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RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

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RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Mon Jun 11, 2007 3:28 pm

Welcome to my classroom! And first of the fact that your name also starts with Az pwns. Anyway, first off. I don't know how experienced you are at RPing so this first post will gauge that a little. Remeber that your new character has no memory and has yet to discover their talents, hidden, obvious or otherwise.

Lukas sprinted down through the streets of the dead city, his heavy carapace armor jingling lightly as he gripped his rifle. He peered left and right, searching for signs of life. Nothing. He turned a corner and rested, leaning his back against a wall. Sweat dripped off his face, running past his bright brown eyes and down his chin, dripping off, creating little dark spots on the black-blue armor he wore.His hair was black and cut short, as per military standard... not that that mattered anymore.

He sighed and sat down and looked at the City militia emblem stamped onto the chest-plate of the armor. He laughed almost maniacally to himself. What a joke, the city had been crushed, almost completely destroyed and then left behind in less than a week. This had happened... when? He couldn't even remember now, a week ago? A month ago? A year ago? It didn't matter. He stood, and after a brief rest, set off again through the dark streets.

He passed burnt out apartment buildings, collapsed, churches, ruined stores. To his left he noticed a relatively undamaged gas station minimart, and he strode over to look inside. Perhaps some food was still there, he'd stock up then continue the search. He stepped through the door, over the shattered glass that had once made it up and peered around inside. Nothing behind the counter... he walked through the aisles then came to a sudden halt as he looked down one. A body!He sprinted over to the limp form and inspected it. Slight bruises, some cuts but nothing serious. He turned the person over to check for a pulse... there! a light heartbeat. He tapped the form's shoulder in an attempt to wake them up. "C'mon... wake up!"

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azamiko on Thu Jun 14, 2007 5:24 am

The girl groaned and unconsciously moved away from Lukas' hand. Her hair was in her face, making her look a bit like that girl from the old horror movie The Ring. After another groan, she shifted until she was sitting, leaning against the wall. Her clothes were those of a civilian mechanic and looked like they'd seen better days.

She didn't look around to see who'd awakened her. Her eyes remained closed as she shook her head gently, trying to figure out if she really was still alive, and whether or not that was a good thing. Finally, she tilted her head upwards, pulled her hair out of the way, and blinked, revealing her face fully. There were a few scratches on her face, including a long shallow one on her jaw, but nothing that looked any worse than the rest of her. Her eyes--blocked by thick-rimmed glasses--were a medium green, and her skin was still paler than it probably should have been.

"Oh, good; my glasses are still here." Her voice sounded hoarse, but whether that was because of being knocked out for an indeterminate length or had some other cause was impossible to guess. She reached up to push her glasses up her nose and smiled vaguely at Lukas. "Do I know you?"
'By any means necessary. Heh, that's when your ideals outweigh your conscience. The question is: are you willing to give up yourself--your idea of who you are, of what is right--to help other people?"

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Fri Jun 15, 2007 11:19 pm

Definitely a quality post. One of the best first posts I've seen. Your character already started developing, even before she had much to work with, I liked the glasses touch. I also like the Ring comparison, which gives a better mental image then just plain descriptive text. However, relating to that you have to be careful whether you are using it as a mental point to go off or actually relating it into the RP as this may not be earth, we may be on a different time line or any other of exacting circumstances. Length was above average and conventions were fine. Your end was also good, as it gave me something to respond too as opposed to having to initiate everything. The only negative is lack of description of how she was actually feeling. You briefly touched on it with "...trying to figure out whether or not this was a good thing," but I would like to see this part of your posts expanded upon.

Lukas put his hand on the girl's shoulder and looked at her as he crouched down to come level with her. "Are you alright? Do you remember what happened to you or how you got here? By the way, no, you don't know me, but my name is Lukas DuKane, Sergeant DuKane if you prefer, but you can just call me Lukas, or Luke for short."

He slid his rifle into a carrying strap on his back and took careful hold of the girl, hoisting her to her feet gently. "Hey, listen, we can't stay here for long, it's not safe, especially with the lack of structural integrity in this building. I'm going to grab what food I can find and then we're gunna get out, okay?" He looked at her for a sign of acknowledgment before turning to the mostly empty and burnt out food shelves of the store.

