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Shredded Paper

Shredded Paper

Two unfortunate lives meet. 1x1 between Purplesprout and Kaito_Shion

370 readers have visited this universe since Kaito_Shion created it.
Topics: cutting, depression, original, self-harm, slice-of-life, and suicide (Add Tags »)
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Introduction

Two lives. Two people. Two equal feelings of hopelessness and wanting to die.
He’s been alone for so long. So have you.
You don’t even know him, yet you know how he feels.
A chance encounter is all you two need.
You met him one day, in his deep despair and scarring memories. He was drawn to you, and followed you. Before you knew it, the two of you got closer. His difficulties and yours mixed together, and you found hope in each other’s hopelessness. Maybe you’ll leave together, maybe you’ll stay together, maybe one will leave and one will stay. The streets are a dangerous place for people like you two. Reality hurts more than fantasy does, and society ignores all your problems. Life won’t let you enjoy yourself without someone getting hurt or crying. Maybe you don’t want to change that. But as much as you like it this way, other people might not. Some people like it but they still need a hand to hold. He is one of those people. You can help him because you know how he feels. Your worlds are already upside down. And who knows? Maybe you can hold each other’s hands and take steps forward. Maybe not. But whichever way you choose, he’ll be there. The rain has started to get to both of you. If you find each other, it might not be as hard. Two can be better than one-or worse. The cuts on your wrists match his. Whether you like it or not, you’ll meet him sooner or later. Your fates were intertwined since your creation. His tears splash onto yours. In the same darkness, you’ll find each other eventually.
So are you ready to begin?
Just press start.
Let’s play the suicide game.
<Shredded Paper>

Rules

1. Keep it PG-13, no sexy stuff (cussing is allowed)
2. No god-like characters or Mary Sues
3. Careful of your actions, extremely sensitive characters here!

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Character Portrait: Shion Kaito A homeless suicidal boy
Character Portrait: Seiko Yamamoto Aka DJ Seiya

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Character Portrait: Shion Kaito Character Portrait: Seiko Yamamoto
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"If you want to stay, that's fine," Kaito said. "I should be used to being alone by now, but it still hurts. So personally, I'd like you to stay, but you're not being forced to." He pulled his pillow out from behind him and, carefully lifting up Seiko's head so it wouldn't hurt, slipped it under her. "There. Hopefully that's more comfortable," he told her softly. Turning his head to look out the window, his smile disappeared.
".....I'm sorry," he said finally. "I'm sorry for putting you through that. It's just, sometimes I..I just can't be happy. Because of what happened. The memories haunt me. It's one of the reasons why I cut myself."
His eyes darted around the room, trying to locate a sharp object. He could feel the sense of regret and despair coming back to him.

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“Oh? Cheers.”
Seiko lay her head on the pillow. “You should not regret what is not your fault, Kaito,” she said. “But I know what you mean, trust me. Even though I haven't been through nearly as much shit as you, that agony inside is the same. That is why I cut. It drowns out the pain, but only for a while. Then it comes back. Like the monster was grown bigger when you weren't looking. And then you have to deal with it tenfold! But still, I can't stop. Hell knows I've tried. That was why I got into music. It makes me feel such joy when I get out on that stage... and yet I can't stop cutting!” She had a think and then giggled. “Hey! You should come to the club one time and try some of my pills! They make you feel so fine, like you're made of silk thread, or something so ethereal that you're like, drifting in the spaces between reality almost! You feel the vibrations of life… everything! Even the walls vibrate, you know?" A dreamy look came over her, but then her face fell. "However... come next morning... you are NOT fine. In fact, you are so far from fine, that your head just feels like a hammer shaped brick! One that's made out a combination of granite and lead!” Groaning, she buried her face in the pillow. Then suggested (her voice slightly muffled by the cotton) “Now that I'm here and willing to listen, you may as well tell me about the shit you been through. Then we can start dealing with it. Plus it'll take my mind off of real badly wanting to overdose and knowing I've got barbiturates in my bag...”

