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Callum Wilcox

"I need to fix the past, in order to move towards the future"

409 views · last seen in Smithbrook
a character in “Beautiful Lies”, as played by xXxCryptic-AngelxXx

Description

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Image"Tired of feeling lost, Tired of letting go"
{Failure | Breaking Benjamin}

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Name: Callum Benjamin Wilcox
Nicknames: Cal [common], Ben [Alex]
Age: 21
Gender: male
Sexuality: bisexual [leans towards guys]
Ethnicity: white and hispanic




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"All I want is a place to call my own
To mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone"

{ All I Want | A Day To Remember}


Appearance:
Callum is 5'11" and 145 lbs. He has short brown hair and brown eyes. He has a slight muscular build. He wore glasses back in high school, but now he prefers to wear contacts. There's a slight scar on his forehead just below his hairline. He has a tattoo of a seashell on his right shoulder in water colors as a tribute to the two people he cares most about even if they aren't totally in his life.

Secret:
Sold drugs in high school for money and was in a gay relationship with his best friend.




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"Have you had enough regret? Take a stand, raise your hands"
{ Sick of It | Skillet}

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Personality: Callum uses humor to hide his struggling with things, but he also uses it to help others. He can also be a bit greedy. Especially when it comes to money. He's gotten better about it now that he's older. When it comes to his problems, he avoids it so he changes the subject. He's incredibly creative and likes the beauty of the world which part of why he and his best friend had gotten along so well in high school. That and the other thing of course.
Talents: Callum has a great sense of humor which allows him to joke around. He's also incredibly creative and pretty artistic. He's also not too bad of a cook. He's also a big fan of photography and took photos as he traveled around on his jobs.
Weaknesses: His secrets are a big weakness of his. He's not exactly ashamed of his past relationship, but he's not quite ready to come out with the truth yet. Especially to his sister. Also, a drug dealing history could be a dead end job wise if it was ever discovered. Thankfully, he doesn't do drugs but, like his sister, he finds a vice in alcohol. Unlike his sister, he's allergic to bee stings.
Fears: His secrets coming out is a big fear for him. Being rejected by his best friend is a big fear of his, but they had a falling out so, for the moment, it's mutual. He's also worried about being a disappointment to his sister. She's off at medical school (or so he thinks) while he's working part time anywhere that will accept him. He wants to one day go to get his GED and go to college, but he isn't sure what he wants to do or who would take him.




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"I could never be what you want me to
You pulled me under to save yourself"

{ Coming Down | Five Finger Death Punch}


History:
Callum and his twin sister Gemma were inseparable as kids. They did everything together and always had each others backs. Even in middle school when Gemma would get picked on for dying her hair red and cutting her bangs. He thought it suited her, but others thought it made her look like a little kid. The last time they had really spent together before everything fell apart was a trip to the beach for their birthday party. When they were little he had found her a rather large and intact sea shell that was slightly gold and white in color. Somewhere along the way it broke and she was devastated so for her birthday he got her a gold seashell locket.

A few years into high school, things started to change between the twins. Callum and his best friend started their drug business to earn some cash while Gemma was working hard to keep her GPA up so she could go to medical school. All that time spent on art work and hanging out with his friend, he came to realize that there was something more than friendship growing between them. At first, he figured he was imagining things, but something clicked between them and before they knew it they were together.

As their senior year began to come to a close, Callum noticed how the drugs his best friend was taking to deal with his own personal problems were taking a toll on him. He tried everything he could to get him to stop, but sometimes there's just no helping someone with a problem. Sometimes they need to help themselves. Callum thought the best way of helping his friend, his love, do that was to leave. He avoided him and once they graduated, he packed up, got out of the drug dealing business and left.




Image"Nice work you did You’re gonna go far, kid"
{ You're Gonna Go Far Kid | The Offspring}

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Other: Now that he's back home, he's hoping to reconnect with his sister... and hope his best friend is still around. He wants to make amends with him.
Faceclaim: Alberto Rosende
Hex: #004d00

So begins...

Callum Wilcox's Story

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Piper Posey Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Sage McQueen Character Portrait: Billie Drummer Character Portrait: Tommes Harry Adergi Character Portrait: Isabella Gray Character Portrait: Lina Stretton Character Portrait: Gavin Dean Character Portrait: Flora Sunn Character Portrait: Ellie Powell
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dialogue: #02857e | outfit: here




Alex pulled a face as he looked his reflection up and down. His shirt and trousers just seemed to make him look scrawny, and his hair was a mess- well, it wouldn't lie in the exact mess he wanted it to. He honestly would have rather stayed in the hotel room until it was time for his flight home- but this was a memorial service for Lisa. He couldn't believe she was dead. She hadn't just been popular- she'd been genuinely loved by so many people. She tutored those who struggled with school. She'd been a member of every committee going and had so often been the reason they hadn't descended into chaos. She was the one who paired up with the weird kid in the class so they wouldn't be alone or singled out by a teacher. She'd tracked down Alex after he moved away and had actually kept in contact with him- or, rather, kept messaging him, telling him about her day, and not expecting a response. And, eventually, he had messaged back.

But now, she was gone. With the police enquiry, the funeral had felt strange- nobody meeting anyone else's eyes, polite small talk the only conversation anyone made. The funeral had been strange, a mere formality. But this was voluntary, something the family genuinely wanted to do to celebrate her life. It wasn't anything religious- just something to remember her by. Had it been any other event, he would have stayed home. But not this.

His unsatisfactory appearance would have to do. Besides, most of the people there had seen him worse. He wasn't exactly the picture of health, but he'd been a hell of a lot worse the last time they'd seen him. Painfully underweight, barely able to function when sober, self-destructive, miserable... Well, okay, that last one hadn't changed that much.

He shoved his phone, hotel key, and wallet into his pocket, picking up a jacket and leaving the hotel room. As he headed for the venue, it occurred to him everyone else who could be here. Cas, Oliver, Callum... Callum. Alex still didn't like to think about him all that much. Callum had broken him and had the guts to say it was for the best. And the worst thing was, Alex had still loved him. He'd buried himself in self-destruction, because Callum had been the only person to ever stop him from completely derailing. Alex's therapist had told him multiple times that closure would probably do him good, that reaching out to Callum might be for the best. Alex had disagreed. That said, if he ran into Callum... Well, they'd just need to see what would happen. Alex was in town for another while anyway, until his parents got back from their last minute holiday abroad.

The room was starting to fill up fast, even though the service itself didn't start for another hour. There was to be a reception before and after to encourage the memory of Lisa- although Alex wasn't planning on sticking around for too long after, especially if there were a lot of familiar faces attending. He kept his head down, taking a leaflet and heading to one corner. He just wanted this to be over already.






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dialogue: #faa0fa | outfit here




They'd rebuilt the house. Somebody else lived there now and had made it their house, unrecognisable from Ellie's childhood home. Ellie was incredibly glad for that much. It made coming home so much easier- not at all like being at home. It was the town she'd grown up in, but without the painful reminders. Or, at least, most of them.

The scars wrapping around Ellie's torso were so easy to hide. They could be covered with just a dress. The fainter ones on her arms were slightly harder to cover, requiring her to wear a jacket. But even still, as she looked herself up and down, she could have easily been her old self. It was so easy to pretend that nothing had ever happened. Maybe everyone had forgotten and moved on. Maybe she could fly home in a week or two and leave this all behind for good. That thought was comforting.

As she left her hotel, she scanned the streets, watching for a familiar face. Then again, most of them were probably already at the service. She wanted to go, but she didn't want to deal with people. She was still going to be there almost an hour before the actual service or whatever it was began, but she wasn't intending on being all that social.

Nobody approached her in her short journey to the venue, something she was glad about. It was already pretty busy when she got there, which allowed her blend into the crowd pretty easily.

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Piper Posey Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Sage McQueen Character Portrait: Billie Drummer Character Portrait: Tommes Harry Adergi Character Portrait: Isabella Gray Character Portrait: Lina Stretton Character Portrait: Gavin Dean Character Portrait: Flora Sunn Character Portrait: Ellie Powell
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Dettie did not want to be here. This place held too many painful memories. That bench over there, she ate ice cream with here mother on the bench. Under that big tree Dettie had her first kiss. God. Being back was so strange. Every time she walked past a corner she expected Cas to swagger up to her, grinning his cocky grin. When she passed her old school Dettie could of sworn she saw Gemma waving at her.

It was too hard being here. She'd stay a week, maybe a week and a half then she'd go back to Australia. It would all go back to normal and Dettie could live her dull, boring life.

