Snippet #2333856

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One by one, the blades driven through the pale warrior's body were quickly yet carefully removed, and the agonizing scarlet gashes spread across her form painstakingly sealed. As the last sword - a greatsword that had gone clear through her side and stabbed several inches into the ground behind her - was drawn forth, Kanna collapsed limply forward like a puppet with her strings cut, overwhelming numbness and fatigue taking the place of the paralyzing agony of her now healed injuries. But, even with the wounds to her body treated, her heart and mind still had a long way to go to recovery. She had just come face to face with everything she hated about herself, had been forced to tear apart all of her mistakes and regrets with her own hands, and to suffer as payment for all of her past sins in the process. Even now, she was still only beginning to grasp the shock of it all, as her body twitched and trembled uncontrollably as she lost all pretense of motor coordination in the face of the pain only just banished from her nervous system. Finally, as she felt herself falling weakly into the tight, familiar embrace of the one who had come for her, she could contain herself no longer, and found herself silently sobbing out all of her fear, grief, and pain, giving vent to the despair and the agony that had built up inside her heart and at last letting out the tears she could no longer hold back. She wanted to cling to Asher, fearing that somehow, even his comfort would be taken away from her undeserving grasp. And yet, she found herself unable to move, her body still wracked by spasmodic shivers as her brain tried to recover from the overwhelming surge of terrible sensations that had just assaulted it. And so, she simply pressed herself against her comforter with all the strength she had left, and cried, her simulated tears mingling with his own as they fell to the ground and shattered into azure light.

"C-Canon..." Kanna stammered this word in between her sobs, trying her hardest to answer her beloved companion's question even despite her almost complete breakdown in his arms. "S-she was there. N-not me, b-but the o-old me!" She said quickly, aware of the fact that she was probably making no sense, yet feeling somehow compelled to force the words out, as though keeping them bottled up any longer would cause her overflowing heart to burst at last. "S-she... s-she turned me into myself. T-tried to make me think I was worthless. S-she even said I was just using you, and t-that there was never anything between us. I... I got mad at her then, a-and I..." Kanna stopped. "I broke her," She confessed at last. "I t-tore down everything the me of the past ever believed in or cared about. I forced her to face all of the mistakes she had ever made. I made her cry, and even then, I kept going. I kept on breaking her and breaking her, and crushing every last bit of the old me until there was nothing left. I... I hated her. I hated the me I used to be. S-so... I broke her. I made her look at everything she had ever run away from, until all she could do was scream and cry and know what a worthless, messed-up wreck she was! B-but that wasn't all. S-she... she tried to kill me. We fought, a-and... I killed her. The person I fought... she was definitely me. The old me. A-and... I killed her. I killed my own self... W-what do I do, Asher? C-Canon... she was pathetic! I don't want to be like that anymore! I don't want to be me anymore, but I have to! If I don't try to be me, I'll just be running away again, a-and... I don't want that...! I have to change, or else I'll be the same as that girl who I killed here on this hill, always lying to myself, trying to run away from the pain only to get hurt worse in the end...! B-but I'm scared... I'm lonely, Asher. I don't want to be alone anymore...! If I'm alone, I'll never change! I'll go back to being the old me, and lose everything... I don't... I just... I don't ever want to feel that way again. Help me... Help me, Asher...! I don't know what I should do. I'm scared. Is it alright... for me to be me like this?" Kanna found herself speaking faster and faster, her voice building from a quiet, tearful reply to a piercing plea. And yet, she couldn't stop herself, for the words coming out of her mouth were streaming forth from her very heart. It was all she could do to speak through her tears, and yet, speak she did, sinking into her companion even as she poured out her heart to him. She wanted him to reassure her again, as he had done before. She wanted him to believe in her, as he had been the very first to do. She just wanted to know that she hadn't been wrong when she had faced down her "stronger" self. She wanted to be sure of her life, and of her reason for living. And, most importantly, she never wanted to feel helpless, hopeless, and alone ever again. It was at that moment that she realized exactly what her desires were: to stay by Asher's side, to live with him, and to love him, as she had for so long, for the rest of her life. Perhaps, only two weeks after confessing her feelings to him, it was still to early to suggest something like that... but nevertheless, Kanna made up her mind then and there. If she could just be assured of Asher's love and kindness for the rest of her life, then she would never have to be afraid of her old self ever again. She'd have... a real raison d'etre.