As he rummaged through the crisped and destroyed remains of edibles he manged to find two packs of beef jerky, a can of tomatoes and a gallon of water, with a hole in the bottle near the top, which had effectively drained a quarter of the water it was supposed to contain. He sighed, knowing it wasn't enough for the two of them but he could find nothing more. He turned back to his new companion and handed her the packs of jerky, "Carry these... what's your name?"

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azamiko on Sun Jun 17, 2007 5:15 am

The girl shivered slightly, eyes restlessly roaming over the wreckage as she accepted foodstuffs. Her name? That was something she should know, should remember. Why couldn't she remember something as simple as that? She licked her lips nervously before meeting her companion's eyes.

"I-I don't know." Her voice was still hoarse, and her stare finally landed on the water bottle, where it turned into a glare. "It doesn't matter right now, though. Like you said, it's dangerous here."

Without waiting for an answer, she slid past him to the back of the store, where the door to the storage area was hanging crookedly. "The store rooms were probably better protected from..." She hesitated, using a finger to push her glasses up again. "Whatever. I'm going to check them really quickly; there might be more food or water there. Maybe something to carry them in."

She grinned wryly and touched her throat. "I don't know about you, Lukie, but I'm kinda thirsty. Back in a jiff." Still holding the food and water Lukas had given her, she started shoving at the broken door.

Okay, thanks! I was worried that I wasn't being descriptive enough.

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:07 pm

Okay decent post, good dialog, your character continues to personalize, which I like. Be wary of using paragraph breaks to make a post seem longer than it really is, and in this case I'd like to see more description about the environment. Shy away from redundant metaphors, favor descriptive words that don't always compare things.

Lukas rolled his eyes and let out a small groan as he heard her change his name to 'Lukie'. He sighed and moved to a broken out window and checked the street for contacts, his right hand firmly gripping the handle of his rifle and the left cradling the barrel. He checked his ammo counter and bit his lip as he realized the clip was near empty. He glanced back at the storage room doors and then trained his gaze back on the street. Nothing.

"Hey Hurry up in there, we haven't got all day and I'd rather be back to shelter before night fall. Grab what you can and lets get a move on." He stepped away from the window and moved to the storage room door to peer inside. He tapped his gloved knuckle on the door and after a screeching creak it ripped free of the hinges and slammed flat on the floor with a resounding boom. The room was relatively undamaged but the contents were reminiscent of the door, damaged. Lukas cursed at the noise and strode over to the window to see if anyone had heard.


After a few minutes of intense observation he decided the sound had gone unnoticed and he returned to watch the girl in storeroom. "Wait, how do you not know your name? Didja get bumped hard on the head or something? Ugh I don't have time for this, I was hoping to be in and out of here withing a few minutes, please pick up the pace?"

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azamiko on Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:50 am

"Alright, alright already, keep your pants on! Geez! I betcher just mad cuz you didn't think of checking the storage room yourself." The girl now held an old green backpack, undoubtedly leftover from one of the missing workers. She ran a quick glance around the room, making sure that she wasn't missing anything important. The shelves in back were knocked over, blocking the back exit, but she figured that Lukas had planned to go out the front door anyway.

Answering his question, "How should I know why I can't remember if I can't remember it? Don't worry about it; amnesia rarely lasts for more than a few hours. People always get it wrong in stories..." Satisfied with her check, and pointedly not wondering why she knew that, she slung the backpack over her shoulder before heading back towards the door. She made a slight detour, grabbing a big, dull green jacket from a hook behind the door.

The girl followed Lukas as they finally made their way out of the store. Once she'd felt the humidity outside, she tied the jacket around her waist. It actually looked like a part of her outfit, matching well with the dull gray jumpsuit. It was at this point that she noticed something useful. "Hey, Lukie, evidently my name is..." She pulled at the jumpsuit's top, stretching it away from her body. "Azamiko. Yeah, that sounds cool, sounds familiar."

The newly dubbed Azamiko grinned at him, matching her pace to his as they stalked through the rubbage. She seemed almost unconcerned about the danger surrounding them as she cheerfully asked: "So, boyo, where to now? Or are ya just going to wait for me to take the lead again?"

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:52 pm

Great post, we start to see personality come out and if I'm not mistaken an insight into the fact that your character is rather whimsical at times. If you can keep that up whilst still in grim settings it will add a bit of relief to other characters and certainly makes for interesting reading. It is also a great contrast to Lukas, and when starting an RP contrast in characters helps. Good end line, leaving it open for me. I like that it was a longer post but it still seemed a little like you only told the minimum to describe what you needed, flesh out your posts a bit with descriptive text about the world your in. It's okay to add details and modify the storyline in ways, half of RPing is the unexpected turns it can take. However, be wary of drastically modifying anything without consulting the other RPer's, example: You're in a medieval town watching a joust when suddenly you have aliens attack.