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At Seiko's mention of overdosing, Kaito's expression changed to one of fear. "S-Seiko....." he whispered. "I-I'm sorry....I'm so sorry...."
He lowered his head so she couldn't see the tears forming in his eyes.
"I-if you really want me to, I'll tell you...." he said. "I was born into a family that loved me. I had an older sister who could sing like me, and we did everything together. My mother and father loved me, even though the other kids never did. The children at school were always jealous of my voice, that it sounded perfect when I sang. I never had any friends growing up. And then....when I was halfway through my tenth year, we decided to go out and have some fun. While we were on the road, a drunk driver ended up behind us. We were hit. Hard. My sister wasn't there that day, so she was lucky. My mother was instantly killed. My father had only seconds left, and he used them to tell emergency workers on the scene to save me. I was unconscious, lying in a ditch, severely injured. Almost dead. The doctors worked hard to save me, and they did. Except, what they couldn't save me from was breathing problems. I was in a coma half a year. When I woke up, on my 11th birthday, my sister was there. The first thing she told me was that our mother and father were dead."

Kaito stopped to take a shaky breath. Tears were starting to slide down his face now.

"I started having hallucinations soon after we left the hospital. I would always cry, and I fell into depression. My sister couldn't handle it. One day, she took me up to the roof of a skyscraper. She let go of my hand and stood on the edge of the roof. This is your fault, she said. Then she jumped. Nobody caught her. Her body was smashed on the asphalt below."

Kaito's voice threatened to break. His tears were falling faster now.

"I couldn't stop crying. I had just lost the last thing I had left. I tried to jump too, but I was caught. Completely unhurt. I was taken to an orphanage. We had to scrub floors and toilets all the time. Always with a toothbrush. And the girls there got to have fun, while the boys were hit and beaten and starved. I escaped, only to find myself in a woman's clutches. Her name was Banika Conchita. She became my foster mother. But.....she didn't love me at all. She loved to beat me. She tried to starve me. She tortured me, shot me, threw me into the wall. I had to clean her house....in a time limit, with a toothbrush. And it was huge. When I didn't finish in time, she would beat me and throw me into the basement without dinner. One day I just couldn't take it anymore. I started cutting. I took a cardboard box, the sharpest serrated knife I could find, and a gun. I put the gun under a clump of grass in the park. I set my box up in the bushes. And then, 2 years later, I found you....."

His voice completely broke, and he pulled his knees up to his chest, crying hard now. It always hurt to talk about this. But he trusted Seiko. He had to tell her. "I-I'm so s-sorry f-for crying again," he sobbed.

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“It's ok. I always feel like this when I'm on a come down,” she reassured him. “Usually I'd take some speed to perk me up, but I don't have any.” Then she was quiet as she listened intently to his story. It was truly harrowing!
“You've been alone for so long,” she said after a while. “I'm alone. But now we have each other. Right? You don't have to let your past define your future.” She closed her eyes. “I always wondered what it would be like to have a proper family. You know. Mum and Dad together. A big brother or sister. My mum left when I was three. I remember wondering around the house looking for her, like, really confused. And I think that was when I started cutting myself. On one of dad's razors if I remember rightly.” Wanting to talk about something a little less depressing, she quickly pounced on a subject he'd mentioned, one that was very close to her heart. “Hey, you can sing? Ever thought about performing?”

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He nodded slowly in response to Seiko's question. "I-I l-love to s-sing....." he said in his shaky voice. He started to sing his favorite song, Ashes to Ashes. His voice was interrupted by sobs, and eventually he gave up, collapsing onto his side. He covered his mouth, desperately trying to hide his tears, but failing to disguise his shaking sobs. He had loved singing since he was a child, but his new parents had hated it. If he sang at Conchita's house, she had hurt him even more. He was simply scared to sing, afraid that Conchita would shoot him again. He cried harder, afraid to face Seiko in his state.

(OOC: In case you have more questions to ask him, you might want to wait. He's too upset to coherently answer you right now.)

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Hearing him sing one of her favourite songs made Seiko's heart swell. He sounded like an angel... a wounded angel. One she desperately wanted to help, so she joined in, trying to harmonise as best she could… (even though she sounded a little groggy) until she became aware that she was the only one singing. He couldn't be crying again??? It was any wonder he had any water left inside of him?! ::If he ever got with me, I'd make sure he never cried again:: she promised herself.

