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in pursuit of a dream

in pursuit of a dream

1x1 between iCat and The Writer's Voice

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Introduction



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these violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which, as they kiss, consume.


new york city. the place that so many flock to in the hopes that their hopes and dreams will come true. be that those who go in search of love, of fame, of success in their chosen field, in pursuit of a dream... the city can wear them down after a while, but still the newest dreamers come, with their hopes and hearts on their sleeves, hoping that they will succeed above all else.

of course, it isn't just a city of dreamers. some chose to live there because it was the only place they could find work. some grew up there and never left. some fall somewhere between, those who long and who dream but know that the city isn't some magical place where dreams come true, despite what the movies attempt to convey.

this is the story of two people. one a dreamer, believing that america and new york are places where dreams truly will come true. one who has grown up in the city and knows its beauty, but also that it can wear people down just as easily. something pushes them together, but something even stronger pulls them apart, determined that they are not to be.





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face claim: alberto rosende
played by: icat
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face claim: angus eaton
played by: the writer's voice

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Character Portrait: Andris Boros Vot moe serce. Ono polno lubvi.
Character Portrait: Samuel Harrison
Samuel Harrison played by iCat
"I know I should walk away, but I just want to let you break my brain."

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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


On the outside, it seemed like nothing was wrong. The party was in full swing. Samuel and Jamie both had plates of pizza and a beer in front of them. Jamie had his arm over Samuel's shoulders as they chatted amongst themselves and with other people around them. They both looked happy, as happy as they ever did. Nobody there could have ever known anything was wrong between them. Nobody else knew about the explosive argument that they'd had earlier that day. Samuel could hardly even remember what most of it had been about. It had started with Jamie suggesting a change to his outfit, Samuel had questioned why it was necessary... and they'd then spent the next hour arguing over... well, everything. Samuel hadn't even been sure that Jamie would be coming. But then he showed up, on time, as polished as ever, with a blazer slung over his arm for Samuel. Not wanting to spark another argument, Samuel had worn it. He did agree that it added a little something to the outfit... but he was damned if he was going to admit that to Jamie's face.

This was nothing new. It seemed like every time they spoke, they argued. There was times when Samuel wondered why the hell they were still together. But then Jamie showed up with a smile and an apology, they kissed and made up, and even though they both knew that it was going to happen again, they let it go and pretended that this time, this time it would be better. Samuel didn't want to let go. It hurt like hell sometimes, and he felt like he was a fool for letting his heart win, but there had been a reason he'd fallen in love with Jamie in the first place. That spark was still there. Sometimes. Less and less, but... it was still there at least.

"Be right back, babe," he said, kissing Jamie on the cheek and picking up his beer. He needed to find Ris, check in on him. The night was still young, and he wanted to make sure his roommate wasn't too drunk just yet.

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Ris couldn't really say that he was looking forward the party, despite having most of his and Samuel's friends in the apartment. It was one of Samuel's friend's; more specifically, Samuel's boyfriend Jamie, that he didn't want around. But he couldn't just tell his unrequited crush to not bring his boyfriend, so he settled for drinking until the thought of Jamie didn't make him want to punch the wall and lose their precious security deposit.

He clung to the kitchen, where they'd settled a keg below the island counter after Ris got his big burly Russian coworker Lexei to haul it up here. He knew that his friends would want him to do a keg stand later, but he'd held off for now. He shrugged off his coat and promised he wouldn't pour himself a third glass of whiskey before ten o'clock, and stood in the kitchen sipping on his second glass and willing the clock to tip past nine thirty. There was only so much whiskey left in his glass, and soon Samuel would be coming after him wondering how much he already had to drink.

Ris made his way to the balcony when the clock hit ten, carrying a third glass with a stronger whiskey and a cigarette tucked between his lips waiting to be lit once he hit the balcony doors. This was his usual spot when he needed air, and the party thickened the longer it went on, so he felt trapped in the room. There were many parties were he welcomed the entrapment, downing liquor like water in a desert and dancing in the throngs of people who certainly didn't deserve to trash their place with the rent they didn't pay. He lit the cigarette once his elbows hit the balcony railing, unfurling a puff of smoke, and downed half the glass and managed to keep the sour look off his face. He notices Samuel breaking away from the party, and he turns his back again, watching the bustling traffic of New York.

