Snippet #2341217

”Wanna stay here tonight… I don’t want to be alone… please,” she heard Summer say. “That sounds fucking fantastic,” came her reply. Summer’s house was great. No one ever came busting doors down, no one ever tried to rape you, no one ever went around screaming—unless they had a bottle or a blunt in their hand, and the scream was an invitation to all who could hear to join them. Nothing but good things happened in Summer’s house, despite the fact that her mom was constantly on the M.I.A. list. When asked about plans for tonight, Summer responded with a shrug, saying that Soda would be back later but she hadn’t touched base with anyone else yet. That could be good, at least Lizzie was still in time to get in on the action. Speaking of action, Summer was talking about getting high and getting laid. ”Know anyone willing?” The question was temping, and extremely sexy… or it would have been, if Lizzie didn’t know that Kite was off in GlassLand flying higher than airplanes right now.

“Well, I’m sure Tristan would be more than happy to take you up on that, given his manwhore reputation… but if memory serves me correctly, you’re a little less strictly dickly, and a little more into something with a bit more class.” Lizzie smiled and held her closer. Everyone loved Summer, the idea of her having trouble finding someone to sleep with her was a little ridiculous. She was gorgeous, and funny, and sweet, and carrying, and wild. Shit, even I’ve thought about sleeping with you, snow angel… she thought to herself.

Kite had started talking again, and Lizzie pulled herself back into focus to listen to her soft melodic voice. ” … I don’t know why you came back to this shithole Kitten, if I was able to leave I would but I would want to take y’all with me.” Lizzie smiled. “Well, you know what Josh is like… and mama’s bad into meth now. She didn’t even stay up to see that I got home safe.. she doesn’t care at all..” her tone was starting to slip into one that matched Kites. Her attempt at being cheerful was starting to slip. "I’m not sure if I am up to being in a crowd, so right now you have me all to yourself," Summer said. Lizzie smiled and accepted the warmth and tender cuddle as Summer spooned her frame against Liz’s.

Liz could tell something was really bothering her. Maybe she found out her mom was never coming back? she mused. Or maybe her sister finally went through with it, and succeeded. Lizzie tried not to stiffen too much at the idea. That would be awful! And here she was talking about parties and getting shitfaced…. Not that she, personally, could get shitfaced anymore. Then again, she thought, maybe that would be best for both of them. To just forget, like Kite was saying, and let go. Maybe that would really be best for both of them… to not care.

She couldn’t not care. Her situation was permanent. For the rest of her life, kind of permanent. "Kitten...what would you do if you had secrets...secrets that no one knew and they just kept building and building u til just one day you feel like your going to explode? What would you do if you had a secret that is killing you inside?" Goddamnit, fucking Christ, shit, damnit, hell, fucking… FUCK. Jesus, Summer, why do you always have to be so fucking insightful!? CHRIST. The thoughts exploded in her mind, but on the outside she just closed her eyes and leaned into Summer. What would Summer say? What would she think? Or anyone else in their group, for that matter?

Could she tell her? Would she keep it a secret from everyone else until Lizzie could tell them? The words seemed so unreal to even herself at this point. She did feel like she was going to explode. Like she would burst into flames if she kept it all to herself. Who would help her? Who would be there for her? Not her parents. Not her brother. They thought she was a burnout failure who was going nowhere in life. Why would they waste their time and money on her, or anything for her? Her heart broke and her voice cracked as tears brimmed in her eyes, threatening to ruin her makeup. “I would come to my best friend’s house and try to forget or worry more about her than I do about myself,” came her weak and broken voiced reply. She looked to Summer with a guilty expression on her face.

“I don’t want anyone to know because I’m still me, Kite. I’m still me! I’m not just a teenage burnout, either, like everyone says I am. I’m not a whore. I’m just me.” She rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling as she felt hot tears roll down her cheeks as they escaped from the corners of her eyes.

“I have secrets too, Kite… Secrets that won’t be secrets for long… but I’m scared… I know how you feel..” she turned her head to look at Summer. “I…. I’ll tell you, if you tell me yours… and then… maybe… maybe we can help each other. My mom’s mentally gone, your mom is fucking… God only knows where… But you’re here, and I’m here… And I will always be if you aren’t too afraid to keep me.” Her voice was soft, and a little choked as she worked on the words around her tears. She anxiously waited for Summer to agree, and tell her what was bothering her first. Whatever it was, Lizzie felt like she could handle it, and would help if Kite would let her.