Entering the reception Dettie realized that maybe she wasn't dressed correctly. Wearing a leather jacket, skin tight ripped jeans and a shirt low enough to show the tattoo on her collar down wasn't really funeral material.

Oops.

She picked up a leaflet, skimming it. Hopefully her appearance made people leave her alone. If an old friend came up and tried to talk to her it would be so awkward. Dettie didn't exactly have any friends in Australia and Cas was the only one she ever kept in contact with.

And if Gemma or Lina wanted to talk to her...well Dettie couldn't be held responsible for what she'd do. Seeing the two girl, women now she supposed, she fell in love with would shatter her whole not caring demeanor.

Keeping a careful eye out Dettie sat down on one of the free chairs. She flipped her sunglasses down, hoping they'd hide her face a bit.

A few hours then she could return to her hotel. She could do this.





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Gavin didn't like funerals. He didn't like chatting about his dead friends to strangers. And he definitely didn't like leaving Patty alone. But he wouldn't want Patty to be here. She was barely five and did not need to see a bunch of stuff adult crying around a dead body. Plus none of his old friends even knew had a kid, excluding Lina. He couldn't lie to his cousin even if he wanted to.

He had put on a suit for this and was really regretting it. The tie was digging into his throat and the dress shoes were uncomfortable. At least the venue looked good. Gavin would hate for Lisa to be remembered in a crappy place. She deserved more than that

He crossed his legs, drumming his fingers on his knee. It was getting crowed now. What time was it? Gavin glanced down at his watch and wondered how Patty was doing in daycare.

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Lina Stretton
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Hex: #993333 | Outfit: x


Gemma dabbed at her eyes with a tissue as she tried to get herself to stop crying long enough to put on her waterproof makeup. She blinked and fanned, but it was no use. When she wasn't thinking of Lisa she was thinking of Callum and when she wasn't thinking about Callum she was thinking of Dettie-Alphie as Gemma called her. It was a mess. Giving up on the avoidance through thought tactic, she moved on to the music tactic. Her room filled with the sound of rock music and she turned it up a few notches so the sound would drown out her thoughts and she could focus on getting ready. This time it worked.

Within a half hour, she was made over and dressed. She hoped having bare shoulders wouldn't be a problem. As much as she didn't want to go, to be surrounded by those she didn't want to see who would most likely be there, she would be there for Lisa. Lisa who had walked in during... a session. Lisa who didn't tell anyone--after Gemma begged and cried. Lisa who listened. Lisa who studied with her. Lisa. She blinked back tears and fiddled with the chain of her gold seashell necklace. She still wore it, even after all this time locked in silence with her twin. After taking a deep breath, she grabbed her bag and headed out into the living room, shutting off her music on her way to the door. Her parents weren't home for they were both working, but she still had to worry about her houseguest, once and awkward companion turned to dear friend: Lina Stretton. The two were roommates for a time in college and bonded. Wonder what she thinks about seeing Alphie.. Gemma thought.

She moved towards the guest room and knocked. "Lina! We need to get going! I want to get there early so we can get seats where we're least likely to be seen!"

Image Eventually, the two girls headed out in Lina's car. Gemma tried to avoid looking out the window at her hometown filled with so many memories. Both good and bad. There was the ice cream parlor where she'd meet Alphie after school. The cafe where she and Lina would sit quietly waiting for Alphie to show up. The park where she and Callum played as kids. And the high school. She tried not to stare too long and hard at the looming building. There she had gone to school and made friends and kissed Alphie... She shook her head sharply. Today was Lisa's day.

Before they headed inside, Gemma took a deep breath. And then another one. When that didn't help, she grabbed ahold of Lina's clothing and allowed her friend to escort her inside. She kept her head down. She probably looked different anyway. Her hair was brown instead of pink and she grew a half an inch. She prayed that--if they were even there--Alex wouldn't see her, or Callum, or Cas, or even Alphie.. Too many people from her past. Too many questions left unanswered. Her stomach flipped. The room was starting to spin.

Then she saw it. The casket at the front of the room surrounded by so many flowers it might as well be in a field and not inside some building. With a sad smile, Gemma blinked back more tears. Lisa would love the flowers. She would probably hand one out to every guest as a thank you for attending her funeral. Ironic considering they were there to thank her for all she had done for them. The room stopped spinning. And they were walking towards wherever Lina was leading them. With another deep breath, Gemma lifted her head and held her head high, suddenly not caring who saw her. She would be brave today. She would be brave for Lisa.






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Hex: #004d00 | Outfit: x


Callum stood staring into the mirror of his motel room. He was completely dressed and thought he was looking sharp, but when he looked in the mirror, he felt like a kid playing dress up. It wasn't so much that his clothes didn't fit. They just didn't fit him. If today turned out how he expected it to, he knew he would regret coming home. His parents didn't even know he was in town. Why would he tell him when he was leaving after the funeral. He came for Lisa. Lisa who watched him struggle with his best friend's health issues. She tried to give him advice, but in the end, she didn't know what it was like. But she was still there for him. After he left, she would occasionally message him on social media to make sure he was still breathing. It was nice. But now it was over.

He ran his fingers through his dark hair. With a frustrated grunt he flattened the strands to his scalp. Then scratched furiously at his head trying to give it a messy look. In the end, he just left it. He grabbed his things and brought them out to his car. In reality, he could've stayed in the back of his car parked somewhere remote, but in a town like this, it would be seen as suspicious. That and he needed a working shower and mirror.

Image It wasn't a long drive to Lisa's funeral. He paid little attention to the things around him beyond the cars in the other lanes. He barely even looked at the street signs. He didn't need to. He knew where he was going. It was the same place he went when his grandmother died and his uncle after her and his grandfather not long after that. Death was no stranger to the Wilcox twins. It seemed that this was no different. Except it was. This time it was a friend. And this time, they weren't there for eachother like they should be. He walked in without looking at anyone and stood to the side. It wasn't crowded, but it was definitely getting busier as time went on. He grew bored and found his eyes wandering.

He recognized many of the faces. The blondes Dettie and Cas, Lovely Ellie, Isabelle... Flo.. no Flora... His heart stopped on another blonde standing alone in the corner. Something about his appearance made something in his chest crack. He thought leaving would help. That he would see the error of his ways. Callum was very very wrong. For Alex--though still standing.. still breathing--was like a walking corpse. He was so much thinner and his eyes were still filled with misery that the drugs would allow him to escape from. Callum wanted to badly to cross the room, look into Alex's bright blue eyes and say... He sighed. He didn't know what to say. Maybe a joke? "It's always hot in these corners. Ya know why? They're always 90 degrees." He muttered to himself in practice, but in the end, he couldn't move. He was frozen, staring at the boy--the man-- he loved and hoped he would look up. But at the same time, he prayed he wouldn't. Guess he would see what would win in the end. His hope or his faith.

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Lina Stretton
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Hex: #993333 | Outfit: x


Gemma continued to hold her head up, but she could feel her hands shaking. Her arm was still linked with Lina's and she had the urge to duck her head and lay it on her friend's shoulder so she could hide. She felt like everyone was watching her, which was fair because she was watching them now. Somehow she had missed Dettie, but she found Alex in a corner and across from him..

Her chest ached, something pulling her towards him. She could see the pain in his eyes and wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and tell him it would be okay. For twins were never meant to be alone. And there was Callum. All by himself. And it was--partially--her fault. That's when she remembered that just he was the one who brushed her off every time she tried to talk to him. With a determined set to her shoulders, she turned her back to him and then sighed. Honestly, she would talk to him before everyone left all together, but right now wasn't the time.

Absentmindedly, Gemma found the back of her hand rubbing the side of Lina's arm comfortingly. She was struggling just as much and she would be a shitty friend if she only focused on herself. "You doing okay?" She whispered. Then she heard rushing footsteps coming towards them and turned her head slightly, attemption to see what the commotion was without turning around. She stiffened, her hand finding Lina's in her panic. "A-A-A" she swallowed the nickname, suddenly too nervous to use it. "Dettie and Cas are coming." And before she could blink, there she was.

Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham. All five foot, eight inches of her. With her pale gold hair and sparkling blue eyes and those lips. Those stupid lips she stole a kiss from that lit her veins on fire. And that nickname, "Jewel". She could feel her heart racing, pounding against her ribcage. She almost pressed a hand to it in attempts to keep it from tearing from her chest. Her stomach was doing flips as she stared up at her love like an idiot. Oh she was going to be sick. She gripped Lina's hand in her shaking one and forced a smile she hoped was goddamn charming. "Dettie!" She exclaimed, much too nervous to use her super special nickname after all this time. "What brings you here?" She mentally smacked herself for the stupid question. Of course she was here for the funeral, but some deeper part of her wanted to hear something else. She wanted to hear her say "I'm here for you, of course." But flying pigs was more likely to come from Dettie's throat than those words.