Lukas looked at Azamiko and almost laughed, she looked so nonchalant with her backpack and jacket. "Oh you want to lead now? And pray tell, Azamiko, where the hell would we go? Did your newly recovering memory come with a GPD and city maps?" He turned and face the doorway thinking for a moment. "Follow me and stay close, I know of a relatively safe place."

He motioned for the girl to follow him out of the burnt out doorway and onto the shattered streets. As he moved outside he surveyed the scene of destruction with the same eyes that viewed them everyday. The pitted and scarred buildings were empty and appeared as the elderly, crippled and scarred. Some tried to stand tall, in defiance of the havoc that had been wrought and they reminded Lukas of his fellow militia-men, always willing to stand tall in defiance... often to stupid orders.

"Come, quickly now, I don't want your nice new bag and jacked getting... damaged if we hang around too long," he chuckled. He turned to face and alley directly to his right and trained his gun upon it, nodding the all clear he crept along one of the walls till he reached the street parallel to the on the minimart had been on. "Come on! Get over here now."

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azamiko on Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:59 am

Thanks! I'll work on adding detail to my surroundings. Question: Humanoid enemy? I'm kind of worried about how Azamiko would deal with a fight...She's resourceful, but not a warrior type. With this setting, my best bet would be a sling-using the jacket-or some sort of club found on the ground-a part of a street sign, maybe.

Azamiko rolled her eyes as she climbed over one last bit of rubble. It looked like a car that had been ripped in half and then crushed. It was all well and good for Lukas to act all spy-like, with his ability to keep balanced while climbing over the strangest bits and pieces, but she wasn't trained as a soldier! Oh, something new to add to her list of things she knew about herself! Grinning, the girl caught up to her companion.

"Yes, dear, coming dear. Honestly, Lukie, you just can't stand to be away from me, can you?" The girl batted her eyelashes at the soldier, figuring that he was more interested in casing the street than getting angry with her. It was always nice to tease someone who wouldn't realize what was going on until he was caught up in the middle of it. And anyway, he seemed like the type who could take a joke.

After Lukas' lack of reaction, Azamiko finally took the time to study her surroundings. Sure, she'd taken them in peripherally, but hey, if soldier-boy was so worried, there was probably a reason, right? Unless he'd been in combat so long that he'd been driven to mad bouts of paranoia, she reminded herself as she looked around.

To a casual viewer--though how a casual observer would end up here was something Azamiko couldn't imagine--this crumbled, decimated street looked exactly like any one of the others that surrounded it. Broken windows, torn up street, random pieces of cars and trucks and whatever else strewn about like discarded toys. Yes, it looked pretty much like any other part of the city. However, if one looked closely...

"Oi, Lukie-luv. I've been here before, and I think I know the way out, unless you want to hang around and party some more." Azamiko grinned as she nodded at a lamp-post half-jutting out of what had probably been an apartment house. "Thank the gods for geographic memory, huh?"

I tried to add more description of setting. And as for the geographic memory...I keep worrying that I'm going to do something that will intgerfere with what you have planned, but it really is something that it seems likely that Azamiko would have, especially with all the moving around she does. Note: I actually do have one as well. If I go to a place once, I can almost always find it again without even thinking about it. It comes in useful when I'm the one who drives my friends everywhere. As for my writing style...I feel like it became a little more in-character in this post. Azamiko is, as you noted, more than a little whimsical. And thank you for not saying 'silly' or 'eccentric.'

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Tue Jul 03, 2007 1:34 am

Well I feel bad about my laziness. Soccer's done now so I have more time again. Okay, good post, good length. Don't worry about altering the story, the more it changes the more thing's I can toss in to see how you react to them. Don't fret about the enemy, if it comes up you'll be fine. I have no intention of killing anyone off lol.

"If you know a way out by all means let me know, but if you can show me in the map that would be even better... some of the streets aren't what they used to be..." Lukas reached inside a small pouch at his breast and withdrew a folded piece of paper. He moved over near Azamiko and unfolded the aged map. It had clearly seen better days and there were all manner of markings over it indicating destroyed streets, areas unsafe to travel and relative safe zones. He looked up at Azamiko and pulled out a laser pointer that was normally attached to his sidearm. "Outline the route with this and I'll tell you if it can get us somewhere."

