Poetry Of Purpose

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Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby VindicatedPurpose on Wed Mar 15, 2017 8:28 pm

Corruption

The thin membrane sticks to your skin, a viscous gold,
It glazes underneath your eyelids,
It seeps into your nostrils,
It oozes about your ears,
It stews on your tongue,
To kiss your screams.
While crawling along your back--uninvited,
with plastic smiles.

Mired hands restrained in amber,
Eyeballs flake to ashes,
Pink gums melt shutting stained teeth,
"You must douse it with champagne, darling."
As the orange jelly ignites,
Smelling of curdled milk and gasoline.


(Feedback is welcomed.)
Like a stranger on a grate, or a skylark, or a taper, flying ever upward and knowing of love's satiety. Our dreams beyond the Sun and into the expanse of Night doth sound a quiet hymn.

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Red_Cardinal on Fri Apr 07, 2017 6:08 pm

I don't get it
If you happen to have a riddle for me - i will gladly accept your offer
Image

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby VindicatedPurpose on Sat Apr 08, 2017 11:05 am

Yeah, that's usually everyone's first reaction. Any interpretation of yours, within reason, could be valid.

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Red_Cardinal on Sat Apr 08, 2017 12:55 pm

Ok, i'll give it a try:

1.) So, the title is corruption... and the first paragraph is describing how somebody is being "corrupted" (quite visually actually) - with the "thin membrane", or "viscous gold" beeing the source of the corruption, seemingly giving you the feeling of not beeing in danger- thats why described by "thin" and "gold". It becomes quite dangerous really fast: "underneath your eyelids", "about your ears", "stews your tongue"- so the corruption starts to fiddle with your senses of reality and "kiss your screams" silences you, so others can't come to help you. Continuing with "uninvited" and "plastic smiles" (not real) the whole paragraph is giving off the unpeasant feeling the victim is having.


2.) This continues in the second paragraph with the total destruction of the victim: "hands restrained" : the victim cant do anything anymore and "in Amber" -so it seems quite elegant engagement to the outside world. Again quite a visual description of how the victim is destroyed until only a burning "jelly" is left. Though, i think its a metaphor for destroying a persons will and making it succumb. At this point i will have to asume, that the victim is a male and that it is the source of the corruption speaking to him, being a female - thats why "darling". Also it implies some kind of relationship between the male and the female ( friend, lover, married- the last one being my favourite for this poem).

Is this poem about a unhappy married man, trapped within an engagement with his wife? - So he considers her as someone who is corrupting him, by trapping him in that relationship. - just my wierd, yet humble interpretation :)

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby VindicatedPurpose on Sat Apr 08, 2017 1:59 pm

The following is what I intended. You can decide for yourself whether you want to read it. ;)

Spoiler: show
So, yeah, the title sort of gives away what the imagery is trying to convey. My main intent was to capture an abstract idea, in this case "corruption," through imagery. I'm glad that you caught the visceral quality of the imagery.

The "plastic smiles," and "champagne" quote was a light jab at the superficiality that high society can sometimes bring along. I wasn't aiming to be too political, though.

The jelly refers to Napalm? Which I believe, in some variations, includes jellied gasoline? So it is sort of doubly fitting that this gross jelly is sort of embalming someone and burning them at the same time.

The relationship idea, while completely unintended, is equally credible, which is awesome. It just so happens that the other speaker is female, as implied by the "darling," like you said. Even then though, personally, I would preferred to have left the meaning up in the air. Stuff like that makes poetry fun.

I'm not poet enough to be messing with gender topics, haha.

But yeah, that's the gist of the poem.


Honestly, though, your interpretation was perfectly valid, so thank you for that. I hope you enjoyed this poem as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I entreat you to join me in poetry, whether it be in this thread or your own. However, I wrote this with a few parameters in mind.

- You cannot rhyme.
- You cannot use abstractions anywhere in the poem with the exception of the title.
- No more than 15 lines.
Last edited by VindicatedPurpose on Sat Apr 08, 2017 4:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Red_Cardinal on Sat Apr 08, 2017 3:28 pm

Image

I enjoyed the poem indeed - thanks for posting!

Interesting! - So i missed the high society intention of yours! I'm not from the US - as you mentioned the political implications : where does the quote originate from? Never heard this one.