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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


Samuel had never exactly been a party animal. Not in high school anyway, he and his friends weren't the type to get invited to the raging house parties every weekend, and were the type to be totally cool with that. In college, though, they'd grown on him. Maybe it was just the people that he knew now, the people he surrounded himself with. The people he got drawn into conversations with even as he made his way out to the balcony. His high school self would have never believed that he and his roommate would be throwing a party in their apartment, and that he would be enjoying it. How things changed. There were a lot of things he never would have believed in high school.

Like Ris. God, Ris was one of those people that Samuel would have definitely crushed on, but would have never stood a chance with. Even as he stood alone on the balcony, he just looked so... Samuel didn't even have words for it.

"Hey." He stood beside Ris, back against the balcony, his hands in his pockets. "Getting kinda busy in there, huh."

It was strange. There was times when he and Ris could talk for hours about anything and everything. There were times when they could sit in comfortable silence as Samuel drew or read. And then there were times when they just spoke in few words, because they just said enough. Samuel didn't know what kind of conversation this was going to be. Sometimes, Ris got hard to read. Samuel didn't know what caused it, but he also knew not to ask. He lifted his beer and took a sip from it. "Good call on getting that keg, by the way. I severely underestimated how much beer we'd need," he added with a grin.

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Ris waved his glass at his roommate the moment he said his greeting and leaned against the balcony. He couldn't help but flick his eyes across Sam's outfit, admiring his frame but wondering what Sam's boyfriend had to say to get him to wear the blazer. The amount of control Jamie had over him wasn't something Ris enjoyed, but he couldn't step in and tell them what was wrong with their relationship. He never got drunk enough to let any thoughts about who Sam should be with past boozy lips and ruin his friendship with Sam forever.

Ris smirked, eyes focused on the beer and not the lips they were about to touch. The whiskey he'd already drank was starting to move through his system, already loosening the filter he placed on strict control of his scattered mind. Another drag of smoke, moving into the air like the dancers they'd left inside. "When Lexei around, there never enough beer," Ris replies, turning in a similar fashion to his roommate with his back against the railing and finding the Russian mentioned already ten seconds into a keg stand.

His eyes also found Sam's boyfriend once again. He kept a scowl from his face, a more neutral expression coming over as he took another drag of the cancer stick in his hand. "How's boyfriend? Seems to have good time," Ris offers in an innocent comment, finishing off the glass in his hand and mentally preparing himself to cut off any lengthy conversation about Jamie with an excuse to get another drink. It wasn't like he didn't want Sam to be happy or be in a relationship, but with the fights he wasn't supposed to see and yelling he wasn't supposed to hear, it didn't seem like Sam was all too happy. He wanted to support Sam and listen to his problems but on nights like this, when him and Jamie were at least acting fine, his chest hurt a little to much to be a tentative ear.

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SAMUELxHARRISON
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


Samuel grinned a little at the comment about his co-worker and beer. He didn’t know the man too well, but... from what he’d already seen, that certainly seemed to be true. Lexei already appeared to be mid-keg stand, making Sam’s grin widen a little. This sure as hell was a change from the stiff, formal, grownup parties that he’d been forced to attend as a teenager. He’d never realize quite how... fun they could be. Even if he felt like him and Jamie were constantly seconds away from disaster. Neither wanted a scene. Neither wanted anyone else to see the cracks. Neither wanted them to start arguing in front of all these people, but... that didn’t mean that a spark wouldn’t set them off.

A comment about Jamie made Samuel’s smile feel suddenly too forced. They didn’t talk about it that much, but Samuel knew that Ris had heard their arguments. It was hard not to hear them. And Samuel didn’t know how he felt about that. It felt personal, like those fights shouldn’t have been heard by anyone but them. But at the same time, there was something comforting about having someone that did know. Someone they didn’t have to pretend with. But god, watching those arguments had to be uncomfortable.