He set the pointer down on the map and kept a firm hold on his rifle. He checked the inner workings as he prepared to figure her plan. The rifle was in excellent condition considering what it had been through. Three wars, two rebellions and six years of peacekeeping duty. He had carried it himself through one rebellion and the peacekeeping, before that it had belonged to his unit leader who had gifted it to him upon retirement. with the rifle a promotion to squad leader also was bestowed upon him. Too bad his entire unit was wiped out in the attack... so many screams... he shook the memories away and returned his attention to Azamiko.

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azamiko on Tue Jul 03, 2007 9:31 am

Grinning, Azamiko patted her companion's head. "Silly boy! How long do you think I've been in this wasteland? Unless something huge has happened in the last couple of hours, I already know what roads and routes are blocked off!" Gently, she refolded the map and offered it to Lukas. She then cocked her head to the side and closed her eyes. "If I recall correctly--which I do--there are two exits that haven't been blocked off or otherwise made...unavaiable. One is to the North, invisible if you don't know it's there."

The girl jerked her thumb back towards the street they'd come from and bit her lip. "We're facing..." Her eyes flashed open and she stared at the sky for a moment, ignoring the clouds that blocked the sun. "Southeast, give or take. So, to get to the Northern path without being blocked off, we'd have to go in a circle towards the East. That way." Another jerk of her thumb.

Azamiko looked toward where her finger pointed, nodding to herself as she recognized landmarks in the destroyed city. "Yep, okay. I didn't come from that direction this week, though, so I'd say our best bet would be the Southern path. I came from that direction this morning. Oh! Yes!!" The girl pumped her fist in the air, completely ignoring her partner and the ruins around her. She knew soldier-types; Lukas would know if danger came near, long before it saw them.

"Didja hear that, Lukie-boy? I remembered! Without even thinking about it! Okay, so remembering what direction I came from isna a big thing, but hey, it's better than nothing! And it's more useful than my name, lemme tell you!" Azamiko flicked her dark hair behind her shoulder before flashing two spread fingers at Lukas. It was a symbol that meant different things for different people, but for Azamiko, it was simply saying 'I rock!'

"Oh yeah, I was saying 'bout the South pass. It's actually more direct if we go there, and the next settlement is closer too, only a couple hours away. But, see, that's the headquarters for the resistance-sorta folk, so it's a bit...wild." The girl grinned mischievously. "We go North, it'll take longer but end up a little safer--from the people, anyway. We head South, it's faster but more dangerous. I go back and forth between the two, so this is up to you, buddy. What's it gonna be?

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Sun Sep 30, 2007 8:46 pm

Interesting that you give me choices, which I like. You're also taking the initiative, which is good, just be warned that leading also means you hit all the problems faster. The advantages and disadvantages of being a leader in an RP are obvious, so i's really a matter of preference as to which you think would be more fun for you and more fitting for your character. The post in itself is of excellent quality, no serious typos and no grammatical errors. Since this post was mostly dialog and thought there was no need for extra environment description. You managed to make a suitably lengthy post with only thought and dialog which is great. Keep up your quality.

Lukas glanced at the map as she handed it to him and he sighed. He knew the northern route was supposed to be safer but it also took them closer to enemy held territory and his soldier's conscience wouldn't let him pass by without giving him the idea to try and strike back. He needed to get this girl to safety and then relink with his men, which meant the Southern route was a much more viable option. He unfolded the map and gave it a once over, noting things that had not been marked that he would need to add to it later. He took out a small candy bar from one of his many pockets and unwrapped it carefully before taking large bite.

"There are a few new blocked routes you may not know about, however, I think none of those will impede our progress. If you're sure you know the way I have no problem with you leading, however, my only request is that if it comes to a combat situation you will listen to me completely. If I tell you to jump you jump, duck you duck, roll you roll. You get the idea." He folded the map and stuffed it into his right pants pocket, then stood slowly, cradling his rifle. "We go South, I have business with the resistance."

