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I need some feed-back on some things.

a topic in Profiles, a part of the RPG forum.

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I need some feed-back on some things.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby MySong on Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:11 pm

Alrighty, I do have some characters that I would like to be checked out. :] I just got these two done and I would like to know what you think about them so please feedback is what I am looking for. Be as harsh as you want because I cannot get any better if no one tells my what is wrong with them so here they are:

Name:Taylor Myrick
Date of Birth:December 15, 1990
Natural Hair Color: A jet black sleek look. A little past her ears and it spikes out in the back and to the sides just a little.
Eye Color: Blue
Appearance: Taylor looks best in oranges, blues, and browns. Skinny jeans and a fitted t-shirt or her normals but she does have some skirts in her wardrobe. High heels are a must and alot of scarfs. Her features are thoes out of a cover girl magazine, high cheek bones, her nose a little to small for her face but it is cute, she has a nice bust curve but a some what flatt butt, she has no acne and very fair skin. Taylor's feet is kind of big for a girl she wears a 8 1/2 to a 9, She walways has her nails painter eather a faint red color or blue, depends on her mood. Her eyes are to close together in her opinion but her ageant sure doesn't seem to see the same person she see's in the mirior, no one does.
Personality: Taylor is quick and inquisitive, a smart mind attached to a sharp tongue that somehow seems to have misplaced its ability to filter out words for their level of tact. She is witty and fierce, a verbal force to be reckoned with, and enjoys a diplomatic argument almost as much as she enjoys light flirting and teasing banter. She is a sly trickster, stubbornly independent, and quite the character when it comes to interacting with others -- she finds them... fun. Above all, however, she is a leader and a nurturing influence to her friends; a true friend and a devoted creature with an infinite capacity to love and protect those close to her. Now she is a bit of an acquired taste, Taylor is an outgoing and loud girl who is never afraid to speak her mind. Some might call her obnoxious, but she is just a kind soul with a love of speaking openly and honestly -- there are no closed doors with this girl, as she'll tell her day to anyone who looks at her, and not leave anything out. A bit of a hothead, she is one to act without taking time to consider the consequences -- not until much later, usually after the fact, will she pause to consider the intent of her impulses. She has a short temper and sharp tongue, yes, but is also a loyal friend to those she choses to be loyal to. She is smart and sassy, a nice girl with a bit of an edge beneath it all, and if you manage to win her loyalty you'll have yourself a friend for life -- whether you want to or not. But be one of the few to get on her bad side, oh mercy, and she'll be sure to never forget or forgive whatever slighted her. She has a bit of a temper problem, although she tries to curb it in her new adult age.
Backround:She was top of 4 out of 6 classes in her high school, it was her senior year. She was in the science club, Spanish club, FCS, Student Government, yeah well you get the drift she was a bit of a nerd. All of her friends said she should try something different her senior year and try out for a sport, so she loved trying new things and so she tryed out for cheerleading and the squad took her in as soon as they had laid their eyes on her. Her father works 14/7 for the government and is never home so she has no real relationship with him but her mother design's all of her clothes and so Clarise design's for the best of the best some might say. Taylor has four kid siblings Janette, Noliee, Jordan, and Zac. She is the oldest was the oldest and she got annoyed really easily by her two sister and her two brothers. She worked in a drive-thru restraunt as a waitress, she loved it, it was the only thing that didn't challange her and she could do it with her eyes closed. Taylor was a full out Christian never missed a Sunday gathering and cooked for the church on Wednsdays. Though she does have her times when she doubts god.

Full Name: Chad Donald Wagoner
Name at birth (if different): Chad Donald Wagoner
Title: Student
Preferred name: Chad
Age/DOB: 19, born 21 December
Gender: Male
Orientation: Straight
Skin Tone: Olive
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 170 lbs.
Build (slim, linebacker, etc.): Muscular, very fit
Eyes: Light brown
Hair: Sandy brown, grown out a couple inches, shaggy, thick
Clothes: He wears jeans and t-shirts.
Appearance: Chad's eyebrows, the same sandy brown as his hair, are thin and arched. His nose is normal, and he has a thin mustache. He is somewhat tall, although not really, and very lean.

Religion: Baptist
Political Affiliation: Fairly conservative
Education: High School Student
Languages spoken: English, Spanish
Weapons: None
Citizenship: American
Nationality: American
Born: New York City, New York
Now lives: Where ever this school thingy is.
Lives with: Himself
Relationship Status: Single, looking

Occupation: Part time cashier
Special Abilities/Skills: Can juggle with his foot, contender for world's loudest burp, phenonemal cook
Hobbies: Baseball, Poetry Declamation
Interests: Religion/Theology, Psychology/Criminology
Favorite Types of Music: Country, oldies, rock
Favorite Types of Reading Material: Anything intellectually stimulating
Serious Problems: Sometimes is depressed
Personality: Chad is an individual who has self-identity problems. He embraces change and practically spits at tradition. Chad can be loud and boisterous, but he also knows when to shut up and be quiet. He is not a nice person, but at the same time, Chad is not malicious or intentionally mean. He is efficient.
Background: To be revealed.
Other: ???

What do you think?

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Re: I need some feed-back on some things.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Village Alchemist on Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:33 pm

Hmm, well, I don't really know how to critique character profiles, but I'll give it a shot.

A. Miss Myrick's dad "works for the government?" What exactly does that mean? That could be anything from being a janitor at a public library to being an officer in Stargate Command.

B. "American" isn't really a race. If this guy and this guy are the same race, then I need to get my eyes checked out.

C. "Sometimes is depressed" (sometimes, anyway) is not a "Serious Problem," I don't think. Just about every psychologically healthy person is sometimes depressed.

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