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RPA Azmodai2 and darthvader7

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RPA Azmodai2 and darthvader7

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Wed Sep 19, 2007 8:27 pm

Welcome to my Hel- oh I mean classroom ^_^. Since I have no idea what your skill level is as of now my first post will provide a setting and allow for your character to enter. You have one of two options, choose a character you have used consistently, has a set personality and abilities and use him in this RP or be completely amnesiac and wake up not knowing who you are or where you came from. If you choose to go with a character you know please PM me a bio of him/her.

The bar was on the shady side of town in a city that itself was rife with corruption and vice. The sprawling cityscape had begun to devour itself with debauchery and sin, however this bar was not in the epicenter of the nightlife, it was in a far more important and far darker side of town. A lone figure stood outside the bar, leaning against the poorly kept facade, smoking a cigarette. He spat and replaced the glowing stick back in his mouth and began to walk down the mostly empty street. He blended in easily with those that did frequent the dark and gloomy roads, his long black coat obscuring full view of his face and body. As he passed an alley he happened to glance down it... something large and humanoid lay sprawled on the floor. He sighed and with a quick glance, strode down the dark alleyway and up to the figure. He knelt down to it, "Hey, buddy you alright? wake up... "

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Azmodai2
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Re: RPA Azmodai2 and darthvader7

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby darthvader7 on Thu Sep 20, 2007 1:58 am

I woke up. I saw a man in front of me. That person was saying something to me... what was it, was it of relevence to me? i grabbed the side of the wall and slowly pushed myself on my feet.I whispered to myself 'Who am i and what am i going here.' It was a desolate area. Full of smoke from all the factories around this area. I shook my at the stranger in front of me and said "i don't need your help!" So i got all my strength and ran as fast as i could. After running for about 200m i heard a gunshot

(p.s. is it bad to use first person?)
Last edited by darthvader7 on Mon Oct 01, 2007 3:10 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: RPA Azmodai2 and darthvader7

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Azmodai2 on Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:59 pm

Okay, there a few key items I want to point out in your post. First, organization. Your post is very unorganized, and thus it is difficult to read, you do not accurately denote who your are talking to and who you are talking about, I.E. "The man shot the other man, then the man fell down." Which man shot which, and who fell down? Second, you presumed to control my character, which is considered bunnying and is against RP rules, never do that in an RP and I stress this one absolutely. Third watch your tense with words, this is a grammar issue many early RPer's have. Fourth, watch your endings, replyed is replied. Fifth, punctuation - while I see punctuation in your post there is an utter lack of anything but periods and commas. You need question marks and capitalization. Sixth, I did like that you included action, however I think this early in the RP it would be more prudent to allow for a little familiarization with the environment and with other characters, so here's what I want: Rewrite that post with my advice included.

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