RPG Adcad: Midnight and Edge

Dker Edgebreaker had just woken up. Sitting up in his bed his mind began to wander. He thought about when he left his hometown to start a living on his own. He lived a good ten years, after he turned twenty, as a traveling warrior. Fighting evil, helping people, and just kind of exploring the world. When he turned thirty he retired from traveling settling down in a small town. He opened a small blacksmith shop handling mostly small orders from town every once in a while making a weapon for a warrior or other class.Today he was turning thirty-five. Over the five years he has lived in this town he had become well known throughout the town. He was on friendly terms with everyone in town. He started to get up, just over four foot five he was of average height for a dwarf. He walked over to a small mirror he had positioned in the middle of his wall bushing his shoulder length hair flat. He started brushing his long beard before putting his ties in it. He tied his beard up into three ponytails. One big in the middle framed by two smaller ones on the sides.

"Today's probably going to be like any other day."

He looked over at his old warrior armor he had hanging on the wall. Memories flooded into him as he looked at it. The armor still had its luster as if it was just made yesterday. The black and red on the body and trim hadn't faded a bit. Dker smile before putting on his normal wear, a pair of brown worker pants with a white shirt. He slipped his brown leather apron over his head before pulling his beard from out of under his shirt and apron. He slipped on his heavy leather boots and gloves and headed out to his anvil. He poured a pitcher of water over his anvil whipping it off. He grabbed some raw steal tossing it into the furnace before starting to stoke the fire.An axe hung above the anvil. A family heirloom that he used when he traveled. It looked a lot lighter then it really was, ordinary dwarf had to use two hands to wield this battle axe.





Ok, Midnight, I’m not going to put your efforts to waste here. I’m going to give you my review of this post and from there we’ll continue together, ok?

Review: Over all this was a good intro post, there are some minor fixes to be sure.
Note that these are nit picky fixes:

…once in a while making a weapon for a warrior or other class.
Ok, it’s not a huge thing, but don’t refer to other “classes” it’s not a D&D game. If you want to refer to other classes, just list them.

It looked a lot lighter then it really was, ordinary dwarf had to use two hands to wield this battle axe.
Again not much, just replace your first ‘it’ with ‘battle axe’ so that readers aren’t searching around for your subject.

This post needs some further details added into, such as perhaps describing the house further or putting names to the places he’s been to. I like that you used a dwarf character. If there was anything major to fix it would be your beinging. There are some grammar mistakes as well as some word choices. If you fix the first paragraph- just slightly, it'll read better.

First challenge is to:
~ use a basic human (rule waive)
~ No magic
~ No powers – black smiting is a skill. Strength is appropriate to the character.
~ Keep a light back story.

Bonus: One physical handicap: Blind, deaf, or both, or physical injury that slows the character down. (optional)

Student: Midnight
Grade: 95
Lesson: Passed

COMMENTS: I would like to see a little more of the physical characteristics of the dwarf such as his hair and eye color. Little more details -not necessary- but would add to the flavor. This is a good solid post to be starting on.

Lesson TWO:
Communication

Like opening, the Promise states that RPGer’s rely on teamwork to complete tasks. This requires interactions between characters, both NPC (non playable characters) and normal players. This can be anything between action or dialogue, or both.

Most times those playing NPCs are not submitting stats for that character, but their role in the RPG is usually is clear. Sometimes not. It’s considered rude to control another person’s NPC. This however should not hinder what you can do to the NPC. No, you can’t force words into their mouth, but you can direct their attention and most times make implied movements. This can include “off stage” movements. Off stage movements means you’re putting a character off to the side to do some menial task that’s apart of everyday life, but not needed to be in the limelight of the RPG.

The same goes with a player. The difference is that you can’t force emotions, actions, or words on another player. The interaction with an RPGer is more implied and less direct.

As technical as all this sounds, it’s not. Just let your writing flow, and reread to make sure you didn’t accidentally force anything.

Your Second Challenge:
~ Speak and interact with one NPC of your own
~Speak and interact with one of my NPCs
~Speak and interact with my character.

Higher Level Goals
~ Direct an NPC to a place or get their attention.
~ Imply that a player needs to follow you somewhere.

~Bonus: Your NPC interaction with my NPC and implying they need to go somewhere “off stage”

Also I will be continuing to monitor how you use Lesson 1, I want some details like the smells and tastes around the shop.

There were times when Nathan of the White Wind regretted being old. His body was certainty complaining heavily to the not so comfortable saddle. Still, he figured it was more comfortable on the horse’s back then on a stubborn mule’s. Absentmindedly Nathan scratched his long chin, his white beard greatly pricking against his old skin as he thought about Riverbend, the village he was traveling to. “Many years ago, this land was covered in banners! Yes! Wide as the eye could see!” Nathan told a bird that flittered past. The bird gave a respectful chirp and fluttered off. Nathan watched it go, his bright blue eyes sparking with mirth as he urged the gray mare forward.

