She seemed amused. Kole didn’t know why. He watched her tilt her head at him, raising an eyebrow. It seemed like Kalista had been around Duke too long. She had the same look on her face that his dog often did. It belittled him slightly. Made him feel like he was ten and throwing a tantrum over nothing. Was this nothing to her? Was she failing to see how hard this was hitting him? The subtle personality change was clicking in. It terrified him that he had snapped like he had at Dylan. Nothing had held him back from his youngest brother, someone he wanted to protect from this life. And now he’s just fully exposed the kid to it, and the fact that he was not the good idealistic older brother he had thought him to be. It wasn’t his reputation that he was worried about. Kole had always been a street rat, the son of the bookie and the whore. He didn’t care what others thought of him, except Jonathon perhaps but that was different. It was that he felt like he had stolen Dylan’s innocence and that felt like a crime that rivaled Karparthy’s murder.
“Ya know, Kole, you keep saying that. You really think I’m the kind of person to just leave a man behind?” Kalista asked him, her tone like a general’s. Dark. Steady. And then her lips pulled into a smile, her sarcasm suddenly apparent. Kole pursed her lips and brought his hand to grip his own chin, rolling his eyes at her, hearing her tsk at him. Now he felt small. Why was this aggravating him so much? The teasing had been cute the night before. But now it felt like she was mocking him. Why can’t you take it? She seemed to be saying. “Well, you’re a lone wolf, aren’t you?” he replied lowly, flicking his eyes at her, not feeling lightened in any way by her joking around.
“I really thought that you’d think better of me,” Kalista chuckled. Duke whined and her attention went to the German Shepard. She glanced down at him, and his eyes went down to his dog as well. Duke was in his glory as the assassin scratched behind his ears. He felt the dog shift away from his leg and towards Kalista, leaning his head into her hand eagerly, licking her hand when she pulled away momentarily. “Besides, if I had to guess, I’d say your dog has a new favorite.”
“He’s been bought,” Kole sighed. “I thought I had him trained better. Can’t exactly have a police dog keening over every girl he’s told to sniff.” Duke yipped lowly, looking straight up at Kole before pushing his nose into his hand, wanting more attention. The young man sighed deeply, feeling his shoulders relax as he gave into the German Shepard’s sudden neediness for affection. His calloused hands grazed the dog’s ears before reaching under his chin gently. For a moment he was quiet, simply petting the animal before he looked back at Kalista and nodding slowly. “Okay then. You get to deal with me. Like this. Can’t help but feel like I’m making you into a babysitter but…I’m scared of even myself right now,” he admitted, scratching the crown of his head with his free hand.
“So what do you suggest doing? I just need to be…preoccupied...maybe?”
He didn't know what he wanted right then and there. Dylan was gone and Charlee was sick. The household was likely in chaos and he knew his other brother Lincoln was likely at school. It was likely that Victoria was having a hard time with it, but she had her husband with her. Kole glanced at his phone and saw no reply. It was odd to not see anything from his father quickly, which only seemed to make the family's other problems seem more pressing. But what good was he? Would he snap at them too? He had been close to Charlee, sure, but since moving out she had slipped out of his radar of concern. Kole knew he would never be able to stop her from doing who and what she wanted to do, so why try? She reminded him a lot of his mother too, which only made things more painful.
Maybe it would be best to disappear for awhile. To lay low. But not to grovel as he did last night. No. He needed something else. He just didn't know what. It dawned on him again that many people in his position turned to substance abuse to numb the feeling. But he wanted to deal with it. He just didn't know how.