"And Cas! It's good to see you."

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox
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INK

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dialogue: #02857e | outfit: here




People just kept coming in. He caught a glimpse of Cas coming in, but decided to just stay where he was. And besides, Cas made a beeline for Dettie. Alex stayed staring at the floor, wishing this would all be over. All this- seeing all of these people, they kept bringing up memories he didn't want to think about. He hadn't exactly been having the best few days anyway, and this was not helping at all. Maybe- maybe he should go for a walk or something before the service started. Clear his head, get away from all of this. He got to his feet and turned to face the door- and made eye contact with Callum.

Shit.

He couldn't look away now. Especially because he'd been frozen in the spot for- how long had it been? A few seconds? A minute? An hour? He didn't know- it felt like time had stopped. It was almost exactly like how it had felt during the breakup. But when they'd broken up, it had been accompanied by crushing emotions. He'd felt like he was drowning. He'd felt like it was all his fault. And then the only thing stopping him from drowning had left and Alex had given into it all. In the days after, he'd heard nothing but the echoes of his own words, begging Callum to stay, that he could do better, that he just needed him to stay-

Alex forced himself to take a deep breath. He could do this. He could talk to Callum, and then pretend he was going home after and really hide in his hotel room. He did need to get painting supplies, but he could go without if it came to it. He still had a pencil and paper, so he could survive.

He was doing it. He was walking over to Callum. God, his therapist would be proud of him when he got back.

"Hey," he said simply, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Lina Stretton
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INK

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speech ; #FFB7EE || outfit ; here





The blond laughed as he started to speak.

"Good to see ya too Tink. I'm pretty sure we need to start Skyping or something. Then we could talk face to face...." he paused as she spoke that Lina and Gemma were here. His eyes widened as he noticed how close they were. Damn, they looked pretty cute together. But he was in this for Dettie. He walked with her and gave a silent laugh. He was kind of nervous, he nodded to Lina who he guessed he had never been more social with. Gemma on the other hand, they sometimes talked on the phone and complained about their love-lives. "Gemma, Lina. How long has it been?" the blond asked with a smile.

His eyes moved towards the door, like he was waiting for someone. Like he was hoping. Oliver hadn't shown up, and he was kinda grateful. Callum was talking to Alex, so he didn't want to come over there."Hey. How are you guys holding up?" he heard a female voice speak. He didn't really recognize the voice, but he turned around and saw her. "Pretty good, have you seen Oliver?" he spoke with a slight blush to his face.

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Lina Stretton Character Portrait: Flora Sunn
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Hex color: #73200E
Outfit





A flash of hurt came over Dettie's face at Gemma's lack of her nickname, but as quickly as it was there it was replaced by a stiff smirk. Maybe the both moved on. It would be healthy to, instead of laying awake at night thinking of how it could be. Her head tiled at Gemma's questions.

'I'm here for Lisa's funeral....' Behind her glasses her eyes widdened. 'Or do you mean why am I over here? I just, wanted to see you two? It's been years since we spoke and I missed you and I know you've both probably moved on, but....uh...' Her arm wrapped automatically around Cas's as she stuttered, looking for a way out.

God must be pitying her today because Flora showed up at the best time. 'Flora!' She said, waving her free arm towards the woman like they were old pals. Dettie hardly knew her. 'It's so good to see you. Wish it was under better circumstances, but what can you do.'

But now her smirk was back in her full on robot mode. Dettie looked and felt fake but that was so much easier than admitting how much seeing her ex's affected her. Especially when they seemed to move on. They even looked different. And what was going on with hie clingy they were? Dettie wasn't aware of them being close when she left.

She felt almost jealous. But of who? Dettie had no clue who she had stronger feelings for. Seeing them having eachother what great, but did Dettie even fit in with them anymore?

At least she'd always have Cas. Her grip on him tightened as he asked for Oliver. She knew how much her friend pinned over him. 'Hey Pan, wanna go out and do something after this? We'll invite Oliver if we find him, and uh,' she glanced at the other three girls. 'You three can come. We can do something in Lisa's memory or other shit like that. If...If you want that is.'

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Lina Stretton Character Portrait: Flora Sunn
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Hex: #993333 | Outfit: x


Gemma reached out with a hand to bump fists with Cas. It was an awkward gesture that threw her back to high school where Dettie was the center of her world and... that other thing. With a gasp, she was back in reality. She tried to pretend she hadn't noticed the look of pain on Alphie's face. The last thing she wanted to do was cause her any more pain than she had before. Then again, wasn't it Alphie who had left? She smiled softly at the two before her, slightly heartbroken that she hadnt come for her. Not really. At the suggestion of moving on, Gemma snorted. Not like she had a lot of options. Who would want to date a bisexual psychiatrist?

"Forever" She said in response to Cas. "Hey to you too, Cas." It was ironic that the more people joined their conversation, the easier it was for her to breathe. She slowly softened her grip on Lina's hand, but found it difficult to let go. She wasn't sure if it was the warmth and strength it provided her, or if she just didn't want to rip away any warmth and strength she was giving Lina.

Flora joined and Gemma gave a soft, "Hey" in response to her greeting. Dettie invited Cas out to do something and then turned to the three girls. Gemma opened her mouth to agree, but stopped. She turned her attention to Lina. There was no way she could go if she wasn't there. She wouldn't be alone with her ex, but she might as well be if it was just Cas and Flora. She hoped her friend would have the answer that she didn't.






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Hex: #004d00 | Outfit: x


Callum tried to focus on breathing. The last thing he needed was to pass out because his lungs didn't feel like working. It would be embarrassing. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, then pulled them out and let them hang at his sides. He placed them behind his back and then pulled them out front and crossed his arms. He was fidgeting, he knew, and jesus was he staring? He was staring! Like an idiot.

He groaned quietly and ran his fingers through his hair again, his gaze finally on something that wasn't on Alex. When he looked back, though, the boy seemed to be leaving. It looked like his faith had one, but then their eyes met and he froze. The room seemed to explode into a bright white nothing. It was just Callum and Alex. Callum felt a pull towards him, his leg tingled as it begged to take a step towards the blonde. He was so thin now. Callum could tell that he would be light. Like a bird. His arms tingled, wanting to hold him. To brush his bangs from his forehead. Kiss the pale skin there. Like he had before. Before the drugs.

The Drugs.

He was tossed back into reality as Alex strode towards him. "Hey" He said, his voice was like a melody that Callum knew by heart and he realized just how quiet the world was without the sound. His heart ached. He started to reach out to stroke the space where his cheekbone jutted from his skin, but dropped it. He stuck his hands into his pockets and feigned nonchalance. "Hey, Alex. Ya know why it's always warmer in the corners? They're always ninety degrees." He curled his hands into fists in his pockets, regret in his eyes, but the smile didn't leave his face. Idiot He thought. There was silence for a few heartbeats before he couldn't take it anymore.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Jesus this was difficult. It was so hard to look at him and see the mistake he made in leaving. It was so hard to look at him and not want to grab him by the shoulders, pull him close, and kiss him. He wanted to pour all the words he couldn't seem to say into that kiss. But it wasn't going to happen so instead, he turned his eyes to his love, full of guilt, hurt, love, and apologies, and said, "Jesus, Alex. I-There are no--No--There aren't enough words that exist in this world that I could use to tell you..." He looked up at him from under his eyelashes, unable to make direct eye contact. It made him a coward, but at least he could get the words out. "To tell you that I'm sorry. To tell you that I was wrong." He laughed ruefully, "I was so wrong to leave. And I know there's no way you can find it it you to forgive me." He rubbed his face with his hands. Jesus. I'm so selfish. All I can think about right. Now. Is how badly I want to kiss you. But that's not-" He finally looked up, a small shimmer in his eyes. "That's not how it works. Look if you can find it in you to forgive me, that's all I ask for. If you can't.. Understand. I'm a dick and I messed up. And I'm sorry."

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Alex didn't miss the almost-gesture. But Callum pretended it hadn't happen, so Alex did too. He forced a smile at Callum's joke, but the instant regret in his eyes made the smile almost real. Everything was almost with them. But there was nothing almost about Callum's apology.

Alex's own eyes dropped to the floor. He wanted to forgive Callum. He wanted things to go back to the way they had been, but without the drugs. Or even with the drugs, if it meant that he could feel more than half normal. He wanted Callum back more than he'd ever said to anyone.

