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Snippet #1683661

located in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, a part of Melodia, one of the many universes on RPG.

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

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:|: m o n i k a :|:


I’m not going to say I’m disappointed with my choices because I’m not – I don’t regret the things I’ve done. Living in the past prevents me from living my present so why would I even bother to think twice about something that happened a year ago, a month ago, a day ago, an hour ago, a minutes ago; I don’t even bother with a second ago. But I can’t say that I’m not pissed at myself for having to have Magnus find out about it this way. I wasn’t planning to tell him obviously because what I do with my life and my body is my business but it isn’t like I wouldn’t tell him eventually. I’d originally planned on telling him if he ever asked – like I did with Viena. Not that I outright told him I did it but rather I explained in such a way that it could be implied; plus he did walk in that one time so I assume by this point he’s figured it out. No wait, I did tell him about my first time; how’d I forget that? But Magnus? I didn’t want Magnus to know just yet for many reasons. One, he would probably see me differently now; two, nothing would be the same anymore now that he did know and three he probably thought me to be completely innocent. I’m not, I’ll admit that.

But did he have to make it worse by saying what he just did?

If my face wasn’t red before it was burning by the time my brain had registered what he said. Magnus…. My very straight, very manly, very not gay best friend just said something that makes my whole head spin. I know that it was just to spite Bradley but God knows that what he said had to mean something right? Someone doesn’t just say that for spite and then… no! Shut up Monika. Magnus doesn’t like you, he never will like you and he never has liked you in that way even for a second. He’s just being stupid. Like always. Remember that in some ways he’s just like Viena and he doesn’t think before he speaks. That’s all. That is all it will ever imply and if you dare make it worth more I’ll hurt you mentally.

“Oh? So the straight guy has some gay feelings does he? Tell me, are you so far in the closet that you’re going back in time?” I heard Bradley ask with this tone that implied he was smirking. I wanted to hit him. “But you’d never act on those feelings because it’s far too nice to be surrounded by the world of ignorant bliss. You’re missing out you know. With all the other men he’s slept with he was bound to be as good as he was.” I felt my shoulders go stiff and I wanted to defend myself but I couldn’t even think of lifting my head to speak. As untrue as it was I didn’t want to make it any move to make it seem like I was trying to build up some defence but at the same time just letting it sit was making it worse. I just wanted to become desensitized to the whole thing and pretend that none of this was happening.

“So like…. What was it like?”

“What?”

“You know…. You told me that you and that guy slept together.”

“Oh? Oh! Oh yes. It was…. Weird. It hurts at first but after a while you forget that and it feels good. Especially when it’s with someone you love. People make sex seem like something that makes it up but in my mind it only added to what was there. The physical aspect only happened because the mood was there and neither of us were about to cut halfway through because it wasn’t planned for.”

“You didn’t plan for it? So where exactly did this happen?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does Monika. Where did this happen?”

“Remember a few nights ago when it was storming outside?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well…. That clearing in the woods I showed you a few months ago. We did it there.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No. We got caught in the rain and with the lightning and everything it just seemed so appealing and…. It wasn’t too bad and the grass was soft and it smelled like rain and pine which was lovely.”

“I don’t know you anymore Monika.”

“You never did Viena.”


But that was Viena and this is now and I’m going to cry if something doesn’t happen soon. “You should hear-”

“Shut up!” I wouldn’t look up. I refused to look up. “If all you have to talk about Bradley is how much of a whore I am then I’m going to ask you to leave before I phone the cops. I’m not joking either. Get the fuck out of my house right fucking now!” I added as I finally managed to lift my head and glare at him. I didn’t care what happened to him anymore. Whatever he got he deserved.