Vivian looked at him with a completely blank expression, leaving Philip utterly unable to distinguish what she might be feeling. He had known Vivian for a number of years, and in he had spent some of that time intimately with her. He would contest, if required, that he knew her better than anyone else does or ever had done, certainly better than her husband did. But not even he could pick what she was thinking off her perfectly composed face.
Suddenly, her trembling hand met his, pressed against her face. For a second, Philip was afraid she might push him away. He was going to be distanced from her again, like he had been over and over. But, to his amazement, she didn't. Her face fell to his neck and her body was pressed against his in an embrace. He folded his arms round her, holding her.
βPlease, donβt leave me.β Her voice was just a whisper, and if he had been any further from her he would've missed it. Her sweet voice trembled across the notes with a vulnerability that was rare to Vivian.
Philip was overcome with guilt. "I'm so sorry, Vivian," he told her gently. How could he have wanted to intentionally hurt this woman? How could he have thought that another, just a girl who paled out of existence in comparison to the woman who stood before him, could possibly replace Vivian in his life? He could never have with her what he had with the Queen. How could he have anyone else when this women had been the sole focus of his life for so long? He'd devoted everything he had to her, and in that moment of madness, spurred on by worthless, misplaced jealously, he'd thought he could give that all up for someone who was nothing when set beside Vivian.
Suddenly, without thought, Philip pulled back. He slipped a gentle hand under her chin, using it to tilt her face up towards his. Then, he lowered his own face to her level, and pressed his lips against hers. His kiss was without remorse or regret. It was forceful, but not nastily so. It was nostalgic, yes, in the way he'd expected it to be. But it also held something else. Something new, something fresh. There was something there that hadn't been there in his memories. And he hoped with everything he had that it was hope and potential, and not the bitter sting of a cruel mistake.