Snippet #2353663

Can't control his urges, he said. Was the first that went through his head and for a moment he was actually jealous because of that. There was nothing like that for ihm, he had never felt an urge that he couldn't help but satisfy. It just never happened. Yes there was disgust, and sometimes anger, but it always faded so fast and never really forced him to do something. If he thought about it for a few moments.. the things he was doing now was probably the most, normal and impuslive thing he had ever done. Maybe this whole home here was good for him after all. Or it was just something about the other boy, who knew ? He certainly didn't and didnt want to think about it for now, he had enough time for that when they locked him up in his room again.

Long, thin fingers were doing their usual motions of tapping over his skin again, it was one of the few gestures he couldn't repress. It probably came from being in a room alone for most of his life. He had spent a lot of time in empty rooms, more then actual outside. It was as if he was checking if he was still there, if some part of him didn't just fade away. He was not on eof those boys that broke under loneliness, that became pathetic and submissive creatures,he came out stronger then before, with just a tick or two. But insanity seemed rather common in his family, just like the dark eyes and pale skin. THe light russian accent that he liked to do too, although he was perfectly capable of talking just as normal as any born American. Which he was. Born in America that is.

Sometimes she had yelled at him for being what he was. Sometimes she wanted to put him in dresses because she tought she had a daughter and not a son. Sometimes she just wanted to kill him. Still she was not even the first person he felt disgust for. His first and only kind of emotion. It was his father, the man that left them when he saw that his wife was not only a bit strange, that the son he got was just as strange, that his wife had changed with the birth of him. Devil he had called him, son of the devil actually. And Tristan had just stared at him, like he had stared at everyone back then. For the first five years of his life he had not even talked. Just stared at everyone with his wide, almost black eyes and it had sent chills through his fathers body. When he couldn't take it anymore, he had left.

Maybe that was the reason why he was possessive, Tristan didn't like things leaving him, it was only ever bad for him and his surroundings, the few things he had , he held close. " I am not /jealous/. " He hissed, narrowing his eyes at the other, a soft smile on his face as if he wasn't trying to impersonate the devil right there. Or maybe a snake about to strike, that was exactly what he looked like. " I can't feel anything, no mourning if she died, no anger for being insulted, no heartbreak for being ignored. " He continued, crossing his legs over another, leaning closer. " I just think of you as my toy, you know ? Like my own experiment in this very boring and tiring environment. And what she is doing there is unprofessional, stupid, could make her lose her job, and well, make me lose my toy. I don't like it, I am disgusted by it, but I won't go up to her and hit her for it, I have no interest in interacting with her. "

Feeling like he had explained it good enough for now, he listened to the others idea, thinking about it for a few seconds, looking around if anyone was watching him. " We can't go at the same time. " He said right away, before even really agreeing, but he thought that he said that would be enough of a confirmation. " We have to make it look like we both are going to our own rooms and not meeting up. Guards or not, they might watch us less this way. I could go first and sneak into your room and you can meet me there after a while. " There wasn't even one second about saying no, not for one second. That was maybe one of the good things about not feeling anything, you can't be scared of anything. The feeling that rooted you to the ground, paralyzed you and stopped you from risking things. He lackedd it and in his opinion it was good this way.