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[Fantasy, World of Wars{Not ripping off WoW}]Riaon Sharlash

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[Fantasy, World of Wars{Not ripping off WoW}]Riaon Sharlash

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nightmare on Sat Mar 24, 2007 3:49 am

Name:Riaon Sharlash {Shar-laush}

Age:34

Race:Darkness Dweller

Nickname: Angel of Darkness

Height:6'2''

weight:With armor:1000 lbs: Without:267 lbs

Body Build: Very muscular

Eye Color:Black

Hair color:Black

Hair Style:Short and spikey

Skin Color:white with slight tan

Armor Color:Pitch Black

Armor: TORSO:5 in. thick Plate armor with two holes in the back. LEGS:3 in. thick Plate Mail. FEET:War Boots (Metal boots with spiked bottoms) HANDS:War Gauntlets (Spiked Elbows and Knuckles, goes up to Plate Mail) UNDER CLOTHING:Chain Mail. HEAD:Darkness Helm with horns coming out 10 in.

Weapons:Blade-shields in the shape of wings that sit in the back of the Torso armor. On either side of the weapon is a blade which goes outward to the top of the wing. Handles, magically imbuned hold the weapons on the arms.

Weapon Names:Darkness Wings

Weapon abilities:Wind(Using strength the wielder can thrust air in front of him{Good for "Flying"}) Retrieve(by throwing the weapons at a target the come back after hitting the target {Good use with blood seek}) Blood Seek(Lock onto an enemy using instincts)

Normal Clothing:Farmers Shirt Leather Pants Leather Greaves.

Clothing color:Black

Features: No Horns, No Spikes, Just Pitch Black Eyes.

found in:Fantasy

Roleplay specific: World Of Wars

Male

Biography:As is most of his race he was born into pure darkness, not blind but unable to see in his lands. For years he has had to push his body to its maximum strength and offered to do the toughest work, such as building and hauling. He has, as a result, strengthened his body to tremendous strength. When he left his lands he moved a little each day as he became acustomed to the light of other lands. Little by little, year by year he advanced to the lands of light. Immideatly after he left his lands entirley he was confronted by a group of powerful thugs who had decided to put up a camp near the border. He disposed of them quickly and realesed those who had been held captive. One of the prisioners was of royalty who was intreged with his might and offered himi a place in his army. He also gave him writing utinsils to draw out his armor, which he did. Despite lving in the darkness, his race was very artistic, so he drew up his armor which he was presented with the day before the war.

Race basic Information:

Age:since the Earth was young.

name:Darkness Dwellers

Homelands:Land of Darkness

Considered Monsters
(PM me if you think I should add this race into Creature Dictionary ;P)

History of race:To come
Last edited by Nightmare on Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Nightmare
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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Skuld on Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:58 am

Nightmare : I would like to point out a few things with this character that I, personally, think should be adjusted before he is used in any RPs. I would like to point out that though these are just suggestion it is my recommendation that you take them to heart, as many of the people you might use this character with will not be as objective as I am, as I am not playing.

So, that said, here we go.

1. What is a darkness dweller?! It's a race that I have never heard of, and I'm assuming that many others have not as well. And under "Race basic Information: " in your own profile you don't write anything. Without the specifications of a "new" race no one can properly defend, or prepare for battle with something that they know about.

2. Do you realize that your 267 pound character is wearing 733 pounds of armor?! With five inch chest armor, three inch leg armor, and other intensely heavy pieces of armor that are so hugely impossible that I don't even know what to think.

And I know that you do say, "For years he has had to push his body to its maximum strength and offered to do the toughest work, such as building and hauling. He has, as a result, strengthened his body to tremendous strength." But I would say strength of that magnitude requires more of an explanation that's far beyond one sentence.

3. You have his age posted twice. Once it says:

Age:since the Earth was young.


and the other says:

Age:34


And I'm just not sure which one is supposed to be your character's age. Is the first the race's age or...I'm just not sure I picked up what you were aiming for. Either way, if you character is only thirty-four years old the history you have for him seems far-fetched. A man cannot really start building his strength until he has fully developed at around age twenty-one to twenty-two. So that gives him about ten years to be a man that has adjusted to new forms of a world and made it possible to be as strong as you are claiming.

I guess, my biggest problem is that I have NO idea what this race is.

And I'll be honest, really, really honest, Nightmare. I am happy with this profile. It shows VAST amounts of improvement from the first few that I saw from you. You're style is evolving and I'm glad that we've seen some of this.

I just think that a little more detail in the right places (i.e. race description) and some focus on being realistic (i.e. the armor's obvious defiance of physics rules) will get you even farther than you are now.

If you have more questions about anything that I've said, you have my messenger name (this is Skuldhild! ^_^) and can PM me whenever you need.

So have fun, and good luck with this RP!

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Skuld
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Member for 13 years
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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nightmare on Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:11 pm

1 I made the race up for the RP. anybody in the RP can use this race. And I also thought just in case that it would be a cool race to have.

2. The age of the race and the age of the character are differant

3. okay I admit that my armor is way too heavy so I have greatly dimmed that down

4. I will add more to the history of his tough work (When I can think it up)

5. Thanks for the information on things and I greatly appreciate when people do that. Miymi for instance often tells me that she would like to see more detail in my posts.

6. I will add more to the race, their beliefs, and other things when I can think it up

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Nightmare
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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Iris Lilium on Sat Mar 24, 2007 3:49 pm

Nightmare wrote:1 I made the race up for the RP. anybody in the RP can use this race. And I also thought just in case that it would be a cool race to have.

2. The age of the race and the age of the character are differant

3. okay I admit that my armor is way too heavy so I have greatly dimmed that down

4. I will add more to the history of his tough work (When I can think it up)

5. Thanks for the information on things and I greatly appreciate when people do that. Miymi for instance often tells me that she would like to see more detail in my posts.

6. I will add more to the race, their beliefs, and other things when I can think it up


Generally in an RP you think everything up FIRST. Then post you cover every possible little detail so that there can be no questions asked and you do it before you post anything. This is my advice to you. When you post a character profile dont post works in progress. Post all of it at once

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Iris Lilium
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