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If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

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If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Remæus on Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:27 am

I couldn't determine if I wanted to post this in Entertainment or Technology. Either way, here it is, and it's absolutely hilarious.

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.
OSX Air:

You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She smiles and says "Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your picture", at which point a camera in the wall you didn't notice before takes your picture. "Thank you, here is your ticket" You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all of your information. A door opens to your right and you walk through. You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. You never see any of the other passengers. You land, get off, and you say to yourself "wow, that was really nice, but I feel like something was missing"

Windows Vista Airlines:

You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are "sure" you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.

Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked "Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?" you instinctively say "Allow".

After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn't updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.

You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
Ludwig von Mises, The Theory of Money and Credit wrote:Perpetual vigilance on the part of the citizens can achieve what a thousand laws and dozens of alphabetical bureaus with hordes of employees never have and never will achieve: the preservation of a sound currency.

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Remæus
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Re: If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Lord Saladin on Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:58 am

Eric, dude, I have only three words in reply to this topic...

I love you!

But... I am sure there MUST be some problems, at least, with Linux. But, in your constant act of deification of the system, you seem to leave all these things out.

Either way, for the laughs this post produced for both me and my manager...

I love you!
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Tiko says: Saladin: Damn it, leave my hole alone.

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Re: If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Remæus on Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:53 am

Of course there are problems, and they're pointed out here - you have to do some things yourself (Ubuntu does well and is getting better every release... </fanboy>). This whole article is hilarious, though, I'm glad you got some laughs out of it. :)

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Re: If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby LitomoSilver on Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:18 am

LOL.

I so needed that laugh, Eric.

As Saladin said, I love you!

X-D Man, I'm glad to have come here and make my friends in this community.
A Fallen Warrior am I, as I lay upon my back, knowing as I raise my eyes to the skies, as I lose the battle of my life, that I will never see again...those that I love. Blood and tears flow gently down my face as I await the final judgment...knowing that I am forever free, yet forever damned as I close my eyes and release my breath for the final time...

Dovie'andi se tovya sagain....It's time to toss the dice...Mat Cauthon-Robert Jordan...Wheel of Time series

"How do you prove that you exist? Maybe we don't exist..." - Vivi

"Having sworn fealty, must I spend my life in servitude?" - Steiner

"To be forgotten is worse than death." - Freya

"The only dependable thing about the future is uncertainty." - Amarant.

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