But was forgiving Callum a good idea? Was letting the person who had caused Alex's meltdown back into his life a good idea? Would it help him recover properly? Or would it just end up hurting him all over again? Did Callum even feel the same anymore? Was Alex just opening himself up to more heartbreak? All his insecurities told him that nobody could ever love him, that he didn't deserve it, that all he did was destroy. Would letting Callum in end up getting him hurt?

Alex sighed, brushing his hair out of his face with one hand. "Callum, it's fine. The damage is done." He swore to himself mentally, running a hand down his face. "No, god, I didn't mean it like that. I mean- I'm clean. Have been for almost two years now. Technically I'm still in recovery, but I haven't taken anything stronger than paracetamol in two years. I'm not going to lie, though. When you left, I just... My family had to stage an intervention. They literally packed my bags for me." He ran a hand through his hair, scraping it away from his face. "I don't know if they could forgive you if they found out who you are and what you did, but..." He shrugged, forcing himself to look up at Callum. He had to tell the truth.

"I just want my best friend- or whatever the hell we were or are or will be- back."

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Callum searched Alex's face for any hint of what his response would be. Any hint. Rejection. Acceptance. Love? He could see the gears working in his head as he processed his apology. He wasn't looking at him, which hindered his reading. There was once a time that Alex's face was as familiar as Callum's. When he brushed his hair back with one hand, Callum knew the answer was coming.

It was what he expected. He knew he had hurt Alex by leaving. He just couldn't watch the boy--The man-- he loved waste away anymore and nothing he said changed anything. And he had made a mistake in doing so. He was glad to hear he was clean. He knew how hard he must've worked towards it after seeing how deep he was. His heart dropped to the floor when heard just how much damage he had done to Alex with his absence. They practically tossed him into rehab it seemed. There was no way Alex's family would accept him now. Not that he thought they would accept him now. His family wasn't the most accepting of people. Especially people that weren't like them.

He opened his mouth and then closed it. He felt tears in his eyes as the weight of his actions settled on his shoulders. He looked up at Alex unsure of how to... What gesture he could use to show him that if he wanted him, he was there. He wanted to hold him, but wanting him back in life was no the same as wanting him. He wanted to kiss him, but again. It wasn't the same. So he awkwardly held out his hand to him and said, "If you want me, Alex,"He said, forcing a smile, "You've got me." He tilted his head slightly to the side, a familiar gleam of mischief in his eyes. "In whichever way you want me."

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Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Sage McQueen Character Portrait: Billie Drummer Character Portrait: Angelica Rivera Character Portrait: Tommes Harry Adergi Character Portrait: Isabella Gray Character Portrait: Lina Stretton Character Portrait: Gavin Dean Character Portrait: Flora Sunn Character Portrait: Ellie Powell
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[ H E X C O D E ]
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[ O U T F I T ]
Outfit 0 | 0 Outfit



[ S E C R E T ]
0PTSD 0 | 0 Escort




They were running late. Though it really shouldn't have been a surprise considering Sage was knocked out drunk from smiley face blue pill and Captain Morgan rum combination. Jasper of course had been the one to clean her up though he did give her a rude awakening with a surprise cold shower which ended with Sage waking up swinging like she did every time he did this to her. Sage hated this but Jasper did mean well. She hardly ever slept and it was a miracle she managed to get more sleep than Jasper. She did comply when Jasper told her to get ready since she was sober for the time being to know that the events leading up to today had been tough on her younger brother.

It'd been a long couple nights for Jasper. He'd been booked by his Madam to accompany and older and distinguished gentleman for the evening. It wasn't entirely bad. He preferred his older customers with deeper pockets since they always seemed to spoil him and tip well. The man took him out for the night to attend a business type gathering which wasn't Jasper's first. He'd been shown off like a piece of arm candy so the man wouldn't appear single and finished the night off with his usual duties for his customer that always enjoyed booking him for such events. Once his job was finished, he went home at an ungodly hour that was normal in the city of New York before Sage as always since she was out partying and taking God knows what with her 'friends'.

The next day, Jasper had taken the liberty of packing for him and his older sister before heading to his school to inform his teachers of his short absence. He finished his day off by informing his Madam of his departure and getting a bonus of sorts by doing what he does best... Sleeping with her. The two had a rather inappropriate relationship between boss and employee. Jasper wasn't a fan of it but it gave him extra money in his pocket for the trip. Sage of course spent her time drinking and stealing from his stash of dope before Jasper got home to slip a sleeping pill into the drink he poured for her just so she'd hopefully pass out and make the flight back home peaceful and it worked.

After arguing back and forth over how to dress for the funeral, Jasper finally gave up and let Sage show up with him at the funeral in their expensive rental car. Jasper was dressed formally his own stylish flare added to it while Sage showed up wearing a not so appropriate t shirt and jeans with a flannel over it and a beanie to cover her wet hair that probably hasn't been washed for a week. They came in quietly... Well, Jasper did while Sage stumbled in having to grip her brother's arm to steady herself thanks to the drinks she was sneaking from her flask in her back pocket.

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Character Portrait: [NPC] Bartender Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Sage McQueen Character Portrait: Lina Stretton Character Portrait: Flora Sunn
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Cas laughed a bit as he turned towards the group of females near him. He actually wasn't paying attention, his eyes were drifting to the door, and over to Callum and Alex. He wanted to talk to him, they hadn't been close since Alex and he talked in high school. But then again that was before Alex had his breakdown over whatever it was. He hadn't really known. He wanted to talk to Alex, and see how things were. "Um...Dettie yeah sure. I'll see ya later Tink, Flora, Lina, Gemma. I gotta go ask something. Gonna invite Alex." he spoke as he started to head that way. His eyebrow raised as he heard the last bit

".....way you want me." ignoring it. Castiel kind of awkwardly spoke towards Alex. "Hey Alex....Callum. I was wondering if after this you guys wanted to go do something with the girls and I..... he spoke, pausing when the thought popped in his head. Nice going, just make it sound like you're a fucking female. he thought before he would continue to speak and place his hand behind on his neck and give a nervous look before words blurted from his mouth.

".....was interrupting something wasn't I? I was just wondering if you guys wanted to catch up. Sorry that I interrupted you." his face heated up in a blush as he would rub his neck and smile a bit more.

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Character Portrait: [NPC] Bartender Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Sage McQueen Character Portrait: Lina Stretton Character Portrait: Flora Sunn
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Dettie could hardly keep herself from sagging in relief. If Lina or Gemma had turned her down she wasn't sure what to do. 'Cool. We'll hash out the plan later.' Maybe she could do this? Gemma had used her old nickname, causing Dettie's face to light up. Things were going well.

Then her lifeline slipped from her fingers. Cas ran off, leaving Dettie stranded with her two ex's and a women, who she'd admit was attractive, that she didn't know all that well. She knew he needed closure as much as she did, but still, Dettie had evoked bestfriend code.

Honestly. Men.

She tugged a strand off hair behind her ear and tried her best not to act nervous. 'I can't interupt Cas now. So yeah, I'll go with you guys.' Her sunglasses slipped down a bit as she gazed at the interlocked fIngers of Lina and Gemma. A few years ago that would of been her.

Dettie cleared her throat and put her sunglasses back in their place. 'Lead the way ladies.'

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Alex stared at Callum's outstretched hand. What was he supposed to do? Shake it? That was all wrong. After everything they'd been through, a handshake was all wrong. Alex found himself in the rare position of actually craving physical contact. A handshake wasn't going to be enough to fulfill that. But would anything else be too much? Would he be giving the message that he wanted more, when he wasn't sure what he wanted? Or would a hug just be a hug between best friends?

Cas' arrival provided a welcome distraction. It felt like years since Alex had last seen him, and Alex's smile wasn't entirely forced. Cas stumbled over his words, and quickly apologised for interrupting. Alex shook his head. "It's fine, Cas. What type of thing is it? Because if it's painting nails and talking boys, I think I'll pass for tonight," he said, before immediately reconsidering. Was that pushing it too far? Would Cas be offended? He shouldn't have left the hotel room. He should have just stayed in and drawn and have avoided messing all this up. He wrapped his arms around himself, wanting to run out of the room and forget this had ever happened.






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Ellie hadn't missed the influx of arrivals. She'd been choosing to ignore them, until a few familiar voices reached her ears. Curious, she turned around- and immediately spotted a few friendly faces. Excitedly, she got to her feet and made her way over to them.

She wrapped an arm casually around Lina's shoulders, before noticing who she was talking to. He'd been a few years above her- but she couldn't quite place a name to him. "Hey," she said simply, before turning her attention to Lina.