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Kaito tried as hard as he could to stop crying, once he noticed Seiko had stopped singing. I hurt her, didn't I? She must have a worse headache now....It's my fault.....he thought. He felt his stomach twisting into knots, and he felt sick. "S-Seiko...I...I'm sorry!" he cried, lightly pushing her out of the way as he dashed across the room to the trash can, covering his mouth. Once he was safe, he let go, throwing up into the trash. "Ah...at least it...wasn't on t-the floor," he sighed. He started to walk back to the bed but he stumbled, getting dizzy. He could tell he was about to collapse, and he didn't want to hit his head on the hard floor. "Ah...S-Seiko...." he started to say, and then fell into unconsciousness.

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Seiko saw Kaito stumble and reached out just in time to stop his head from hitting the floor! "Nurse!" She cried, as she cradled his head in her lap. "Please...! Something's wrong!"

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The nurses down the hall heard Seiko's cry. One of them, Nurse Yukari, rushed into the room. Seeing Kaito's condition, she instructed another nurse to page the doctor. Once the doctor arrived, he took Kaito away into the surgery room, while Yukari led Seiko into a small room with a table and chairs.
"Alright, I'm going to be honest with you, hun. Your friend in there, Kaito? He might not make it through the night. And I'm really sorry that I have to tell you this, and I'm not tryin' to be mean. I'm prayin' for ya both. I've seen too many young lives lost, and I'm not lookin' to see another one." she said.
She stepped closer to Seiko and gave her a hug.
"I know what it feels like to lose someone close to ya. If ya need to talk, come find me." she instructed. Letting go, she led Seiko back into Kaito's room and left.
Kaito seemed to be doing worse. He lay unconscious in the bed, breathing through a mask. A new machine seemed to be monitoring his heart rate, which wasn't doing well....

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Seiko sat by his bedside for most of the day, listening to music through her headset... until she got a phonecall from her dad, asking where the Hell she was! "I have to go, Kaito," she said. "But I'll be back after college tomorrow, ok. Please don't die."

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Once Seiko left, Kaito still seemed fine. Until, around 5 AM, he suddenly wasn’t. His heart rate was slowing down, almost to the point of stopping. The doctors had to perform a surgery.
9 AM- Kaito was okay again. The doctors in operation saved him and got him back to his room.
2 PM- Kaito started to open his eyes. He was still in his room at the hospital. Seeing as Seiko wasn’t there, he assumed that she had simply gone to college. He spent his time staring out the window until she got back.

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Seiko wondered back into the hospital room after college, wearing clean clothes (including her trademark long sleeved hoodie) and carrying another Bento box. She smiled a little when she saw that Kaito was awake, unsure as to what kind of state he would be in… and whether he even cared if she was there at all...

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Noticing Seiko had walked back into the room, Kaito looked over towards the door and smiled......a real smile.
“Ah! Seiko!” he said, surprised. “I’m glad you came back! It gets pretty lonely around here without you."
At that exact moment, Kaito’s doctor walked in. “Oh, hello again ma’am," he said to her. To Kaito he asked, "How are you doing after this morning? You freaked us out around 5 AM."
"Oh, I’m doing pretty well. Thank you for asking," replied Kaito without smiling. The doctor nodded, satisfied, and left the room.

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Seiko beamed back at him. He was pleased her? No one was ever pleased to see her! “It's good to see you both alive and smiling Kaito!” She said.

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"Yeah. Alive," Kaito muttered under his breath. His smiling, happy facade disappeared, replaced by a look of fear. "Seiko...The doctor told me that my heart stopped around 5 AM. They said I was less than an inch away from death. But....I don't....I don't want to die! I want to live, at least for a little longer, so I can stay with you!"
Tears started to creep into his eyes, and he fought desperately not to cry.
"I'm so pathetic! Can't stop crying! Why can't I be better! Why does this happen to you, to me! It's like there's no point in the world existing! I'm just so tired all the time, waking up in the morning is so hard! Everything that I've gone through, it was because of my own doing! My fault my parents died, that my sister died! My being unsatisfactory led to abuse from Conchita! And I'm still the same pathetic heap of nothing that I was before! I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either! Why do I exist?!" he cried.
Tears had begun to stream down his face again, and he covered his eyes with his hands. His sobs shook his body even as though he fought to contain them. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please.....Forgive me for being born....I'm sorry!!!"

Nothing to see here. Move along, 2767250.

