Officer I can Explain game

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Finneline on Sun Feb 02, 2014 6:51 am

"Ahh, that. Don't you find it cute Officer? It's a birthday present for my daughter, the doll I mean. Hmm? Not weird at all, she loves those stuffs. And the leaves are for her homework; well you see, kindergarten kids if you know what I mean? It's autumn! Shirts with a red colour are currently popular, Officer didn't know that? No, it's not blood silly. It's tomato sauce, you merely have to believe it, Officer. Believe is less painful~"

Heroin, life size anime figures, electric guitar.
"Every mother on earth gave birth to a child. Except my mother: she gave birth to a legend. High five mom!" - lolsotrue.com
"Periods are ridiculous. I shouldn't be punished for not being pregnant," - lolsotrue.com
"Dear Life, when I said 'Can my life get any worse', it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge." - lolsotrue.com

REMEMBER: Facebook is not a FREAKIN' DIARY. Who the hell wants to know when you go to the fuckin' TOILET?

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Krishna Odol on Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:23 am

"Well hello Officer, I'm sure this has been the highlight of your day, considering you must have heard of my music expertise *glances at guitar* and wanted an autograph. "Hold on.." *rummages around* "..just gotta.. find a ...pen..
Mind moving my life-size Miku doll? It's for my niece, I don't want to damage it. Costs a fortune surprisingly. *finds pen* Ahh, now where do I sign? ^^ .........What do you mean I'm in possession of heroine? I'm just borrowing my friend's car while mine's in the shop. I have a cobalt blue charger (I wish.) But now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late for a birthday party. *signs officer's notepad* Have a nice day!"

70's music (any band), old porn vhs tapes, and oven mitts.
~Neko for Life~ \(^-^\)\(^o^)/(/^-^)/
Just don't mess with dis crazy bish
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

~KO!! ;)

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby GreenPegg on Sun Feb 09, 2014 3:47 am

"Officer, did you not just see me appear out of no where? I just got back from the 1970's. Grabbed a Black Sabbath cassette while I was there. On my way back, I picked up some porn from the 90's. You would not believe all the flannel that was quickly taken off...the oven mitts? Oh, I'm not touching anything from the 70's with my bare hands. You get time herpes that way."

apple pie, a signed Neil Patrick Harris portrait, and a swan.

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Thundergod1020 on Sun Feb 09, 2014 10:17 pm

"Is there a problem Officer? JERRY! STOP EATING THE APPLE PIE, THAT'S FOR AFTER WE GET YOU BACK! Huh? Oh, sorry, Jerry's the swan, he got stuck like that after a bad genetics experiment. Something involving a rope and matchsticks. We're going to Albuquerque in order to get him changed back... The life-size signed portrait of Neil Patrick Harris in the back? It's tied down properly, isn't it? Jerry was dead set on having that come with, god knows why, no if you're a pious man. What, you've been hearing talk that someone smuggled out a golden egg from the museum three miles back? I don't know what you're... RUN, JERRY! THEY'RE ONTO YOU!"

A box set of My Little Pony 1st gen, two industrial size tubs of Vaseline, and Barry Manilow himself.
Don't piss me off. I will personally come to your house and tilt every painting I come across.

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Skinamarinky on Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:25 pm

The car pulls over to a complete stop as the officer shines his light into the car. I roll down the window with a very forced smile on my face.

"Hello officer... what seems to be the problem. Oh, yes sir this is my grandfather Barry as you can see it's been a long night and he's taking a well deserved nap. The ponies... they were a thoughtful gift on my grandfather's part" leans in and whispers. "But he doesn't seem to realize that Im not into the old school ponies, so I'll probably sell them later on Ebay." "Uh... the Vasaline you say, you wouldn't believe the things you find left in a rental car, I heard the last person to rent this one was Ron Jeremy."