"Have you been avoiding me or did you just disappear for a few months?" She asked. All the while, she was trying to think of the boy's name. Gerald? Gary? Something like that, she was pretty sure she'd heard his name somewhere before.

She wasn't quite sure what caught her eye- but something did, and she glanced over to see Jasper and Sage. Sage's appearance shocked her. She looked just as much of a mess as she had the night that Ellie had found her. She'd thought that with going back to live with Jasper and all that, things might get better but... maybe not. She could feel herself tensen a little, and just prayed that Lina hadn't noticed.

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ImageCallum stared at Alex staring at his hand and then stared at it himself. Suddenly self conscious about it, he withdrew his hand and stuffed it in his pocket just as Cas came striding up. He stammered a bit, apologizing for interrupting. He opened his mouth to say it was fine. Whatever was happening had happened, and Alex hadn't accepted or rejected or even said what they were now. A relationship in limbo seems like. Alex's smile made his heart ache. Both at how genuine it looked and because it wasn't directed at him.

Callum smiled a little forcibly, but said, "Who else is going?" His eyes, now able to pull away from Alex, searched the room for someone else he needed to talk to. Someone else he missed so much it left a hole in his chest. Gemma. She was with Dettie, Lina, and a few others on the other side of the room talking. "If the whole gang is going you can count me in." His smile was a little more genuine, but he couldn't ignore the fact that Alex hadn't answered him.

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Alex's smile became decidedly forced at Castiel's reply. Why did anybody ever allow him to open his mouth? Why did anybody ever let him leave his house? Why did he even bother waking up in the mornings? Everybody would probably better off without him in their lives. His arms tightened around himself, feeling like he was going to shatter into a million pieces. Wishing he would.

"I'll probably come, I'll let somebody know if I can't," he said, shrugging. He actually meant it as well- as shit as he felt, he did kinda want to meet with everyone again. Chill, relax, have a drink or two... He wasn't technically meant to drink, but one drink or two wasn't going to kill him.

Castiel's answer about what he'd been up to raised Alex's eyebrow. He sure as hell hadn't seemed like a youth pastor the last time they'd met. Although, that had been... what, a year ago? It had been as Alex was just out of his post-rehab destructive phase- enough to be let out of his house alone. Things could have changed... But for things to have changed so drastically in that time?

"Me? Oh, I've just been..." Recovering from addiction? Trying to function as a normal human being? "Taking some time out, trying to figure out what I'm gonna do with myself. I'm at the local community college, studying psychology right now. And, you know, still painting," he added, shrugging a little.

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Callum looked to Alex and--mentally cursing himself for it--offered, "I can give you a ride there if you want." His attention turned back on Cas he grinned, a not entirely false one either. "You involved in the church? That's not at all what I would guess for you. He realized how bad that sounded and he babbled to explain himself. "What I mean is, I know church was a big thing for your family, but not for you. Honestly I thought you'd be on dancing with the stars or something."

When Alex responded, Callum felt a sick sense of satisfaction that he didn't tell Cas about rehab like he told Callum. Maybe there really was hope for mending things. They still confided in each other. Not that Callum had shared what he had been up to, his new hobby few people really knew about him, with Alex. He flicked his interested brown eyes to Alex when he heard he was going back to school. "That's fantastic Alex! Seriously man. Last I heard, Gemma was going to school to study the same thing. Maybe you two can compare notes." Any excuse to get Alex into his house, to get his sister and his love in the same room, he'd take. Then he gave his own answer. "I've been traveling." he confessed, scratching at the back of his neck and winced. He needed to cut his nails. "Trying to find my place in this world. Looking at the beauty of this land we call home." Through a lens he thought but didn't say.

He wanted to tell Alex he hadn't found such a place and the farther from home he got, the tighter the chest felt. Like there was a string connecting him to something here that pulled tight as he got farther and farther away.

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The blond laughed. Callum was alright he guessed, he still thought that he and Alex were a subtle thing. He noticed some glances the two shred briefly.

"Actually, it wasn't. But I guess you do the things you need to make the people you love happy. Honestly though, speaking of family. Where are my damned siblings and parents? he spoke. His family attracted to funerals like money attracted to him at night. He smiled and put his hands in his pocket. His dark green-blue eyes seemed to widen, when he looked towards Callum, after he spoke. "I guess everyone has trouble finding their place...." he spoke before he turned to see one of the many banes of his existence in the same room. Obviously late, but he turned back to the two men, and sighed. "Any interesting people in your lives?" he asked, somewhat regretting the question the minute it escaped his lips. "I mean...like. New friends? he spoke, obviously failing to cover his question up, and he would mentally slap himself for it.

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Gemma was subsequently ignored by Sage, which would've annoyed her, but she stiffened in surprise instead. Sage was drunk. Sage was drinking when did that happen? She frowned and opened her mouth to say something but close it. I wasn't her place to say something. She wanted to ask Jasper about his sister, but again, it wasn't her place. And Jasper wasn't really a friend of hers. Just acquaintances. She let her eyes stray back to her brother on the otherside of the room, her chest aching seeing him so far away. He looks taller, She thought, and thinner..

Her thoughts were interrupted when someone beside her spoke. It was Dettie. Her heart ached even more at the sound of her nickname again. At least she could say hers now. Gemma turned, her brown eyes resting on her friend, her ex. Hey, Alphie. You know we already said 'hey' right? Um.. I've been busy. With school. Mostly." She chuckled awkwardly, messing with her hair. She suddenly wished Lina was still holding if not for any reason but to keep her from fidgeting. "Yeah. It has been a while, hasn't it?" She wanted to say it back. Part of her probably needed to say it. She took a deep breath and smiled softly. "I missed you, too".






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Callum ran a hand through his hair and gave an awkward chuckle much like his sister's. "Define interesting? I met a one legged sailor in Portland, a musician in the streets of New York, and an old vet that was homeless in Chicago. You mean some weird people on the road." He looked up, eyes locking with Alex's as he answered. "But if you're talking interesting interesting then I would have to say no one." No one replaced Alex. He tried in almost every city he had been in. He had been on a few dates, but no one made him laugh like Alex. No one made him smile like Alex. No one made him feel alive like Alex.

His gaze turned to Cas. "What about you, Man? Find anyone to suit your fancy?" He wasn't sure how many people would go for a youth minister, but who knew in this day and age? Cas was cute. Cherubic face with a dangerous smile. That had to be the perfect combination for someone.

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Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Sage McQueen
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Cas's eyes would widen as he listened to Callum's question. "What about you, Man? Find anyone to suit your fancy?"

Well, Oliver. But he hadn't seen him...in....three years? Boy he didn't even know how long it had been. The male still thought about him. "Um, well. Honestly you don't find a lot of gu...women interested in a youth pastor. They want to be wild and crazy when it come to relations. It's just not really my thing. I had my eye on someone when I was in high school, but that really never worked out. I didn't voice my emotions on that person. I was hoping they'd be here...." he spoke somewhat glumly. His dark blond eyes looked towards Callum and Alex. Yep, they were something. Not together, but not completely apart. Somewhat like Dettie and h.....hOLY SHIT HE LEFT DETTIE ALONE. "I'll see y'all tonight...right? Don't leave me with the load of chicks. I don't want to hear about syncing periods." the male smirked, as he walked towards the ladies.

He looked over, and saw...Sap and Jason? He didn't really know their names, but they hung out maybe once or twice. He turned his attention back towards Dettie and Gemma. His silence being clearly out of politeness, and slight awkwardness.

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Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Sage McQueen
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Dettie smiled, so fond and bright that for just a second she looked like the teenager that could kiss Gemma under a tree, giggling when they couldn't get it just right. Then Sage spoke and the magic was broken. She never had a problem with the girl but the stench of alcohol was overbearing. Dettie wrinkled her nose and the carefree smile was replaced with something more forced.

'School? I bet you got tons of scholarships. You always were the smart one.' A sigh escaped her lips and Dettie crossed her arms. 'I never got to go. I got sent to live with my aunt after the whole...ordeal. She wanted me to stay home, be this perfect little girl and not some ga-'

Cas's return cut her off. Thank god for that. Dettie definitely did not want to rant in front of Gemma. She didn't mean to, but Gemma was so easy to talk to and it all kinda spilled out.

Going red Dettie rubbed the back of her neck, looking anywhere but at Gemma. 'Erm....Sorry about that. I just, missed you. A lot. I already said that didn't I? Heh...sorry.'

Okay so not as planned. Time to avoid this new awkward situation. 'So, um, school. How's that?'

