Itās only because it is her that I actually pause everything and consider what she said. Maybe I am being a bit too polite. But itās not like I can stop ā not near her. Not after leaving her to a cruel world and breaking a promise. If I ruined her life, it is only fair I help fix it in some way if I can, right?
And thusly, I find myself thinking a bit too hard on a harmless comment made by a sarcastic girl.
āYukinoshita-sanā¦ If you feel I am being rude or insulting, please tell me.ā I almost ask of her. Iām quite a silly person, arenāt I? My mouth is still curved into that same, stupid smile I always have on, but I canāt say Iām feeling stupidly happy at the moment right now. Ever since Iāve met this girl, Iāve been acting quite strange. Almost like myself one moment, and then worried or depressed the next. My smile is bright and it is dim spontaneously, and I canāt figure out why. I must be troubled ā no ā I am troubled with what Iāve done, but more than I originally thought I guess. Something just doesnāt feel entirely right about being near her, but leaving her alone doesnāt feel just either.
I resist the urge to literally shake this confusion from my head.
Our footsteps clack as we walk across the stairs of the school, as well as others. Maybe because Iāve been thinking a lot, I seem to have fallen a bit behind Asuka. As I catch a glimpse of her back, I also see her shoved aside as if she were nothing. She doesnāt even look behind. That does anger me a bit. They donāt treat her with any respect, as if she were nothing. I catch stares with one of the boys, who seems to be smiling. I canāt tell if itās because he just did that, or because of what his friend and him were talking about, but either way, itās uncalled for. Doing nothing, I continue behind my guide.
Iām afraid that treatment doesnāt change once we enter the hallway. As I shut the door to the stairs behind me and continued behind Yukinoshita-san, I look up to see her braving the crowds of students, some of which intentionally bump into her and I think I ever saw a foot try to catch hers. I wonder if this happens to her often and the fact that she carries on without missing a beat gives me an answer I donāt really care for. No, thatās incorrect; I hate it. I canāt stand anyone picking on somebody, and the whole school seems to be picking on her. Iām slowly beginning to realize that my comment about looking at the world a different way might have been useless if the ugly world just stands in your way on purpose. It seems that even as sheās parted from her mischievous brother, sheās treated almost less than dirt by the rest of the student body.
I might be the only one who has genuinely not wanted to annoy or harm her in some way.
I might be the only nice one to her.
That almost makes me sick. It almost makes me throw up that the town Iāve gone back to after so long has turned intoā¦. This.
And she doesnāt even deserve it. I do, donāt I? For lying and leaving.
The door to the classroom creaks a bit as I open it. Asuka is already in here, sitting down and gazing towards the orange windows. I almost mutter āBeautiful, isnāt it?ā but Iām coming to feel that such pointless comments would only annoy the girl before me. I instead just keep my smile. It would do no good to lose it now, would it? I watch the brilliant orange for a minute, maybe two, before I decide that I wonāt be the one breaking the silence, for Iāll either come across as hasty, or stupid. Even if I probably look that way right now, I donāt speak.