Porcelain and Glass [Feedback Welcome]

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Porcelain and Glass [Feedback Welcome]

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby NotAFlyingToy on Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:21 pm

Through her limbs, she is velvet, appearing on the softness of skin, the dark tan colour of the flesh that covers bone. Her touch has known men’s wanting hands and friend’s soft hearts. It has comforted and consoled friends and family. On the surface, she is velvet.

Through her limbs, she is steel. It is evident in the callouses on her palms, the result of hard work that she’s subjected herself to, the bruises and scars that nick and tuck and decorate the various places her body has been put through its paces. Her fists have known unruly men and women, her temper fueling her steel toed boots and vicious kicks. She has dispatched and destroyed. Below the surface, she is steel.

In her face, she is porcelain; unkempt and perfect, clear and sweet. She has been called beautiful and radiant, bubbly and cute. Were it not for the velvet and steel strained through her, the words to the contrary - ugly, stubby, disgusting, annoying, peppy, rude - would ruin her. Were it not for the velvet and steel that bind her, her only true place would be on the mantel next to paper dolls and porcelain children. In appearance, she is porcelain.

In her heart, she is glass; breakable. Shattering. She gives herself to others and expects to break. She loves deeply knowing it’ll be shards. She handles herself with care, then hands herself to others to be destroyed. In soul, she is glass.

She is velvet and steel, porcelain and glass. She is soft and hard, beautiful and breakable.

She is a facade.

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NotAFlyingToy
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Re: Porcelain and Glass [Feedback Welcome]

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby SalmaiLeore on Fri Mar 08, 2013 12:50 pm


Good job!

I really enjoyed it! Your use of descriptive words are amazing!

The only thing is for some reason, no matter how many times I read it, the first few sentenced were a little hard to follow. After reading those it took me a moment, but I really got into it.

Short but great.
Great writing!
:-)
The desire to write grows with writing.

Salmai

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Re: Porcelain and Glass [Feedback Welcome]

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby ViceVersus on Sat Mar 09, 2013 9:58 pm

Great concrete details. I got a bit lost in the sensory, however, I didn't get a sense of a flow of it. But as a pure outpouring of expression, it definitely excels. Thanks for sharing!
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