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Character Portrait: Gemma Wilcox Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Oliver Padalinski Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Billie Drummer Character Portrait: Tommes Harry Adergi Character Portrait: Isabella Gray Character Portrait: Lina Stretton Character Portrait: Gavin Dean Character Portrait: Flora Sunn Character Portrait: Ellie Powell
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talk me down | troye sivan







He knew that he'd said he'd go, but now, he was regretting that. The memorial service had exhausted him enough as was. The thought of having to deal with any more people was exhausting him enough as it was. He'd asked Callum to pick him up, but his phone had died at exactly the same moment he'd decided that. And now his phone was taking ages to turn back on. Callum would probably be here before Alex even got around to texting him. Just perfect. He'd hardly moved from the bed except to retrieve his sketchpad from his backpack that was acting as a storage for everything that wasn't clothes. The room wasn't that untidy, but it certainly wasn't an image of cleanliness. Paper scattered the floor where he'd ripped out pages that he hadn't been happy with. He couldn't put what he wanted to onto paper, and that was frustrating him a little. So, eventually, he'd just decided to start attempting to catch up on some sleep and pretend that everything that was happening... wasn't.

Callum took a deep breath as he stuck the key into the ignition of his 2011 Ford Bronco and turned it. The engine revved to life, growling hungrily for the open road. He reached out an pat the dashboard. "Sorry, pal. No roadtrips just yet. We have to go get Alex." He eyed the camera bag he had sitting in the shadows of his trunk and thought he should take it to the outing. Get pictures of Gemma, Lina... Alex.

He shook his hand and put the car in drive. He wasn't sure he wanted Alex to know about his new hobby. Not until he was any good at it. Alex was always incredibly talented art wise. Callum couldn't even draw a straight line to save his life. Even his hearts looked strange. He occasionally watched his phone as the GPS guided him to the hotel Alex was staying in. Guilt ate at the lining of his heart as he waited. It got to the point that Callum groaned and put his face in his hands, regret pressing down on his shoulders like weights. If only he had stayed. If only he had tried harder... but he had tried. He had done everything he could think of, everything the internet said to do, but Alex wouldn't listen. But he recovered, right? Yeah because you leaving pushed him over the edge. Callum stuck a hand out to lay into the horn and remembered at the last second that he was outside a hotel and not Alex's house. The car gave a soft honk causing head to turn in his direction. He lifted his hands apologetically and sat back in his seat with a sigh. He grabbed his phone from its mount on the dashboard and typed out:

Dude, we're going to be late Erased it. Wrote You gonna come down before I grow old and die alone?. Erased it. He groaned. Why was this so hard? He apologized. Alex knew how sorry he was. Maybe it was that Alex hadn't exactly said he had forgiven him. And Alex hadn't specified just what... they were exactly. Everytime his mind reverted back to before, it felt too easy. He needed to tone it down, but toned down didn't make him Callum. He tried again.

O prince up in his tower high cometh down lest we beest late for the ball. or I kicketh the bucket of old age. Sent.

The first Alex knew of his phone turning on was when it buzzed with a text. He rolled over, retrieving the phone. His stomach squeezed on seeing Callum's name. He read the text, a small smile crossing his lips at the message, but guilt stole it from his face.

Sorry, dude, really not feeling up to it. It was too brief, but what else could he say? Elaborate on his depression? Say how he'd just spent the whole afternoon asleep or drawing or staring at the ceiling? It wasn't necessary, so he wasn't going to share. He wasn't going to guilt-trip Callum. He felt bad enough for bailing on him.

Below, Callum's phone gives a happy chirp as his phone received a message. Despite the sounds, Callum's face wasn't happy. He opened the message and he sighed. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and reread the message. Was it because of him? Because he was the one giving Alex a ride? Maybe he could text Cas... No. If they were going to fix things. It was going to be Callum. But that didn't mean Callum wouldn't offer.

Come on, Man. Don't do this. Is it me? I can text Cas if that would help. He was completely oblivious to the real reason for Alex's sudden distance of the situation, but he felt that if Alex didn't come down, Callum might never see him again. The ache for the open road was already settling in his chest. He wasn't sure how long he could stay in this stupid little town that held so many secrets. He also wasn't sure which window was Alex's but he stared up into him as if willing his friend--his love if he was being honest--to look down. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, look out your tower. See the prince waiting for... many an hour?" He groaned. Poetry was never his strong suit.

He was watching his phone for the reply, knowing that it probably wasn't going to just be a simple reply. And, sure enough, when he read the message, he just ran a hand down his face. He couldn't even send a freaking text without hurting anybody.

No, it's not you. This morning just took it out of me, you know? He sent, staring at the screen and reading Callum's last message. He just wanted to see Callum face to face again. Here, they could talk it out again. They could talk it out in private.

This tower of mine has a lift, if you want to talk face to face. Third floor, room 347. He sent, locking his phone, but staying staring at the screen.

Callum was muttering about his lack of social skills under his breath as he waited for a reply. As soon as his phone chirped, he quickly unlocked it and read the message. His eyes read the words slowly at first and then reread them before practically jumping from his car and made his way inside. It took everything in him not to run to the elevator. As he waited, he typed a reply:

I suppose I can brave that metal beast. I better get a kiss at the top." No. No no. He erased that last part and just sent: I suppose I can brave that metal beast. They just started talking again. No need to fuck it up with his failure of a flirt. He bounced on his toes as the metal doors slowly slid open and he practically hopped inside. It was completely empty so he didn't need to worry about bothering people with his fidgeting.

The doors slid open again on the third floor and he quickly made his way to room 347. He found it and lifted his hand to knock. And dropped it. Stop being a baby He lifted his hand again, took a deep breath and knocked. He let one word escape his lips, a whisper that sounded like a shout in the quiet hall, "Alex?"

Callum's reply made him smile a little, and his eyes shifted from the screen of his phone to the door. A few moments later, the knock came. He got to his feet, casting an eye over the room. It suddenly seemed ridiculously untidy, but there wasn't much he could do about it. So he just ran a hand through his hair, and opened the door. "Hey," he said, standing back to let Callum in. "Sorry about the mess, I just... I meant to tidy up, but then I fell asleep and... yeah," he said, shrugging. God, this was so much more awkward than he'd imagined.

Callum's heart jumped when the door swung open revealing a lightly disheveled Alex. He looked like he had been sleeping before Callum had texted him. He stepped inside, his eyes sweeping about the room. It was a mess, but it wasn't any worse than the back of his Bronco. "Hey, don't sweat it. You should see the back of my truck." Was it a truck? It was definitely bigger than a car. It felt powerful like a truck... he was sticking with truck. "But what's with all the paper?" He knocked a wad of crumpled paper across the floor with his foot, landing next to a pile of shoes and a backpack bursting with clothes.

He smiled at Callum's response. They'd never been the tidiest pair, and it was kind of comforting to know that some things never changed. "Just... drawings that weren't going to work out. I was getting frustrated, hence why they're flung... literally all over the room," he admitted, running his hand through his hair again. He sighed. "Sorry for backing out, dude, I just... Like I said, I've been asleep all afternoon, and I still don't have the energy to go out and try and deal with people again. I'm just... constantly tired lately," he said. It wasn't a lie. He was telling the truth, and praying that Callum wasn't going to question it.

Callum smirked. Everything about Alex was still so... Alex it was almost like he had never left. Like Alex hadn't fallen deeper and deeper into a pit. Almost. He tried to smile more, echo his friend's from before, but it was forced and weak so he dropped it. "You alright? It sounds like you need caffeine, dude. Not more sleep." Not that he had said he would be doing more sleep. "Plus being around people might be good for you." He wasn't sure he could go if Alex didn't. He pushed the thought down. It was selfish and not how he needed to think to get Alex back.

Was he alright? That was the million dollar question. Alex just forced a grin. "Caffeine doesn't help all that much, to be honest. Trust me, I've tried." God, everything felt so forced with him. All he wanted was to sleep and everything else was just forced, just a mask to get him through life. "And I don't know- I was fine until I went out this morning and then bam, exhaustion. Do you really want me falling asleep on you?" He asked, half jokingly. Considering everything they'd been through, this felt... all wrong. Like small talk and nothing more, all while they pretended it was fine. When it wasn't.

Callum nodded as he listened, thinking of anyway to help his love--his friend. "Sounds like you're not getting enough sleep." He looked up at Alex, his eyes worried. "Do you want to talk about it? About what happened? I mean either between us, or rehab, or whatever. Sometimes.. talking helps." How many times had he heard those words from Gemma as he shut her own, too afraid to tell her of his business... of what Alex really meant to him. He chuckled again. "I mean, if you did fall asleep on me, it's not like I would mind."

