Snippet #1395136

located in Invisible Angel Institute, a part of A Sad Day for Happiness, one of the many universes on RPG.

Invisible Angel Institute



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I'm only human. If I told you that my fingers didn't inch a few hair breaths forward to grab onto the nearest persons' shirt just like Lyle had—albeit in a more passionate way, it would've been a filthy, perverted lie. Everyone who surrounded me in the hallway was subject to my affections, though how serious they took me I could never know. Winding in and winding out, I wasn't stupid enough to believe that any of my sentiments would be returned. Even if I begged with the dying hopes of a broken man, and prayed every night against the cool side of my pillow. I wanted to make love like the whole world was ending, I wanted them to shudder against me as if they've never been touched and moan like my name was the only soft sound meant to leave their lips. Innocence had no place in my eyes, Savannah and Karina's souls we're no different, I wanted to devour them whole. If they let me, I'd love them into the stars and I would never leave them. A hurricane plummeting over quiet villages and leaving broken hearts in its wake, that's what I felt like when I dirtied them with my calloused hands and cheap stares. Empty. I'm empty. My psychiatrist would always chew the end of his eraser, twisting the pencil in slender fingers as he tapped my case file on his cluttered desk—telling me, “Open your heart, it's the only way to get better, Silus.” Like he believed I wasn't capable of doing it in the first place. Like I wasn't trying.

And while I was contemplating fulfilling my primal urges; a small, fragile hand filled mine and it snapped me from my thoughts. It was one of those clash and crush moments, submerged beneath something that never was and bumping knobbed knees; hoping for a better day, I looked into Savannah's bright eyes and thought: I'd tell you I love you, I don't wanna leave this place empty. In reality, I shot him my greatest smile and hope it didn't look twisted on my face. Everyday I could see them making progress, espcially Savannah, and as I held his clammy hand in mine, I felt apart of something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I curled my index finger around his, circling my thumb against the his palm reassuringly before letting it rest—too much too fast wasn't good, I respected his big step forward even though I wanted to take him all the way. Tingles of sensation tickled up my warm wrist, it was a different feeling but all the same, I smiled. Chortled laughter escaped my throat when Savannah raised our arms, as if his achievement was the most exciting thing in the world and at that moment, I would have believed it. It was only when I felt the small boy's hand retract from mine that my smile extinguished itself, dragging the corners of my lips into a worried frown. “N-Neveah—,” I stammered, tearing my eyes away from him and back onto the embarrassed, red-faced Savannah.

How hadn't I known before? I wasn't the most observant person in the world, but I should have noticed. His fingers felt so small in my hand, he'd always been that petite, hadn't he? Savannah's eyes swam with ominous tears, my arms shot up as if to say it's-alright-it's alright, I extended my fingers and waggled them, craning low to attempt comforting the upset boy. “V-Vannah!” I called as he backed away, turned-tail and ran down the hallway. His footfalls echoed in the long hallway, and I watched as his small form retreated into the pool room. Then Savannah's beautiful voice coloured the eerie silence that had set over them since he erased his presence, I stood rooted in place and my jaw worked for something to say; nothing came, I couldn't comfort anyone who was close to me. “I didn't... I didn't notice, either.” I looked from Jesse, to Nevaeh and then Patrick. Had anyone noticed? And I glared absently at Lyle, who'd taken a hold of Jesse. I opened my mouth to protest against his actions but immediately closed it, something interrupted my train of thought.

Yet again, my compassionate, sorry-for-Savannah and angry-at-Lyle thoughts were dragged ruthlessly away from me when I felt a pair of inviting arms wrap around my waist. The veins plastered in my contours, throbbed against my fingertips. My brain seemingly stopped working, stuttering through indecent images and pornographic scenes that I kept tucked away. And still he's against my chest asking me silent things I forgot the answers to, or so I hoped. I couldn't hear the sound of our words bubbling around my ear drums, so I imagined the words I thought he was saying—take me, take me. With sand weighing heavy on my tongue, my words caught dry in my throat and if he kissed me—it would set a forest fire. And I whispered, as my ribcage threatened to burst, “B—Breakfast might be good.” I hadn't realized that I backed up against the wall, my arms unconsciously wound around Karina's slender waist to keep myself from falling. My knees willed themselves to buckle, but I ignored them, if I'd have let them have their way I would have been cradling Karina between my legs on the floor. I thanked God that I had the ability to control my nether-regions, because if I didn't, I would have surely been fumbling over embarrassing apologies. The way he pressed against me was enough to send me into an erotic coma. Did he even know that? Did they even know that?

Are you mine? Not just when you want to be. All of the time. Are you?


Sometimes, Savannah astounded me. Even if everything dug under my skin, I couldn't seem to find a place in my head to be angry at him, I couldn't imagine bruising his face or burying him six-feet-under. I flushed an unseemly colour when he called me a great friend, placing a hand through my ebony tresses as I mumbled something akin to whatever and took my place against the creme-coloured wall. I wasn't anything like that—great friends didn't chortle people in the morning for bumping into them, great friends didn't shout obscenities to innocent furniture minding their own business. Absently rubbing the remnants of colour from my cheeks with the palm of my hand, I stared at Jesse through lidded eyes and frowned silently. If it weren't for my anger, I think I would have been as mute as Karina. As much as I hated myself for exploding, I couldn't find it in me to apologize to Jesse. Apologies were empty words used by weak people, they didn't mean anything as far as I could tell. No one apologized to me as I grew up. No one.

My jaw worked and cracked as I clenched my teeth together, muscles jumping just below my temples as I watched Savannah flee from the scene. I'd never met someone so emotional, so completely fragile. Jenga blocks that could be tipped over at any moment with any provocation, a single breath blown against them to cause them to topple. And even though I knew it wasn't Nevaeh's fault, I glared in his direction through flinty eyes and scoffed curtly. “Good job,” I hissed, shaking my head and pushing away from the wall. Today wasn't going to be a good day.