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Poem: 4 AM Rain

a topic in Poetry, a part of the RPG forum.

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For the assorted types of poetry.

Poem: 4 AM Rain

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby sesha on Fri Dec 07, 2007 10:27 am

It’s 4 am and the rain falls in sheets.
Standing alone in the doorway,
She watches the rain fall to the streets.
She knows she won’t see his face.
It’s a distant memory now.
She looks back through time and space,
To find the one she treasures the most.
Now the thunder roars,
The lightning reveals his ghost.
She smiles at the reflection in the rain,
Knowing it’s all she will see.
She tries to smile through the pain.
Tears slide down her face as she waits for him,
Just like the rain in the sky.
She knows it can’t be him.
His ghost walks by as she stares,
It doesn’t seem to notice her.
She wants him to know that she cares.
He stops in front of his own stone,
And looks at the freshly dug grave.
He glances back and sees the only girl that was his own.
With a simple sad smile he waves good-bye,
And disappears forever.
As his love begins to cry...

I am looking for reviews on this poem. Let me know what you think, how I could improve it..etc.. I want constructive critiques please!
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http://www.roleplaygateway.com/sesha-t22117.html <--- My character profiles
Follow the populace and you will be popular.
Follow your mind and you will be purposeful.
Follow your heart and you will live.
-Vigilante

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Re: Poem: 4 AM Rain

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Angel_Melfina on Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:28 pm

This is really good, sesha! I haven't written poetry in years, but I'd like to think I was really good at it when I did write it.

DId you have inspiration for this poem, or do you just pull this stuff out of no where? That made sound like a condescending (sp?) question, but it's because I used to be the happiest little gal on earth but wrote the most depressing poems. I have no idea where the depressing stuff came from, but yeah...

I really like this poem. You've inspired me to perhaps pull my old ones out and put them up.
Today, Friday, October 10, 2009, is my last day on RolePlayGateway.com.
Everyone give me lots of love, because I shall be handing lots out. <3

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Re: Poem: 4 AM Rain

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby sesha on Tue Dec 11, 2007 9:37 am

Awww...thank you! I just came up with this on my own. I'm not depressed, but some people think that I might be when they read all my sad poems. I do write some happier ones but mostly the sad ones.

I would love to read some of your poetry!

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Re: Poem: 4 AM Rain

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Angel_Melfina on Tue Dec 11, 2007 12:34 pm

Come to think of it, I did have some happy poems. There was one that was 3 pages long that got published in our school literary magazine, but they screwed up and only posted the first page, so it didn't make any sense.

But yeah, I think I might pull some of them out. Hopefully I won't be too much of a self critic and realize how bad they are! =) Thanks for inspiring me to look at mine! Now I just have to find them...

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Re: Poem: 4 AM Rain

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Circ on Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:46 pm

It is my opinion (<=) that people who are happy write and write depressing prose due so to satisfy some inner need for sadness in their lives. Sadness is a romantic concept, indicative of depth of character, emotion, and experience. People who go through their whole lives totally happy aren't real.

In short, we do it to feel less shallow about how we see our own personality.
conditio sine qua non

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Re: Poem: 4 AM Rain

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Angel_Melfina on Sun Dec 30, 2007 11:03 pm

You know, Circ, I read your post a few times before I really understood what you meant. Not that you worded it weird, but I just thought what you said was rather odd. Now that I think about it, I think you're perfectly right. For years, I put on a perfectly happy face, when deep down I just wanted to be pissed off or sad in some form now and then. Hmmmm. I never thought about it much until now.

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Re: Poem: 4 AM Rain

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby sesha on Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:39 am

Wow, that's deep. I really think that you are right.

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