling that something is terribly wrong.
Sometimes, it's best to just run as far as you can but our knight will not rest till he finds exactly what is going on!

The moral of the story will show martyrdom, sacrifice, and self-sacrifice as a thing to disapprove.
I'll do my best to show this through character interaction and actions and hope you all see it.
Please, if anything, comment on this last fact as getting a point across is something that kinda determines whether the story was worth to be read at all!

It's short, sweet, and to the point.
Not a very complex story.
I am only really adding chapters to serve as break points between posts.



Epilogue


A dusty and unused dirt path broke from the main road that traders, travelers, and caravans used to get from town to town. Most miss the subtle signs of a once well worn road where now wild grass and flowers made their beds but those more experienced would recognize what there once was and saw it lead into a forest of no importance and that made them lose interest in following the path.

However, many years ago, the road was used to travel to and fro a small quiet village that was unparalleled in its beauty of white-washed stone homes, seamless blue skies, and green pastures that ended only at the horizon.
As time went by, the town was forgotten and the well-used road faded back to the grasps of nature.

Today, fresh hoof tracks could be seen as they made their way down the forgotten path and entered the shade of the great pine trees.

A man was journeying to the long forgotten town on the back of his noble steed, a pure-bred horse that was white as snow and dubbed Valiant.

This man was a knight-in-training and was on the trek of his pilgrimage to attain full knighthood and become inducted in the brotherhood just as his father and his father before him.
He was tasked to journey across the land and find the true meaning of being a knight. The masters had taught him etiquette, swordplay, horsemanship, linguistics, and all of skills that he himself can hardly recount them all but the one thing they could not, or would not, teach him was the true meaning of a knight. That was for him, and him alone, to discover.

The old worn map he owned showed a clear path cutting through the forest and straight to a small town only a half-hours ride from the main road but was estranged at the sight of a fading road and a forest path that had been overgrown.

For all he knew, such a village no longer existed and he would be forced to track back in the dark and hope to find an inn before he had no choice but to set camp out in the open.

However, his worries quickly calmed when he began noticing fresh footprints and once or twice his, and Valiant's, ears perked at the sound of a bleating animal.

As he broke the trees and entered a bright green clearing, he was greeted by the sound of a woman's laughter.

Valiant slowed to a walk and it gave the knight the opportunity to glance all around himself as he marveled at what he saw.

The skies were pure azure blue and not a single cloud darkened the horizon of an endless green sea of wild grass that seemed to sprout bright red rooftop shingles and white stone walls of a small settlement.

He saw the woman that laughed walking by a dozen yards away as she collected flowers in her straw basket. Her simple blue dress flowed in the wind as she noticed the knight and waved hello.

He gave her a small wave as she pulled her black locks of hair behind her ear and watched as his horse lead him down the clear dirt brown path that made it's way to town.

The houses were simple, clean, and elegant and many had small gardens in front lawns with flowering bushes and beds of multicolored flowers.

The dirt road became paved with flat stones of mottled beige and lead to the town center were a large fountain sprayed water freely into a basin and behind it was, what the knight assumed to be, a large villa where the mayor lived.

He passed an archway, a simple stone gate with woven ironwork to give the semblance of leaves that spelled “Bluefields”.
Last edited by Ephemeral Rhapsody on Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Martyrs & Sacrifice

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby ViceVersus on Fri Apr 13, 2012 11:05 am

Very nice writing! One thing I love to see with posts here in this subforum is when users give us a bit of an introduction to what we're reading. It helps me know what I'm getting into, and kinda reads like a film treatment.

You certainly know how to craft words and tell a story. I felt fairly immersed into this world that you're creating. One thing I would suggest trying is characterizing your knight without having to list off his qualities. What about how the looks, how he acts, even how he has packed his belongings indicates how he acts? Not seizing the reins and trusting the horse to follow the road would how trust, and gentleness. Discussing how neatly packed and orderly his belongings are would show that he is patient and organized.

The scene where he waves to the woman, shows me he is polite, cordial. More stuff like that - showing us who he is, rather than telling. With just a man riding on a horse, it may not seem like very little, but there's actually a great storytelling opportunity there.

So yeah! Looking forward very much to reading the rest. Really and truly.

Thanks for posting!

-VV
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Re: Martyrs & Sacrifice

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Ephemeral Rhapsody on Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:44 pm

@ViceVersus: Thank you for the compliments!

I got the author's note part down to a habit due to my years of writing on fanfiction.net and some on fictionpress.net. Everyone else did it, so I went along with it.
I always personally appreciated the commentaries.

Honestly, I tried downplaying the knight in the epilogue. It was more about the setting and just getting him there than actually revealing anything besides the general part of who he is.
I do see you your point though and I think I know how to improve it and I'll edit it before the post is locked out. Sometime this week probably. Only a quick paragraph or two of magic.

All in all, I believe my greatest weakness is properly drawing people into the story with details of what's going on around the characters. So, it's very nice to hear you got into the story.

My main goal in this piece is to illustrate personality and the general moral of the piece. So, please keep commenting all you like, every word helps!

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