“I think he’s having a good time. He... enjoys these kind of parties. Lots of people to talk to. Always networking, even when he’s not at work or studying,” he said with a smile. He wondered if Ris could tell that the smile was forced, that what he’d said sounded too harsh without the smile. Sometimes it stung, being left behind by his own boyfriend. Whenever they went to events, Jamie was able to talk to anyone, a perfect social butterfly, while Samuel followed along after, able to hold his own, but feeling so out of place. He’d seen the looks of surprise, of confusion, when it transpired that he was an artist. Some seemed almost disappointed. Like they thought he wasn’t good enough. Samuel couldn’t help but wonder if Jamie sometimes felt the same way.

He pulled the blazer a little tighter around himself, a little cold. “What about you? Are you enjoying yourself?” He felt like the fact that Ris was all by himself out on the balcony was enough of an answer, but he still had to ask.

Nothing to see here. Move along, 2739747.

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Before he left Hungary, parties were a must. Without the restricting rules of twenty-one for drinking, his parents held massive parties out in their yard, very similar to the one they were holding now. That was probably the reason he liked to keep their apartment in the midst of a party, to remember them and all the fun they threaded through their life. At first, being in America, he was scared and missed the community. Thankfully, the boys at the bakery, and the community that came from their friends, he didn't feel so alone anymore. And without their help, he wouldn't have found a cute artist looking for a roommate in an apartment he never expected to afford.

The cute artist that had an unfortunately attractive boyfriend. But tonight, Sam doesn't seem to want to talk about him either. "Jamie good talker. But sometimes talk too much. No offense, Sam," Ris replies, laughing softly. His father used to say that people who are always talking usually don't have anything important to say. He couldn't deny the fact that Jamie was a highly successful man, but from the moment they met, Ris and Jamie weren't exactly friends. Maybe Jamie could sense the feelings Ris had for Sam.

He sighs at Sam's question, taking one last hit of the cigarette before extinguishing it against the balcony. "Good party. Just... long week." Ris answers half-heartedly, swirling his empty glass in his hand and wanting to grab the bottle the next time he came out. It was getting close to the second anniversary of his parents' passing, and their best barista at the bakery was leaving, forcing the manager to place Ris on coffee duty as well. But, that was no excuse to bring Sam down with his own problems. "All more reason to have fun, yes?" Ris jokes, moving back towards the party, if only to grab another drink. He turns back to Sam with a smile, "Don't let talky boy get you down. This your party, enjoy it."

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SAMUELxHARRISON
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


Samuel grinned at Ris' description of Jamie, and his immediate apology. Samuel could see what he meant. Ris and Jamie... well, they didn't actively dislike each other. But Samuel wasn't an idiot, he could see that they weren't exactly friends either. Not that it was a surprise. They were quite different people, and in ways that meant they were never really going to be friends. But they were civil to each other, so Samuel could deal with it.

Samuel watched Ris' posture change slightly before he answered the question. He'd hardly picked up on it- between college, and then trying to figure all this out, and then... more arguing with Jamie. Over the phone, of course, but that didn't make it any better. He felt kind of bad that he hadn't realised his roommate was so stressed. But before he could say anything, Ris was already moving back in towards the party.

"Thanks. You're right. And Ris? If you ever need to talk... about that long week, I'm here." He said with a smile. He turned back out to watch the city pass for a bit. Even though he'd grown up in it, he knew there was so much left to see. So much he hadn't seen. So much to explore. Some day, he'd have time to do it. Some days, he felt like leaving it all behind. Just hiding from real life and his responsibilities and just... exploring the city. And then he sighed and got back to reality, because as hard as it was, he wasn't going to leave it behind. Not for the world.