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As soon as Kaito started crying again, Seiko' s smile faded. She stood by the door, looking awkward, not knowing what to do or say. Then she found a seat and sat down (a little painfully as a recent cut snagged on her tights) "Want some Bento?" She asked. "I made it myself."

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Kaito heard Seiko‘s voice through his tears. Her beautiful voice. And it gave him strength.
His sobs became quieter and less frequent, and he started to take a few deep breaths. After about one minute, he was completely silent except for breathing. “A Bento box...Homemade? Y-yeah, I’d love to try some,” he said, flashing a small smile.
“Hey, what’s college like? I never went past freshman college year, and I want to go back.”

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Seiko beamed, drew her chair a little closer and put the box between them. "I hope you like fish," she said, pointing to each item. "That one is a prawn nigiri, that's an egg one, then we have tuna maki, bass sashimi, some soba noodles, aaand my favourite: California rolls! Help yourself to soy sauce- ooh! Do you like wasabi?"
Then he asked her about college. "To be honest, I don't really know why I'm there. I'm studying psychology, but it's sooo boring! I have no friends because everyone thinks I'm weird. All I really want to do is music. Be a DJ forever!"

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“Is there a music program at your college? I always wanted to be a professional singer,” Kaito told Seiko shyly. He took a California roll and a bass sashimi and added some wasabi and soy sauce to it. “This is so good!” he exclaimed, biting into it.
“So, you like music? Want to sing a song together? I have a few in mind!”

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"Yeah, there is!" Said Seiko. "I'm thinking of switching actually, because I don't really want to be a psychologist anymore. It'd be awesome if we could do it together!"
She slathered her California roll with wasabi and took a bite- wincing as the spice went down her nose! Then she laughed. "Sure, I love music! What shall we sing?"

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“Well, I know a song called 1/4. It’s not the happiest, but I love the sound.” He started to sing his song.
“ Watch my heart beat out of my chest
We’ve done something wrong, was it you or am I the one here taking the blame?
Feel my throat sink, deeper and deeper I’m gasping for air
Is it me or are you not feeling this, feeling this, feeling the same?
Woah-Woah-Oh
Woah-Woah-Oh
I’ve done everything perfect to instruction
Woah-Woah-Oh
Woah-Woah-Oh
Tell me you’re trying, tell me you’re lying
Woah-Woah-Oh
Woah-Woah-Oh
I’ve done everything perfect for destruction
Woah-Woah-Oh (x2)
I can’t be alone with this feeling
Am I the only one that’s holding on for far too long?
Was it all just a dream? Am I wrong, was there no you and me?
Scream and call me hopeless, shout out that you have nothing left
Something, just say anything, don’t end this with words left unsaid
Don’t you hear me, crying out for you? As you turn away
Is it true or are you not feeling this, feeling this, feeling the same?
(I’ll just skip to the end because it’s a pain to write)
Was I supposed to just be okay, after everything that you did?
I was broken, I was hurting, but I’m meant to forgive?
You cut me to pieces, it’s your fault I’m a complete wreck
And I guess I didn’t matter to you
The worst part? I always knew...

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This was one that Seiko didn't know, so she listened quietly instead. Kaito's singing was so beautiful that it almost brought tears to her eyes, and when he'd finished, she smiled and said, "Now it’s my turn!" And she began:

#“Baby, I see this world has made you sad
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say
But baby, I'll wipe away those bitter tears
I'll chase away those restless fears
And turn your blue skies into gray
Why worry
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now
Why worry now
Baby, when I get down I turn to you
And you make sense of what I do
And though it isn't hard to say
But baby, just when this world seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way
Why worry
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now
Why worry now.”#

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Paying attention to the lyrics Seiko was singing, Kaito started to blush. He knew it was just a song. So...Why was his heart beating so fast?
"Kokoro...?” he whispered to himself.
To Seiko, he quietly asked, "Will you...give me a hug?" he asked with red cheeks.

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Suddenly realising what she'd been singing, Seiko's tail curled a little (and if she could have blushed she would have!) "It's a gorgeous song isn't it," she said, smiling. "Mark Knopler has SUCH a way with words. And of COURSE you can have a hug! I think you need one!"
She leaned over and put her arms around him, being careful not to knock out any of the wires.

Shredded Paper: Out Of Character (OOC)

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