Snippet #1908950

Get clean, get clean, get clean.

It was like a broken record playing over and over again in his head. Get clean, get clean. He had to choose between her and dealing with it. At the moment, he wasn't sure if the good outweighed the bad, but he was sure he was going to have to make a decision soon or lose her. And she wanted to know everything, a past for a past. Was he ready for that? Was he ready for any of this? The dilemma in his head was similar to a tiny devil and a tiny angel having an argument over his shoulder, like in the cartoons.

"Michaline," The name felt foreign in his mouth, he never called her that. "I don't...I just can't tell you that. Not right now. I can't." It was taking all he had no to completely fall apart, he could feel his hands shaking - he shoved them back into his pockets.

The look in her eyes terrified him, but he didn't want to look away from them. He didn't speak, not for a few moments, he just studied her, chewing on his bottom lip like he did when he was deep in thought. "I..." He wanted to say that wouldn't do it, that he couldn't. But those words were getting tired, and he was sick of using them.

For me.

The words crashed down in his head like a tsunami. He couldn't say no to that. He couldn't. It was impossible, he'd just be more of an ass than he already was if he said no.

He looked in her eyes now, focusing all of his energy on it.

"I can try."