"Hey." He glanced over his shoulder to see Jamie standing at the door. "Hey. Pretty, isn't it?" Samuel said, nodding at the view. "Yeah." Jamie came over to stand behind him, putting an arm around his shoulders. Samuel leaned against him, hoping that this would be one of those moments that stayed peaceful, that he could stay in forever.

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Sometimes Ris wondered if Sam knew just how much he affected him. Just Sam's smile alone could improve his mood, which didn't sound like a healthy feeling to have for someone he couldn't have. This would be the same time he would wonder if he should just give up on this hopeless pining. He and Alexei had talked once; the burly baker, and the owner's son, had openly confessed his attraction for Ris as the main reason he got Ris the job at the bakery. He wasn't sure what kind of feelings he had for Lexei, but he did know that he was tired of the dull ache in his chest from watching Sam be so happy.

And for a moment, as Sam turned back to look towards the skyline outside their apartment, Ris wanted to go back and pour out all the emotions he'd been feeling in the past week. There were so many things to say that cemented his feet to the floor the moment he thought about actually saying him. The only thing that made him leave was a nudge against his shoulder, which was Jamie brushing past him. Ris lets the whiskey moving through his system urge a glare in Jamie's direction, and moves back into the party, eyes moving toward the kitchen full of his coworkers.

A loud shout roars across the tiny kitchen as the Russians notice him coming. He pulls a smirk and declares strongly, "I do keg stand now. Beat everyone." A crowd starts to form in the kitchen as Lexei moves over to help Ris with the keg. There is a collective shout of each number as Ris gulps down the beer from the keg, horribly nasty but very cheap. Each number helped him forget of the boy against the railing, and his boyfriend who wasn't leaving anytime soon. He bangs on the keg when he can't take anymore, and he got just enough gulps down to pass the longest time at the party.

Then he decides to be stupid. Being stupid wasn't new to drunk Ris, but stomping over and pulling Lexei's face to his was definitely new. A holler rang in his ears but it all quieted, like he couldn't hear anything but his heart beating wildly. Lexei's eyes are wide and surprised when Ris pulls away, but he moves back in because he could forget about Sam when his lips were pressed against someone else's.

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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


There was a few moments of peace, just the two of them out on the balcony. Then the russian-accented shouting from inside increased in volume, and Sam turned around. Ris was mid-keg stand, and Sam found himself grinning without even thinking. The numbers got higher and the shouting got louder, until eventually he bangs on the keg to be let down.

And then Ris kissed another man. Sam recognised him but couldn't put a name to him. He couldn't put a word to this feeling. He was happy for Ris. But at the same time, it felt like his stomach had plunged through the floor, twisting and turning the whole way down. There was a moment where it felt like time had stopped. Then Sam was suddenly hyperaware of the arm still around his shoulders, of his expression. He fixed his grin back on his face, ran a hand through his hair, swallowed the confusion and... whatever the other feeling was, and turned to Jamie.

"Another drink?"
"Yeah, sure."

Jamie was looking at his phone- there was a chance he hadn't even noticed Samuel's change in expression. So Sam straightened up, went to the kitchen, forcing himself not to look, and grabbed two bottles of beer. Ris was his roommate. Somebody else would mean a chance in dynamic. Somebody else meant change and... Samuel didn't actively dislike it, but he was happier without it. But maybe Ris would be happier. Maybe it'd feel less strange when Jamie was around.

He'd just about convinced himself that it was going to work out. It was for the better. He'd more or less cheered himself up by the time he got back out to the balcony. And then he saw the look on Jamie's face, an apologetic one that was all too familiar.

"Hey babe, I'm sorry. But they need me in work tomorrow, I need to head back," he said. If he'd been in any other mood, maybe Samuel would have let it go, just for the sake of not causing an argument. But now was not one of those moods. He just... didn't want to be left alone. "Do you have to? You told them you couldn't work this weekend. This is the first weekend we've had together in ages."

And then it just went downhill from there. A few minutes later, they were yelling at each other on the balcony, and then a few minutes later again, Sam was left alone on the balcony as Jamie stormed out. He leaned on the balcony, his face in his hands, taking deep breaths and trying not to cry.

