Sample

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Sample

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Fishbucket on Wed Jul 26, 2017 2:52 pm

"Amalae.... what... what happened to you"

He stared at his old friend, the woman he loved, and had lost so long ago. She had been everything to him, even if she had never known it. Their world had been filled with splendor immeasurable, but he had only eyes for her. Her mischievous smile, the strength of her passion and sense of adventure, the way she never looked back. She had been to him the very sustenance that made his life so enticing and enjoyable.

And then the day had come when it was over, when the corruption first began to spread across the universe, when their world had been subsumed by it. They had ran, and in the end when it came down to the choice, when one of them had to stay behind so the other could escape. When he would have gladly thrown his life away for hers, she saved him.... As she always had...

Now, here she stood, the blackguard, the champion of the very corruption that had devoured their world. He could see the tendrils of shadow as they wove and dug into her skin and body, wrapping her in a grotesque facsimile of armor. Her face was framed by it's evil, and that mischievous smile had had loved so much was twisted into a grimace, as though she were on the verge of screaming in pain at any moment. Her eyes were red and her hair was ragged, and she laughed at him.

"What did you think was going to happen when I stayed behind? Did you think i would, maybe, have a tea party? And all this time you have been here, playing the part of hero, to a crowd of monkeys."

"Amalae, this... this isn't right, your sick. Let me help you I can-"

"HA, there is no helping me you idiot! Theres no helping either of us." her eyes half lidded she trilled into a laugh that was both pained and forced. "It's always like this, always has been, and always will be. It's who we are isn't it."

"Every time, every era, always the endless cycle between light and darkness and always at the end of each turn of the wheel, you and I will meet. Forced to fight and clash and die, bringing destruction and chaos in our wake as we war for the end of reality, only to begin anew and go at it again and again and again and again" She cried, a sound that broke his heart even as it twisted into maddened hysteria.

He shook his head, taken a step towards her "That's not..." but he couldn't deny it anymore. The truth had struck the chord in his mind, as he had wondered over these things time and time again for the past seven years. The endless cycle, the doctor had made the suggestion of it to him first, but now it's full implications were pressed upon him. Eternity of conflict, with the woman he loved, the two of them constantly fighting, always on opposite sides of a war that had no reason, no purpose.

She laughed all over again, clutching at her sides with the twisted and clawed fragments of her hands. "You! You see it don't you! You can't deny it either! This" She stops and gestures at the madness, the destruction around them, and he was suddenly aware of the crying, the pain of those who had been crushed by buildings, broken as he and she had clashed with each other. He felt the suffering, his power forcing it upon him even as he tried to block it out. "this was always meant to be, it is unavoidable! We will fight and fight and they will die, and in the end we will die as well, only to get back up and meet at the end of the next era! and on and on and on we go, how long it goes no one knows! Hee hee ha ha haa haaa haaaa!" She fell into a broken staccato of laughter that sprayed blood from her lips.

Without warning, she doubled over, then leapt at him with her sword swinging a wide arc at his head. It was instinctive, he raised his shield and blocked her blow, responding with his own blade, which she met with that scaled hand she had used to crush Minerva's skull.

"You see it don't you! You feel it yes?" She continued to rant at him, even as they fought "The pain, the fear, the hatred and anger! Theres no end to it, not until you kill me, not until we both are bloody and broken! So fight me! Kill me! Hate me!"

They clashed again and again, and with each strike the shock of their strength and power shook the world around them. Buildings fell apart, people were blown away, and the very universe shuddered from their conflict. And he did feel something, but it wasn't what she was going on about.

They fought for near and hour longer, and no matter how he strived he couldn't best her, he couldn't bring himself to kill the woman he loved. No matter how she tried, she couldn't outdo him for strength and power. Realization began to dawn on him that this was what she had meant. They would go on forever like this, and nothing would change.

But at the back of his mind was another realization, or more accurately a memory. It had been Minerva, the girl who had for so long been in love with him that had said it to him. "Love isn't about what someone does for you, it's not about what you do for them. Love is love, it's a force, a connection between hearts and souls." She had said, so vivid was the memory that he imagined she stood before him, a knowing smile in her eyes, as though she waited patiently for him to understand. "Love is everything, and everything else is meaningless after it."

Blades locked, he looked into the eyes of the woman who had been his everything, and after seven years of sorrow, he made his decision.

They broke away once more, and he took up his stance.

She laughed, and charged at him, her blade readied to pierce him through the heart.

She came near, he bent his knees and then...

He dropped his sword and shield, and opened his arms to embrace his love. And her blade passed through him with an icy cold, barely felt through the warmth as he wrapped his arms around her.

She gasped, her eyes wide, and she looked at him and said "w-why..."

In that single instant, for a single slip of a second, she was there, a gap was seen through the corruption that clouded over her, and it was all he needed. "I love you" He said, as he poured everything, all his power, all his gifts and the fires of his passion into that gap.

WIth a thunderous, musical burst of light and sound, the fires of his power lit up the sky as they flowed out of him and into her, burning away the corruption. A howling sound, like the wrath of some dark god echoing across time and space, broke into his mind, but he ignored it. He focused solely on her, and pushed every ounce of his power into her.

At last he was spent, and she was free. The fire had burned away the corrupted armor that had worn her, and in it's place was the gleaming raiment that he had worn only moments ago. She crashed to her knees, carrying him in her arms as she did.

He blinked, she was crying, tears were streaming from her eyes as she managed to gasp again "Why... Why did you... save me?"

With a soft smile, he reached up and brushed a tear off of her cheek. "I don't need a reason to help someone... you taught me that... That is why I did what I've done here for these past seven years... These people, who suffer and strive in a dark and dreary world, I just.... felt they deserved someone like you..... A hero."

He felt cold, empty.. no longer was the warmth of the empathetic fire that had given him his powers and gifts a part of his mind. He was going to die, he realized, and this time he would not come back.

For some reason this comforted him, and with the last breath in his body he looked up and said to the woman who had always been there for him, who had always saved him when he got in trouble, whom he had loved and been passed over. To the woman who had meant everything to him, to the point that he would sacrifice all existence for her, and he said "You are.... and have always been... My savior... Amalae..."

And then he was gone. At first I could only cry, I begged him to come back, begged whatever god would listen to bring him back. And then I cursed him, I cursed the universe, I cursed fate and destiny and all the gods, known and uknown, I cursed the people of this world and every world, I cursed the corruption and I cursed the light and I cursed life itself, and death as well... But most of all I cursed myself for being so foolish, for wasting what time we had had. I cursed myself for never seeing him as he was, for never being to him what I should have been. For never realizing just how important he was to me.


It has been seven days. He is buried now, but he will never be forgotten. Everything he has given for this world, it's people praise him in all their cities and villages. And I.... I think it is ironic. He told me that he believed this world deserved a hero like me... but now I strive to be the hero that he was. I strive to be to them what he had become for me.

My name is Amalae The Savior, and this is my story...
The best stories do not have just one or two characters, but all sorts of characters. You might not see them that often or know them that well, but the fact that they were there is what makes the story seem real.

After all, Life is full of characters, is it not?
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Fishbucket
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Re: Sample

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Zaria on Mon Jan 08, 2018 6:03 pm

Hi, your sample looks interesting to say the least...
I like how transparent and understandable it is, though some would say that you could shorten sentences, I think.
Annoying thing could be the amount of "..." in some places I believe.
Story itself makes me want to read more, and I like descriptions.

I think that's all I can say, for I'm a begginer when it comes to writing, nonetheless good luck :)

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Zaria
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