Alex decided against saying that he was sleeping ten, eleven, twelve hours a night, and then napping during the day. According to his therapist, that was normal, and that it would pass as he recovered. But that wasn't happening just yet. Probably because he wasn't sticking to all of her advice.

He shook his head as Callum asked if he wanted to talk. "I... I don't know if I can. I'm still trying to get my own head around it. Coming back here, seeing everyone..." Seeing Callum... "It's all kinda brought up the memories and the feelings and... I can't deal with it right now, Callum. Especially because the only thing that brought us here is someone dying." It could have been him. It was only luck, really, that he was still alive.

Callum took a step towards Alex, sick at the lost look on his face. "Nothing is going to happen to us, Alex. What happened to Lisa was an accident." He took a deep breath. "You're getting help right? What does your.. doctor? Therapist say?"

Alex didn't know what he wanted to do. Step closer to Callum? Step away? He wanted to both, but he didn't want to do either. So he stayed where he was, ignoring the sudden pressure on his chest. He didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to talk about his problems, not to Callum.

"It's just... standard for a recovering addict. She says that if I wasn't an addict, I'd probably be on meds, but that she thinks I'd resort to abusing them." He wasn't going to say the word. Depression. He didn't want pity, he just wanted Callum to leave so he could go back to sleep and forget that it had ever happened and just... not leave the room until he was flying back. He wasn't going to tell Callum, but he agreed with the therapist. If anyone handed him anything stronger than paracetamol, he'd be downing it in the hope of taking the edge off.

At the word "addict" Callum winced. He feared Alex had been that bad. In fact, he knew it was true, but didn't want to accept it. Without permission, a memory surfaced. Alex's eyes wide and distant as he talked about whatever his drug addled brain was thinking. At first, Callum laughed with him. Even considered joining him if he wasn't thinking about how much Gemma would kill him. Then things went downhill quickly. Their inventory was depleting more rapidly than they could sell it and Callum, for a long time, refused to believe Alex was dipping into the stash. He had been wrong. He agreed with the therapist. He wasn't going to say it though. "Alex, you need to get out of this room. Some fresh air, some laughs. Then you can come here and crash or... He paused, his brain crying out Don't do it! "You could come back to the motel with me. Crash there. That way you're not alone." And I'm not alone anymore.

No. No, Callum wasn't getting it. He couldn't actually face it. The thought of heading out to a party, where everyone else would be talking about how great their life was and how they'd gotten everything they'd wanted. And then they'd look at him and he'd either have to tell more lies or tell the truth and deal with their pity and their general disappointment. He didn't want to deal with any of them. He wanted Callum to stay here with him and just chill and forget about the outside world and all their problems, but Callum wasn't going to let him do that. Callum sounded like his freaking therapist, preaching to him when he had no idea what he was going through.

He took a step back, running a hand through his hair. Being back here, having Callum talking to him like this- it was like he was back then, back when he'd either be high or so painfully sober, when everyone was telling him what to do and what was right for him when they had no idea what he needed. "No, Callum, I can't." He couldn't even say any more than that. He couldn't elaborate. He could feel the frustration starting to build already, but ignored it, trying to suppress it. If there was one person he didn't want to lose his temper with, it was Callum.

Callum froze. He knew that look. The fear that only disappeared when he was shorting shit or shooting up. He took a step back. He needed to fix it. How could he fix it? He looked around the room, trying to think of something quick. Before Alex exploded and the radiation would hit him right in the chest. He kicked a ball of paper when he took a step back and an idea snapped into place. "Show me what you're working on?" He wasn't sure how Alex would react to the change of topic. He knew Alex probably thought he was probing and being an ass and he would rather face his reaction to that request than make the gap between them bigger. He still wished he had the strength--and permission that's very important--to cross the room and kiss him. His hands shook with the need, but he stuffed them in his pockets.

Alex forced himself to take a deep breath. And another. He was fine. He was okay. He wasn't going to have to leave just yet. Callum wasn't leaving. He nodded once at Callum's request. Then again as he moved back to the bed, retrieving the sketchpad from the bedside locker. Another deep breath. He flicked through the sketchpad, landing on the draft he was happiest with. His therapist had been encouraging him to put what he was feeling onto paper, but Alex had never been good with words. So he drew. Sometimes he just drew what was in front of him. But he drew more than that too.

He sat down on the bed, staring at the drawing. His mind picked out the flaws and he wanted to rip it up. But instead, he looked up at Callum, forced a smile, and patted the bed beside him. He looked back down at the drawing, trying to see it for what it was. He'd never seen the Grim Reaper as a bad spirit. Somebody who was just trying to do what he was supposed to, but who was portrayed as evil for that. He wondered if the Grim Reaper was an outcast too. So he'd drawn the Grim Reaper in human form. Hollow, gaunt cheeks, but bright eyes that shone from even beneath his cloak. Hands that could carry a human as easy as they could take their hand. Like him but also nothing like him. He slid it across to Callum.

Callum waited. For and explosion. For a smle. When he didn't get either, he still considered the diversion a success. He watched as Alex pulled a sketchpad from the bed and began to flip through the pages. He waited until he was given the okay to cross the room and sat beside Alex. There was a small forced smile that reminded him of all the times Alex smiled apologetically after a bad episode. He gave a small smile back, just as he would before and took the picture. His jaw dropped. It was obvious it was modeled a little after Alex, but at the same time it was a totally different person. Not a person but a concept: The Grim Reaper.

The detail was amazing, though. Almost like a photograph. He brushed his fingers over the page, careful not to smudge it. He could feel where Alex had erased and reworked the picture, the dents from pressing harder with the pencil. He closed his eyes for a moment and pictured Alex working. He had seen his work in the past, but had definitely improved. And Callum couldn't help but be proud of him. He opened his eyes and grinned. "This is crazy good, Alex. You've gotten so much better." He looked up at Alex. "Not that you've needed to improve."

The smile that Callum's compliment produced was the first fully real smile that Alex had smiled in a while. "Thanks. Drawing is a great way to avoid my family," he said, shrugging a little. Was that too personal? No, not really. Callum had seen and heard all of his problems. This wasn't anything new.

"Listen, Callum, I'm sorry. Coming back and seeing everyone and... seeing you. It's tough. You know as well as I do that I could never really deal with my emotions all that well in the first place, and I've kinda got to learn to deal with it all over again. I get angry a lot and I get anxious a lot and... I'm afraid of losing everyone again," he admitted, not making eye contact. "I'm afraid of losing you again," he added, more quietly. "So a lot of the time I just feel like... it's better not to get close to begin with." God, his therapist was going to be proud of him when she heard what he was about to say. "But... it's not the same with you. I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm not easy to deal with, though, so if you don't want to... I understand." Wow, not only had he made a decision on what he wanted, he'd also admitted to it. He was on a roll.

Callum beamed when he saw Alex's smile. His real smile. "We all have our escapes." he replied with a shrug similar to Alex's. He saw the change in Alex right before he spoke and he listened, his full attention on him. He felt heat rise to his face when he said I'm afraid of losing you again. When he finished, Callum opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The words hadn't formed yet, they were still lost in the words Alex had spoken.

His face heated and he stammered a bit, trying to get the words out. "I--You mean--We--" he took a deep breath. "Back to how things were, how?" He tilted his head slightly to the side, his eyes soft. His heart pounded in his chest in hopes of hearing what he needed to hear.

It was unusual that Alex could talk when Callum couldn't. Maybe the therapy was working after all. As he watched him, he was reminded exactly why he'd said what he had. He was tired of trying to deny it to himself. He still loved Callum, as much as he'd tried to persuade himself otherwise. So at Callum's question, he leaned across to kiss him.

Callum's pulse thundered in his ears as he waited for Alex to answer. Please Please Please It sang. Alex's blue eyes grew intense in a way that Callum recognized and before Alex even moved, he had his answer. He leaned forward as well, his hand coming up to cup Alex's cheek softly, his thumb gliding across his cheek bone. He paused, only for a moment, building the tension and then his lips met Alex's. It was as soft and warm as he remembered, this time without the tingling of drugs burning through Alex's veins. He held himself back from being too forceful--too passionate. Not for fear of hurting Alex, but so he could speak. He needed to make sure Alex understood something if they were to move forward.

"Alex," he whispered as he pulled back slightly, laying his forehead against Alex's. "I need you to understand something." He looked up into those blue eyes that held him captive since the day they met. "I meant what I said back at Lisa's..." he didn't finish it. Death had no place in their conversation. So instead he went around the word. "I'm not going anywhere. If you want me, you have me. I've learned what it's like to not have you and I don't want to taste that life again. I made a mistake and I'm sorry, but if you're taking me back. I'm not letting you go. I will always be here for you. In the way I never was before." He leaned his head down, his lips just barely touching Alex's. "I love you, Alex Holmes."