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It was nice to forget. But the moment passes, as he glances over to Sam still out on the balcony, because he swore he saw Sam's face fall. But there was that grin again, the one that made a home in Sam's features which looked wrong without it. There wasn't much time to dwell on this information before a muscled arm landed on his shoulders and Lexei's alcohol breath was hot in his ear. "Full of surprises, Andris." Lexei says with a laugh, and Ris laughs back because he hadn't really expected himself to do that either.

Plus, the alcohol was getting to him now. Whiskey took a minute to settle in his stomach but once it did he was giggly and hanging onto Lexei like dripping wet clothes. It wasn't until his eyes roamed back to the balcony and noticed the yelling between Sam and Jamie that his mind took hold and stopped the little spin the room was starting to have. He couldn't tear his eyes away from how upset Sam looked and even glared as Jamie stormed out of the party.

Ris gingerly made his way from the party back out to the balcony, giving Sam time to realize he was out here. "Sorry if intruding, but I came see if you're okay?" Ris calls in a soft voice, still obviously drunk but making an effort to at least be coherent and able to listen if Sam needed him. He hesitantly moves toward the balcony, standing close but not yet touching or comforting Sam physically. "You there for me when I need you, I be here for you too." Ris replies again, smiling stupidly at Sam. His eyes catch the skyline and he turns his gaze to it, letting Sam take his time in answering. All the lights were beautiful, it was such a gift to live in a city that never sleeps, because it never stopped being beautiful.

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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


Samuel became aware of another presence on the balcony. He swallowed, took a moment to compose himself, and straightened up. Ris’ voice was heavier with his accent, a giveaway of the alcohol in his system. Samuel tried and failed to force a smile, and just shrugged. It was Ris. He didn’t have to pretend. He’d seen and heard it all anyway. Once upon a time, they’d tried to hide it. Tried to pretend that everything was perfect. Not any more.

Ris’ physical proximity was almost a bit of a comfort in and of itself. For a moment, Samuel considered going for a hug- then, sharp and clear as broken glass, he saw Ris kissing Lexei, and suddenly, it all feels wrong. This does nothing to help Samuel’s mood, and he has to take a deep breath and turn back to face the lights to stop himself from crying.

“It was my fault,” he said after a few moments. “I know that much but I still... I had to go and ruin it.” It had been so perfect. The evening, the feeling of Jamie’s arm around his shoulders as they watched the lights go by, that feeling of just being in their own little world. And then he’d had to be selfish. Was the evening just a summary of their entire relationship?

“Don’t let this happen to you, Ris. Just... don’t let yourself get caught up in something like this. Where you just fight and fight and fight, and like a goddamn fool, you still can’t... something just makes you hold on. Tells you the next time will be different.” He knew that seeing Ris in a happy relationship would probably just highlight the cracks in his and Jamie’s, but... he just wanted Ris to be happy. Even if it didn’t make him totally happy.

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Ris shakes his head. This was the biggest issue he had with Jamie, how he could make Sam feel this way. He hadn't been in a long-term relationship like them, but he knew that people were supposed to be happy with their significant other. And the way Sam's face was ready to break into tears, that was not happy.

"Sam," Ris says purposefully, placing his hands on each side of Sam's face so that the other boy would look at him, faces mere centimeters apart from each other. His eyes flicker to Sam's lips, but that it the last time they stray from the pair of eyes in front of him. "You deserve happy. You deserve love. You deserve affection. Someone buy you flowers and make you wanted." He knew he was skipping words and his English was failing him, but he was determined to push through and give Sam some kind of comfort. The alcohol that was heavy and sweet on his breath wished to give him a different kind of comfort, but there was the restraint that told him that Sam would never want that comfort, even without Jamie.

"No more crying, pretty face. Next time be different. Találjon valakit, aki tényleg szeret téged." Find someone that really loves you. Unless Sam was suddenly taking Hungarian classes at university, Ris knew he wouldn't understand his last words, and maybe that was a good thing. Ris lets his thumbs rub against Sam's cheeks briefly before he pulls away and leans his stomach against the railing, leaning over to watch the street below.

