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by Azmodai2 on Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:59 pm
Okay, there a few key items I want to point out in your post. First, organization. Your post is very unorganized, and thus it is difficult to read, you do not accurately denote who your are talking to and who you are talking about, I.E. "The man shot the other man, then the man fell down." Which man shot which, and who fell down? Second, you presumed to control my character, which is considered bunnying and is against RP rules, never do that in an RP and I stress this one absolutely. Third watch your tense with words, this is a grammar issue many early RPer's have. Fourth, watch your endings, replyed is replied. Fifth, punctuation - while I see punctuation in your post there is an utter lack of anything but periods and commas. You need question marks and capitalization. Sixth, I did like that you included action, however I think this early in the RP it would be more prudent to allow for a little familiarization with the environment and with other characters, so here's what I want: Rewrite that post with my advice included.
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