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azamiko on Sun Sep 30, 2007 10:11 pm

"Gotcha boss! South it is!" Giving an old version of a salute--two fingers, jerked out from the eyebrow--Azamiko did a little twirl on the rubble before pointing dramatically in the direction they'd been facing. The street was a bit clearer in that direction, though there were still chunks of concrete littering what had been sidewalks before the war had driven people out of the city. Chattering quietly non-stop, Azamiko led the soldier through the maze-like destruction, apparently oblivious to any danger that might be lurking. Her topics ranged from food--her favorite kinds--to music, during which she felt the need to sing an old marching song she'd learnt. Every once in a while, she's pause and begin muttering to herself, 'remembering' where to go.

Eventually, the buildings started getting smaller, indicating that they were nearing the ouskirts of the city. Though the buildings here were smaller, the destruction here actually seemed worse in comparison. That was because, unlike the taller buildings, these were obviously houses, homes, places where people had lived. And then died. There were overgrown flowerbeds, and dirty old curtains trailing from broken windows and there--just over to the left--there was a broken bicycle, one of the ones with the basket and bell. Azamiko never let her gaze rest anywhere for long, squashing down any feelings of pity she might have had.

"Oi, Lukie, m'love! How ya doin' back there?" The girl grinned over her shoulder, wondering if the soldier was ready to leave her--or maybe kill her--yet. She knew that some people were irritated by her running commentary during serious moments, but that was honestly how she focused. She'd found that her sense of direction worked best when she wasn't actively thinking about it, and so, she talked. It didn't matter if someone else was around; it was just something she had to do, had always done, even before she'd been old enough to know about this blasted war.

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Fri Oct 05, 2007 4:56 pm

Well I think it's nearing that amazing point in every students life where they, for a brief time, change out of their normal clothes and into ridiculous looking gowns and pointy square hats with tassels attatched. Excellent last post, respond to this post.

As they picked their way through the war torn landscape and destroyed scenery Lukas' soldier sense was tickled, quite often actually. He held his rifle aloft and kept the sights trained on any shadows that could even remotely hide the enemy. When he wasn't checking their back he was keeping an eye on the girl. He sighed, wondering who she could be so nonchalant about the whole situation. After all they were in hostile territory.

Very hostile territory. Lukas' worst fears were realized when the foundations of a nearby home gave way. Through the sound of rending steel, snapping wood and settling rubble a bloodcurdling cry could be heard. Like the screaming of a thousand souls, damned for eternity, it pierced the heart and the soul. Lukas snapped his rifle to aim at the house. It emerged, shaking off the rubble like a dog mike shake off a bit of extra water. 15 feet tall, red, horned, it resembled something from man's worst nightmare, a fairytale gone horribly wrong. It sniffed the air with its bat-like nose and turned to face Lukas and Azamiko. The smile it gave them was absolutely it hideous, its fangs dripped with thick globs of saliva and its reflected the night it had been born into. It let out a roar and began to charge as Lukas let fire with his rifle.

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azamiko on Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:46 pm

"Cripes! I'll let you handle this one boss!!" Azamiko yelped as she ducked behind what looked like the remains of a truck. She glanced around, making sure that the enemy was alone and keeping watch on the demon creature out of the corner of her eye. Lukas seemed to be trying to draw its attention away from her, being louder than he had to be as he backed towards a narrow alley. He'd be safe there until she could get away, but she wasn't positive how he expected to get away himself afterwards.

Irritated at the thought that he could have gotten away easily if it weren't for her, the girl began looking around for some way she could help her temporary partner. The truck she was hiding behind wasn't actually in horrible condition; it was even possible that the gas tank could still be full. She checked, and cursed all scavengers when she found a siphoning tube still sticking out of it. She was still cursing a moment later when she slipped and fell flat on her back in a pool of oil. Thinking quickly, she grinned and, ignoring the new bruises she'd gained in her fall, began gathering rocks. With a pile of fist-sized rocks gathered to one side of her, she started ripping her sleeve into strips and soaking them in the oil. Then, she tied them around the rocks, making sure that they wouldn't fall off.

"Oi, Lukie baby! I hope you have good aim!" With a quick prayer of gratitude to whatever higher power made the creature too stupid to understand where the rocks were coming from, Azamiko stood and tossed the oil-soaked rocks to her partner, hoping he'd understand her intention. The creature had a thick skin--thus making the bullets more of a hindrance than an actual danger--so the only real weak point would be the mouth. Rocks thrown, the girl ducked back behind the truck to wait and see if her idea worked.

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Re: RPA: Azmodai2 and Azamiko

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:51 pm

Well that about sums it up for me, you're up for grad review.

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