The street was dizzying, as were his mixed feeling about how the night was going. Soon, he wouldn't have to worry, for the alcohol would take over and he'd be dragged off to bed with a banging hangover to deal with in the morning. For now, he stands up and clutches his head with a loud laugh, stumbling a bit backwards. "Oh, dizzy, haha." Ris giggles.

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SAMUELxHARRISON
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


Samuel wasn't quite sure how to react to Ris' sudden contact. Given everything that had happened, it felt wrong, almost too intimate. But he couldn't pull away either, couldn't withdraw from that sudden comforting touch. Ris' eyes only flickered away from his for a moment. He had always held eye contact better than Samuel had. Sam couldn't hold the eye contact- every few seconds, he broke it, his eyes flicking to look at the ground. Ris still managed to make him smile- his English was starting to slip from his drunken mind, but even still, he did his best to comfort Samuel. Being called "pretty face made him grin properly, even as he broke eye contact once again. Something in the back of his head was telling him that this was wrong, that this would look wrong to too many people- but he also didn't have it in him to stop it.

Ris said something to him in Hungarian and Samuel was about to laugh and tell him that he was officially too drunk. And then Ris' thumbs brushed against his cheeks, a gesture that felt too intimate. It felt like Samuel and Ris stepped back at the same time. And Ris looked out over the balcony, watching the street below. Samuel's thoughts were already starting to race- how must that have looked? Had anyone seen? He'd known it wasn't totally right, why hadn't he stopped it?

As his roommate took a step back and laughed about being dizzy, Samuel smiled. "Away from that balcony. Come on, we'll get you some water, yeah? I don't want to have to deal with a grumpy, hungover Andris tomorrow."

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A million different thoughts course through his head as he pulled away from Sam, but it was hard to think at all the moment he stood up and the dizziness hit him. He manages to giggle as Sam offers water to combat the hangover to come. "Hungarian men not drink water, too erős. Let alcohol take charge, is fun. Az ivás szórakoztató."** Ris answers teasingly, not realizing that most of his words would make no sense to Sam anyway.

He laughs at himself, moving back towards the party with stumbling steps. "I have mission for you. Learn Hungarian. English too hard for alcohol brain," Ris comments, turning back to look at Sam with a lazy smile and then moving back inside. Immediately he catches eye contact with Lexei, who winks at him. Ris can't help but blush, averting his eyes and moving towards the kitchen. Still, as he makes it over, Lexei walks over and slaps an arm around Sam's shoulders. "Make sure drunkie here get lots of water and sleep, yes?" Lexei almost yells, unaware of how loud he was because of the amount of vodka coursing through his system.

Ris rolls his eyes, moving into the kitchen and managing to hit his head with the fridge door before getting it properly open and grabbing a water bottle, nearly dropping it in the process to close the fridge door. YA ne p'yan," Ris switches to Russian easily, seeing that his father was Russian and almost all of his coworkers are, "Mne ne nuzhen muzhchina. YA nezavisim."**

Lexei laughs, slipping his arm from around Sam's shoulder and taking Ris by the chin. "Shut up and drink water," He answers, kissing Ris one more time before slipping back into the party. Which left Ris standing there, unable to process the second kiss.



* - strong. / drinking is fun.
** - I'm not drunk. / I do not need a man. I am independent.

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Character Portrait: Andris Boros Character Portrait: Samuel Harrison
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SAMUELxHARRISON
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


Samuel just raised an eyebrow and laughed. It made the gesture seem so much more... not innocent, but tolerable when he saw how drunk Ris was. When he started telling Samuel that he needed to learn Hungarian because english was too much work for his brain, it was a sign that he was really starting to get drunk. He followed Ris back into the kitchen. But then Lexei was there, yelling to make sure that Ris got hydrated, and the strange, complicated feeling in Samuel's gut came back. He flinched at the arm around his shoulder, but forced a good-natured laugh, despite being nearly deafened by the Russian's yelling. Watching Ris drunkenly trying to manage the fridge and the bottle of water made the smile on his face feel so much more genuine. Ris switched languages so easily. Samuel didn't speak either Hungarian or Russian, but he could tell the difference in the sounds of them. Languages had never come easily to him, he just didn't pick them up, and he had a tendency to get frustrated with them. He envied the ease with which Ris could switch between them.