“Yes today is a grand day indeed.” Nathan looked to his only traveling companion, an irritated young thief not twenty five summers of life in him. The thief was looking sullen and very reproachful as he glared at Nathan but said nothing. Pride would not let him speak to the old mage yet.

“Cheer up young Chance, you’ll have your pockets full enough once we reach Riverbend. Indeed, there is a great many people there for you to work your wicked ways on.” The mage reached into his bag and pulled out a pipe as a stray fist tried to snatch the tall gray wizard’s hat.

“Wicked ways! Oh wot ai cans says to that, you ruddy word weaver,” the youth snorted, having failed yet again to get what he was after. It didn’t bother him too much that he couldn’t steal the damn hat; it was the principle that he had to steal something from the mage.

It was many hours later when the pair came into Riverbend, the thief, aptly named Chance looked around, his quick eyes following every young girl in site as a possible key to open large houses full of goods. Nathan the White Wind however was looking at more middle aged women, but alas, only for a moment before turning his eyes to the craftsman signs.

“Come Chance there’s someone we need to see.” Nathan said in a firm voice and turned his horse. The old mage, bones creaking and all lead the young thief down some alleys and then on to a broad street where a good shop stood in the middle of a row of houses. Nathan dismounted, winceing as he stretched out his stiff joints and then pulled his mundane gray traveling cloak over his dark blue mages robes. As if to make a show of how much younger he was, Chance nimbly jumped from his own brown bay with ease, tumbling in his much more form fitting patchwork of a tunic and plain brown pants.

“Dker Edgebreaker!” Nathan called after giving a great knock, “Have you grown so old and deaf that you cannot tell the difference between wood and steel knocking?” Nathan smiled, it had been a good many years since he last spoke with a Dwarf, let alone a craftsman like Edgebreaker was.

“Fear not Chance, Edgebreaker and I will soon conclude our business if I know the Dwarf’s ways.”

Dker came out of his house into the open ended blacksmiths shop. He had went in to cook something for lunch before getting back to work when he heard a knock. Dker ran his hand on his brown beard and looked the traveling pair up and down with a soulful glance from his light blue eyes.

"They are almost exactly alike anyways. Wood is just a softer steal," Dker smiled at the old man.

"Looks like you two just came into town," Dker said to the old man then he turned to the thief, "Be a smart one and keep your hands in your pockets."

He turned his head back to the older man and held his hand out saying, "Dker Edgebreaker at your service. So what can I make for you today?”


(hey edge could you not like split it up into lessons just kinda rp and tell me how to make my posts better because the lectures you posted just kinda bore me and make me feel like I'm in school again and the only thing I learned from a lecture there is that the teacher won't shut up no matter what you throw at him.)

ooc: No. I'm not going to stop the lessons. I'm not treating you any different from the other RPGers I had to teach. Luckily, there's only 3 lessons. whoopie. You've already passed Lesson 1, so two more aren't going to kill you. The lessons are there to help the less advanced roleplayers find some ground in which to spring their next post. If you feel you don't need the lesson, it won't offend me if you skimp over it and go straight to the lesson goals. I'm testing to see where you need improvements with the lesson goals.

And I am telling you what you need to fix in your posts. I'll be sure to format better so you can see that. I'm not here to make you into an elite player. That comes with time and experience.

As for this post, I'm assuming at the time you were more then annoyed, thus why it's so short. While you completed the basic goals, let's work on your post size.
But what you've said has a valid point as well. It IS harder to read through with the lesson breaking it up. Any suggestions on how to incorporate both together?



"It's not a matter of making, but a matter of repairing." Nathan spoke, a senile smile across his features. Waving a hand over the thief, he brought Chance forward. The thief looked sullen once more, the dwarf had indeed noted his profession. "You are of course familiar with the myth of Nocturnal's Chosen?"

Nathan swept forward without waiting for the Dwarf to respond, "By night She looks down on the underground, the forgotten, the damned, and bestows on one Her Key to open any lock. A Key so wonderful that it cannot be stolen from Her Chosen or Forgotten or even lost. Nocturnal, the goddess of the nig- OW!" The thief had put an end to that rant with a swift kick into the mage's shins. While Nathan was nursing his injury, Chance looked down to the Dwarf.

"Ai dun know wot yew can do 'bout it, but the Key is broken." Reaching into his pocket Chance pulled out two halves of a long lockpick and placed it on the anvil.

"Yes, yes, Master Dwarf, we have need of this Key to be in working order, but the runes on it are Dwarven, not Elvin. We think that the first Chosen must have been a Dwarf... Probably left over from the Great Wars of old." Nathan mused. "Oh how rude of us! We have not introduced ourselves...." Puffing himself up, the mage allowed his dark blue robes with gold stitched runes to show Nathan's rank and finery. "I am Nathan of the White Wind. I came from the North Lands to seek an item long forgotten. With me is Master Thief, Chance ap Getton of the Imperial City-"
"-and Jail-"
"- of Blue Haven, Royal Port of the East." finished Nathan with a narrow eye on his companion. "So Master Dwarf will you take up this task?"