Barry Manilow starts to sing in sleep. "Oh.... Mandy you came and you gave me Crock pot, but I returned it today. Ooooh Mandy, you kissed me and stopped me from buying, that macreme vase. Oh Mandy!"

I smile nervously as the officer, asks for my licence and registration.



Crock Pot
Macrame vase (like this http://blog.stateofgreen.com.au/wp-cont ... crame5.jpg)
A box filled with a dozen starving, crazed weasels.
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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Twidis on Thu Feb 27, 2014 3:57 pm

Well, you see officer, my aunt runs this weasel sanctuary and it's actually a bit over populated right now, but I found this box of weasels on the side of the road and I am hoping that if I bribe her with decorations and dinner, she will take them in.

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Citadel on Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:54 pm

"Officer, what had happened was I was under the impression that today was my day off. But, my boss called and offered overtime, so I hoped in the car and started driving to work. Now, this is about the time the acid started kicking in and a demon appeared trying to drag kids from the nearby school into the underworld. So you see, it wasn't all my fault. So, tell the family I'm sorry and I'll pay to have the dog replaced... since I hit it with my car screaming 'die Satan die.'"
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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby papermacheday7 on Sat Mar 07, 2015 6:44 pm

A spellbook, an unopened perscription bottle, a smashed banana

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby RJApple on Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:37 pm

Oh? That? It's nothing... really. You still want me to explain, don't you? Well, officer, you see, I have this... condition and those are my prescription pills. The book is for my... niece! Yes, yes, my niece. Her birthday is coming up, and... well, you know the kids today, right? The banana? It had a very unfortunate accident?

Shovel, duct tape, tazer
"A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities." -J.R.R. Tolkien
"Despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt, we do not." -J.R.R. Tolkien
"I have not told half of what I saw." -Marco Polo

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Portrait of a Sociopath on Fri Apr 10, 2015 11:50 pm

"I'm doing it for the Vine, officer! This too, say cheese to the camera!"


-Lock of hair
-Pack of blood
-Pink Tutu
Every god damn morning.
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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby DM Dalton on Sat Apr 11, 2015 1:28 am

" Officer, CLEARLY I am on my way back to my girlfriends... You see.. she was getting ready for a ballet.. when she had a horrible accident and I had to.. rush her this pack to replace what she lost!"

Dinosaur Skull, Hammer, Bag filled with Kidneys (Humans or otherwise)

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Darkair on Sat Aug 01, 2015 1:14 am

"Oi officer, yer makin' a mistake here. I was just on me way to eat these kidneys fer me dinner, got 'em at a discount store, they ran out of packagin'. I work as an archeologist, and I was gonna use this hammer to grind the kidneys into some chum."

ID that isn't yours, Fully loaded pump shotgun, post it notes all filled with jibberish
Well, here we are again. It's always such a pleasure.Remember when you tried to kill me twice?

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby toorah loorah on Sat Aug 01, 2015 1:41 am

"I'm so sorry officer I didn't realize I grabbed my mother's pocket book on the way out to the firing range today. We bought both of ours on the same day you see, and she wanted us to have matching purses. The post it notes? Well you see officer, my mother often takes care of my young nephew and she gives him sticky notes to write on so he'll be occupied while she deals with business. He's not too good at writing yet you see.... Oh you're back on the I'd? Many people think my mother and I look allot alike. What do you think?"

A bag of various types of pills, ky jelly, and gingerbread house
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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Thundergod1020 on Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:06 pm

...I've got nothing, officer. I'm just a giant pervert.

A rubber chicken, Kanye West's used boxers, and a bodyboard.

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby ranaravel on Thu Jun 23, 2016 5:06 am

"Well, you see... It's like this."

*props elbows up on car door window, taking a deep sigh and shaking head dramatically as if to prove a point*

"The rubber chicken, she's called Arnie, has really got a thing for Kanye West. Don't ask me why, I have no idea. Anywhoo, she wanted to get her hands (or wings) on these boxers. Disgusting if you ask me. The only way that I could figure out how to get her in was on a bodyboard. She's quite light, so if I gave her a lot of momentum, she could easily get into Kanye's house. She succeeded, but the theft wasn't mine, so lock her up!"