Though i might come up with a short poem on my own - i prefer riddles with poetical touch.
But due to the high amount of imagination needed to solve them, mostly people can't solve those.
Considering the limitations u've used - i prefer to go for the unlimited full potential of poetry,
for i love content with deep meaning, or just a blast of emotions, using every aspect to underline
my outburst of creativity :)

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby VindicatedPurpose on Sat Apr 08, 2017 5:03 pm

Image


Oh, let me correct what I meant, so the quote serves as dialogue received from another speaker. It's not an actual famous quote, you know what I mean?

Spoiler: show
Although, I guess it may pertain specifically to American culture.
I just remember hearing "You must _______" as a cliched piece of dialogue often spoken by high society characters either in movies or some other piece of American pop culture. You know...like...

"You must try the hors d'oeuvre, darling," or "You simply must buy a bugatti, dear."

Stuff like that, haha.


Yeah, I'm bad with riddles, but you should give it a try. Somebody might be able to figure it out.

An actual poet gave me these parameters as a basis for beginning poetry. Their reasoning for those rules made sense to me, which is why I decided to stick with them.

- No rhymes - Rhyming plays with the musical qualities of poetry at a more advanced level, but in order to get there one must work on things like scansion and meter. This one seems less restrictive and more freeing, actually.
- No abstractions - They serve as a crutch that takes away from poem. One must begin with concreteness before delving into abstraction.
- 15 lines - Condensed form requires the poet to be economical with words.

So suit yourself as long as you're writing poetry.

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby VindicatedPurpose on Fri Jun 02, 2017 12:34 am

It Comes To Me At Odd Times

Eager to dole out some wisdom
“It’s too much pressure,” the grasshopper admitted.
Deploying aphorism…
“Pressure can be good or bad.
Pressure makes diamonds.”
Implying that diamonds
represent the good,
That is until…
Bleeding charcoal hands
of a vanished innocence,
in Sierra Leone,
carve it from rock.
It sails to the torch-bearing woman’s land,
Cut down and embedded into a ring,
Proposed to a girl eight months pregnant,
Lost down the drain of infidelity,
Floating amid smooth excrement,
Perhaps not diamond in the rough
but diamond in the…
Sinks to the depths of the Atlantic,
Rests next to a plastic bottle
Picked up by goggled treasure seekers,
Auctioned at Sotheby’s,
Blackmailed by a side chick,
Cut off by a loan shark
Clenched between his glutes,
When he collapsed in Death Valley
on the run from the Feds,
Buried by dirt into the earth
again.
“Nevermind about the diamonds.
Pressure is just pressure.”

Writer's Note: Once again feedback is welcomed. This one is probably not "finished." I didn't put in stanzas, I wanted to see how it looked without stanzas. There had to be a purpose for stanzas, and in this case, there wasn't. The inspiration for this came from the first four lines, and the rest came from wandering thoughts.

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Red_Cardinal on Fri Jun 02, 2017 4:18 pm

Don't mind the form! -
But the content- Wow, this is deep!
"And so the circle concludes" - i believe.
Poor grasshopper^^ - fooled by others beliefs!
It gave me quite a thought on what value in itself actually is - man that was a 3h journey through my head^^
Maybe it is "too much pressure" indeed'? - is it worth it? - Truly "pressure is just pressure".
If more people understood, we wouldn't have the price for a barrel,
but mind the price paid for the low price...

I believe too you need a good round up on it -
continue the great work!

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby VindicatedPurpose on Sat Jun 03, 2017 11:18 am

Your post made me think of two things.

The first was about form.

Almost immediately, my head jumped to the idea that you had written a poem in this thread just by looking at how it was formatted and not taking the content of what you've written into account. So I thought that was interesting.

I guess that was me projecting certain preconceived ideas of what a poem "looks like" on paper visually not just the images that they convey. I don't know if that was intended on your part, haha.

The second was about value.

I don't know if you've heard of the Paradox of Value? It's also known as the Water-Diamond Paradox, coincidentally.

Thanks again Red.

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Re: Poetry Of Purpose

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Red_Cardinal on Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:42 am


Umm- hmm, no - i didn't intend to write a poem here to be honest. I just gave my personal Interpretation and what i felt reading your poem in this post.

Yes indeed, i've heard about the "diamond–water paradox" - by Adam Smith, if i remember correctly. Thats where i first heard it. At the present time i consider the Marginalism to be the better model for the exchange value of something. But than again, i grew more and more suspect of exchange value as such. It comes and goes - it is the people determinating it. How ironic^^ - the people get to decide who will be poor and who will be rich, regardless of the true values one contributes. The wealth distribution is based on the exchange value - a flawed construct in my opinion.

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