(Well I don't have a problem with the lesson itself its just that you use 2 posts for it and 90% of the stuff people already know. No I'm not trying to offend but how you do it kinda offends peoples intelligence. Basically I think you could have did a little reading and found out why I'm here. Because with you saying these lessons before I screw it up makes me feel like you think I'm a moron which don't really help me rping. The only reason I join the rpa is to help lengthen my posts instead of always doing the little dinky ones I normally do. If you want my advice I would just post the lessons when you first put up the topic then just help the person as you go with little help stuff like you did before. That way you don't have those huge block of ooc text in the middle.)

Dker listened to the wizard as he spoke about the myth having only heard rumors of it that had filtered through the dwarven mountains. When the thief produced the key he looked it over running his hand on his beard in thought. He looked at the two as they introduced themselves.

Dker quickly said, "Nice to meet ya both. Back to the key. Repairin' the key ain't going to be any problem. But I used to be a warrior so my magic isn't very good. I could fix the key and put the runes back in but your going to have to find a dwarven mage or enchanter to reenchant it.”

“The magic is still attached it just needs to be reinforced so any experienced mage can do it,” Dker said, “But the problem you have no is that the spell that kept it from getting stolen or lost is broken and that you'll have to find ether Nocturnal herself, which will be near impossible, or find the enchanters guild and have the highest enchanter there is because the spell of this magnitude is very hard to cast.”

Ok, this RPG stops until you understand one thing.

I am the Teacher.
You are the Student.

I hate throwing my authority around as much as you hate hearing it.

But I am this time because YOU don’t understand. No. Not everyone knows these points. We’ve got kids as young as 6th grade and up. I have to make my lessons so that those young kids understand and I’m not going to rewrite my lessons for every Roleplayer. I have to account for every possible level of any given RPGer. That’s why I have different level goals. So that there’s a bar to reach for those who want to make the effort. And I'm not just teaching here, I'm teaching on several other sites as well. And I love teaching, I love what I do, I like my students- they may be frustrating sometimes, but I'm committing myself willingly to do this. I don't have to.

You think you’re insulted. I’m insulted that you want special treatment after I let you skip Lesson 1. I’m not trying lecture you with these lessons. I’m trying to make sure my lessons can be understood. People read things differently.

I’m not trying to say you screwed up by posting these lessons. It’s like a sport. Take soccer for a moment. Coach is going to tell you to run laps right? He’s going to teach you how to dribble, head butt the ball, and kick with your laces instead of your toes. (or at least he should) Even if you already know this, he’s going to tell you to focus on it so that when it comes to the real thing, you do this without thinking about it.

I’m not trying to make you feel stupid, I’m not trying to make people feel dumb. I’m reinforcing what makes for longer posts. The BASICS. Simple basics such as the heat from the furnace, the smell of burnt leather, the ringing of the anvil as it’s struck by a hot hammer. That was Lesson 1 there. And you had it all in your first post with Gabe. So clearly you knew how to build the world. If you need more practice, there's no shame in saying so.

Lesson 2 I’m testing to see if you work well with other RPGers and NPCs, both your own and mine because that also lengthens your posts while producing quality world building.

Why the hell would I want to make you feel dumb about that? I'm not out to feed my ego. I'm not the best, I don't care to be the best. I play this for the pure fun of enjoying new ideas. And as my experince grew, so did my posts.

-Takes a deep breath-

Alright. Leaving behind the whole RPG Acad, I’m going to level with you, so don’t take it as a lecture, this is just my experience.

Let’s talk about how to lengthen posts for a minute. Generally –rolls eyes at this- and I do mean generally, most people add to their posts with long winded metaphors. But after the third stone or butterfly imagery reference or how the wind changed and all went still, it gets boring because it’s over-used every two minutes. Those are best used in small parts.

The best way I’ve found to lengthen posts is to add details of the world. And further describe your character, adding internal dialogue and SOME flashbacks help but aren’t needed every post. Adding some smaller actions such as a hand wave or drum of the fingers on a table works as well.The quality of your posts will make a better impression then the length. Some RPGers never move beyond three long paragraphs but those paragraphs are packed so well that you have to read every word to make sure you don't miss anything.

You seem to me a very “straight to the point” guy. I doubt I would find fluffy metaphors or long winded explanations. My best advice to you is very simple.

You write the skeleton of your post first and then go back over it to further see into the details. The guy I learned to RPG from had a drill where I would stand in the room and name off what was in it. So it started like this:

Chair, table, books.

Then he would ask for details: Red chair, plastic table, brown books.

Again he asked for details: Red plastic chair- cracked down the side; a white plastic table with a faded coffee stain and scratches on the legs. And the books were brown leather bound books about Sir Thomas Moore and his essays.

Do you now see the process of adding layers of details?