*proceeds to point at the inanimate rubber chicken, and then expresses surprise that the officer arrests me instead*

(Ahem. I didn't think too much about this, promise).

A dinosaur face mask, a bolt gun and a large, pink feather scarf.
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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Hellfire on Fri Sep 23, 2016 4:48 pm

Officer, what I am about to tell you now is a great trade secret. You can't tell anyone or you will ruin my business. I am driving to my chicken farm to encourage my hens to lay the biggest possible eggs. First I put on the dinosaur face mask and tell them that those have been their ancestors and boy did they lay eggs bigger than any living chicken now. If my appeal to their pride doesn't work, I casually pat this chicken-sized bolt gun and talk about how I yearn for a generous helping of chicken-breast with potatoes and herbs. Usually that works like a charm but on the odd occasion that doesn't scare them into laying ostrich-sized eggs, I wave around the pink feather scarf and say: You really don't wont anyone here to see you wearing this - No? Then be good girls and nobody has to be embarassed for the rest of their lives."

A sniper rifle, a photograph of your old math teacher, a draft of your old math teacher's obituary
Every action has a reaction...

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Cypherxk2 on Sat Sep 24, 2016 10:52 am

"Oh, Hello there." *gunshot* "Didn't hear you pull up, officer. Me? Doing dandy since I found my old math teacher's *gunshot-gunshot* obituary and picture in my old math book to use for a shooting target." *gunshot* "Me kill him? Hell no! I would have enjoyed it too much." *magazine switch- rapid-fire gunshots*


A fishing pole, 6-pack beer, and a 5lb turkey

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Talidara on Wed Oct 05, 2016 7:07 am

Good evening officer!
Well... You see, my wife has her parents over for Thanksgiving. I can live with the dad, but the old hag just has a way of ruining everyone's life. That's why I went out fishing, staying as far away from her as I can to keep the peace.
But then, just as the sun was starting to set, I realized my wife had asked me to get the turkey, so I rushed to get it. The six-pack is to help me get drunk enough to deal with the witch's nagging all evening... You understand, do you?
Have a good day sir!

A syringe, a can of coke and a plastic bag full of oregano.

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lostsoulsbleed on Tue Mar 14, 2017 2:58 pm

Well you see officer, my brother is a heroin addict but for some reason he only has one needle and refuses to buy another. How does that make any sense? Anyways, I stole it and me and my sister are going to meet up at his house and convince him to start smoking weed instead.
*Officer states that weed is illegal*
Yes, well that's where the oregano comes in. We're going to lie to him and say it's weed. By the time I get there it will have been a few days since I took the needle so he'll be going through withdrawals and hopefully won't even notice. *Officer notices can in my cup holder and asks about it* Oh that? It's just a coke. I got thirsty and stopped at a gas station. I should really get going though, he has a tendency of getting violent when he's going through withdrawals and I left my sister there alone.

cardboard box full of kittens | an incomplete hand-written draft of a book on how to dissect animals | 20lb of peeled potatoes

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Re: Officer I can Explain game

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby LAMBSAUCE on Sat Apr 08, 2017 2:54 pm

Hello, officer! Oh, yeah. I can explain. Kind of weird. My friend gets stuff mixed up, so he read the book on how to dissect animals, got the box of kittens, but he had a crate of potatoes next to it, so he ended up peeling all of the potatoes when he wanted to dissect the kittens. I don't even know why, but then he told me I could keep all of it, so I'm bringing it home. And aren't those kittens so damn cute?

A wooden cross, the blade of a ceiling fan, remote-controlled skeleton robot
WHERE'S THE LAMB SAUCE?
-Gordon Ramsay

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