It was everything he had been waiting and hoping for. Everything he had remembered. His skin tingled where Callum touched it, like static electricity. Even when Callum pulled away, resting his forehead against Alex's, Alex could still feel the electricity. His hand rested around the back of Callum's neck, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling, even as Callum met his eyes. The idea of having Callum all to himself, without fear of losing him... Alex wasn't so scared any more. Having Callum this close made everything feel a little better.

"Good," he replied. "Because you're not getting rid of me," he said. At Callum's words, his smile just grew. "And I love you, Callum Wilcox," he said, before closing the slight distance between them to kiss Callum again. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed it. It was almost exactly like everything his doctor had told him to avoid, because it would just get him hooked again. And she was exactly right.

He pulled away, but not too far. He couldn't remember the last time he'd grinned this much. "Well, haven't we got a party to go to? I think I'll just about be able to manage it now that I have you," he said.

Callum felt heat running through his veins at Alex's kiss. He heard his words echoing in his ears. His heart was racing--fluttering really--in his chest. He desperately wished he had his camera so he could take a picture of this moment and hold onto it forever. There was a tingling sensation on the skin of his neck and his lips. Pretty much wherever his body met Alex's. When Alex pulled back he felt a grin take form on his face. The chuckle that bubbled up from his core was practically a giggle. He was drunk on Alex's kisses and high on his touch. How could Alex have prefered drugs to the feeling of this?

He looked up at his love from under his eyelashes, the action more effective now that he wore contacts instead of his glasses. "Party? What party?" he asked huskily. He chuckled again, laying his forehead against Alex's shoulder. "Man the party. I almost forgot about it. You really want to go?"

As Callum leaned his head against Alex's shoulder, Alex rested his head against Callum's. He'd missed being this close to somebody. Not just sex, just having this kind of physical contact. Just being near somebody like this. He ran a hand through Callum's hair as he talked about the party. "Well, we both said we were going," he said. "And I don't particularly want to have to try and answer the questions of what we did while we weren't there," he teased.

Callum closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of Alex's fingers in his hair. It was comforting and the warmth of being near him was making him sleepy. Alex's teasing snapped him out of the feeling. Callum growled and turned his head, kissing the skin of Alex's neck. "Don't tempt me." He sighed happily and pulled back. "You're right though. We said we'd be there and we should. You should change." He stood, pushing back Alex's hair from his face and giving his forehead a soft kiss. "I'll wait outside your door otherwise I might distract you and we'll never get out of here." he teased.

Once Alex was finished and had whatever he wanted to take with him, Callum took ahold of his hand, and lead him down to the Bronco where he grabbed his camera bag and set it at the space below Alex's feet. As he drove towards the gathering of old friends, he had one hand on the wheel and one hand intertwined with Alex's fingers. He smiled to himself and turned on the radio, singing along to whatever song was playing for the millionth time.

The feeling of Callum's lips on his neck sent shivers down his spine again. But then Callum pulled away, and Alex sighed a little, grinning at the forehead kiss and gentle tease. He changed quickly, the change of clothes helping him to feel somewhat normal again. He couldn't believe how well things had gone. He'd pictured an argument, him exploding at Callum over something small... and it had gone the opposite. It had gone exactly as he'd wanted it to go. That didn't seem to happen all that much.

The drive to the pre-arranged spot was just as good. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this... peaceful. Callum's fingers in his, Callum singing along to the radio... He wanted to say it was like the old days, but it wasn't. In the old days, he'd either be high and singing along with Callum or babbling about something strange, or trying to recover from a hangover or general low, when he wanted to ask Callum to stop singing, because he had a headache, but didn't, because he didn't want to let Callum know how bad he was feeling.

He got out of the car, taking the supplies he'd picked up on his way back from the service with him. It was only a short walk to the site, but it looked like everyone else was already there. "Sorry we're late, guys. My ten minute nap turned into a few hours."

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Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Ellie Powell
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Did Dettie really need him there? That's what ran through the male's mind, as he sat on the hotel mattress. He silently looked towards the door, and just sat there. He didn't know what he'd do, what would happen. Oliver never showed up, so he lost his hopes. Maybe things of that nature, weren't meant to be. He stood up, sighing. He didn't want to go. Dettie may have needed him, but he didn't think she'd NEED him. His dark green/blue eyes stared at the floor now, as he got up. He looked at himself in the full-length mirror in the room.

He had to change anyway, he might as well go.

The blond moved away towards his suitcase and chose a an outfit he would've known to piss someone off. A particular someone. He was going to be there, and things were going to be said. She threatened his reputation, it seems like it's just the thing to do to test her and see if she was up to it. The male would undress himself, and decide to change into his outfit. As he did, he just simply thought over earlier that day. He finished getting dressed and got his keys. His body was covered in a graphic t-shirt, ripped jeans. Black converse covered his feet as he finished getting dressed. Hopefully Alex and Callum would be there, so he'd be able to talk to them and not interrupt Dettie's rekindling.

He would start to walk towards the door, and eventually head down to his car and started the engine. His hands tensed at the steering wheel, as he started the car. His dark eyes looking towards his phone. C'mon Dettie, just text me. he thought as he drove towards the campsite. Complete silence, except for the light tones of an old rock song took place in his car. He would eventually pull up to the campsite. He got out and put on his jacket, well Ellie's boyfriend's/ex-boyfriend's jacket. The minute he got out his eyes met up with a familiar pair of blue.

"Fuck me..."

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Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Ellie Powell
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Was this a good idea? Dettie could probably think of an excuse. Say her aunt fell down the stairs or something. She could get to the airport and be home in a few hours. Australia wasn't that far away.

Then again seeing Lina, Gemma and Cas was great. Awkward, but great. They were definitely worth any uncomfortable annoyance. Besides, she couldn't leave Cas there alone. If Oliver came her friend would need the back up.

Her motercycle pulled up to the site. She straightend her back and pulled her helmet off. There was Cas, Callum and Alex. Someone else too. She got off her bike, striding forward and swinging an arm around Cas's shoulders.

'Hey Cassie. Who you staring at...El?' A grin slowly grin on Dettie's face. Ellie freaking Powell. The brain to her brawns. Dettie uncurled her arm from Cas and bounded forward, hands grabbing Ellie's own.

'Ellie! Man, it's...it's,' She laughed, throwing her head back. 'Its great to see you El.'

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Character Portrait: Alex Holmes Character Portrait: Callum Wilcox Character Portrait: Castiel O'Connor Character Portrait: Alphonsine Bernadette Cunningham Character Portrait: Jasper McQueen Character Portrait: Sage McQueen Character Portrait: Ellie Powell
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"Give me back my flask you little shit!" Sage was pissed. She got as close to her brother as possible as means of intimidating him. "You're not getting anything after the stunt you pulled at the funeral." Jasper spoke calmly towards Sage's obvious threat. She probably could best him in a fight but Sage was too smart to hurt the guy paying for her bills. She only glared at him for a while before deciding to stand down when he wouldn't and seemed to shrug it off. "I'll just get more at the party." Sage stuck her tongue out at him while she stumbled to the door. "I think you've had more than enough today." Jasper hoped she wouldn't drink more but he couldn't control what happened. He wasn't even sure why he agreed to let her tag along.

"Whatever, asshole." Sage muttered after making it to the car. She got into the passenger seat and decided to pout the whole way there as she smoked her cigarette. Jasper chose to stay quiet as well the whole way there until they finally stopped and he turned to her and spoke calmly and forcefully. "This isn't New York anymore, Sage. You can't get away with this stuff now." Sage rolled her eyes. "Not even with Ellie." Sage didn't respond to him. She simply stormed out the car and slammed the door behind her.

Sage pulled out another cigarette and lit it before walking towards the bonfire with Jasper behind her. She definitely wasn't as bad as earlier but she was definitely still buzzed from what was left in her system. Jasper made her shower before coming but she chose not to change since she was too lazy to pick out a new outfit for tonight. Sage recognized a few people though no one stood out until she realized Ellie was there. They hadn't really seen each other since Ellie called off their little 'fun' by sending her to live with Jasper. Well, and at the funeral when Sage made a display of her drunken self. She wasn't sure if she should sit next to her so she chose spot across from Ellie and awkwardly stared at her with nothing to say as she smoked. Jasper took a seat next to Sage though his eyes seemed to trail more in the direction of Alex and Callum. God he hoped Lina would get here soon or maybe ELlie would come over so they could catch up.