Samuel didn't mean to watch the second kiss. But it happened in front of him, and the feeling in his gut just strengthened. This was wrong. This was so wrong. He shouldn't be feeling anything. While Ris was distracted, Samuel took the moment to slip back into the party himself. Suddenly he felt like an intruder at his own party. He slipped back into his room, and shut the door. Taking a deep breath, he texted Jamie. "I'm sorry, babe."

He just needed a moment. Just one moment. To sober up. The alcohol was talking, that was all. Just the alcohol.

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Character Portrait: Andris Boros Character Portrait: Samuel Harrison
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Ris didn't understand why his chest twisted when he realized Sam was no longer in the kitchen with them. It took him a moment to find him again, and he was slipping into his bedroom, which forced a pout on Ris' face. He then turned to Lexei, almost sounding sober as he hisses in Lexei's native tongue. "Vy znayete, kak ya k nemu otnoshus', pochemu vy tak tseluyete menya?" Ris knew his words hurt, but he was still drunk enough not to care. He doesn't notice the hurt flicker on Lexei's face, but he does notice as the Russian cups the sides of his face. "Sem i Dzheymi skoro ne rasstayutsya. I vy zasluzhivayete byt' schastlivymi. YA mogu sdelat' tebya schastlivym." Ris sighs, leaning gently into the fingers caressing his face before slipping back into the party.

As guests started to dwindle and the hours moving from late to early, Ris wanted nothing more than a whole pack of cigarettes to numb the swirling thoughts in his head. But instead, he sits himself in front of Sam's door, resting his head against it and closing his eyes to stop the room from spinning. He manages to doze off until he feels something nudging at his side, and sees Lexei standing above him with a few of his other colleagues. Before any of them can speak, he just mumbles out a grumpy, "Fuck off." The group of colleagues laugh and make comments about 'Ris the drunkie' before making their way out of the apartment, leaving Ris and Sam to their own apartment once again.



* - you know how I feel about him, why do you kiss me so much?
** - Sam and Jamie aren't breaking up soon. And you deserve to be happy. I can make you happy.

Setting

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Character Portrait: Andris Boros Character Portrait: Samuel Harrison
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SAMUELxHARRISON
═══════════════════════════
xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here

Image

═══════════════════════════
xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x


Samuel lost track of how long his "breather" took. Mostly because he sat down to draw. He told himself for only five minutes. He spent a little longer than that on it, but when he finally came out of his artistic trance, the apartment was quiet. He took out his contacts, and for one, brief moment, appreciated what the world looked like without them. Blurry. Everything blended together, the details were gone, and there was something almost comforting and familiar about it. And then he put back on his glasses. Ran his fingers through his hair, and swapped his borrowed blazer for an oversized hoodie. He was sorely tempted to just go to bed instead of cleaning up, but knew he'd feel even less like cleaning up in the morning.

He wasn't expecting to find Ris against his door. He laughed a little at his roommate. "Regretting that keg stand now, huh?" He teased lightly. Now, everything seemed clearer. Sharper. Now that the alcohol had stopped clouding his mind, he could actually think. Things had just been clouded after the argument with Jamie earlier that day. Ris had always been the one to cheer him up after an argument, so the thought of him not being there was what had been distressing Samuel. And it had just been made worse by another argument. And it made sense in his head and it was convenient, so he wasn't going to argue with that theory. It was something he could afford to dwell on.

"Come on. We'll get you that water," Sam said, holding out a hand to pull Ris to his feet.

in pursuit of a dream: Out Of Character (OOC)

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